The J Factor Episode 9

Check out Episode #9 – April 27, 2009 – The Lighting Fast Episode: Jaimie uses her new stop watch to keep the conversations to 2 minuets to each topic!!  Listen as they speed through pop culture.

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America’s Next Top Model: The Amazing Model Race

Bem vindo ao Brazil! This week, our naïve, unworldly models head to Sao Paulo, and what we learn may shock you! No, it won’t. I’m just trying to help you stay awake, which is more than Tyra did for me this week.

Six girls left! As the girls pack for Brazil, Fo again begrudges Teyona for choosing Celia over herself to share in last week’s challenge prize. It was a real “reality check.” I roll my eyes for the first time tonight. Teyona feels people view her as a threat (as they should – has she ever taken a bad picture?) and Aminat “turn[s] over a new leaf.” No, she’s not going to be less aggressive, she’s just going to try harder at this modeling thing. Natalie can’t wait to leave cold New York for the warm temps of Brazil.

The girls arrive and are immediately sent on an Amazing Race-style challenge by Fernanda Motta, the host of Brazil’s Next Top Model. Tyra’s empire is everywhere! The girls must race to find Helo Pinheiro, the Girl from Ipanema. First to arrive wins a prize. Teyona pairs with Aminat, Natalie pairs with Fo, and Celia pairs with Allison. They ride in a taxi, buy some flowers, and run through a botanical garden. It starts out exciting, but then we realize… it’s not at all. Fo and Natalie win, with Celia and Allison second. Fo’s gunning for Teyona, so she’s thrilled with the victory.

Pinheiro tells them how important movement is to a model. She also hands over the keys to the house, which is more important to these particular models. Fo and Natalie’s Swarovski-bedazzled flip-flops await as their prize. After a screaming tour of the new digs, Narcoleptic Natalie turns into Negative Nancy: there’s no view, no beachfront, the girls have to share beds, and Brazil is ugly. The girls all eat pizza, and there’s an obvious joke about who will later throw it up first, but I won’t make it.

The next morning, the girls hit the streets to witness performers demonstrate the Capoeira, a form of martial arts. The girls learn basic moves, and the only exciting thing here is that when they practice together, Celia accidentally kicks Aminat in the eye. To her credit, Aminat keeps her cool. Also, Natalie sucks, more afraid to look silly than to go all out and try to succeed.

Then a change of clothes and a photo shoot challenge, led by … the Jays! The girls pair with a street performer to take movements from the Capoeira and make them fierce! The model who wins can steal half the frames from someone else’s shoot. Everyone gets greedy. Allison, surprisingly, and Fo do the best, while Teyona, Natalie and Aminat crash and burn. Ultimately, Fo wins, and in model revenge, she swipes Teyona’s frames. Not because, in truth, Teyona is the strongest model there, but because Teyona chose Celia last week. Whatever, it was the smart choice. Teyona takes it well.

Later, Teyona confronts Fo about her choice, and Fo stands her ground, explaining her resentment. Teyona’s surprised at Fo’s reasoning, but doesn’t care and basically writes her off. Fo has no regrets. I roll my eyes again. However, I’m glad this didn’t descend into another screaming match.

Off to the photo shoot! The girls arrive in a neighborhood originally built by the poor, where they will dress as Carmen Miranda for a sexy and fun shoot. Yes, they shall wear fruit on their heads. There go my eyes. I’m not a fan of this photo theme. Jay describes Carmen Miranda as the Chiquita Banana lady so the girls have a reference point, and it bothers me that this is how ANTM chooses to represent Brazil to young, impressionable Americans: poor neighborhoods and the Chiquita Banana lady. I realize that Carmen Miranda is an icon … to Brazilians…but I don’t think there was enough context. Possibly, I’m just not giving anyone enough credit.

Anyway, Natalie’s excited because she’s allowed to be sexy. The rest think Chiquita Bananas are cool.

Celia’s up first, and Jay finds himself disappointed by her performance – it was good, but not great. Allison surprises Jay with a variety of expressions and poses, and even the photographer enjoyed himself. Natalie doesn’t like shooting in a poor neighborhood, and remains seated for her entire fifty frames. Jay seems pleased. Aminat struggles with movement, and Jay again laments her lack of personality on set. Teyona and her twenty-five frames rock out, impressing Jay from the word go. Fo takes the Carmen Miranda inspiration literally, and Jay can’t pull editorial out of her. He tells her she definitely needed the extra frames.

Natalie claims not to be nervous, but Aminat admits that while she’s concerned, she at least improved from last week.

Judging. With guest judge Fernanda Motta. Aminat’s called first, and though she thinks she brings a variety of poses, Tyra tells her flat out that she doesn’t. Paulina tells her she’s boring. As a model, natch, not as a person. The photo is only okay. Natalie’s picture isn’t “particularly extraordinary,” and it lacks Carmen Miranda’s spice, sparkle and sense of humor. Natalie explains that Jay told her she was doing great, and kept her seated for the entire shoot; Tyra tells her not to let a photographer or art director keep her from trying something different. Natalie says again that she tried but Jay wouldn’t let her. Tyra clearly does not believe her. Celia’s photo makes the judges go hmmmm, so she offers up the adjective “sultry.” Nigel laughs and says he loves how Celia good naturedly assists the judges. What a change from when he hated her for being a tattletale. Celia also lacks excitement and spark, and Tyra calls it her weakest shoot. Allison, however, earns the first compliments, and her photo does look good. Fo’s picture is cute, and though similar to Carmen Miranda, lacks “model.” Teyona loses points for her outfit, but wins the judges over for her photo. Not exactly Carmen Miranda, but beautifully editorial.

Deliberation. Natalie, Aminat, Celia and Fo all failed this week, while Allison and Teyona stepped things up. Called first: Allison! Yay! Watch her go home next week. Sorry, Allison! Bottom two: Aminat and Natalie. Natalie looks like a model, but hasn’t broken any new ground. Aminat thinks she’s fiercer than she is, and can’t turn it on in her photos. Going home: Natalie. What??? I so thought Aminat was going home. So did Natalie. She looks so disappointed, almost angry, and departs with a polite “Thank you, anyways.” She doesn’t think she deserved to go. I roll my eyes one last time.

Next week: Go sees and a photo shoot with Nigel! Yum!

Season 12, Episode 10: The Amazing Model Race (originally aired April 22, 2009)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW

Rescue Me: “Say Inkling Again!”

This week, Rescue Me opens with a signature Tommy Gavin dream sequence-perhaps the funniest and simultaneously most disturbing one in the show’s history. The crew is racing to a scene where a pregnant woman is about to burst, but when they get there, Tommy sees that the woman is his daughter Colleen. Garrity faints but Tommy is surprisingly calm. He helps Colleen deliver the baby and yep, it’s definitely Black Sean’s. Then another one starts popping out and Mike faints too. Colleen keeps pushing and telling Tommy how much she loves him and that she will name her son after him. Oh yeah, this is definitely a dream. Then a third one starts popping out of the oven and Black Shawn himself arrives. Tommy looks over at his finger and sees a wedding band. Colleen and Black Shawn have married. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tommy wakes up in the firehouse.

And the hits just keep on coming for our favorite self-destructive, acerbic firefighting maven. He’s getting three hundred calls a day from Derek, the loser Tommy’s cousin Mick shanghaied him into sponsoring at AA. Plus, even though Tommy beat Chief Feinberg’s bogus section eight hearing, the old gasbag makes it abundantly clear that he’s still on his ass. Even better, bitter-psycho-pill-extraordinaire Sheila is still knee-deep in her latest obsession, psychodramaturgy. She brings her, uh, psychodramaturgist (how much does that pay?) to the firehouse and introduces him as Kirk, her friend from cooking class. Mr. Cooking Kirk is there to observe Tommy so that he can impersonate him better during sessions with Sheila. Tommy doesn’t buy it: “If he’s Kirk, I’m Spock.”

Now after Black Shawn finally got the nerve to tell Tommy that he was with Colleen at the end of last week’s episode, I was expecting all hell to break loose, as was Lou. But working a fire, Tommy acts perfectly cordial toward Black Shawn. Lou commends him on his mature behavior and Tommy explains that the guy’s a firefighter, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke…he may not be his first choice for Colleen, but he can’t really complain. Then Lou mentions that Tommy must also be pleased about the whole not having sex thing. Tommy does a double take. Lou informs Tommy that they’re waiting until they get married. This time, when Black Shawn walks by, Tommy isn’t so cordial.

Let’s just say that Tommy only has to look at his own life to understand that Gavin and marriage mix about as well as spaghetti and Bavarian fruitcake. He needs to get Colleen and Black Shawn away from the entire concept of marriage, so he boldly goes where no father has gone before: he encourages his daughter to have premarital sex in a scene that is so perverse that it’s hilarious.

The other really funny part of the episode involves Mike still trying to come up with the right theme for the bar. Last week it was lumberjack. This week, his stroke of genius is to have a bar where everything is black: black walls, black bar, black glasses, black floor, etc. He asks Franco if he can guess what the bar is going to be called. Franco jokingly guesses “White.” Unfortunately, he guessed right. Yep, it’s a bar made completely out of black called “White.” Only Mike. Funny scenes ensue involving the guys falling and getting lost in their own bar because they can’t see anything.

Speaking of Mike and Franco, the most interesting and surprising scenes in the episode involve the two of them. Franco is spouting more of his thoughts on how 9/11 was an inside job to French journalist Genevieve when Mike comes by and makes his objections apparent. Mike thinks that Franco is being disrespectful to the memories of the heroes who died while Franco says Mike has no idea what he’s talking about because Mike wasn’t even there. After watching four seasons of Mike the probie getting walked all over by everyone, it’s really surprising and dramatic to see him take charge so forcefully and stand up for what he believes. There’s another scene later on where Mike talks to Franco about why he became a firefighter. I’m really digging the evolutions of the principal characters that Denis Leary and Peter Tolan are cooking up for this season. Meanwhile, it looks like we may be on the brink of a love triangle between Tommy, Lou and Genevieve. Personally, I hope Lou wins because he’s had nothing but bad luck with women for the entire series. Can’t wait to see Michael J. Fox again too.

Season 5, Episode 3: Wine (originally aired April 21, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX

Fringe: Bad Dreams

Wow. This episode was pretty good. That means next week we should expect a bad one, but for now, let’s enjoy. I will ask, do you ever feel like we’re watching the episodes out of order? This week, Peter and Doc are buddies again, and we touch on some of the events discussed in Ability, with regard to the ZFT. You’d think we’d have come back to this sooner, since Olivia’s practically a superhero, but instead we had all that Observer and monster filler. But hey, we’re back on track now, right?

In an unusual storytelling move for the Fringe writers, there are no warehouses this week. And that, my friends, is because most of the action takes place in New York City. We just don’t have the room for empty buildings like that here.

And so, Fringe takes a domestic flight to NYC when Olivia dreams of pushing a young mother off a subway platform into an oncoming train. But it was just a dream, right? Wrong! The mother makes the news the next morning as a “suicide,” and after Olivia convinces Broyles and the Bishops to help her, she takes the field trip to find everything happened exactly as she dreamed it. Naturally, Olivia blames herself for killing the woman, somehow falling prey to the very kinds of cases she and her team investigate. And this is the kind of thing her team would investigate – not the discovery of a homeless child in the sealed off part of a building. That’s kind of an OSHA thing, I think. Or Social Services. But here, a look by the Fringe department seems about right.

Peter tells her she’s crazy, while Doc would like to explore the possibilities. He theorizes that people who kill in their dreams are acting out their own suicidal feelings; instead of hurting yourself, you take it out on others. And then Fringe turns all Freddy Krueger on us; convinced she’s a nocturnal murderer, Olivia fights to stay awake lest the demon come and kill her — er, unless she goes after someone else and kills them. So she takes some generic No-Doze and goes to dinner at a lovely Italian place. There, she witnesses happy couples, seems suspicious, and watches as one couple starts to argue. The woman stands and grabs her steak knife, and Olivia rushes over to help. Help the woman kill her husband, that is! She grabs the woman’s wrist and stabs the man several times in the stomach. And then Olivia wakes up. Just like with Krueger, you can take all the No-Doze you want, but you’re still going to fall asleep. Eventually.

Peter and Olivia visit the Italian restaurant in NYC, learning that Olivia was never there – but a man with a scarred face was, sitting right where Olivia sat in her dream. Olivia recognizes the description given as a man on the security video from the subway suicide. Doc theorizes anew that Olivia was actually dreaming about this scarred man and his actions, not her own.

Olivia discovers the suspect’s name is Nick Lane, formerly of St. Jude’s Mental Hospital, while Broyles worries that Olivia’s setting up the department for trouble with Sanford Harris… Sanford Harris? Who is that? Why on earth would we carry any storylines through from one episode to the next? However, Broyles caves and gives Olivia what she needs…again.

Olivia and Peter visit St. Jude’s, and learn that Nick Lane had a contagious personality. When he was happy, so was everyone around him, and when he was depressed, his sadness dragged down others. Four months prior, a lawyer visited Nick to tell him he had inherited some money, and a short time later, Nick checked himself out. Nick was convinced he was recruited as a child as a subject of experimentation, to eventually “serve as a soldier in the coming war of the denizens of a parallel universe.” Which prompts Exposition to read from the ZFT manual exactly the statements and descriptions that are in Nick’s file, as a reminder to us what the ZFT is about.

Also in Nick’s file, he was born the same year as Olivia (1979…and he’s a Libra – holla!), in Jacksonville, Florida. Just like Olivia. And as we recall, Olivia may have been experimented on herself, so she suspects the same of Nick. Doc rehashes the “science” of Cortexaphan, which boils down to enhancing a person’s mind to affect reality with their thoughts, or in this case, emotions. Olivia takes a turn at theorizing that Nick’s suicidal thoughts affected and caused the mother in the subway to jump to her death, and his feelings of abandonment caused the fight and subsequent stabbing over dinner.

Doc further explains that William Bell’s experiments on children included pairing them up, and the drug sometimes induced an intense, amplified bond between the pairs. Now that’s cool, right? Nick, as a character, just became 100% cooler. I’d be very interested to see the show explore the bond between Nick and Olivia.

Doc puts Olivia in a hypnotic state in order to connect to and find Nick. Which involves us watching Olivia go to a strip club, salivate over a “dancer,” kiss-kiss, and have an orgasm during hypnosis. Your typical night out, right? She then assists the dancer’s suicide, a cause of Nick’s guilt and shame. She locates Nick’s home, and the next morning, she leads a team into his apartment. Nick has already left, but they find newspaper clippings and scrawlings collected over several years. It would appear that Nick’s attacks are occurring now because he has been activated, possibly by the visit from his lawyer.

After Nick is spotted entering a building with a large group of people, Olivia and the Bishops head to the site (not a warehouse!) to find Nick on the roof, with 10-15 people lined up, ready to jump right alongside him. Olivia goes up alone, as Doc believes she may be immune to Nick’s power based on their connection. Nick recognizes her immediately as Olive, the one who took care of him when they were experimented on together. He seems happy that she heard him and came. He explains that he did as he was told, and waited to be called up for the war. Then “the man with the glasses” showed up at the hospital and said “they’re coming. He needed warriors.” He “woke” Nick up. But now Nick regrets his awakening, so he pulls out a gun and gives it to Olivia. He begs her to shoot him so that he can stop hurting people. When she tries to talk him down, he mentally causes someone to jump. That was cool, too. Okay, Nick needs to stay around forever. He threatens to jump if she won’t shoot him, and if he does, the others will all jump with him. With no choice, Olivia shoots Nick, but not fatally. The people on the roof collapse, and he looks up at her and says, “I wish you’d killed me.” Broyles and Olivia visit him in a white, labyrinthine hospital, where Nick is now kept in a drug-induced coma. Why let him live, if he’s going to live as a vegetable? I realize we’ll need him for later follow up, but that doesn’t seem to make sense, does it?

So, he wanted her to shoot him so that no one died when he hurt himself, right? But why he cares, I don’t understand. He’d killed at least four people before she shot him; while I believe he genuinely regrets it, he’s willing to throw a woman off the roof now to make a point. Plus, why not just slit his wrists at home, where his emotions can’t affect anyone else? Or overdose on all of the drugs lined up on his counter? This approach doesn’t make much sense.

Anyway, we close with Charlie Francis dropping off Lane’s smuggled file to Olivia. Doc sits in his office, watching an old video that had been packed away. On it, we hear William Bell’s voice (you know who it is!), arguing with a nurse over an accident that was just caused by a young girl, and Doc comforting the girl, curled up in a corner. And her name…is Olive.

See? That’s good stuff.

In a side story that unfortunately may be important later, Ella received a vaccination shot. Why do we care? Well, I don’t. But it’s possible we should take note since she opened the episode by saying that doctors were going to put something dead inside her. She ends the episode saying that the dead things came back to life. I hope she’s just really precocious, because I can’t stand this kid.

And hey, I finally spotted the Observer! On the second viewing of course, and because I was looking. He’s crossing the street when Olivia and the Bishops arrive on the scene of Nick’s mass suicide attempt. In case anyone’s keeping score.

Next week: A mad scientist! Does this have anything to do with Olivia’s crossword answer, Jabbawocks?

Season 1, Episode 17: Bad Dreams (originally aired April 21, 2009)

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Fringe, click here.

Tuesdays at 9/8C, Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Obsessed Preview

Obsessed — aka the new Beyoncé movie in which Beyoncé does not sing, but instead acts suspicious a lot and beats up Ali Larter — looks like it desperately wants to be 2009’s answer to Fatal Attraction.  Now, I’ve never seen that particular 80’s classic, and there’s a reason for that, but nevertheless I think I have a good idea of what to expect from Obsessed.

It’s about a smart, attractive, decent man with a great career and a beautiful wife and a perfect child who just wants to live his life, gosh darn it, but this hot chick keeps coming around and flirting with him, and what are you supposed to do? You flirt back, of course, and lie to your wife about it. And then the hot chick goes getting ideas like you actually like her or something. And then she turns out to be a total psycho! ‘Cause those hot chicks always are.

The trailers make it clear that the flirtation between the Ali Larter character (and I’ve adored Ms. Larter ever since her “I was having liposuction!!!” days, but I suspect her talent is wasted here) and the Idris Elba character (he’s the dude who’s playing the new boss on The Office, and for some reason he’s credited on the poster ahead of both Beyoncé and Ali Larter – okay, I guess he was on The Wire too, but he’s not more famous than Beyoncé for heaven’s sake) is not one-sided. Nevertheless, public perception of this movie will be that it’s about Ali Larter as a random crazy homewrecking stalker. And that, I suspect, is exactly what the filmmakers want. Take, for example, the “premise” of the film, as pulled down from Wikipedia a few days before the movie’s release:

“Derek is blissfully happy in his career, fatherhood and in his marriage to the beautiful Sharon. But when Lisa, a temp worker, falls madly in love with Derek and begins stalking him, all the things for which he’s worked so hard are placed in jeopardy and war begins!!!”

Poor choices of punctuation aside, that sounds about right – the guy is perfect, he’s married to a beautiful (and otherwise character-attributes-free) woman, and he has a Very Important Job. But now some chick is coming in to mess it all up, just because she can.

And of course, the trailers also make it clear that the movie culminates in an extended catfight between the two hot chicks. Those hot chicks are dangerous, man. Just look at what happened to Joey Buttafuoco.

It makes you wonder why when you hear about stalkers in real life, it’s always men stalking women. All these cases of hot women stalking blissfully happy career-driven fathers with beautiful wives seem to happen only in movies released in the dull days of early spring, when the box office is topped by such masterpieces as Knowing and 17 Again and Hannah Montana: The Movie.

But hey, no one ever said those were aiming for realism, either.

Chuck vs. The Colonel

It’s the penultimate episode of Chuck, and thankfully, Scott Bakula is back, though he doesn’t have nearly enough to do. Chuck and Sarah are still AWOL, looking for Chuck’s father. Beckman tasks Casey-who has been promoted to colonel-with hunting them down like the mangy scoundrels they are. He goes to Chuck’s room and starts poking around for clues but is interrupted by Ellie and her nimrod boyfriend, who tell him that Chuck called to say he would be out of town. For Casey, this is enough. He can use his spy voodoo to trace the call.

Chuck and Sarah are holed up in a cheap motel somewhere, and for people who have been carrying the love torch for these two, it finally happens. Sort of. Chuck rushes out to find um…a needed item…only to be intercepted by Casey, who promptly begins to wring Chuck’s neck. Casey hurls Chuck back into the hotel to capture Sarah, but Sarah uses her ninja spy skills to knock him out and handcuff him to the radiator. They make it to the car and are about to get the heck out of Dodge when Chuck flashes on a Fulcrum license plate. He tells Sarah that even though Casey is now their enemy, they can’t leave him in the hands of Fulcrum.

Sarah reluctantly goes back for Casey, and as she does, Casey pops into the car with Chuck. Sneaky, that one. Now Casey is intent on leaving Sarah behind. Casey remains my favorite character on the show. But Chuck sees Fulcrum baddies manhandling Sarah and sends the car into reverse through the posse. Sarah and Casey start taking down all the bad guys, then turn their guns on each other. Casey wins, takes them back into custody and sticks them in an electronic cell in the yogurt-shop lair, even though Chuck pleads that he just got a message from his father saying that he is being held in a secret Fulcrum base beneath an old drive-in. Casey won’t take them back, but he gives Chuck his word that if his dad is there, he will keep him safe.

Meanwhile, at the Buy More, Milbarge is riding high after his coup d’etat last week. He is in charge and has relegated Big Mike to cleanup duty. Morgan is still sore at having been used as a pawn, and makes efforts to reconcile with Big Mike. More lame Fredo/Godfather jokes ensue. But this B storyline actually crosses into the A storyline when Jeff and Lester blow up the Buy More power grid as a form of protest and end up knocking out the power to all the shops in the area, including the yogurt stronghold. This facilitates Chuck and Sarah’s escape.

We then learn that Beckman is aware that Chuck’s father is being held in the secret Fulcrum movie base, and that she has ordered a squad of F-16s to annihilate the site, though she claims that she didn’t come to the decision lightly. Cue the ticking clock. Chuck and Sarah now have less than 20 minutes to rescue his father. Casey catches up to Chuck and Sarah again, but will he stop them or is he a man of his word? The latter, obviously. The team is more or less back together again, and they are united by their common goal of saving Chuck’s father from Ted Roark (Chevy Chase, reprising his thankless role, though he gets to have a little more fun with it this time).

Various explosions and fisticuffs ensue which are fun to watch, as is Bakula. And here’s the kicker: Chuck’s father actually succeeds in getting the Intersect out of Chuck’s head. And as promised, one of the major characters finds out Chuck’s secret, though why the writers picked the one that they did is completely beyond me. Just watch.

Are Chuck’s spy days finally over? Will He and Sarah get together permanently? Is Morgan really quitting the Buy More to become a chef in Hawaii? Will Ellie’s wedding go through without a hitch? It seems that all of the answers to these tantalizing questions will have to be answered next week, as it seems very unlikely that Chuck is coming back.

Season 2, Episode 21: Chuck vs. The Colonel (originally aired April 20, 2009)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal

Heroes: A Boy’s Best Friend…

Ah, gross, Sylar! Gross! I know you’re an unrepentant serial killer and all, but there’s gotta be a better way to work through your issues than shape shifting into your own mother for a post-mortem reconciliatory conversation. I know I’ve compared Sylar to Norman Bates before, but this is the kind of thing ol’ Norm could have only dreamed about. Who needs a corpse in the attic and a frumpy wig when you can actually assume mom’s skin and look in the mirror. That’s just nasty. What drove Sy to that particular Freudian nightmare was the disconcerting fact that his newfound knack for body morphing is getting out of hand. Waking up with the wrong face, finding extra teeth, eye color that won’t change back, y’know, the usual. This need to reconnect with himself spurs a reemergence from his faked death, even as he continues working as Danko’s spooky lap dog.

After yet another decision to switch hit for the good guys (my god, how much I had hoped that would never happen again) Sy decides to play nice by saving Micah’s life from the Homeland death squads. Sylar eventually sets actions in motion due to culminate during next week’s finale when he makes a previously glimpsed public appearance as Nathan in an attempt to meet and shake hands with the president, thus acquiring his DNA for the ultimate act of identity theft. I won’t pretend to have any idea why this plan was preferable to, say, simply sneaking into the White House, but I suppose it’s grandly evil schemes like this that make Sylar such a “special boy”.

In the fleeting moments of the episode that didn’t focus directly on the former Gabriel Gray (the episode was called “I Am Sylar”, after all) we got an enjoyable look at how Hiro & Ando’s relationship has been evolving through each other’s assorted power gains and losses. Ando is through with playing sidekick, and even threatens to go lone wolf, Batman style. Hiro responds with an uncharacteristic smugness and mockery of his efforts, to which I say give the brother a break! He’s your best friend and is there really anything that makes power charging and energy bolts inherently inferior to freezing time? Step off. In spite of Ando’s protests, Hiro uses his friend as agent bait to find and take down Building 26, and in the process discovers that his power’s current iteration provides the benefit of allowing anyone he’s touching to exit the normal flow of time with him. Ando eventually proves his worth by jolting their prisoner transport crew into submission. But before they can initiate their bold two-man takedown of Danko’s entire operation, Hiro’s power starts giving him headaches and nosebleeds. That’s generally not a good thing. Not that anyone fares much better in the stage setting cliffhanger montage in which Mohinder, Angela, Noah, and Claire all fall into the government’s hands. At least the brothers Petrelli are on Sylar’s trail.

Final tiny note of sunshine: at least the Parkman family takes baby steps towards reconciliation. Because if anyone on this show actually deserves to be happy, it’s dear old Matt.

Season 3, Episode 24: I Am Sylar (originally aired April 20, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Inisia Lewis‘ review here.

For more on Heroes, click here.

Mondays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Chris Haston

Heroes: I Am Sylar

Oh, what an episode. Our heroes, once again, contemplated the never answered Heroes question of who they are and what is the purpose of their individual lives. This time, though, things got a little more freaky than usual. Hiro and Ando finally team up to make the most banterific duo in super hero history, but is it too late? Nathan tries a last minute solo mission to fix what he, well, pretty much started himself. Parkman tried to save his family so that he could enjoy some “real” quality time with his son, not the on the lamb kind, you know? And Sylar had it out with his dead mother. Yeah, I know. That one needs a lot more explanation. But first…!

Dynamic Duo

Hiro and Ando do their typical back and forth, i.e. Ando saying, ‘You don’t appreciate me and what I bring to the table,’ and Hiro saying, ‘But what do you mean? Sure I do!’ They try to convince Parkman to give them the location of Building 26 before he takes baby back to mommy, but Parkman doesn’t really want these two dead or anything so he’s not about to divulge so they’ve got to think of a plan on their own.

But first Ando has decided that his new hero name will be The Crimson Arc. I don’t really get where it comes from besides the fact that his lightening is all red, but he seems excited so I’ll go with it. He calls Hiro Superman which I sort of agree with because he says, Superman stood for justice and was kind of a fascist, but pretty much Ando’s just pissed that Hiro wants to use him as bait for the umpteenth time.

The plan is to lure the agents to Issac’s old pad since it’s being watched, freeze time, have them take in Ando, and Hiro will stealthily slip in one of the agent’s places. Then, they can go back with the agents to Building 26 and voila! Besides the fact that at first Ando remains unfrozen, things seem to be going well until one of the agents realizes that Hiro is wearing glasses which doesn’t really make sense for an agent who never wore glasses before. Luckily Ando saves the day with some serious zappage, and Hiro finally realizes that doing things on his own may not be the best solution.

It seems like all is hunky-dory, once again, between the two, but in a scene very reminiscent of Lost (could this be a shout out or just lazy creativity?), Hiro gets a killer headache and nosebleed, leaving Ando lost and unsure of what to do.

Psycho

And I do mean in the crazy Norman Bates “Mother!” kind of way. Things are taken one step further, though, because Norman doesn’t have to put on a wig to be Norma anymore. He can just morph his physical body to resemble his dead mother and have split personality convos that way. Creepy, right? Totally!

You see, Sylar is in the midst of an identity crisis. All this morphing he’s been doing lately has made him feel like he’s losing himself. Every time he morphs, the restructuring of his DNA comes out a little different, and it’s freaking him out. I would freak too if I found an extra tooth in the back of my mouth and I had to pull it out.

Danko’s trying his best to keep him under control, and doesn’t give a rat’s ass that he’s worried about losing himself. If he doesn’t stick to the plan and live as Agent Taub, he’s pretty much back to being Wanted Man Numero Uno. He does impart some advice. Find an anchor that’ll remind him of who he is when he morphs. The writers must be running out of ideas because all I can think of is Lost and “The Constant” episode. The advice sounds so much cooler and less mean coming out of Desmond’s mouth!

So Sylar turns to his dead mother, the only person who ever loved him and who he murdered in Season 1 when she freaked out over his powers. But Danko’s right. By hashing things out with his mother, he comes to find himself again, and that’s why we saw him at a press conference on the news as Nathan Petrelli because Sylar can be anything. He can even be the President. If his mother could believe in him because he was special, then so can he.

There’s a slight hitch in the rediscovery when Sylar realizes that Rebel is Micah. When Micah utters the words so few have said to him…“You’re Special”…he decides to save Micah from the ninja agents and shack up with him. Though it only lasts for like 20 seconds because Micah butts in on his Mommy and me time, he shows what little bit of humanity is still left in him by not killing Micah for his oh so sweet powers.

Oh, No You Didn’t!

Nathan’s not too happy the evil dude has his body and is saying all sorts of crazy things about the President, and he rushes to his office to do something about it. Now I’m not sure what Nathan though he was going to do with his ability to fly and a gun against Sylar but okay, I’m behind you on taking action. (Even if it’s somewhat poorly thought out and idiotic!)

He’s got a couple of surprises when he gets there like Sylar holding him at gunpoint. Danko also shows up with some tranquilizer darts and takes him down, easy as pie. Danko tries one last time to reel Sylar in, but Sylar never played well with others. He knifes him in the back of the head, and I’m thinking, ‘Holy crap! Sylar is dead! Can Sylar really finally be dead?! And like that!’ But no, Heroes loves its villain. It’s like the Lex Luthor of Superman. He can’t die after only 30 issues! So he rises with a smirk on his face that he does so well, pulls the bloody knife out of his skull and says, “That hurt.”

Cut to black…

This was mostly a Sylar-centric episode, but Parkman did get to be the knight in shining armor. He realizes that he can’t keep running, and if he ever wants to see his kid grow up, he’s got to fight back. When agents drop in on Mama, Papa and Baby Bear, he shields them with his mind, though we don’t really know if he kept it up long enough for the agents to search the house and leave without finding them.

I guess we’ll figure it out next week along with what the hell is going on with Hiro and what Sylar’s going to do to the man who just stabbed him in the back…of the head….Juicy!

Season 3, Episode 24: I Am Sylar (originally aired April 20, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out A Boy’s Best Friend… by Paul Secrest.

For more on Heroes, click here.

Mondays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Chris Haston

Gossip Girl: Baruch Atah Adios Mio!

Although it’s a little late, we’re celebrating Passover this week on Gossip Girl so grab a handful of macaroons, slather up some gefilte fish jelly on that mazto, and chug a glass of Manischewitz.

But first, Blair, with the help of an awful Eliza Doolittle impression, dreams about her dream of Yale ending and her new life as a Manhattan socialite.  Over the episode we see that new dew fade with her love for Nate.  You see, Nate got into Columbia but his grandfather gently nudges Blair to get Nate to change his mind.  Blair fails and Nate uses his cousin Tripp’s rehearsal dinner to tell off his grandfather for ratting out his father to the SEC.  Grandfather smooths it over but tells Nate about the deal with Blair.  We’re lead to believe Nate leaves Blair but no, he’s staying with her and he’s going to Columbia.  Blair, meanwhile, has an in at NYU (thanks to Cyrus); it seems she’s not willing to overlook the six required readings of Beloved and the experimental lesbianism.

That’s enough of those lame folks.  Let’s get to the seder!  Dan, who’s looking to make some extra money for his Yale tuition, gets hired as a cater waiter.  The event? Cyrus and Eleanor’s first annual seder.  Between Serena returning from Spain thinking she’s married to Gabriel, or Dan and Serena pretending they are back together so Gabriel won’t go after Serena and so Lily and Rufus won’t realize Dan is working, or Gabriel sitting in Elijah’s chair, we share Cyrus’s frustration (and confusion) with it all and want nothing more than to dip our own parsley in the salt water of Serena’s tears.  Seriously, though, this scene and the comedic tension is why I first enjoyed this show.  Keep it up guys.

And you know what, you don’t really care about the quasi-sexual tension between Chuck and Jenny (a/k/a former almost-victim of his sexual assault a year ago), so I’ll leave it on that high note because next week Georgina Sparks is back and preaching the good news. So on this Passover episode, I’ll ask only one of the Gossip Girl Four (yes, four) Questions: Why must this episode be superior to most of the rest of this season?  Ponder that while you finish your four (yes, four) cups of wine.  And as they say, “Next year in Manhattan.” Shalom, y’all!

Season 2, Episode 21:  Seder Anything (originally aired April 20, 2009)

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

The Celebrity Apprentice: That Woman is Dead to Me

I know what you’re thinking: Piers Morgan returns, so this is going to be an awesome episode, right? Me too! You’d think I’d be used to disappointment by now.

Not that Piers didn’t entertain, or skewer the contestants as only Piers can, but the problem is that, once again, someone at NBC thought it would be brilliant to make this a two hour show. And as much as I love watching when celebrities stop being polite, and start getting real with each other in the boardroom, forced to defend themselves in the tug of war between image control and self-respect, at some point it all becomes yelling and crying. I watch television to ignore that stuff at home. Extended Boardroom scenes with Hitler comparisons lose their effectiveness after a while.

We pick up with the arrival of Piers as the contestants prepare for the fashion show/jewelry auction. Most notably, Piers visits the teams and asks what I commented on last week: If Trump fired Joan, would Melissa quit (as Joan promised to do for her daughter)? Well, Joan caveats this week that she would only quit if Melissa were unjustifiably fired, and how Joan will make that distinction remains to be seen, because so far she’s shown an inability to remain unbiased. Melissa, however, claims that her mother would be disappointed if she quit. Riiiiight.

Natalie’s plan to elicit donations from Annie’s rivals goes south when rival/friend Phil Hellmuth calls Annie to check on the legitimacy of the deal. Annie loses it and calls the person who gave Natalie Phil’s name, and rips the guy a new one. She laces into this guy, only to find out that Natalie supposedly lied to him about the event details, so is he really the bad guy here?  I guess we’ll never know the truth. So after yelling like a madwoman, Annie confronts Natalie. I probably wouldn’t. In fact, I’d tell Phil Hellmuth to promise Kotu a $50,000 donation and then have him donate it to my team instead, and then suck it, Kotu! But Annie prefers to make Natalie feel bad about it, which she doesn’t, so whatever.

On to the auctions, and Athena’s up first, with Annie as auctioneer. Considering how well Annie bleeds people dry of money, that was the smartest move. She proves it by shaming and embarrassing people into donating more and more. Up next is Kotu, with auctioneer Clint Black, who claimed to have run an auction before and claimed to be good at this. Holy crickets, Batman. Clint Black single-handedly killed Kotu’s chances. No one bids on their first item. Bids do come in for their second item, if only because the audience felt embarrassed for Clint. Natalie suggests sending out one of their nicer pieces early to drum up excitement, and when Clint starts reading off the wrong product details, Joan finally jumps out to join him as auctioneer. Why wasn’t she out there to start? I’m not a fan of relying on one person to carry your team, but for heaven’s sake, do you want to win or not? Not that it matters – Athena clearly does a better job.

