The Amazing Race: Emotional Baggage

If you’re one of the many residents of Western civilization whose only opinion of Thailand is formed by unsettling stereotypes of back alley medical procedures and transvestites on parade, then this week’s Amazing Race will be just your cup of tea. The 10 brave souls who remain in the running caught a puddle jumper from the island bound city of Phuket to capitol city and punchline of countless double entendres, Bangkok. The road block came fast and early: installing a propeller onto a traditional Thai canal boat to the technical satisfaction of its captain. The task seemed like a breeze to most, but in his frustration, Victor scraped through by copying Jamie. I’m hoping he’ll adopt that philosophy in all things. He might start by shouting at locals, getting a cheap dye job, and wearing a collection of tight tank tops that show off his nippity-doo-dahs.

The race continued on the very boats they repaired, but Kisha & Jen and Mark & Michael made the astoundingly dumb assumption that they’d be circling back to the same starting point, so they ABANDONED THEIR PASSPORTS AND GEAR!!! TV show or not, you just don’t ever let your freaking passport out of sight when traveling internationally. The duos compensated for their blunder in different ways, but back to them in a minute.

The detour plunged into the worlds of those two peculiar stereotypes I mentioned earlier. In Broken Teeth, teams could visit the terrifyingly monikered “Street of Happy Smiles” to don dental safety garb and match five gummers with their missing denture gear. This looked entirely bizarre and unpleasant, and only Margie & Luke had the stomach for it, but their choice launched a consistently first place leg into an effortless first place finish. In Broken Record, the challenge required nothing more than chilling in a taxi doing karaoke with some local party girls. No skill required, but it marked a willingness to put your entire racing fate in the hands of traffic conditions. And those party girls? Almost certainly all party boys. I had my suspicions at first sight, and most of the racers seemed to agree with me. The funniest moment of this challenge by far was Mark & Michael going on about how they finally feel right at home in an entertainment-themed challenge and how ready they were to show the “girls” a good time. I’m sorry, but if you’ve lived or worked in Hollywood for any appreciable amount of time, you have no excuse for a lax tranny radar.

Jamie & Cara and Tammy & Victor fell in at 2^nd and 3^rd, respectively, and M&M arrived 4^th, but in a previously unseen and rather draconian rule, they received two separate two-hour penalties for trading personal items for taxi service in their penniless desperation to retrieve their luggage. Kisha & Jen pulled off the extra trip through sheer force of begging, and thus claimed their rightful 4^th. The little guys were rockin’ the luck of a leprechaun though, and their drastically late finish came on a non-elimination leg. 4 hours is no small deficit to overcome, but if history keeps repeating itself, they’ll probably be right back in the thick of it after an airport delay. Thai-me will tell.

My apologies for that horrific pun.

Season 14, Episode 8: Rooting Around in People’s Mouths Could Be Unpleasant (originally aired April 12, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Passport?  I’ll pass. by Alana D.

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS