The Amazing Race: Painting by Elephant

Tammy and Victor dominate the competition this week on a leg that begins with a big bunch at the airport before taking the teams to Jaipur, India.

Landing in India, each team must go to the Sacred Tree for their next clue.  In taxi rides there, several teams observe Indian people, learning first-hand that there are a lot of poor people there.  And if I’d found this episode the least bit interesting, I’d try to make a Slumdog Millionaire joke here, but, alas, I did not.

Instead, I was bored.  Bored by Victor stating that the race gives him an opportunity to be extroverted, bored by Mel yelling at cab drivers, bored by Jaime and Cara making this season’s obligatory “why don’t they speak English” comment, bored by teams walking right past the clue to look under stones (as if a clue has ever, ever been under a stone), bored by the camels at the Roadblock.

Alright, I was momentarily amused when a camel, after being repeatedly slapped on the bum by a local, lifted up his hind leg and kicked said local square in the knee.  But wouldn’t it have been funnier if that had happened to one of the racers?  In a prior season? Like Terence?

At least I was happy that Mel managed to stay in the game at the roadblock when he was the only person who read the clue properly.  The clue stated that you were supposed to use native tools to gather hay, and although I suppose “native” could conceivably mean your breasts, Kisha, it was more likely it meant the woven baskets that were, y’know, next to the hay.  And can you imagine how uncomfortable it must have been in that heat to have hay down your shirt?  Which is probably a reason why the natives don’t do it. . .

But I was bored again by the detour, which involved a choice between being a mover or a shaker.  Most of the teams picked shaker because it involved wearing colorful costumes and begging for money.  (Me, I thought it was a bit obscene to be for these well-off Americans to ask for money in a country that, seconds ago, everyone noticed was overrun with poverty, but whatever.)  Victor welcomed the chance to put on make-up and dance around in front of strangers, calling it “unlawyerly.”  You guys, I’m a lawyer.  I did that, like, last Tuesday.

Margie and Luke also chose “Shaker” and Luke tried to explain how he is able to dance by imitating other people.  Still, the coolest thing about this part of the show was TAR’s brilliant sound editors, who for a couple of seconds, were completely quiet.  It was the most effective thing they could have done to give us a taste of Luke’s world, and the absence of sound for those seconds was pretty eerie.

In the end, Victor’s “unlawyerly” attitude helped them reach the Jaigarh Fort pit stop quickly, a first place finish.  One of many to come, I suspect.  They appear to have had a pretty sizeable lead on the number two team, Mel and Mike.  The next three teams were pretty much bunched into third place, with Kisha and Jen coming in third officially, Margie and Luke at 4, and Jaime and Cara at 5.

Which left Mark and Michael and Christi and Jodi bringing up the rear.  You guys, Mark and Michael are slow.  They’ve been slow since the beginning.  They lack the kind of competitive edge that makes you. . . .not slow.  They are so slow, they nearly lost to Christie and Jodi, a team which is not only also very slow but had to perform a speed bump, a task during the middle of the race only they had to do.  The speed bump this leg was painting an elephant.  Which, truth be told, actually looked like a fun thing to do.  Maybe one day I’ll get to paint an elephant.

I hope they enjoyed it, because they came in last and were eliminated.

Fine by me.  Because, honestly. . .they were boring.

Season 14, Episode 6: Alright Guys, We’re At War! (originally aired March 22, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Slumdoggin’ by Paul Secrest.

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS