Star Trek: Generation Y

Robin: The new Star Trek movie, in case you’ve been living under a rock, opened to wide acclaim this weekend. It’s a re-imagining of sorts of the original series’ characters and their first voyage on the Enterprise. J.B., what did you think overall?

J.B.: I thought it was an excellent film that paid tribute to the original series while (hopefully) opening up the Star Trek universe to a new generation of fans. And I think that’s the most complimentary I’ve been of a film in a long, long time.

Robin: So far, every generation of critics, including all my Facebook acquaintances, has indeed seemed to agree with that assessment. So it looks like it succeeded on both of those fronts.

J.B.: Indeed. If only Watchmen had been as good . . .

Robin: Yes, Star Trek was definitely the best geek adaptation that’s opened in a long, long time. (I’m tempted to mock Wolverine here, but I won’t.) That said, personally, I think my expectations were too high for the movie to live up to.

J.B.: I confess I thought about your high expectations on my way home last night. Why did you have them when you’re rather unfamiliar with the series?

Robin: Because everyone in the world, including people with whom I usually agree about movies, had told me it was amazing.

But yes, my general unfamiliarity with the series took a toll on my experience, I think. I’d be curious to hear what someone who went in knowing absolutely nothing about Star Trek thought of it.

J.B.: Are you saying my quick primer beforehand wasn’t helpful? I mean, you got all of the Dr. McCoy jokes.

Robin: No, no, it was immensely helpful. The diagram you drew about Kirk’s glasses from Wrath of Khan totally helped me grasp the complex Trek mythology.

Speaking of which, shall we discuss the time travel element? We can throw up a general SPOILER ALERT at this point.

J.B.: Yes, just to be safe.

So, I went into the film with rather low expectations because I had heard they had changed some things in Kirk’s past that would not reconcile with the original series. BUT thanks to the miracle of the time travel plot device, there are no inconsistencies with the original!

Robin: Thank you Lost!

J.B.: Now, now, let’s not confuse anyone.

Robin: Like me?

J.B.: You and the you in a parallel dimension. The yous, if you will.

Robin: Well, it’s worth noting that the creators behind this movie are also behind this season of Lost, and that the theories of time travel expressed in each are inconsistent, and equally incomprehensible.

To me at least. Although again your diagrams on this subject helped me a lot.

J.B.: I strongly disagree.  I think all of the theories make sense.

Robin: For the benefit of our audience, who is probably on my side in this, please explain.

J.B.: Which part?!?

Robin: The alternate realities part. I think that’s the biggest stretch. And once we’ve got that out of the way we can gush about Zachary Quinto for a while. Or at least I can.

J.B.: If you insist . . . Future Spock and a Romulan ship get sucked into a black hole and come out in a new Star Trek universe, where Kirk’s father is killed in space, Kirk is born in space, Kirk is a quasi-blond, and Spock (Spock 2 that is) and Uhura are hot and heavy.

Robin: Oh, okay, well when you put it that way it totally makes sense.

J.B.: See! And no charts this time.

The confusing part I guess is that Future Spock and Spock Jr. can coexist, and you can kill Spock Jr. but Future Spock will continue to exist. So nothing in the new Star Trek universe will impact the Star Trek universe we already know and love. Two parallel universes.

Robin: Right, which is brilliant when launching a new franchise. J.J. Abrams is a genius.

J.B.: I agree. You can’t tick anyone off and you’re not throwing out the years of history (e.g., Batman Begins and Battlestar Galactica).

Robin: But now no other sci-fi universe can ever do that again.

J.B.: Nor should they.

Robin: Although I’m sure there was more than one comic book series that used the device prior to this.

J.B.: I’ll ask Stan Lee next time we have lunch.

Robin: You mean you didn’t discuss this at Comic Con?

J.B.: No, I was too busy getting overexcited about Watchmen.  Blurgh!

Robin: See, it’s all about expectations.

J.B.: So on another topic, did you ever watch Alias?

Robin: Never, but I saw the ads. And I watched every season of Felicity.

I wonder if Star Trek fans will now start watching Felicity DVDs to acclimate themselves to the Abrams oeuvre?

J.B.: This will mean nothing to you as a non-Alias fan, but I must state it for the record: The big red ball is straight out of Alias and I was hoping for a Rambaldi connection. But once again, it was just a MacGuffin.

And I’ve never seen Felicity, but you know the last movie I walked out of was an Abrams film.

Robin: First of all, it’s “red matter.” The real fans will never respect you if you call it the “red ball.”

Second of all, which Abrams film was that?

J.B.: It’s a red ball! And the movie was Cloverfield. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

Robin: Oh, Cloverfield was awesome. I liked it more than this movie actually.

And now the real fans will be coming after me.

J.B.: Please direct all hate mail care of Poptimal.com.

Robin: But back to Zachary Quinto.

J.B. Yes, what about him?

Robin: Has there ever been a better-cast role in the history of cinema?

Again, not having seen that much of Spock before this, but from what I have seen – it’s like Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. It’s eerie.

J.B.: I think the scenes with Quinto and Leonard Nimoy were very good, so yes, it was good casting, but I think all of the casting and portrayals were very good.

Robin: And was the Kirk/Spock chemistry true to the original? Or was it ever so slightly gayer?

J.B.: Is everything slash fiction with you?

Robin: Oh don’t pretend you didn’t see the vibes.

J.B.: Nope.  It’s a close friendship, nothing more. You give me a scene with Spock yelling at Kirk and being mad at him down to his ankle and we’ll talk. Until that day, forget it.

Robin: What’s that a reference to?

J.B.: Okay, you’re dead to me. GoF, hello?!?

Robin: You’re referring to the scene where Harry hated Ron’s bare ankle?

J.B.: Now that was subtext.

Robin: That is sufficiently obscure that I think I can be forgiven for needing context to recognize it.

J.B.: No excuses for you.

Robin: You’re not allowed to out-Potter reference me. You’re the one who forgot who Parvati was.

But we can discuss that further when we review Half-Blood Prince this July.

J.B.: True. And although you’re ready to have Kirk and Spock elope in Iowa (Kirk’s home state, by the way), I’m not there yet even if the concept of slash fiction began with these two.

Robin: Which it did, and of which I’m sure the actors in this film were well aware. Quinto at least knows from fandom.

That said, I thought the romance between Spock and Uhura was a brilliant stroke. Even if Zoe Saldana had excellent chemistry with Chris Pine (Kirk) as well.

J.B.: I’m sure there will be a Kirk-Uhura pairing eventually.

Robin: In the poorly reviewed third installment, after the producers fire Abrams and get Michael Bay to take over the series.

J.B.: Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth!

Robin: Did you slip in that reference in honor of Karl Urban (McCoy)?

J.B.: OF COURSE!

Robin: See, I got that one.

J.B.: Dammit Robin, I’m a writer not a comedian!

Robin: I would respond with a corresponding Trek catchphrase if I knew any.

So instead, how about: That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!

J.B.: A noble honorable mention.

So, was there anything you didn’t like about Star Trek?

Robin: I found it hard to follow. Although to their credit they tried to be very clear.

My main issue was that it was so hard to wrap my brain around the alternate-reality-time-travel that I was getting distracted from the story itself.

J.B.: Yes, I sensed that. I didn’t have trouble following it along but I think that just means I’m a bigger geek than you.

Robin: I’m not exactly a minor-league geek here.

J.B.: True.

Robin: Also, why did Kirk et al. have to take a spaceship to go to Starfleet Academy if it was located in Iowa?

J.B.: Starfleet Academy is in San Francisco.

Robin: So they took a spaceship from Iowa to San Francisco? Why were Uhura and the other cadets in Iowa to begin with then?

J.B.: I don’t know if it was a spaceship because we didn’t see them go into space, but I guess it just flew them from Iowa to San Francisco.

As for the town, I figured it was a staging place for sending new recruits to the Academy.

If you recall, they also built ships there.

Robin: OK, I’ll accept that. If only because the joke about Kirk being a townie was funny.

So, any final thoughts you’d like to share?

J.B.: Yes. Consider the following attempt at a sci-fi syllogism.

Major premise: In Star Trek lore, the odd-numbered films always stink compared to the even-numbered films. It has become a running joke that the odd-films are destined to fail. This new film, as the start of a new series, is an odd-numbered film.

Minor premise: In the film we saw Kirk defeat the Kobayashi Maru scenario, which is a no-win simulation designed to test all cadets and to teach them calm and humility. Kirk, as we also learned in the original series (Wrath of Khan), was the only cadet ever to beat the scenario.

Conclusion:  Because this odd-numbered movie was so awesome, I believe J.J. Abrams is the first director ever to beat the Kobayashi Maru scenario in the Star Trek film franchise simulation!

Robin: Wow, they should let you in free to Comic Con next time for that line alone.

J.B.: I agree!

Robin: And that’s a good note on which to conclude. My verdict: Go see Star Trek. I doubt we’ll see a better sci-fi movie this year.

Would you concur?

J.B.: I do, considering Transformers is really the only remaining competition and I doubt that will be much competition in terms of film quality . . .

Robin: And since Harry Potter doesn’t count as sci-fi.

J.B.: Indeed.

With that, live long and prosper!