Gossip Girl: The Bitch Is Back

Last week, Gabriel scammed everyone out of their money and Georgina Sparks was a Born Again.  Serena repeats this over the phone to Chuck for those of you too slow to follow Gossip Girl’s recap.  Chuck, who like me always travels with a flask, is in a cab with Georgina on the way to meet Serena.

Serena, in turn, heads to tell her mother about Gabriel.  Lily gives Serena an antique bracelet but Serena cannot accept it until she does. Serena, too mesmerized by the shiny bracelet, chickens out of telling her mother everything and walks out.

Blair (tailed by Nate) doesn’t laugh in Serena’s face when Serena shares the truth about Gabriel.  It’s really a sign of Blair’s maturity.  But Serena has a plan and wants the two of them to help; she calls Gabriel and leaves a message about possibly being pregnant.  (Because a scam artist is really going to care about that!)  Chuck walks in and asks Serena why she hasn’t called the police yet.  Chuck wants to take over the operation.  (I agree, he knows these things better than any of them.)  And then Dan walks in and overhears something about money.  Blair tells him what happened and Serena tells Dan not to say anything before she can try to get the money back.  And then the sky will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing . . . and the world will be perfect when Georgina walks in to save them all by pointing out Gabriel is already calling Serena back.

Serena meets up with Gabriel at a restaurant in Chuck’s hotel.  I guess he doesn’t know that she knows about him, and I also guess he’s not that smart because he hasn’t left town yet.  She tells him she’s not pregnant (stupid!) and he’s nervous and sorry about it all.  But not sorry enough to give the money back just yet.  Chuck walks in and says Gabriel’s not leaving until he returns all of the money.  Gabriel, though, can’t turn it over because Poppy took it all. TWIST! He reveals that Poppy was a “fauxcialite” who helped him concoct his Ponzi scheme at least until she conned him out of everything and ratted him out to everyone.  The Gossip Girl Gang (hereinafter Mystery, Inc.) shift gears and, faster than you can say, “Jinkies,” are hot on the trail of Poppy.  To lure her in (and to justify the extra paycheck), they need a new face . . . Georgina.  But will Georgina go along with it?

After Dan spills the beans, Lily is also on the case.  She tells Serena that she knows about Gabriel and she is disappointed (again) in Serena.  Lily wants her to stop so Serena can save her reputation.  Lily wants to just pay everyone off and make it go away.  That is the adult thing to do, per Lily.  So naturally, Serena will do the exact opposite.

Rufus and Eric (with dark hair) are walking and talking about Rufus’s proposal–yes, he’s finally going through with it.  Eric gives his blessing and points out how all of Lily’s prior husbands have done it.  Rufus clearly has no plan.

The temptation of Georgina continues at the hands of Blair.  Georgina fights the urges and won’t help unless it comports with her newfound belief system.  Blair manages to convince Georgina, who quotes from Pulp Fiction (which for you lay folk quoted from Exekiel).  After Lily tries to buy off Poppy, Serena is so disgusted with the grave injustice and decides she can no longer sit by and do nothing. She heads to Blair’s, where we meet oil baron heiress Cherilyn–Georgina’s new alter ego.

The Gang heads over to inspect Georgina, or as Chuck says, the story of a young girl enjoying the spoils of dirty oil.  The plan?  Get Georgina to record Poppy’s scam and blackmail her into giving back the money.

Before the denouement at the Russian Tea Room, Nate questions Chuck about his interest in Blair.  Chuck dismisses it all but Nate calls Chuck on his game playing with Blair.  Fish or cut bait, Chuck, because Nate wants Blair.  Inside there is bigger drama when Lily calls Serena to call off the plot against Poppy (oh yes, Dan spilled another can of beans).  And as if a disobedient Serena isn’t enough for Lily, Rufus found out that Lily was going to pay everyone (including him) off.  He doesn’t want to be a kept man.

At the Tea Room, Georgina and Poppy engage in awkward banter about which Sex and the City girl they are.  (I think Georgina is Rose Nylund, no?)  Across the restaurant, Chuck and Blair have their own chat about where they stand with each other.  Blair wants to know if he’s still playing a game with her, and she also tells him to let her go if he’s not serious about her.  He says it’s just a game, but we know he’s dying on the inside.  Serena notices and calls him on it, prompting him to explain that he loves Blair but can’t give her what she needs.

After some fine acting and references to Kirk Cameron movies, Georgina hands her money (in cash) over to Poppy as soon as Blair knows the police arrive.  But in another twist, the police arrest Serena and Poppy gets away with all of the money.  Blair, in typical Blair fashion, thinks Georgina is behind the whole thing.  Georgina is sad because that money was supposed to go to buying bibles.  Okay, really?  Is this how people perceive the religious?  They carry wads of cash around to buy bibles?  /end rant.

Another sad and shocked person is Serena . . .  at the police station . . . accused of stealing her mother’s bracelet.  Rufus is also shocked that Lily would have Serena arrested, and to rub salt into Lily’s wounds, Rufus says she sounds like her own mother.  Ouch.  To break the tension when Lily sees the surprise he planned for her, Rufus says it was all a mistake and walks out.  While I’m not sure Rufus and Lily are over (even though he told Dan and Jenny to return the ring), Nate and Blair are definitely cooling things off for the moment.

We end with Georgina calling Blair to say she’s going to take care of what Blair couldn’t do.  Oh and if Blair talks with Jesus, Georgina wants her to tell Him that the bitch is back.   And as the Gang tries their best to get Serena out of precinct lockup, we see Serena posing for her mugshots for the crime she didn’t commit.

Next week we get Andrew McCarthy and the backdoor pilot of the Gossip Girl spin-off, Lily!  But before we get ahead of ourselves, I must ask, what have the writers been doing this season?   It was snoozeville with the on-again, off-again business with Dan and Serena, and minimally enjoyable storylines with anyone else.  But now, we’ve got Poppy drama, the return of Georgina, and (most importantly) no Vanessa!  Keep it up and we can expect a very exciting remainder of the season.

Season 2, Episode 23:  The Wrath of Con (originally aired May 4, 2009)

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Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino