So You Think You Can Dance: Miami, Memphis, Los Angeles and Seattle Auditions

This week, So You Think You Can Dance wrapped up the first round of auditions with visits to Miami, Memphis, Los Angeles and Seattle. They sure do know how to make their way around a country. Let’s see who you should look out for next week in Las Vegas and those so bad you WISH you could have been there to witness the destruction.

VEGAS BOUND

MIAMI

Mary and Nigel are joined by Tyce Diorio, who I assure you, did not hold anything back in his criticism.

Janette Manrara and Romulo Villaverde are salsa dancers. Janette got cut before the Top 20 and Romulo didn’t get to Vegas, but they’ve been practicing all year, and you can see it in the crazy tricks they did. Nigel says he hasn’t even seen some of the things they did.

Priscilla Marreo is a beautiful contemporary dancer who captivates Tyce from the get go.

Joseph Smith is the first hip hopper who shows any inkling of a personality as vibrant as last year’s Twitch. He’s already has a slogan. “SCHWAM!”

Erik Moore also goes by “Silky” because he’s so smooth. He mixes some tap with fun hip hop and entertains as well as amazes.

Geo Smith took a leap, and I do mean literally (into the judges’ area), when he brings African dance to SYTYCD for the first time. He clearly has some rhythm, but he has to prove he can do other things when they send him to choreography. Luckily, he does.

MEMPHIS

Lil’ C doesn’t bring much buck to his criticism of these auditioners, but he does bring an obvious seriousness and sincerity in his position as a judge.

Marico Flake brings juking to the forefront. There’s a bounce to it and a lot of footwork and is clearly something I could NEVER do. Oh, and he’s a police officer. He has a little bit of the subtle, sweet but funny personality that Joshua has, and that’s a BIG compliment seeing as he won last year.

Caitlin Kinney‘s sister made it to Vegas in Miami, though she must not have been THAT entertaining to not have warranted screen time. She’s been dancing for five years, but she’s graceful and beautiful, especially after having undergone a hip relocation surgery that most people would never dance after.

Anna Dunn dances to express herself after her father committed suicide. Apparently, Lil’ C lost his father in the same way. I think she’s fabulous but the judges think she’s over choreographed and needs to connect more. Well, they know more than I do and want to send her to choreography before they send her to Vegas.

Travis Prokop would rather chat with the cheerleaders than play for his coach of a father, but the best thing is that his dad is happy and supportive of him going for his dream. He’s a little effeminate for our judges and needs to strengthen up, but the progress that he showed, just in the choreography, is enough to send him through.

Brothers Evan and Ryan Kasprzak show that talent runs in the family. Evan was in the Top 40 last year and is just as great as I remember him with his old school Fred Astaire style tapping. Plus his routine is fantastically choreographed. Ryan is Evan’s older brother, and he’s taught him everything he knows. He goes a cappella, using a whoopee cushion for flair and is funny and entertaining. Both are straight through to Vegas.

I don’t know what it was with family this season, but twins Lydia and Lauren Guerra do some contemporary style dancing. Lydia’s got the performance aspect down, and Lauren is technically stronger, but after shining in choreography, both get to go to Vegas.

LOS ANGELES

Hairspray choreographer and director Adam Shankman joins our judges in the City of Angels. And Joshua, Comfort, Katie and Lauren, from last year, come to watch!

Bianca Revels was a tapper last year who didn’t make the Top 20, but she came back looking snazzier and ready to steal the stage. Apparently out of the tapper, she holds the steps long enough that people who don’t really get tap can get the rhythm. And Mary thinks she’s the best female tapper they’ve ever had which I think she said last season. (Don’t know if that bodes well.) But she’s off to Vegas.

Asuka Kondoh and Ricky Sun also tried out last year. Ricky was nowhere near Vegas but Asuka made it to the Top 40. This year Ricky’s stronger and Asuka is just as sparkly. Together they’re magic AND on to Vegas.

Sammy Ramirez is a wrestler turned pop ‘n locker. His choreography is fun and his body isolation is ridiculous. They send him through to choreography where Adam says he’s crossing his fingers so hard that he can pick it up, and he does!

With another family sob story that totally chokes me up, Amanda Kerby‘s father was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and has been symptom-free for six years. She believes if he can do what he does, she can do anything. And then he cries when they’re interviewing her, and I just want to hug them both. She relies a little more on her pretty face and body than her dancing, but she clearly has the technique. On to Vegas she goes!

And Philip Shabib returns with friend Arielle in tow. Last year, he made it to Vegas but couldn’t go because of pneumonia so he’s got an automatic ticket that he didn’t know he’d get ’til he got there. He still has to stick around to partner Arielle who I think is a beautiful dancer and entertainer. Very Kerrington for last season. And she’s through too.

SEATTLE

Mia Michael‘s is back! YAY! I love her. Enough said.

Kelsea Taylor is the only one on Day 1 that we get to see dance and get a ticket to Vegas. It was THAT rough. (Only four make it through and not many more the next day.) She’s zany and slightly crazy but so intriguing, and Nigel thinks Sonja would love her. And like the Mia I love, she says she’s a beautiful, disastrous weirdo. After proving herself in choreography, she’s on to Vegas.

THANK G THEY WERE BOOTED

Dustin Dorough is Howie from the Backstreet Boys’ 2nd cousin but he clearly didn’t pick up his boy band moves.

A brother-sister pair Brynelle and Xavier Branton that gets (ick) mistaken for a boyfriend-girlfriend pair, gyrate and choke hold all over the place. You shouldn’t look like you are killing someone when doing a lift. It’s the most absurd dance I’ve ever seen.

Stacy House is a spastic 80s teen. I couldn’t keep my eyes off that hideous outfit and bright headband.

Kevin Cormier aka Shakiro shakes it like his hips don’t lie, but obviously they do to him.

Nick “Nasty” Salzman actually breaks well but when the judges even give  him a little bit of a critique he goes OFF, especially on Nigel. He should learn to put his foot in his mouth from the start.

There’s also the largest man I’ve ever seen on point, a mime dance and a fairy medicine dance, whatever the hell that is! Oye, I’m so glad Vegas has, at the very least, adequate dancers.

SURPRISES

Nathanial Trasoras is not only a pretty boy who almost stopped dancing because it made him “uncool” in school, but he’s quirky, interesting and graceful. He also happens to be 17, which doesn’t make the age limit. The judges loved him so much though that Nigel gave him a ticket to Vegas this year if he promised to come back next year. Why wouldn’t he with a free pass already?! Now just don’t break your leg, boy! (Don’t worry I knocked on wood after I typed that.)

Until Calico Sequiera who does a fun lindy hop that Nigel says belongs more in a lindy hopper club than on SYTYCD gets Adam to come up on stage and dance with her, making her look more adequate and a hell of a lot more fun.

Five-time rejectee and H-list star Sex battles newbie Leonid Knyshov. I love the added commentary like it’s a boxing match.

So 178 dancers are moving on to Vegas, and I am ready to see some good dancers go down in flames with awfully choreographed numbers. I think this is just a way for the producers to prove that THEIR choreographers really do add just as much as the dancers do each season, and I have to agree. Hello! Mia and her bench routine Emmy anyone? Oh, I can’t wait.

Season 5, Episodes 2&3: Miami, Memphis, Los Angeles & Seattle Auditions (originally aired May 27 & 28, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out So You Think You’ve Got Attitude by Robin Reed.

For more on So You Think You Can Dance, click here.

Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8/7c on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

So You Think You Can Dance: So You Think You’ve Got Attitude

All right. Four hours of So You Think You Can Dance auditions. I can do this, I can do this. It actually wasn’t that bad last week. Come on, breathe, Robin, breathe.

Okay, I’m ready.

Wednesday night. Miami. Will Smith. Sexy Senoritas. Latin Spice. Lots of glitter. A dancer/choreographer named Tyce Diorio is the guest judge. Tyce thinks he is hilarious, but he is not. Also, apparently Mary is wearing some ancient yellow striped peasant blouse outfit that probably is what she thinks of when she thinks Florida.

Our Miami Day 1 auditioners include:

• Tony, who announces in his bio segment, “I can be as kinky as I want.” He’s clearly gay and I worry that this will freak Nigel out. But as this episode will make clear, Nigel appears to be OK with gay guys as long as they’re not dancing with other guys. Tony dances to “Footloose,” which makes me like him, but I have no idea what he’s actually doing, except that sliding around is involved. Nigel tells Tony he’s making a fool of himself. Mary seems to be on some drugs or something. Tyce says Tony was “horrifyingly bad.” Honestly I didn’t think he was that much worse than some of the people who made it through last week. Nigel votes yes to choreography but Mary and Tyce vote no, so Tony leaves. Then he has a minor panic attack and asks for a medic. They stretch this out like it’s this major drama, but in the end Tony eats a banana and is okay.
• Priscilla, a Miami girl who can do freaky scary stuff with her limbs and has this cute theatrical thing going on. I actually genuinely like her. Mary calls her “over the top wonderful,” and Tyce calls her “stunningly beautiful,” and I don’t disagree with either of them. She gets a ticket straight to Vegas.
• Janette and Romulo, who auditioned last year. She made it to Vegas, he didn’t, and then she got cut before the top 20. But she’s apparently well-known in the SYTYCD community despite this. Janette and Romulo do some ballroom dancing, I think? They call it “spicy salsa.” There are lots of flips and lifts involved. They both get invited straight to Vegas.
• Jennifer and Jessica, twins who wear goth-ish outfits but are clearly not goth. They do moves I recognize from my morning yoga class and should be sent home for their footwear alone. Their dancing is supposed to be synchronized, which I didn’t realize until Nigel pointed it out. Tyce calls their audition tragic, and they get a no.
• Joseph, who does some cool-looking stuff. Nigel compliments his humor. (Am I just humorless that I think nothing and no one on this show is funny? Maybe I just watch too many shows that are actually funny and can no longer appreciate the mediocre attempts at humor generated by reality shows that aren’t on Bravo.) They put him through to choreography, and then to Vegas.

At the end of the first day, they put 18 dancers through to Vegas, and I take a breath. 12.5% of the way through!

On Miami Day 2, we see:

• Wislande, who wears a half-shirt over a bikini top in a very weird way. I can’t tell if it’s intentional. She walks around a lot and does some splits. I mean, I get that this is bad, but it’s not comically bad, so why are we watching it? Mary says her performance was geared only to straight men. Nigel says it was “what little girls do when they start dancing.” Tyce cries, “Is that a chasse???!!!” This makes Wislande cry. Aww. She gets a no.
• Erik, aka “Silky,” a tap dancer (apparently they call themselves tappers?) who is here to bring tap back. (No word on whether he was inspired by Obama bringing the change.) He taps to “Thriller,” which is awesome. I think all tap dance routines should be set to “Thriller” from now on. He does a moonwalk! And a backflip! And some other stuff that involves leaping around and spinning on the floor! It’s amazing! He’s my new favorite. Not that I had a previous favorite, but he’s my favorite now. They send him straight to Vegas.
• Paris, a former Miss Washington who wears a tutu. I wish more of these auditioners would wear tutus. She does something ballet-ish and sort of sexy to a weird slow cover of “Toxic.” Nigel likes it. Mary says she has “beautiful lines, beautiful feet, beautiful arms, great personality,” which is everything, in Mary’s universe. I like that. Paris is going straight to Vegas.
• Geo, who does an African dance number in cool regalia and jumps off the stage, which scares Mary. Nigel makes a sex joke at Mary’s expense, but she laughs, because sexual harassment is funny. They send Geo to choreography, where he sadly does not wear his headdress, but gets a ticket to Vegas nevertheless.
• Talia, a former child bride whose husband died in a motorcycle accident. It was three years ago though, so not a completely Danny Gokey situation. They interview her in what looks like her house, so before she’s danced a step we already know she’s going through to Vegas. Then she jumps around and, uh, does stuff, while Nigel bops along. She’s really pretty and uses her long flowy hair to her advantage, like Tiffany did last week. Mary calls Talia “firey” and sees potential in her, but none of the judges thinks she’s quite good enough. But they put her through to choreography, narrowly, and then to Vegas. Aww, I like Talia.

A total of 32 Miami people get to go to Vegas.

Next up is Memphis, which we’re told has “soul” and “a touch of the blues,” among other things. Cute, writers. The guest judge is a dancer and choreographer named Lil’ C.

On Day 1, we see:

• Marico, a cop who we also get to see at home, and on the job. He does a dance called the Memphis Jukin. It is jerky and involves wearing unfortunate clothes. Apparently it’s very cool but has been kept underground, but now Marico is unearthing it. I hope the guardians of the Memphis Jukin are on board with this. He gets to go straight to Vegas.
• Dustin, who wears a semi-comical Will Ferrelleseque outfit. His second cousin is supposedly Howie Dorough from the Backstreet Boys. Dustin’s dance is unmemorable, apparently, because there’s nothing in my notes about his actual performance. Nigel calls Dustin delusional for thinking he’s dancing hip hop, and says he “wasn’t really good enough.” Lil’ C respects Dustin’s honesty and recommends he try another style. Dustin gets a no, but vows to come back next year.
• Chris, who does a dance style of his invention called “electric,” which he says involves being a “cheerleader to the music.” Cool, I like cheerleading. Unfortunately there is no cheerleading here, just spinning and some stuff that looks vaguely like what not-particularly-talented drag queens do sometimes. Nigel says it’s “very sort of euro pop sort of rave party.” I’m sure Nigel has been to many of those. Mary and Nigel are really mean to Chris, and say they have every right to be. And then Chris and Nigel get into a back-and-forth that I guess is supposed to be good TV and make Nigel look cool and make Chris look stupid, but they both come off looking stupid and rude, so whatever. Chris gets a no.
• Caitlin, who’s the sister of Megan, who auditioned in Miami and got through to Vegas but who was insignificant enough that she didn’t warrant her own full segment. Caitlin does, though, and she performs a cool gymnastics-looking routine. Now that I’m used to the gymnastics in these routines I think it’s neat when it’s done well by someone like Caitlin, who is also pretty and talented. Nigel stops her right in the middle of a flip thing and calls her “absolutely superb.” She gets through straight to Vegas and does another impromptu flip.

They keep showing ads for Glee.  I think those ads are my favorite part of SYTYCD. Except for Erik the tapper.

On Day 2 in Memphis, we see:

• Anna, an 18-year-old from Mississippi whose dad committed suicide last year and who accordingly gets emo music during her bio segment. “I don’t have to talk about it, but I can move about it,” she says of his death. I like Anna, but I don’t like the dance she does; it’s kind of zombie-like in that it involves a lot of being floppy. Also she wears a huge flannel shirt over her tank top and short shorts. The judges hate her head-banging. Nigel calls her “over-choreographed” but “a lovely dancer.” Lil’ C brings up her father’s death during the judging, and empathizes with her since his father also committed suicide. They send her to choreography, then to Vegas.
• Travis, who gets a bio package filmed in his hometown of Texaco, New Mexico, seeing as how he’s the only gay person who’s ever lived there. His dad is the school football coach and is very sweet, and is fine with Travis’ preference for hanging out with the cheerleaders. When it comes time for Travis’ performance, he wears weird pants with different legs of different lengths and is boring. Nigel calls Travis a “big lad” and tells him to join the football team to work on his strength (never mind that Travis is well out of high school). Nigel goes on about how proud he is of Travis’ dad for letting him dance, and leads the room in a standing ovation for Travis’ dad’s lack of homophobia. And with that, I officially hate Nigel. Simon Cowell, for all his faults, does not do this condescending crap. With this, plus his treatment of Tiffany and Mitchel and Mischa last week, I am ending the trial period I had extended to Nigel. Anyway, Travis narrowly gets through to choreography, then to Vegas. Aww, he looks so happy.
• Brothers Evan and Ryan, who are into the musical theater stuff. Evan made it to the top 40 last year and performs in a fedora and suspenders and whatever. It’s boring, or maybe I’m just getting sick of this. Anyway, Nigel says it’s great and mocks Evan for being short, and sends him straight to Vegas. Ryan comes out with a whoopee cushion and does tap dance a cappella, which I didn’t realize dancers ever did. (Well, Ryan probably invented the whoopee cushion part). I actually found Ryan kind of funny but that might have been because I was exhausted by this point of the night. Mary says it was clever and fun, and Lil’ C loved how he “utilized his prop.” Ryan goes straight to Vegas. And this is apparently the week of the siblings, because next up we have:
• Lauren and Lydia, more twins who do synchronized dancing better than Jennifer and Jessica did, while not wearing very many clothes. Nigel says Lydia is “more to extremes” and Lauren gives “more performance,” but they’re both “a joy to watch, and lovely, yeah” (he says that last part just grossly enough). They go to choreography, then to Vegas.

On Thursday, we mercifully finished the first round of auditions, starting in L.A. with guest judge Adam Shankman.  He’s a choreographer/producer/director who worked on a bunch of movies including 17 Again, which had some really funny dancing, so I’m pro-Adam going in.

Our L.A. Day 1 auditioners include:

• Bianca, from Detroit, who almost made it to the top 20 last year and was devastated to have been cut. At this point I’m not clear on why they bother making these returners audition at all, since they always make it through, but I guess it makes for good TV. Bianca does a tap routine a cappella and swings her arms around a lot. After the dude who tapped to “Thriller” I am not so into this. But the judges are. Mary even gives her a standing ovation, and Nigel calls her “the consummate tap dancer.” They put her straight through to Vegas, obviously.
• Xavier and Brynelle, two siblings who are routinely mistaken for a couple because they go around holding hands. Okay. She has a pretty flowy dress that’s ruined by the sparkly bra top half and the awful eye makeup. Their dance is… really weird. Very jerky and theatrical. Nigel calls it “very very strange.” Mary says they’re lacking technique. The judges say it’s childlike, and not in a good way. So Xavier and Brynelle get a no.
• Debra, an overweight woman who runs around the stage not doing very much. Nigel makes her talk about her Orthodox Judaism and kindly gives her some actual constructive criticism, which I was not expecting. All right, that was okay. Susan Boyle hadn’t happened yet when they filmed this, I’m pretty sure, so I was expecting them to mock Debra, but not so much. But my overall opinion of Nigel hasn’t changed. Anyway, Debra gets a no.
• Calico, who does the Lindy hop with a partner who’s not auditioning. Nigel says she looks like a member of a social Lindy hop club, rather than a professional, so she gets a no. But Adam says he’d love to dance with her, so she invites him onto the stage. He goes up there, and it’s pretty cool. And, okay, if this is what the show is like when it gets going, then maybe I will like it, because it was really cool watching Adam dance. It also helped me understand the kinds of things the judges look for. Because I could not have told you the first thing about what Calico was doing wrong from her original performance, but now that I see her next to Adam it’s completely obvious that he is like 200 times better than she is. They bring up some former contestants to pretend to judge him, and Adam acts like a contestant, squealing in joy and doubling over at the mike in mock exhaustion. That was amusing, but not as cool as the dancing part.
• Ricky and Asuka, who do international Latin ballroom and are Asian, which is apparently uncommon. They auditioned last year and Asuka made it almost but not quite to the top 20. Their performance looks great to me. Nigel says Asuka steals the limelight, but that Ricky holds his own. Adam tells Ricky to push Asuka down a flight of stairs, because Adam couldn’t take his eyes off her. They’re both going straight to Vegas.
• Nathan, a 17-year-old who quit dancing in 8^th grade because people made fun of him. He has a little-kid haircut, and his dance is really weird, with lots of spinning and jumping and stylistic arm movements. Adam calls it “pretty damn extraordinary.” Nigel calls Nathan brilliant. However, being 17, he’s not old enough to be on the show. So… how was he allowed to audition? Did he lie? Nigel gives him a ticket to Vegas for next year, which is cute.

The day’s over, and they don’t even bother to show us the choreography round.

You know, I would like the ads for Glee a lot more if they’d stop showing that clip of the guy throwing his cherry soda in Rachel Berry’s face. Rachel Berry does not deserve that.

In L.A., Day 2, we see:

• Sammy, a 19-year-old former wrestler who learned popping and locking from a gang member who now may or may not be in prison. Presumably not for having tutored Sammy though. I do not understand or enjoy Sammy’s dance but that’s probably because I’d never heard of this “popping and locking” until last week when I first saw it on this show. Sammy does have the decency to look embarrassed throughout his performance. The judges like him and put him through to choreography, then to Vegas.
• Stacey, who dances to “Sweet Dreams” in full 80s regalia and does some jerky stuff, including a moonwalk. (I love how the only step I can recognize by name is the moonwalk.) Adam insults Stacey without her realizing it, and Mary says she doesn’t want to be mean but doesn’t see a dancer inside Stacey. Stacey’s face turns bright red and she cries. Aww, poor Stacey. She’s going home.
• Amanda, who gets the cameras-following-her-home treatment because her dad has MS. She has a very Barbie-looking thing going on. Nigel says he’s “being grabbed by your beauty rather than your dance.” Mary says “you’re extremely talented and of course you are drop-dead gorgeous.” Adam also thinks she’s very talented. If Amanda’s so good, is Nigel’s issue with her just that she’s pretty? They put her straight through to Vegas.
• Philip and Arielle, who do a dance that is pretty sexy, except that they’re laughing the whole way through. Philip auditioned last year and made it to Vegas but wound up getting pneumonia, so he gets a ticket to Vegas this year without even having to audition. Nigel says Philip’s presence during the dance was very distracting because he was so good, and that Arielle fit in with it okay. Adam says Arielle brought out a better dancer in Philip. She gets straight through to Vegas.
• Kevin, a bald dude who calls himself Shakiro, after Shakira. “I’m'a show ‘em something they’ve never seen before,” he promises. This is dumb. I have no idea what he does dancing-wise but there are lots of close-ups of his crotch, so thanks for that, Fox. Kevin says he’s “mastered the bell dancing and the hips of Shakira.” Nigel calls it “very insular” since all he did was move his hips around. Mary calls it “not dancing, it’s just shaking.” So that’s a no for Kevin, and a no for me on this show, until I remember Erik the tapper. Bring back Erik!

Next up, Seattle. It was raining there on Day 1 of auditions, and much is made of this. It will become clear that this rain-related drama is there because nothing else happened in Seattle.

Our guest judge is choreographer Mia Michaels, who won an Emmy for her choreography on a previous season of this show. That’s pretty cool.

Our Day 1 featured auditioners are:

• Christopher, who with nonauditioning partner Julie does an Argentine tango / East Coast swing / international tango “playing with gender roles,” which we know Nigel doesn’t like. This is very nice, the nonauditioning partners who come along and wait outside in the rain for hours and hours and embarrass themselves on TV just to help their friends. Go Julie. The judges, especially Mary, think Christopher and Julie’s dance is hilarious. I don’t get it, but I guess that’s because I’m not familiar with the international or Argentine tangos or with East Coast swing. Mary says it was “not good dancing in any way, shape, or form.” Chris gets a no. As Simon would say, it’s fine to play with gender roles, just not on this show.
• “Nick Nasty,” an aspiring tattoo artist. He says he does “a little provocativeness” in his dancing, not that he’s going to do any of that here. He does some really impressive stuff with his feet and some gymnastics and crawls around on his head at one point. Then he stops before finishing, because he “ran out of energy.” He preemptively sasses the judges, saying he doesn’t need to make Nigel happy because he made Mia and Mary happy. Nigel calls him disrespectful. Mary tells him he talked himself from a yes to a no, because of his personality. So Nick Nasty gets sent home.
• Dmitrious, who fears that his dancing looks much better in his head than in reality. I would agree with that. He walks and jumps on his hands a lot and bounces around and such. It’s “breaking,” according to Mary, but he’s only been doing it for three months. Mary notes that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, and says the judges were all scared he would hurt himself. They send him home and tell him to learn how to partner dance and come back in a few years, when he will be theoretically able to lift girls with one finger.
• Kelsea, who jumps and rolls around and such, and does some jerky stuff and sticks her feet out a lot. Nigel calls her “zany” and “slightly crazy” (in a good way). Mia calls her “a beautiful disastrous weirdo” (again this is good). They admit she’s not one of the best dancers they’ve ever seen, but they put her through to choreography and then to Vegas.

So, if you were keeping track, out of the four auditioners we saw featured on Day 1 in Seattle, only one made it through. And out of the entire day only four people make it to Vegas, all from the choreography round. Wow. Well, that was a waste of all our time. But on the bright side, we’re almost done.

Seattle, Day 2, is even worse, at least from a viewership perspective.

First, we see Kuponohi’ipoi, who is of Hawaiian descent and has a really distracting haircut. He molests a chair and does some other stuff I didn’t understand. Nigel likes the quirkiness. They put him through to choreography and then to Vegas.

Then, they had 25 minutes to kill, so the entire remainder of the Seattle Day 2 segment is spent with two guys: David “Sex” Soller, a self-described up-and-coming celebrity, who has auditioned every year since season 2 even though he isn’t good, and Leonid, from Ukraine, who has bad teeth and an accent that I can’t understand and a ton of energy that he uses to dance in a style he made up himself which Nigel calls “like if you were at a rave party.”

So Mia asks Leonid and “Sex” to compete in a dance battle. “Sex” first asks his mother’s permission to take part, which she grants. Then Fox throws in some still photos of boxers and makes “Sex” and Leonid stare at each other dramatically in the hallway. Okay, between this and “It’s Raining Men” last week I hate the show’s producers. Despite Erik the Tapper and the Glee ads, I’m still waiting to see what it is people like about this show. Nigel rules in favor of “Sex,” but Mary and Mia both vote for Leonid, so he wins. But they put “Sex” through to the choreography, to give him a reality check. Nigel says it will be the last year that they give “Sex” this opportunity. Fortunately, they don’t feel the need to send him to Vegas.

Before I watched this week, a friend assured me I would start liking this show when it got past the audition period. I asked her if that meant Nigel would be gone by then, and she just sighed. Which was not comforting.

But I think maybe I just don’t get SYTYCD. Maybe when they start doing only professional choreography, that will make all the difference? I certainly hope so. That segment with Adam doing the Lindy hop was by far the best moment of the show so far this season, for me.

Anyway, next week, they go to Vegas. Cat promises us “the most shocking Vegas week ever.” We should all be so lucky.

For another take on this episode, check out Inisia Lewis’ review here.

Season 5, Episodes 2&3: Miami, Memphis, Los Angeles & Seattle Auditions (originally aired May 27 & 28, 2009)

For more on So You Think You Can Dance, click here.

Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8/7c on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

The Jone Dome (Mayorga Power Hour)

Episode #14 – May 27, 2009 - (Part I) – Ference & Double Edge broadcast live from Mayorga Coffeehouse & Bar in Silver Spring, MD.  Listen as they make fun of celebrities, fans, and themselves while handing out tons of prizes.  Also, The duo talk about 24, The Hangover, and Star Trek.  It is an intense power hour of fun, so sit back, listen and enjoy the jones!! (Featuring J.B. Perlow from The J Factor and Poptimal.com Feature Writer Robin Reed and Contributing Writer  Pearl O’Wisdom.) Read more

The Unusuals: ABC Strikes Again

Dear ABC,

What’s the problem? Why can’t you lighten up and give a show a chance these days?

Wait, let me ask another question: If you’re willing to green-light so many shows with odd, fun plots and characters, why are you so willing to give up on them when they don’t build a quick following? Please don’t tell me that allowing Eli Stone and Pushing Daisies to move forward with their second seasons is you not giving up on a show; we appreciate you allowing them a little extra life after the Attack of the Writers’ Strike, but banishing the shows halfway through their returns, and maybe showing the final episodes at some point this summer doesn’t exactly redeem your decision.

This year, as we say good bye to Eli and Daisies, we also have already said good-bye to Life on Mars. Now, we’re forced to bid adieu to The Unusuals.

I won’t lie: I never watched Life on Mars. But you hooked me from the first promo for The Unusuals: Another cop show, yes (even though you had just canceled Mars … another cop show…), but with a slew of interesting, fun characters with fun cop names: Walsh, the hot detective and former baseball player with secrets and a heart of gold; Shraeger, Amber Tamblyn, the newbie and strong female character with her own secrets; Delahoy, secretly dying of a brain tumor as of episode one, with the best cop name ever; Leo Banks, played by Harold Perrineau and yet somehow, though he’s still whining as a character trait, he’s not nearly as annoying as he was on Lost, and has been, in fact, quite enjoyable; Detective Eddie Alvarez talks about himself in the third person; and Beaumont, a Latina detective who is tough, yet feminine. It’s always nice to see Latinas on television without it being a token Hispanic role, i.e. a maid or a criminal. A personal pet peeve of mine, so though I would have said Kudos to you, ABC, you cancelled the show anyway, so what’s the point?

Noah Hawley, the creator of the show, provided great ensemble characters, and the actors chosen to fill each role has been a perfect fit. The familiar faces (Tamblyn, Perrineau, Adam Goldberg) have made welcome returns to television, and the newer faces (Jeremy Renner, Joshua Close, etc.) provide further depth. Each person has been up to the task of their character and the chemistry between partners and among the squad is undeniable.

I wondered how the show would sustain a series of “unusual” cases every week, but so far in season one, not a single episode disappointed, with both outrageous criminals and realistic cases. There is nothing complicated in the crimes or the solving of them, which could be a negative – so far, however, this has given us an opportunity to explore the detectives and their interactions with one another.

The best stories are those that come naturally out of the characters themselves, and Hawley created characters with endless stories to explore:  Just to start, we have Banks’s fear of dying in the next twelve months, paired with his partner’s impending and unknown death. Does Banks die, or is it Delahoy’s death that Banks should be fearing all this time? How refreshing that the two “leads,” Walsh and Shraeger as new partners, aren’t romantically inclined towards each other. If that is the intention down the road, I’m already excited to see how the writers would handle that, since they have intelligently handled their previous storylines and sent both characters in different directions. And if that is not the intention, what a great opportunity to watch the two interact as friends as opposed to the stereotypical romance story.

However, my favorite part of the show has been the smart dialogue, the smart delivery, and the balance between the comedy (of which there is plenty) versus stories with a true emotional core: Delahoy’s tumor-induced visions of an old girlfriend and his forced acceptance of a possibly painful death are wonderful scenes. I’ve always remembered Goldberg as Chandler’s crazy roommate from Friends, but as Delahoy, that image has been forever erased, replaced with the memory of an actor who can deliver a much more layered performance. Even with that mustache.

And yet, it all means nothing, ABC, because you have abandoned yet another good show. I’ve yet to learn the reason. And why are you saying good-bye to a show in this time slot when Jay Leno is locking up NBC at 10pm, Monday through Friday? There are a number of David Letterman fans out there who never enjoyed Leno, and we’ll be looking for an alternative, every Monday through Friday. Why not give The Unusuals a second chance against a show you know some people are never going to watch? If I thought sending in boxes upon boxes of donuts to your offices, in honor of my Unusual cops, would help, I would, except we’re in a recession and I’m sure you’d enjoy the donuts more than you should.

So I choose to remind you, that if you’re not careful, audiences will stop watching all of your new shows, because you will simply cancel them at the end of the season anyway. Guess what? We like to invest in a show, even the ones which are a little goofy, a little off the wall, and maybe don’t have an immediate payoff. They can’t all be Lost or Grey’s Anatomy. There’s a whole slew of people who don’t want or need a never-ending mystery or soap operas or Katherine Heigl, no matter what she thinks of herself. A lot of the time, we just like to be entertained. And in that, ABC, you are failing miserably.

Until the next round of cancellations,

Yours truly.

For more television reviews, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC and IMDbPro

Rescue Me: Hot Lunch

Last week brought us a lot of laughter, and this week brought us…eh, quite a bit less. All that foreshadowing doesn’t really pay off, and I admit, I feel let down.

We begin after another successful night at the bar, as the crew heads to Scores … for the food … leaving their bag of $8,000 cash along with the dirty dishes. Everyone throws in money to donate to cancer, along with a slice of the profit. Sean offers to clean up and handle the money and donation, and we wonder if he’ll be making that donation towards his own very specific kind of cancer, that of the kidneys whose treatment he cannot pay for. However, Tommy overrules him, as he offers to clean up. The good news: Tommy’s not looking to drown himself in cash. The bad news: Er, good-bye Sobriety!

Finally alone, he has a drink. Just one, because he can control it. But then two when he starts receiving visitors, in the forms of Jimmy, Johnny, and his father, followed shortly by a coked-out version of his son, Connor. Together, they gang up on Tommy for his cowardice during 9/11, but Tommy maintains that he was worried about Jimmy – if nothing else, he knows and has confidence in his ability to handle fire emergencies.  It’s marriage and family he’s afraid of. And also, incredibly angry over a father who dealt poorly with his own post-war stress. Since the dead folks all have a good laugh at Tommy’s expense, and Connor tries to kill him while robbing the bar, Tommy ends up with a shotgun and starts shooting at his hallucinatory audience – only to come face to face – or rather, gun barrel to face – with a real life Lou who came to check up on him. That’s a little chilling, especially if you’re Lou and you’ve just watched your best friend, drunk, yelling and shooting up a bar with nobody else in it.

So, Lou, naturally, sits Tommy down to feed him more booze. Because he likes Drunk Tommy, because Drunk Tommy is funny. Well, you know. We all go by our own moral guides I guess. Pass a drink to an alcoholic, don’t turn in an old lady dealing meds. I guess it could happen. Over this drink, Tommy apologizes to Lou for those nasty comments, and Lou forgives him. But doesn’t apologize back for his comments. He then presents Genevieve’s note and drops the news about sleeping with her. Though Tommy’s dumbfounded reaction is certainly funny … really? That’s it? I thought we could get at least a phone call to Genevieve out of this.

In other news, Lou and les convince Franco to accept them as coaches and join the NYFD boxing team.  Still working the VA hospital, Uncle Teddy receives a second request to play the Grim Reaper, and this time, may have accidentally agreed to do it.

As for Sean & Shawn, the first one misses work with the “flu,” then passes out in his bathroom peeing blood. He spends the rest of the episode off camera in the hospital. No one seems alarmed, especially when Franco suggests the problem is merely gonorrhea thatFranco’sneverhadexcepttheoneandahalftimeshedidhaveit. Ahem. Black Shawn also remains off camera, still in hiding over his relationship with Colleen. Tommy breaks it to the crew that he’s known about the couple, but he assumes that Shawn’s unhappy that Colleen is bad in bed, when the truth is, Shawn’s unhappy because she’s so much better in bed than he is. Well, that’s what reading Cosmopolitan does for a girl. I mean, I’ve heard.

Anyway, our final storyline goes to Mike and Damien, who bond as Mike reveals that he’s taken guitar and voice lessons, and has his own band, Hot Lunch. Damien then educates us all on what “Hot Lunch” is, and if you think I’m providing a link to either a YouTube video or Urban Dictionary definition, you’re out of your mind. If I say, Cleveland Steamer, I hope that helps because that’s all you’re getting. Needless to say, I think the band’s name is going to change. Damien hangs around the firehouse, upsetting Tommy for reasons that also include a mandatory visit by Sheila. I’m as offended as Tommy, because how annoying is she in this scene? Answer: Very. Also, Tommy doesn’t like how comfortable and cocky Damien’s feeling.

And then – fire alarm! Damien begs his way onto the truck for a ride to the fire, and Feinberg allows it. There, after the two-alarm fire appears to have been put out, Damien begs Mike to let him in to check the place out, including the dead bodies. Nice, kid. Like the fool that he is, Mike suits Damien up and escorts him in, all undercover-like. Then he hides Damien from Tommy by throwing him into a back room on the second floor. Except a pocket of fire explodes, and Damien becomes trapped. We cut to black as Tommy angrily throws Mike down the stairs and runs back to save Damien.

Spoiler alert? We know everything’s fine because no one’s going to a funeral in next week’s previews. So, I would assume that Tommy’s quick reaction to run in and save Damien is merely to show how unafraid he is of fires and death, in an unconscious defense of his arguments with his father, Jimmy and Johnny at the top of this episode. If not, I hope this sudden development with Damien goes somewhere interesting. As for the rest of this week’s action, I’m disappointed by how nothing seemed to pay off, from the initial visions to Lou’s revelation about Genevieve. Maybe, as in most developments with this show, these are more baby steps in a larger storytelling arc. Until then…

Next week: Dwight returns, and Tommy’s a ladies’ man. Oh. Yeah.

Season 5, Episode 8: Iceman (originally aired May 26, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

Night at the Museum: Antics in America’s Attic

As I suffered through the endless parade of trashy, soulless, and painfully corny kiddie flick trailers that preceded my eagerly anticipated screening of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, I realized just how hard it is to make a truly good family film. Pander to the whims of a six year old focus group, and you’re left with farting dinosaur princesses who ride rocketships shaped like ponies. Try too hard to entertain the parents in the crowd and you get a muddle of double entendres and sly references to 80′s sitcoms that leave the little ones bored and confused. It’s a balancing act that would make the Man On Wire dude jealous. But when filmmakers perfect the mixture, as in the case of Shrek (usually), anything from Pixar, or Lindsay Lohan Disney remakes that predate Herbie, it’s the type of event that the phrase “fun for the whole family” was created for. The Night at the Museum franchise has taken something of a middle ground with scripts that veer wildly between the high road and the low road, landing amazing off kilter one liners as often as they make me roll my eyes and groan, but the sheer quantity of enjoyable material and genius casting make the romp totally worth it.

NatM:BotS picks up a couple years after the original and finds former Museum of Natural History night guard Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) living a wildly successful Ron Popiel-like existence hawking inventions on late night TV with a little help from George Foreman. He visits his old stomping grounds only to find all his favorite exhibits getting packed away to the Smithsonian archives, away from the Egyptian tablet that lets them come to life every night. But Larry’s mischievous monkey nemesis spirits the tablet away, waking up every last display at the world’s largest museum, including a covetous pharaoh (Hank Azaria) who wants the tablet for himself. A desperate call from 2” tall cowpoke Jed (Owen Wilson) brings Larry down to the nation’s capitol, and comedic mayhem ensues.

The razor thin plot is just an excuse to bring random stuff to life, but when it’s stuff as awesome as Azaria’s simultaneously snarly and lispy baddie or SNL notable Bill Hader’s hillarious take on General Custer, the antics will leave a constant smile on your face. The most refreshing addition to the cast is Amy Adams as unlikely romantic foil Amelia Earhart. I’m continuously impressed by how high and fast Adams’s star has risen. She’s gorgeous, delightful, versatile, and in my estimation, bound for a greater legacy than Julia Roberts. She imbues the ill fated aviatrix with all the fast talking optimism and charm the 1920′s had to offer and sells the best man/statue love story since Kim Catrall walked the streets in Mannequin (not that I’m pretending they had much competition). My only major disappointment with the movie was why bother casting incomparable comic genius Christopher Guest as Ivan the Terrible if you’re not going to give him anything funny or interesting to do? Rather sad. But it’s a small potatoes complaint next to the great Frat Pack cameos, living works of art, and (I never thought I’d write this) a genius role for the Jonas Brothers. Whether you’re a parent with kids you want to keep intelligently entertained with adventure and stealthy bits of high culture and historical truth or just a post-collegiate hipster with a thing for witty randomness (guilty!) do yourself a favor and go enjoy Night at The Museum now-ish.

The Brothers Bloom

I just recommended The Brothers Bloom to three different people within twenty-four hours of seeing the film. And now I’m recommending the movie to you. So, yes, even without someone like Jason Statham tearing up the scenery, it was pretty good.

The Brothers Bloom tells the story of brothers Stephen (Mark Ruffalo) and Bloom (Adrien Brody), con men from their childhoods, looking for a last score with reclusive heiress, Penelope (Rachel Weisz), as their unwitting mark. How hard is it to fool a shut-in from Jersey? Not that difficult, even if she is brilliant. What follows is a whirlwind adventure with smuggling, lies, thunderstorms, and first kisses, as we wait to discover if Stephen will ever let Bloom live a life outside of the con – Stephen lives for it and the stories he creates, while Bloom has grown up never experiencing what life is truly like.

Rian Johnson, writer and director, crafts a smart, intelligent and fantastical little film. His characters are charming even when they lie, and he creates a world at once lost in time while still occasionally referencing a cell phone, skateboarding, and rap music. Every costume choice, from the color of a vest or dress to the decision on a modern suit versus an old, three piece classic, adds to the atmosphere of story and characters living in an old world, experiencing old adventures. The entire film feels Old Hollywood – no blockbuster explosions and car chases or asteroids falling from the sky. But we do focus on story and on characters, and explore themes and experiences that are universal, outside of time and relevant no matter the decade or the plot.

Johnson also needs to accept credit for his casting choices: Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, and Rachel Weisz. I liked these actors though never felt compelled to follow them into a movie; after watching The Brothers Bloom, I’m sold on each of them. Though their characters are archetypes, the actors make them individuals, fleshing out sparse, smart dialogue and adding nuance and flavor, and I found a new appreciation for each of them. Rinko Kikuchi, silent for nearly the entire film, expresses monologues with a look. With little to say, she nevertheless creates a fully formed character whose presence feels just as essential as those with speaking parts.

The only thing lacking, possibly, is the “it” factor – that which leaves you in your seat during the credits, saying, “Wow.” However, you might find, like myself, that a few hours later, as you’re still thinking about the movie or maybe talking it over with someone, or even recommending it to a friend, that you like it more and more. The “punch” isn’t quite there; the movie ends almost too quickly once it reaches its climax. Still, that doesn’t matter. Johnson has created such a simple, adventurous little world that you don’t feel robbed. Or conned, in this case.

As Steven Bloom tells us early on, the key to a good con is that when it’s over, everybody gets what they want. That’s a big promise for a filmmaker to make, but since I’m already planning to see this in the theaters a second time, I think it’s safe to say Stephen’s right. We all win.

24: Capitol Crimes

So it goes that after another wild year full of senate hearings, airline disasters, bioweapons, and the White House under siege, 24 has left us begging for next January by delivering one of its finest seasons. And it’s all thanks to stunning action, solid storytelling, compelling performances from new faces and returning favorites alike, and more introspection than Kiefer & Co. ever seemed capable of.

After the events of Redemption, last fall’s 2 hour quasi-movie that depicted Jack protecting an African orphanage from a brutal warlord, the inauguration of first female president Alison Taylor, and the crafty machinations of mysterious tycoon Jonas Hodges (Jon Voight!), the season kicked off in Washington, DC– a welcome change after six days in LA– with Jack testifying before the senate, having sacrificed his freedom for the safety of his young charges. Apparently years of faithful service to your country, including a two year stint in a Chinese torture camp, aren’t enough to dodge torture charges of your own. But before judgment can be passed down, impressionable FBI agent Renee Walker and her stern boss Larry borrow Jack for a rather shocking assignment: old friend and apparent season 5 casualty Tony Almeida ain’t dead, and he’s playing for the bad guys! This time, it’s that pesky warlord from last fall, General Juma. He really doesn’t want President Taylor’s administration sending troops into his country, and to make us listen he’s got his hands on a nasty MacGuffin that can effectively hijack any infrastructure computer system, which he uses to guide two passenger jets into a midair collision.

From there, the story sails through FBI moles, forbidden terrorist love, faked suicides, diplomats in peril, and coolest of all, the reveal that Tony’s still on the side of righteousness and running a shadow intelligence op with the help of old friends Chloe & Bill. During a brief but thrilling arc in which Juma himself pulled off the aforementioned attack on the White House, Bill heroically sacrificed his life to save the day and everyone’s favorite Secret Service agent Aaron (the only character besides Jack to appear in every season!) arrived back on the scene to protect first daughter Olivia, a woman of deep ambitions and shady methods.

All seemed peaceful in the wake of Juma’s defeat, but Tony shows up once more to put Jack on Hodges’ trail, now revealed to be the CEO of a powerful Blackwater-esque private military corporation who’d been using Sangala (Juma’s conveniently fictional home) as their own personal bioterrorism lab in preparation to launch some deadly seizure inducing crap all over the eastern seaboard to create enough chaos for an entire network of power brokers to seize control of the government. Jon Voight brought a vibrant sense of menace to his role, relishing plenty of twisted one-liners and moments of pure crazed evil. In the course of his efforts, Jack gets exposed to the bioweapon and soon finds himself needing loads of anti-seizure injections just to stay functional. This does provide a nice excuse to bring back the much maligned Kim Bauer, now married with an infant daughter named Teri (cue some manly nostalgic tears for Jack’s fallen wife). She’d been in town all day to have dad’s back after the hearings, and wouldn’t you know, the only potential cure for Jack’s woes are stem cells from a direct relative. But not so fast, Jack’s too tough to accept Kim’s help at the possible cost of her health.

Elsewhere, the writers disappointed me by letting Hodges get arrested too far from the finish line. Olivia does spice up the scenario by ordering his assassination (Hodges had her “knew too much” brother killed and made it look like suicide), but Voight could have easily carried the villany mantle to the end and it would have avoided the slightly too random endgame involving the uber-conspiracy’s efforts to frame one last terror attack on an innocent Muslim. And Tony? Evil again. No wait, good again. Well… technically good, but far too vengeance obsessed and willing to kill other good guys (RIP Larry) to be put in the same column as Jack & Renee.

Speaking of whom, the season long debate between our hero and his new sorta-partner over the ethics of torture was fresh and timely without ever completely hijacking plot momentum or feeling like a “very special” episode. Renee may or may not end the day on her way to the dark side, as an unauthorized interrogation with the man pulling everybody’s strings ends tauntingly behind closed doors, leaving us to wonder how much of a Lady Jack she’s become. The season ultimately ends with Jack unconscious and at peace with his impending death, but not if last minute arrival Kim can help it!

There are dozens more fun details and ancillary plot threads that I could dote on for pages (Chloe butting heads with Janeane Garofalo’s fellow techie Janice, the death and resurrection of CTU, a mind blowing fight scene involving a bulldozer, a screwdriver, and a 2×4) but I’ll try to preserve a few of 24‘s suspenseful wonders for the curious home viewer. And thanks to the genius move of putting the entire season’s DVD set on the market only a day after the finale, why are you not watching it right now?!

Season 7 (originally aired January 11 – May 18, 2009)

For more on 24, click here.

24 returns to Fox in 2010

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

The Tudors: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye.

And now for the season finale of The Tudors, like the axe to Anne Boleyn’s neck, may this be swift.  We begin with Henry discussing to the Council that he has yet to consummate his marriage to Anne of Cleves, and he believes he is unable to do so because she was never lawfully released from her prior engagement to someone else.  And we ALL know how strict Henry is with the wedding vows.  Ahem.  Anyway, he asks the Council to figure a way out of the situation, and all the weight is on Cromwell to make things right.  Charles Brandon makes sure to remind the king that the whole idea was Cromwell’s from the beginning.

Brandon speaks with Sir Bryan about the king’s concerns with Anne.  Apparently this is all code for Bryan finding Henry a new mistress. He welcomes the challenge and goes looking for orphaned aristocrats.  His result?  Catherine Howard, who comes to court for full inquiry by Brandon.  And no, that’s not code for shenanigans.

Duke Phillip comes to court to meet with Mary, as arranged by his cousin Queen Anne.  Mary likes him, as evidenced by her awkward flirting.  She gets to listen into a conversation between Phillip and Anne, where he sings Mary’s praises.  Do I hear wedding bells in the air?  He thinks so since he pulled the old “you stepped on my foot whilst dancing, now let’s go into an alcove and make out” routine.  But he was eventually recalled from England, which devastates Mary.

Brandon reports to Henry that it appears Anne’s original marriage contract was not revocable and he believes Henry will be able to get the marriage annulled.  While Henry ponders these difficult matters, he spots Catherine Howard and calls for her.  They make small talk, he shows her a ring steeped in history, and she hikes up her dress.  Henry declines the, ahem, invitation, but he orders Cromwell to give Catherine some land and houses.  Cromwell sees where this is leading, but Henry says Cromwell is still in his good graces.  But as with all things Henry, he next takes an audience with Brandon, who reports from the French ambassador that the king of France might be more open to an Anglo-Franco alliance if Cromwell were no longer in the way.

And now we pause for some “tasteful” nudity before Henry and Catherine consummate their extramarital activities.  Smoke, if you got ‘em.

When we return, Cromwell attempts to call Council to order but is instead arrested for treason.  This all seems very contrived–almost as much as the treason business at the end of last season with the Boleyns–but in Parliament, there is a proposed bill of attainder against Cromwell for sedition and heresy.  It passes and Cromwell is condemned to death.

But Henry wants a favor from Cromwell first: a signed document explaining the complications in Henry’s marriage to Anne, the lack of consummation, and the original impediments to the union.  Of course Brandon is quite pleased that he gets to deliver the message.  And Cromwell writes what he needs to write.  Henry, in turn, let’s Catherine read the document aloud in a mocking tone while she and Henry lie naked, post-coitus no doubt.  Well, I guess she wasn’t kidding when she said she could read letters.

The court celebrates the end of Cromwell’s tenure, and the night before his execution, Bryan takes the executioner out for a lot of drinks.  The executioner can barely stand up when Cromwell arrives at the scaffold.  Still, Cromwell gives a final speech restating his loyalty to the king, a request for mercy and forgiveness, and acknowledgment that he reached too high above his station and this is what he deserves for his pride.  The very hungover execution takes four stabs until a yeoman intervenes and finishes the job.

At the same time, Anne is told that her marriage has been declared null and void.  She consents to the annulment.  In exchange, she is considered the king’s sister, entitled to a castle and stipend, and is free to marry again.  She sends her best wishes to the king and leaves.

We end our season with a pensive Henry watching a naked Catherine swing back and forth on a tree swing set.  How artistic!

Somehow I feel like we the audience have been the naked fool on the swing this unfortunate season, only riding naked (splinters and all) sounds more enjoyable than these past eight episodes, which is saying something for a medieval English history major like me.  And if I couldn’t sit through this tripe, I don’t know how anyone else did.  Perhaps next season, it will be better but I’m not optimistic.  Meanwhile, if you want a great Showtime show that can go the distance over three solid seasons, Showtime is rerunning the first season of Dexter starting May 31.

Season 3, Episode 8 (originally aired May 24, 2009)

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on The Tudors, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on Showtime

Photographs courtesy of Showtime, Jonathan Hession

Termination Salvation

Next Page »