The Office: Three Words: Michael Scott Paper Company

The Office, like our economy, was in a bit of a decline, sinking into despair, but then some bold decisions were made, management was switched up and now we have a new idea we can believe in. There’s even an inspirational new montage video. Yeah, there’s a new Office in town, and this season’s looking up.

In a two episode laugh fest that brought back some favorite – or heavily despised – characters and shook up Dunder Mifflin’s direction, Michael and Pam assembled a “Dream Team” and officially started “The Michael Scott Paper Company”.

But first, back in Scranton, unrest was rising. Kevin, as predicted was rubbish on the phones. Stanley wasn’t more efficient, and Jim resorted to sucking up to VP Charles since he still hated him.

Dwight, however, was thrilled that someone was not charmed by Jim’s adorableness. When everyone in the office became a soccer fan like Charles over night, Dwight challenged Jim’s ability to play soccer by suggesting they have a game after work. But Jim couldn’t play soccer, ducked when Charles hit a ball at him, and Phyllis got hit in the nose. Jim got blamed and Charles still hates him. Also, I’m starting to hate Charles – which I’m pretty sure is the point of his character.

While the seeds of hatred for Charles were brewing at Dunder Mifflin, Pam dropped by Michael’s to start their paper company. Michael was in his bathrobe and made a lot of French Toast because he was afraid and freaked out. Pam calmed him down, assured him he could do this, and made a list of things for them to do so that they could check things off – which was actually a pretty shrewd thing to do.

After opening the mail – Michael can’t run a business from his condo – they were off to find their dream team which turned out to be Vikram from Michael’s old telemarketer job and Ryan with bleached blond hair and a tendency to steal bowling shoes.

Then the dream team met with a potential investor: Michael’s grandmother. She didn’t want in (ouch!) and Vikram wanted out (eh). On the car ride back it was time for Pam to freak out – what was she doing being so impulsive? And then it was Michael’s turn to calm her down. They balanced each other shockingly well and could just be a real dream team.

So Michael’s had his people, but he still needed an Office. However, Michael couldn’t afford much, and the team ended up back in the Dunder Mifflin office park in a closet. And there were some conflicts among his stellar staff.

Pam refused to be the receptionist again and refused to make copies – even though she likes making copies. Ryan continued to be despicable, describing someone on the phone as “a six in New York, but a seven in Scranton”. And Michael hosted a failed pancake breakfast as they continued to be unable to gain clients. Pam even got so desperate that she hopped upstairs and asked Charles for her job back. But Charles had already hired a pretty new secretary named Kelly who was causing some trouble of her own.

First off, she has the same name as Kelly Kapoor who decided to hang out outside Charles’ office and pop in every time he called for the receptionist. Each time she came in she said “you wanted me?” in the hope that if she says it enough he will want her. Not her worst idea.

But the real mischief receptionist Kelly caused was between budding buddies Dwight and Andy. You see they hated each other so much that their hatred had to become affection. So they’re going hunting, jamming together, and fighting over the same woman: Kelly. I was thinking, here we go again. We were about to have another Dwandy Duel, but instead we got a Dynamic Dwandy Duo. While competing on their banjo and guitar for Kelly’s affection, Dwight and Andy ended up getting caught up with each other, ignoring the lady entirely. I must say I’m enjoying the bromance.

But two bros still not on romantic terms were Jim and Charles. Charles asked Jim for a rundown of all his clients. Jim spent his whole day trying to figure out what the heck that meant, and when he finally put one together, Charles didn’t even look at it. Raise your hand if you think Jim’s heading toward Michael Scott Paper Co. (Yes he can!)

Speaking of Michael Scott Paper Co., after an episode of fighting in which even Michael was fed up with Pam and Ryan’s bickering, the fledgling company scored themselves a client. And MSPC was off the ground and running.

Next week: Dwight gets naked. Prepare yourself.

Season 5, Episodes 20 and 21: Dream Team and The Michael Scott Paper Company (originally aired April 9, 2009)

For more on The Office, click here.

Thursdays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

The Office: Michael Quit. Now What?

So last week Michael Scott quit Dunder Mifflin, essentially divorcing his work family. I was shocked. Were you shocked? But now what would Michael do? In this week’s episode, Two Weeks, we found out. Michael would start his own paper company. Who else thinks this season just got a lot more exciting?

Michael quitting was just the shake-up the office needed. What’s going to happen now? Will there be a new office? No more Dunder Mifflin? Would our favorite Mifflinites follow Michael to his new company? How on Earth would he get them to do that? So many questions – this week answered some of them.

The episode starts with Michael failing to tell his quitting story. Pam bemoans that when Michael finally has an interesting story to tell he can’t tell it, and Oscar notes that quitting stories give him hope. Is quitting Dunder Mifflin in Oscar’s future? Anyone else’s?

Jim also quickly discovers that Michael not trying is even worse than Michael trying. After giving his two weeks’ notice, Michael spends his time bothering his employees and drinking on the job (Scotch and Splenda – gross!). Then Michael realizes no head hunters are looking for him, the economy is in decline, and he starts to freak out. So he searches on monsters.com – Jim lets him know it’s “monster” singular – and Michael decides that he’s going to start his own paper company.

So his first task is to scotch tape “Michael Scott Paper Company” over the Dunder Mifflin order forms (I got chills), and he tries to recruit the Scrantonites to his new company. They all pretty flatly turn him down – except for Kevin, Angela, Meredith and Creed, who weren’t asked. Ouch, you know it’s bad when even Michael doesn’t want you. He even accosts Stanley in the restroom. Couldn’t he see he was urinating? However, new Dunder Mifflin VP Charles discovers that Michael is trying to start his own company and kicks Michael out prematurely. But Michael sneaks back in, crawling covertly on the floor to try to get more people to follow him and to steal a copy of his client lists. I laughed a lot. But Charles caught him.

But before he hit the road from Dunder Mifflin for good, Michael asked the office if they were really being all they could be. Something struck a chord in Pam – who spent the entire episode hooking up a copy machine – and she decided to leave with him. Whoa!

So Michael and Pam are gone – off to start their own company. And Pam’s a salesperson not a receptionist. Even Jim’s impressed. And the office is already missing Michael. Andy thinks it’s a sad, dark day. Phyllis says he can stop sucking up to Michael now. But they all seem to feel Michael’s absence when Charles starts cracking the whip. First he assigns “Mr. Crossword” Stanley to be the “productivity czar”. Then he asks “Speaks So Slow Holly Thought He Was Slow” Kevin to answer the phones in Pam’s absence. That is not going to go well.

But it was Toby who best summed up how much we’ll miss Michael with his greatest line in five seasons: “Michael’s like a movie on a plane. You know, it’s not great, but it’s something to watch. And then when it’s over, you’re like, how much time is left on this flight. You know, now what?”

So Scranton, now what?

Season 5, Episode 19: Two Weeks (originally aired March 26, 2009)

For more on The Office, click here.

Thursdays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

Heroes: Coyote Ugly

The mass internment of any certain group of people is perhaps the most egregious sin a government can commit against its citizens. It is an act rarely motivated by anything other than fear and prejudice. So it was with a strong dose of trepidation that I approached this week’s episode of Heroes after the revelation that Coyote Sands was little more than a government sanctioned prison camp where those with powers could waste the Camelot era getting questioned, prodded, and eventually exterminated. It was in this horrible place that a 16-year-old Angela Petrelli and her family found themselves in 1961, and once again with her new family nearly 50 years later. The episode may not have been the show’s most exciting ever, but it was a thoughtful and well acted hour that gave the Petrelli family time to reconcile and also shed a bright light upon the foundations and true intentions of what would become The Company.

Guided by mom’s dreams and supported by the sons, the Petrellis, along with Claire, Noah, and secret tagalong Mohinder, descend on what remains of the Coyote Sands Relocation Center, a place where people with special abilities can “get help”. Much of the hour takes place in lovely black and white flashbacks where we see Angela and her little sister Alice trying hard to get settled in their forbidding new digs and coming to terms with their newfound powers. Because being a 16-year-old girl is hard enough without recurring nightmares of the future. And Alice is borrowing a page from Halle Berry’s playbook with the ability to control weather. Also crashing the slumber party are teenage incarnations of Charles Deveaux, Bob (Elle’s pop and bearer of the Midas touch), and everyone’s favorite megalomaniacal healer, Linderman! All the young actors, especially those filling Angela and Linderman’s shoes, do a remarkable job capturing the voice and physicality of their adult counterparts. Right on, casting crew! One night, the quartet make their escape, leaving Alice behind, and decide to start a company devoted to maintaining the safety and secrecy of the evolved. Ah, how even the noblest of intentions can devolve into a massive evil clusterfrack.

Mohinder’s dad seems like the only good soul in this paranoid summer camp of doom, but that still means he’s on a constant schedule of interrogations and injections of various sorts. Soon after Angie and her new friends make their run for freedom, Alice snaps during a session with Suresh, creates a storm, incites a mass breakout, and gives the guards the excuse they’d been looking for to kill every last one of their charges. Back in the present, Angela becomes convinced that somehow Alice might still be alive, and freak windstorms seem to give her argument weight. Sure enough, taking refuge in a deep bunker and sporting serious crazy old cat lady hair, little sister has been waiting for Angela to come and save her. Mama Petrelli makes her best attempt at reconciliation, but Alice opts to disappear into the wind. Nevertheless, Angela leaves feeling a little better about herself and calls a family meeting to discuss forming a new company (y’all best not!) but the discussion gets tabled when they see Sylar on national TV masquerading as Nathan. So it’s back to Capitol Hill for a grand showdown in the penultimate episode to the finale. Bring it on!

Season 3, Episode 23: 1961 (originally aired April 13, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Inisia Lewis‘ review here.

For more on Heroes, click here.

Mondays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Chris Haston, Adam Taylor

House: My Mojo Hangs in the Balance

This episode is problematic for me to review because it included a scene that made me squeal. A lot. To the point where it was kind of embarrassing. And then the morning after I watched it I tried to remember what had happened in the ep and I had no memory of the patient story at all. I could only remember that one scene.

Which was, of course, the scene at the end where Chase and Cameron got engaged. Look, as I’ve mentioned once or twice, I love Chase, and Cameron is my favorite character on this show, and the Chase/Cameron romance has been one of the very few long-lasting storylines on this show that I’ve found enjoyable to watch. (Also on the list: the reality-show-style fellow selection from season 4, and the Wilson/Amber arc, also season 4.) And now, especially when I’m so frustrated with the choices the writers have made this season, it’s nice to finally see a scene that made me smile with something other than the usual mild amusement provoked by, say, Wilson’s prank with the baby carrots. Which is pretty much all season 5 had been giving me up until now.

But let’s back up.

Last week, as you may recall, Kutner died. This week’s episode makes a couple of references to Kutner, out of obligation and apparently nothing more, which works out perfectly for me because now I’ve fulfilled my own obligation to mention him here and therefore can go back to pretending he never existed.

The Kutner thing does sort of propel this week’s House character plot, though, which was boring. Look, I like House, but I’ve never been a member of the cult of personality around him. Sure, I enjoy watching interesting characters explore their psychological problems – preferably when I haven’t seen those same people explore those same problems in the same ways over and over for a hundred episodes already. But I generally prefer watching characters interact with each other. For example, last season, when House was jealous of all the time Wilson was spending with Amber, sure, I was interested in the fact that he felt excluded. But I was much more interested in his proposed joint-custody arrangement, because it was a funny and still affecting route to explore those issues.

So I wasn’t looking forward to watching House explore his latest issue – his frustration at not knowing why Kutner committed suicide. We’ve seen House panic about “losing his gift,” or as we’re apparently now calling it, his “mojo,” before. But it hasn’t gone anywhere yet. If it did, the show would be over. Unless they wrote House off it and turned it in to Foreman M.D., in which case I would have to personally hunt down the Fox exec responsible and take him out. (Because you know it would be a guy.)

But this week, after House runs around for a while failing to figure things out and fretting about his mojo, Wilson fixes him by eating a bunch of health food. This works because it gives House a mystery that he can solve to regain his mojo confidence: He deduces that Wilson was eating health food for the express purpose of screwing with House. Uh. Okay. Is that seriously the resolution for all those dramatic self-doubt issues House was having last week? I thought those were going to carry us through to the season finale at least. But I guess all it takes these days is a couple of carrots. Oh well, if nothing else I enjoyed Wilson this week more than I have in quite a while. I am warming up to Wilson, finally, I think. (My favorite moment was RSL’s awesome deadpan delivery on the line, “Yes. Kutner was a wake-up call that if I didn’t eat healthier I might kill myself.”)

But before that breakthrough via gummy bears, we get to see House having not-so-good ideas in the more traditional diagnostic arena. Our patient (played by some dude whose list of credits is nowhere near long enough to have earned him a guest role on House and who therefore must be somebody’s son or something, because he isn’t a very good actor) is the variety of environmental activist who travels around the country chaining himself to things and yelling at coal miners about how they don’t love their kids enough. (I’d complain more about this if the show hadn’t recently featured a mostly positive portrayal of a character who organized breast cancer walks for a living, and if it hadn’t had a professional feminist character a few seasons back who was also portrayed more or less positively. (See, writers, I remember to give you credit for the stuff you do well. But unfortunately, I remember the bad stuff, too. And come September, when you’re gushing on in Entertainment Weekly‘s fall TV preview issue about what a mistake Kutner’s suicide was, well – maybe I’ll forgive you. Or maybe I won’t. We’ll see how sincere the gushing sounds.)) Anyway, House finally figures out that the environmentalist got a fungal infection from some roses. Appropriately, this diagnosis revolves around the premise that all marriages suck.

Because House is way more interested this week in diagnosing Cameron, which is good because she was way more interesting than the environmentalist (aside from that one scene with the bloodcurdling screams from when the guy broke his femur while lying in bed. That scene was cool.)

Cameron is acting very peculiar at the start of the episode – she postpones a planned weekend surfing getaway with Chase to bring the environmentalist’s case to House, and then happily complies when House makes her run all the tests herself. House initially assumes that Cameron wants either to get her old job back or to hook up with House, which both certainly seems plausible, but no: She’s avoiding Chase. And not even for the reasons you might think (had you never seen Chase before). She’s avoiding him because she was poking through his sock drawer and found an engagement ring. At first I thought it would’ve been really funny if it had turned out that the ring wasn’t even for her – that it was like on that episode from the original 90210 when Brandon told his flavor-of-the-week girlfriend to get a sweatshirt out of his drawer and she looked inside and found the engagement ring he’d gotten for Kelly, like, two seasons earlier, and then the new girlfriend turned to Brandon and was like “The answer is yes! Yes, I’ll marry you!” and Brandon just looked at her like WTF? And it was technically supposed to be sad, except that it was hilarious.

But no, this time the ring really is for Cameron, and she’s freaking out. She claims the freakout has to do with Kutner, but really it’s just about Cameron and the issues she’s had all along about commitment due to her first husband dying and stuff, but House talks her out of that funk. He doesn’t do it until after Chase has already broken up with her for avoiding him and being all evasive about it, but no worries: Once Cameron says she’s sorry and her voice gets all quivery, all is forgiven, and then Chase proposes, sans ring, in the doctors’ locker room. Romantic! (Seriously, it was.)

And then! At the end! The coolest thing ever!

We have our standard musical montage, which, as it often does, features an instrumental performance by House himself. We get to see him playing the harmonica, and he does it while playing the piano with his other hand (we don’t actually see Hugh Laurie doing both at once, but come on, the man plays like 80 instruments, I’m not holding this against him). But then the cool thing happens: He hallucinates Amber! Awesome! Just hanging over his piano, sassing him like always!

Okay, show, just for that I’ll give you another shot at getting this season right.

And now for some miscellaneous bullet points on this week’s ep:

• Chase’s accent is thicker than usual, and Jesse Spencer’s acting is a little worse than it has been lately (although the latter might be the director’s fault). Jennifer Morrison, though, is totally on. This is the best Cameron’s come off in years.
• There’s a really weird moment in the closing montage when Chase and Cameron go tell Cuddy they’re engaged, but it looks like they’re asking her permission, Fiddler on the Roof style. Tradition!!!
• Speaking of whom, it’s been months since we last saw Cuddy playing anything other than a love-stricken schoolgirl with terrible hair. Man, do I miss the Cuddy of old.
• At one point, Thirteen wears a silver crushed-velvet camisole just like one I had in high school. Only I wore it to high school, during the grunge era. Thirteen wears it to work, under her lab coat, in 2009. Sometimes, I actually do like Thirteen.
• Rumor has it, Hugh Laurie’s performance was quite bland in Monsters v. Aliens. Which is disappointing, but at least it gives me an excuse not to see that movie. Anyone catch that? Is it worth seeing for the Laurie factor?

Season 5, Episode 21: Saviors (originally aired April 13, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Cameron Cubbison’s review here.

For more on House, click here.

House, Tuesdays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of FOX Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro

House: Saviors

Wow. To gloss over any formalities, this episode sucked like a possessed vacuum. I’m tempted to just leave it at that. Seriously, I think this may have been the worst episode of House I’ve ever seen. Writers: the show is called House for a reason. The show is not and has never been called Every Loser Insignificant Character Except Dr. Gregory House, M.D. That should be a clue, but I’ll spell it out anyway: all people want to see-and yes, I do speak for everyone-is House. We don’t care about Thirteen or Foreman, and double that for Chase and Cameron. Fox is doing the same crap on Bones, devoting too much time to insignificant twits no one cares about, instead of Bones and Booth. That show is called Bones for a reason. Anyone else detecting a pattern here? Shows named after a character should always always always always always focus on that character. I’m sorry, supporting actors, but you’re just necessary cogs in the narrative machine. Fox is really starting to piss away two of its very best, commercially successful shows.

Okay, deep breaths. Here’s the episode. It opens with an environmental group protest. People are chained to a bulldozer, they’re parading, they’re shouting, they’re disrupting miners. Then the show uses the trick it really overuses. It shows a woman pass out and lose her pulse, but she’s not the patient. No, she wakes up from dehydration, but then this other guy starts to see things all blurry and falls down.

Now, instead of cutting to House, we cut to Cameron and Chase. Why are these characters even on the show? They’ve been on life support for forever, popping up in pointless scenes every fifth episode or so just so they can get paid. No one missed them when they left, and no one is carrying a torch for their return. And you know what the big dilemma is with them? Cameron tells Chase that she wants to push back the week-long vacation Chase arranged because she wants to get House to take a case and keep it as a favor for another doctor. Chase pouts. Seriously? Are you really making me watch this?

The environmentalist dude who hit the dirt is named Doug. See Cameron present Doug to the team. See the team collectively mumble something about exposure to toxic chemicals. See House tell Cameron-who is no longer on his team-to run a test. See little Dougie whine about the evil pesticides on his flowers in his room. People like this don’t need to be saved; they need to be locked into tool sheds and set on fire. Hey Doug, you love the environment so much, I’d be happy to arrange for you to become one with the earth again. I’ll even bring the chainsaw, don’t you worry about a thing.

The case is especially boring this week. Even the actors look like they’re all just going through the motions. Some people think he’s faking. Some people run more nondescript tests. But as a treat, interspersed throughout, we get more whiny scenes with Chase and Cameron. Cameron doesn’t want to go on the trip. Why oh why, Chase pouts. Is Cameron still in love with House? For his sake, I sure hope not. God help him if she is. Why does the dumbest character on the show have to share my namesake?

Cameron keeps doing whatever House tells her, and House wants to know why. She’s not on his team. He’s not her boss. So why does she do it? Foreman thinks she wants Kutner’s spot on the team. Cuddy wants to make sure that Cameron isn’t in love with House (so does Chase). Cameron thinks Cuddy is “marking her territory” and that she is in love with House. I think that I don’t care. Seriously, I don’t. I hate to say it, but I feel like House may be slowly on its way out. How many more obscure medical mysteries can they come up with? The formula has gotten rather unbearable, and save for Hugh Laurie and occasionally Lisa Edelstein, there’s really no one worth watching on the show.

House and Wilson have a couple of nice moments, and we get to see House playing the piano, which I’m always for. But as if it wasn’t enough, at the end House starts seeing visions of Amber. I guess that’s what we get to look forward to for the rest of the season. Why can’t Cutthroat Bitch stay dead?

Season 5, Episode 21: Saviors (originally aired April 13, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out My Mojo Hangs in the Balance by Robin Reed.

For more on House, click here.

House, Tuesdays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of FOX Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro

The Tudors: Wha’ Happened?!?

Last time, it was really boring and we just set the stage for what will emerge on this season of The Tudors.  This week I found myself checking the DVR timer about 20 minutes in, thinking surely this was going to be over soon.  This is not good, folks.  Did all of the excitement on this show die with Anne Boleyn?  I’ll try to keep this short.

We’re all about stamping out the rebellion heading south to London to demand the restoration of the Catholic houses of worship.  Another thing that needs stamping is the open sore on His Majesty’s thigh.  We get a few odd moments of quasi-naked Henry screaming at people.  I imagine some might find this appealing.  I can’t say that I do.  But Queen Jane longs for the king during these times of struggle, Catholic rabble-rousers, and open sores.

Duke of Suffolk Charles Brandon, i.e., the only reason to keep watching this show, is frustrated over the lack of progress in assembling the army.  This struggle continues throughout the episode and leads me to go to the kitchen for something to drink.  While I’m gone, read about the real Pilgrimage of Grace.

Ok, I’m back in time for the rebels (I’m sorry PILGRIMS!) to arrive at Yorkshire (a/k/a Helm’s Deep, only without the armaments) and for Lord Darcy to violate his oath and join the rebellion.  As Brandon continues to lament his lack of resources and Henry threatens to lead the army himself, Henry self-medicates his thigh with some “special medical treatment” from Lady Misseldon, who you’ll recall is Bryan’s mistress.   And by “special medical treatment,” well, we’re all adults and can figure that part out.

On a more chaste note, something happens at the Pope’s retreat in Newport and I realize this guy is just a cardinal and not the Pope (sorry about that last week!)–Cardinal Von Waldburg, apparently.  Anywho, he wants newly appointed Cardinal Reginald Pole to write a pamphlet calling for a holy crusade in England.  When he arrives in England, Pole speaks of overthrowing Henry and installing either the Catholic Princess Mary or himself, oh don’t you see, he’s an heir to the throne through the old Plantagenet line.  How King Ralph!

After Brandon negotiates a truce with leader Robert Aske, two rebel captains are allowed to present their petition to Henry.  That doesn’t go over well with Henry, who points out the flaws with all of their so-called grievances, while noting their greater offense is in their rebelling against their sovereign.  But His Grace offers a pardon to all who have taken up arms, provided they lay them down and disband.  The rebels do not like this response, and in bed that night Queen Jane presses Henry to cede to the rebel’s demands.  He declines.  (No word on any other pressing.)

As an intermezzo of our boredom, we are treated to Princess Mary’s arrival at court and fainting spell, relieved only by her now doting, formerly absent father, Henry.  Sir Bryan, sleazeball of the realm, strikes up a conversation with Mary about an “old country tradition” by the name of “cunnilingus.”  Classy.  (Speaking of, should I change the spelling on “country”?  Just saying.)

Brandon reports back to Henry and shares the growing frustration everyone has with Cromwell.  Henry hears Brandon, shifts his monarchial bus into second gear, and gets ready to run down Cromwell . . . should it come to it (and it will).  Returning north, Brandon informs the rebels that a new Parliament will be called in York to resolve all issues of declaration and recantation of heresies, etcetera, etcetera.   Pleased with their apparent success, Aske disbands the rebels and sends them home for Christmas.  At home, Aske receives a letter from the King asking him to come to court and explain the circumstances of the rebellion.  The other rebel leaders are suspicious because, like me, they read the end of the Henry VIII chapter in British History and know that nobody crosses Henry and lives to tell.

Next week: We meet Elizabeth, the negotiations breakdown, and I’ll think of ways to make this more interesting.  Sorry, I can only work with what the television gives me.

Season 3, Episode 2 (originally aired April 12, 2009)

For more on The Tudors, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on Showtime

Photographs courtesy of Showtime, Jonathan Hession

Friday Night Lights: WWCTD?

Remember in the first episode of this season, when Coach was all “Are you ready for Friday night?” and Riggins was all, “Let’s make some memories!” And I was all, “what’s with all the fuss?”

Just look at how far we’ve come. I kind of like this show now! But my, how things have changed. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that finally, Billy and Mindy tie the knot, she in her winged dress, he in his top hat, and their wedding serves as a nice backbone to the unraveling of the last bit of story for some of our favorites. But for those of you upset at the turn of events facing poor Coach and Principal Taylor, I ask you: Of course Coach is going to East Dillon – why on else would we watch next season? Sure, I’m curious to see if Crucifictorious lands a record deal or if Julie Taylor springs another tattoo on us, but really … what else is there? The Riggins train is leaving. Tyra’s finally made it into college. Saracen’s off to art school in Chicago.

Or is he?

Up first! The Ballad of Tyra Collette. Five months have passed since JD McCoy and the Dillon Panthers choked. Tyra’s the only one of her friends (does she have any? Because we never see them.) who hasn’t been officially accepted into college, on a waitlist to University of Texas. She worries over it, and predictably, drives boyfriend Landry insane, so he suggests driving to the college and finding an admission counselor to plead her case. When the counselor tells her she’s crazy (politely) and that thousands of kids end up on the waitlist, a defeated Tyra plays Debbie Downer on the ride back to Dillon, prompting Landry to man up. He’s had it with her whining ways, and if she doesn’t believe in herself, nothing good will ever come to her. Well. Even though I believe that works for Landry, the rest of us have seen a bit of the world, and we know that positivity only gets you so far. I’m just saying. I’m not projecting at all. When the couple reaches Tyra’s home, there lies a waiting envelope from University of Texas. And guess what? Tyra got in! Of course she did! But the touching scene between her and Landry is worth all the whining.

Then! The Bold and the Beautiful. Tim Riggins helps brother Billy put the finishing touches on Riggins’ Riggs. Doubts assail Tim about college, because he’s seen his schedule and realized he’s going to have to work while he’s there. When he learns that Mindy’s pregnant and he’s going to have nieces and nephews running around, you can see that the last thing Tim wants to do is leave Dillon. Meanwhile, Lyla discovers she has a second chance to attend Vanderbilt. Buddy asks her rich uncle for money, and it all works out, until the guilt sets in. At the wedding reception, she confesses to Tim that she wanted to go to Vanderbilt, but she didn’t consult him first? Huh? I don’t know, she cries and says she’ll still go to San Antonio State.  Tim tells her to dry those eyes and go to Vanderbilt – he doesn’t want to hold her back (wait, are we watching Saracen and Julie?). Finally, she agrees, and then Tim grabs Billy right before he’s about to drive away towards his honeymoon. Tim explains that he doesn’t need to go to SAS because Lyla’s not going (completely missing the point from this episode, which just seems lazy on the writers’ parts), and he can stick around and help with the family business. Billy, however, laces into Tim about taking advantage of opportunities their parents couldn’t give them. Billy’s an ass, but his first concern has always been family, and even I can agree with that. He leaves only when he’s convinced Tim to keep to his promise and attend college.

Next! The Many Lives and Loves of Matt Saracen. He and Shelby pack up Grandma, who has taken Landry’s advice about positive thinking. She’s moving into an old folks’ home, finally ready to send Lil’ Matty off to Chicago and art school. He’s prepared to go, guilt-free. Well, almost. Matt Saracen completely guilt-free is a Matt Saracen I’ve never seen before. Meanwhile, Julie puts on a brave face, not ready to say good-bye to Matt but (cue violin strings) loving him too much to keep him from his dreams. Therefore, at the reception, she breaks up with Matt. She doesn’t want to be one of those couples, those “high school sweethearts” who try to make it work just to prove everyone wrong. Even…though … no one’s said … it wouldn’t last? Matt denies her request, because he loves her. Then he realizes that if his grandmother were here, she’d love a wedding like this and she’d be having a grand ol’ time. I wonder what Grandma Saracen did to Mindy and Billy, to be one of the few people in town not to score an invite. So Matt takes off and picks up Grandma, and tells her that she’s the only one in his life who has never left him, and he’s not going to leave her. They’re going to the wedding, and then she’s moving back home. And he’s not going to Chicago!

It was a lot nicer than it sounds.

Finally! The Coach Taylor Shuffle. Coach’s contract is up for renewal, and Tami’s been given a pretty strong hint that negotiations won’t be smooth. It turns out that Papa McCoy has been seeking vengeance, and must have figured that beating up Coach Taylor wouldn’t be as much fun as stealing his job. That’s right – Papa McC pushes to install Wade Aikman into the head coaching position at Dillon, doing most of the lobbying behind the scenes. So behind the scenes, in fact, that even Buddy Garrity didn’t know about it. I’m not so sure, but that could be because I dislike Buddy. At the board meeting to discuss Coach’s contract, Joe McCoy recommends Wade, and Coach enters at the last second (on his way to the wedding) to deliver a short speech in defense of his job [insert your own Coach impression here]: “I love my job, I’m good at it, and I’d like to keep it. I love this school, I love the kids, and I feel like I’ve just gotten started here.” Nevertheless! Tami meets Coach at the wedding with the news that Wade Aikman will be Dillon’s new head coach. Conveyed with a single look. However, the board would like to offer Coach Taylor the head coaching position at East Dillon, home of the Lions.

After seeing the happy couple off, Coach Taylor takes Tami over to the dirt-ravaged and run-down Lions football field. They share a moment. Coach, though disappointed and maybe momentarily angry about the change to his job, sees some hope for the future. It’s all there in the way he stands, trust me.

And that’s it! Season 3, brought to you by DirecTV, Chevrolet, and Applebees, is over. As a first time viewer, here are my humble thoughts. Is the show everything the die-hard, crazy fans think it is? I do see it. All of the characters are genuinely likable, and for all the bad things that do happen on this show, more good things happen, proving that people at home would prefer to watch something other than reality television or violent, crude dramas. Although I still maintain that Jason Street’s penchant for crying hurt the character more than anything else, and of all the likable people, he was the most unlikable. It’s a toss up if I’d rather watch Jason Street or Joe McCoy. Constant crying as “character development” irritates me that much.

The acting, undeniably, has been excellent. Tim Riggins, of course, earns double points for hotness, but nearly everyone on the show inhabits their roles like a second skin and brings a reality to their parts unmatched by almost any other show on the air. You forget you’re watching television, oftentimes remembering a similar argument, a similar experience, or a similar conversation that touched your life.

As for the direction the finale took, I’m not looking forward to any East Dillon versus West Dillon controversy between Coach and Principal Taylor, but how can there not be? I think the finale wrapped up all of the outstanding storylines, almost too neatly. In fact, I would have preferred to see more fallout between JD, Coach, and Papa McCoy, but I expect that will build up next season, as the schools meet on the field. Can you say State Championship rivalry? Recruiting wars? Lyla’s “rich uncle” bit was too convenient, so I hope whoever he is, he shows up to give Buddy some hell, because if the problem were that easily solved, why did Buddy even tell Lyla he lost the money in the first place? I also hope Billy and Mindy stick around. I wasn’t a fan at first, but Mindy’s the funniest bitch from high school we all were friends with at some point. And in an episode of mostly happy endings, it ended with the happiest ending of all, which is a wedding, right?

Now for my fellow ladies and their men, I’ve heard quite often that rivaling Tim Riggins for hunky goodness, is Eric Taylor. I found out after the season finale that the cliché holds true: women want him and men want to be him. There’s something about a solid, good, well-intentioned man that just goes to show – the bad boys get some ladies, but women want to keep the good guys. One thing this show has in spades: good people. Even the ones who cry a lot.

See you next season!

Season 3, Episode 13: Tomorrow Blues (originally aired January 14, 2009 on DIRECTV)

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Friday Night Lights, click here.

Fridays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of Bill Records and NBC Universal

Chuck vs. The First Kill

Last week I wrote that thanks to Scott Bakula, Chuck had its best episode in eons. Well, the good news is, even though last week seemed to promise otherwise, Bakula is in this latest episode for precisely zero seconds! Not a single scene! Isn’t that fantastic? The showrunners must not have wanted to pay Bakula for this episode. Being cheapskates…that’s a reason I can get behind. I sure hope that was the explanation.