Off to the Boardroom! Annie gives credit to Melissa for picking out the team’s jewelry by giving herself credit for being smart enough to put Melissa on that task. Piers immediately calls Jesse out on his lack of connections, considering Sandra Bullock is his wife. It’s a fair point, and Jesse has no good answer for it.

Donald comes down on Clint’s auctioneering skills, and then on Natalie’s jewelry choices. Piers and Ivanka knock Kotu’s strategy of pooling their money to bid highly on one piece. Was the strategy insulting? Piers thinks so, and Annie jumps on the bandwagon to agree. She really is a bitch. When Donald criticizes Joan for not calling in mutual contacts, Melissa jumps in to defend her mother (as if Joan needs the help), somehow calling Piers disrespectful when it was actually the Donald questioning Joan. I really wish Trump would tell Melissa to chill the hell out. They’re the judges – they can be as disrespectful as they want. Especially since they’re not being disrespectful at all, they’re merely stating facts and expressing opinions.

Trump asks for Annie’s opinion on Melissa’s defense of Joan, and then the claws come out! Joan starts attacking Annie, specifically the hypocrisy over Brande. She makes a comparison between Annie and Hitler, so does that mean the argument’s over? Joan brings up Annie’s screaming phone call to prove that Annie’s not a nice person, and Piers asks, why are we listening to this? Agreed! Again, Melissa jumps in to defend her mother, and again Piers calls bullshit. He accuses her of sucking up to Joan and knifing her PM, and the anger on Melissa’s face is fantastic. I think Piers should be a permanent judge. I don’t know how to work it, because I love the Trump kids too. Someone call me, we’ll figure it out. Anyway, Melissa resents Piers (whatever) and when asked, she admits that Annie is not a bad person. Not the sweet, nice person Trump sees in the Boardroom, but not a bad person, and she is an excellent game player. With that established, Trump reveals the results: Athena won. Who’s surprised? Nobody at the table, that’s for sure.

Athena leaves, and Annie immediately turns into a devil woman, attacking Melissa for everything Joan said. I’m not a Melissa fan, but grow up, Annie. Joan is now “dead” to Annie. Like Joan cares.

Back inside, Trump leads the questioning in an obvious direction, i.e. Natalie’s boring so she’s going home. And so, despite the fact that Joan knows more about jewelry and allowed Natalie to pick everything, and despite the fact that Clint doomed the auction and Joan chose not to MC, Natalie goes home. This move is still classic Trump because he comes up with stupid excuses to fire the dead weight, and unfortunately, Natalie never came to life. I think Clint clashes with too many people so Trump would rather keep him around. Remember that.

FYI, Natalie’s defense should have been that she had no direction on the jewelry choices other than to pick the cheapest pieces, and that it was her idea to switch up the auction order. If you’re not going to fight, then yeah, you should probably go home.

Off to the next challenge! The celebrities must create a new signature meal for Schwan’s LiveSmart brand, complete with marketing program. Project managers are Jesse for Athena and Herschel for Kotu. This is possibly the most boring challenge yet.

Kotu: Herschel’s a vegetarian, but thinks they should make a grilled chicken dish since grilled chicken is a number one seller for Schwan’s. Clint disagrees, and pushes his homemade recipe for ginger soy chicken. Herschel and Clint continually clash over food choice and recipes (remember why Trump keeps Clint around?). Herschel insists on making a yogurt dessert that goes horribly wrong in execution. During presentation time, Joan pitches the food (yet couldn’t auction??), and the Schwan executives enjoy the dinner, but not the dessert and are iffy on the marketing.

Athena: Annie cooks up three options based on the brainstorming session, and the team ultimately goes with Annie’s original choice of turkey meatballs and gluten-free pasta. Annie’s ego finally tires Brande, and Jesse builds the marketing plan himself … in secrecy. Jesse pitches the idea during the presentation, but the executives later discuss that there was no marketing plan. However, they loved the food.

Into the Boardroom again! At Trump’s request, Herschel sacrifices Clint early, and Clint explains how he voiced his opinion in opposition of Herschel’s food choices. Herschel lies straight up and claims that that was not the case. WTF? When did Herschel become a liar? Jesse felt he was a strong leader, but Annie disagrees. But then it gets weird. Trump explains to guest judge Joe XXX that Jesse’s so low key, yet nabbed one of the most sought after women in the world. “If you’re with him, you say he’s a stiff, how the hell did he marry Sandra Bullock … she’s totally in love with this guy. I can’t believe it. You’ve got to be great in bed.” The only thing that saves the awkwardness here is that everyone’s laughing, but I can’t tell who Trump is jealous of: Jesse or Sandra.

Anyway, on to results! Athena wins! Jesse seems genuinely touched.

Under fire, Herschel continues to throw Clint under the bus, and Clint continues to defend himself. After the earlier Boardroom, this interaction seems anticlimactic. Ultimately, Trump fires Herschel as the project manager. Joan hugs Herschel on the way out, Clint turns his back, and Herschel leaves with no shame. I find I don’t care at all.

I really hope this ends soon, because Trump is slowly killing all the joy I take in watching this show. Bring Piers back!

Annie’s charity: Refugees International

Jesse’s charity: Long Beach Education Foundation

Next week: Dumb blondes and blood money!

Season 2, Episode 8 (originally aired April 19, 2009)

For more on The Celebrity Apprentice, click here.

Sundays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Ali Goldstein

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