So, back in Chuck land-minus Scott Bakula, as I may have mentioned-Chuck is still at the Buy More. He still wants to save his father Steve. He still wants to get the Intersect out of his head. He still has trust issues with Sarah. He’s still looking for love (aren’t we all?).

Chuck questions whether or not General Beckman & Co. are really looking for his father or not. Sarah tells him that they are doing everything they can. But then Beckman herself chimes in with a message bluntly saying that they have no leads and that there’s nothing they can do. That’s always what you want to hear, ain’t it? They can’t track Steve, and they can’t get a Fulcrum agent to talk. But what if Chuck can? That’s right, Chuck is going after Jill, the ex-girlfriend/Fulcrum baddie who betrayed him until Chuck sent her to prison. Personally I wasn’t aching for the character’s return, but I guess this was a viable way to bring her back.

Chuck goes to her homey prison and asks for her help. She says she wants a deal, which Chuck reluctantly agrees to-as Casey watches via spy feed in horror. Jill says she doesn’t know where Chuck’s father is being held, but she knows someone who might. And that someone is: Uncle Bernie, a friend of her family who first recruited her to Fulcrum. Um, yeah, okay. The hitch-and there always is one-is that Bernie only ever sees Jill at family get-togethers. And since there aren’t any coming up, Chuck realizes that they have to invent one. Well how about an engagement party? Chuck and Jill pretend to be engaged to get Bernie to come to them.

At the party, Bernie arrives, and Chuck immediately has an Intersect flash. The encounter does not come as planned however. When Chuck reveals who they really are and what they want, Bernie pulls a gun and starts chasing them around the house. Up the stairs they go, which is a problem for Bernie because he evidently hasn’t been to the gym since Reagan was in office. He does eventually catch up to them though, but right before he kills them, Bernie has a fatal heart attack. Talk about a convenient deus ex machina. Seriously, I know the tone of the show is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but couldn’t the writers at least make an effort to establish some plausibility?

They got nothing from Bernie. The mission is a wash, all hope is lost, and Jill is about to be sent to prison. But then, in the underground yogurt-shop lair, Bernie’s cell phone begins to ring. Chuck answers the phone and pretends to be Bernie. Not only does the deadly Fulcrum agent on the other end buy it, but he tells Bernie that they’re moving Orion. And, Chuck is able to keep him on the phone long enough for Casey and Sarah to trace the call. Talk about a convenient deus…never mind.

Casey and Chuck infiltrate the building they traced the call to, while Sarah and Jill watch via spy feed from the van. Jill tells them that the place is a Fulcrum recruiting facility. Chuck and Casey have to take a test where Fulcrum shows them a video and measures how they respond to it-a bit of an homage I suppose to Alan Pakula’s classic 70s conspiracy thriller The Parallax View. Alas, during the test, Fulcrum discovers who they really are. As you can imagine, Sarah and Jill have to come in to save the boys. There’s actually some pretty decent-if cartoony-gunplay, and for four or five minutes, the show is actually entertaining. But when all the dust clears, Chuck’s dad has already been moved. From there, Chuck has to decide whether or not to help Jill escape.

The B storyline involves Milbarge trying to convince Morgan to get the Buy More staff to behave for when some corporate honcho comes to assess Milbarge’s performance. They strike a deal, because Milbarge claims that if the performance review goes well, he will be promoted out of the Buy More and the staff can go back to goofing the days away. A win-win for all involved, right? Or is Morgan making a deal with the devil? I guess by posing the question, you already know the answer. Some Godfather-esque coups follow, but they would be a lot more effective if the characters were…you know…remotely interesting.

I think one of the fundamental mistakes the show has made is not having Morgan find out that Chuck is a spy. Because he doesn’t know, the Morgan and Chuck storylines have to be separate, and the idea of Morgan and Chuck going on spy missions together is actually potentially funny.

The episode ends with Sarah making an important choice that has weighty consequences for her and Chuck. Maybe, just maybe, if they follow the repercussions up in the last remaining episodes-and bring back Scott Bakula-the show can end in something less than total disgrace.

Season 2, Episode 20: Chuck vs. The First Kill (originally aired April 13, 2009)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Paul Drinkwater, Adam Taylor

Observe and Report

The question on everyone’s mind this weekend was whether America was ready for yet another overweight bumbling mall cop comedy.  Well, thankfully, Observe and Report is not much of a comedy, unless you count as comedy Seth Rogan‘s rambling f-bombs, outlandish fight scenes, alcoholics soiling themselves, or Anna Faris getting drunk and having unconscious copulation with Rogan. (Don’t worry, it’s not rape because she mumbled for him to not to stop.  At least that’s what he’s telling his public defender!) If that doesn’t sound enticing enough, then I suggest you rent Rogan’s last film, Zack & Miri Make a Porno, which was quite good.

In Observe and Report, Ronnie Barnhardt (Rogan) is the head of mall security, obsessed with shop girl Brandi (Faris) and filled with delusions of grandeur that become overwhelming when the police, lead by Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta), arrive to investigate a serial flasher and then a burglary of a store.  Ronnie decides that, in order to get the girl, he’s going to become a real police office.  I’ll spare you what happens with that or how it ends, but it’s rather predictable for these anti-hero type of stories.

So did I like anything about this film?  Well, Seth Rogan is good at playing this type of character and he does it well.  I’m just tired of seeing it, I guess.  Similarly, Anna Faris does a good job playing the ditzy type, but again, I’m just tired of seeing it.  And Ray Liota, he’s back and delivers more scathing comments about Ronnie’s “special needs” than President Obama on the Tonight Show.

But on the plus side for you Friday Night Lights fans, Jesse Plemons shows you what would happen if Landry grew up and became a security guard trainee named Charles.  No word, though, on whether Tyra dropped out of UT to go work at the Taste-A-Bun.

Now while the premise of a delusional mall security officer seems like comedic gold, it helps if you have a more developed story.  Otherwise you get a series of mildly amusing scenes loosely strung together, i.e., this film.

The Amazing Race: Passport? I’ll pass.

So, we have five teams left, and no single team has dominated the competition thus far.  Honestly, this doesn’t feel so much like it’s going to be about who does the best in the end, but who screws up the least.

Keeping that in mind, Kisha and Jen and Mark and Michael are clearly out of it.

In Thailand, Jaime still has serious language barrier issues, which she still acknowledges, but makes no effort to actually change them.  Now, I know that the middle of The Amazing Race is no time to suddenly embark on a cultural sensitivity seminar, but it really is getting kind of embarrassing watching her harangue cab driver after cab driver. I feel sorry for Cara, who I suspect is embarrassed, but knows that trying to correct the behavior will just slow them down.  The teams do a pretty good job this week, apart from the cab driver haranguing, if only because they didn’t make any major mistakes, like their fellow (Kisha and Jen!) teammates (Mark and Michael!) did.

Luke and Margie, however, are doing even better, thanks mostly to Margie, who put together a propeller during a roadblock with a pretty accomplished hand.  Plus, to Margie’s credit, the competition and her recent collapse have not dampened her general enthusiasm for the race.  On a boat taking her from the Roadblock to the Detour, she seemed to be enjoying the sights around her, and it was pleasant to watch that enjoyment.  Plus, major points for not shying away from the Broken Teeth option of the detour.  This option required she and Luke to put their hands in some pretty unattractive mouths to fit dentures to five pretty trusting Thai people.  Margie treated the task like a puzzle, and diligently went to work fitting all five individuals while Luke mostly fumbled and gaped at it all.  Overall, Margie has a kind of no-nonsense style about her that I like, although I’m not as crazy about her teammate.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Luke’s deaf and it’s great that he’s on the race and all, but there’s just something. . .annoying about that kid.  I wish I could pair Margie up with Tammy during the race, if only for Tammy to get some of that lavish supportive “mom” attention that she seems to have been missing from her actual family.  But clearly, I’m digressing because. . .

Tammy is doing well enough with her brother this leg.  Although Victor stumbled a bit putting together that propeller (which didn’t succeed in making this overachiever look any less like a complete priss), the team still managed to avoid making any major mistakes.  Sure they let their cultural bias towards karaoke lead them to pick the slower detour option, but compared to the other teams (Kisha and Jen) on this race (Mark and Michael), they are racing geniuses.

At the start, Kisha and Jen said the race was not affecting their relationship.  I’m assuming this means that they are complete sourpusses at home as well, cause, honestly, has Jen smiled once during this whole season? And she’s not going to be smiling much soon, as they had a very frustrating turn of events when the two left their packs (containing their money and passports) and Kisha’s shoes at a detour before getting in a boat taking them to the next task.  Foolishly, the pair don’t go back as soon as they realize the fanny pack was left, which was pretty much the moment the boat left the dock.  Instead, they get all the way to the pit stop, with Jen pretty much holding her head in her hands the entire time through all the tasks, only to have Phil tell them (paraphrasing) “Um, ladies?  How do you expect to go to another country without your passports?”  Kisha and Jen end up going back to get their packs, as well as their backpacks which were in a cab that was also left at the Roadblock.  Still, they come in fourth.  Why?  Because Mark and Michael also make a bad decision.

Mark and Michael left their backpacks in a cab as well at the detour.  Only Mark kinda freaks out about it halfway through the leg, and wants to find the cab and get their packs back.  Luckily, they have their money and their passports, and they use their money to locate the cab and get the packs back.  But they then run out of money to take a cab to the pit stop, and end up bartering their possessions, once to get through a detour, and another to get to the pit stop.  Which is against the rules.  They incur a two hour penalty for each bartering session, causing them to end up in last place.  Still, it’s a non-elimination round, so they will have to wait till the next leg to finish out the four hour penalty.  I’m not too worried that this means they’re out of it yet, as virtually every leg so far has begun with an early bunch due to a long-distance flight.  And given the last speedbump was essentially a paint by numbers task, they could survive.  Still, it is Mark and Michael, so. . . .yeah, I’m going to count them out.

The thing is, while Mark and Michael’s mishap was more detrimental, race-rules wise, I still call Kisha and Jen the more bone-headed of the two teams.  It feels like it was luck more than skill that led to Kisha and Jen not engaging in penalty-incurring behavior (they’d left their packs so they couldn’t barter when they needed a cab and lucked into finding a driver willing to take them for free) and the ladies thought they could keep moving forward in the race without their passports.   It’s pretty obvious they were counting on the goodwill of the producers to protect their stuff and their way home (people are probably less likely to steal when there’s a cameraman present, after all) and I don’t like that behavior.

Plus, now I have to look at Jen’s frowny face for another leg.  Blah.

Season 14, Episode 8: Rooting Around in People’s Mouths Could Be Unpleasant (originally aired April 12, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Emotional Baggage by Paul Secrest.

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS

« Previous Page — Next Page »