The Fashion Show: Trick Up Your Sleeve

I am surprised we are here at the third week.  It’s only Isaac Mizrahi and Merlin that keep me watching this garbage.

As we open, Merlin is wearing a pink yak-skin, and Reco is dissing his teammates.

Harper’s Bazaar Mini Challenge.  Ugh, Laura Brown returns.  The mini challenge requires each team to complete four sewing repairs on an outfit.  I wish that we got to learn more about how to make repairs in this segment.  I got so many clothes with a ripped seam, a loose hem, or a loose button.  I sometimes try to cover it up with a sweater vest or something similar.  Do not judge.  Anyway, Merlin’s team (because he is the only one I care about) is the winner.  Lidia is the actual winner because she did the bomb job on her shoulder pads.

Isaac tells each of the teams to gather together and sing the Lord’s blessings . . .  and pick new team captains.

The elimination challenge for this week is that each team will design outwear for all seasons.  Each coat must have some sort of special surprise or special function.  Anna says that she doesn’t want to make an Inspector Gadget coat.  A smile manages to crawl across my face.

Side note:  Have you guys seen the new Prius commercials?  With the dancing people creating the landscaping?  They are so incredibly awesome.

There are two variations of the same theme for this episode.  The theme is CONFLICT.  The two variations are: (1) Reco and his entire team, and (2) Daniella and Andrew.  That means either Reco, Daniella, or Andrew is going home tonight.

Isaac and Kelly come through and give their critiques.  I continue to hate this format.  It seems to me that these “surprises coats” should be surprises to the judges when they activate their “surprises.”  Now the cats are all out of the bags.  That’s why Tim Gunn isn’t a judge on Project Runway.   It just makes sense.  I don’t understand this show.

There is so much wasted time in this episode.  People just being catty and complaining how everyone else is being catty.  Reco wins the prize for being the cattiest.

Ooooooh, Norma Kamali is the guest judge.  That’s kind of exciting.  In the backstage melee to get ready, Angel’s model’s zipper breaks, but there is not time to repair it.  The stage hand snaps at her that it’s gonna be “as is.”

Fashion Show Time, and Daniella’s team is first.

• Keith has done the summer coat. It’s silvery with red piping and a tie around the middle. It also has a hood. I guess summers on the fashion show aren’t 90+ degrees like every single one I’ve ever experienced. Go, go, gadget coat! The bottom of the coat unsnaps and becomes a towel for sunbathing. Dumb.

• Andrew has done the spring coat. It looks like a Hershey’s Kiss with sleeves. Go, go, gadget coat! The bottom of the Hershey’s Kiss unwinds to form a proper, long rain coat. Additionally, two long pieces come out of the pockets, connect and form a hood. Hey! I’m impressed with this one! Kelly Rowland is, too. Daniella seethes.

• For the fall coat, Anna’s model comes out in a long, bomber style jacket. It appears to be a gold textured (tweed?) fabric, and it is very nice looking. The sleeves have pull-out gloves hidden in them, and there is a scarf that comes out of the collar.

• Daniella has done the winter coat. It appears that it is made out of something resembling snake skin, and there are ruffles down each of the sleeves. The surprise is that, under the ruffles, is the storage for your cell phone, ipod, etc.

The next team up is Lidia’s team.

• Angel’s model is wearing her spring coat. The surprise is that it is expandable with this zipper running around it. It converts from a funky trench into a more traditional trench. Her busted zipper is hanging off of the back, much to Kelly’s dismay.

• Lidia has done a summer coat that is completely rocking my world. It is a seafoam green in plastic with a hood, like an umbrella. She looks like a high fashion version of those lizards with the expanding necks. There’s also a trick where the jacket opens up and the lining zips up. I can’t really follow what this is, so it doesn’t look all that exciting to me.

• Merlin has done the fall coat. That has a ginormous hood. It’s all black. The hood is detachable, and it can be put into a little plastic handbag. My main girl, Merlin, has let me down cause there’s only one word I can think of to describe that: BUNK!

• James-Paul has done a winter coat that looks like a giant, puffy sleeping bag. The trick is that it turns into . . . a giant, puffy sleeping bag. His model is all dancing around the runway, too. This is the height of stupidity.

Finally, Reco’s team is up.

• Johnny (a.k.a. Roseanne) has done the spring coat. There are all of these pockets all over the back with flip flops in them. The special feature? It’s a shoe organizer when it’s hanging in the closet. BUT WHY WOULD YOU WEAR IT OUT WITH SHOES STILL IN IT? That is an invitation to a pickpocket, my friends. Shoes ain’t cheap.

• Haven has done the summer coat. It has stuff packed into the hip areas of the coat. As the model walks down the runway, she pulls out hairspray, makeup, and a mirror from the giant interior pockets. Straight up dumb.

• Markus’s fall coat is a long cream coat. The neck unties to reveal jewelry, or as Reco says, “jurry.” Isaac appears completely flummoxed. The finishing on the garment is atrocious. Norma Kamali is not having it, either.

• Last but not least is Reco. His winter coat is a ski suit. It’s white with red stripes and a hood. There’s a backpack on the back that opens up to reveal a blanket with storage for hot chocolate, etc. Everyone gets really excited about Reco’s coat . . . especially Reco.

Judging.  Isaac says that they all did a good job this week.  He says that many of them used the incorrect fabrics in their designs.  Norma Kamali, in her fake veneers, concurs.

Lidia’s team is safe.

The winning team this week is Daniella’s team.  The top two looks are Anna’s winter coat and Andrew’s spring coat.  When Andrew’s model walks out, Daniella’s eyes almost roll out of her head.   Isaac asks, “what’s up with the eye rolling?”  Daniella rats him out and says that she deserves credit.  Andrew disagrees, but Norma calls her out.  Norma tells Daniella that designers have to keep it a secret when you feel someone steals your design.  Anyway, Andrew is the winner, so go buy your transformer coat on bravotv.com.

Obviously, Reco’s team lost . . . again.  The judges tell Reco that his outfit was the judges’ favorite outfit today, but he can’t win because he is on a team of losers.  The bottom two are Markus and Haven.  Haven’s outfit was described as a hairdresser’s smock.  She admits that everyone is sewing circles around her, but Fern says that Haven is not projecting confidence.  Fern tells Haven if she doesn’t have confidence, she can’t be in this business.  The judges are appalled by Markus’s finishing, even though they all kind of like his idea.  Norma tells him that he should be “devastated” by his own lack of craftsmanship.

In a private discussion among the judges, Norma says, “If you don’t have a burning desire to have it perfect, there are too many people that do.”  A BIG WORD UP TO THAT!  I would like that message hand delivered to the Starbucks at the corner of E Street and New Jersey Avenue in Washington, D.C.  They have the worst customer service ever.  That is what I am going to tell that rude-ass ho behind the counter when she doesn’t tell me thank you when I buy my venti coffee.  “If you don’t have a burning desire to have it perfect, there are too many people that do.”  We in a recession, fools.  Don’t forget it, lazy Starbucks ho.  You are easily replaceable.

Markus is eliminated.  Buh-bye, darling.  What a dumb saying.  But not as dumb as when Kelly chimes in, telling Haven, “You are hanging by a thread.”

Well, friends, we made it through another one.  Hopefully, next week, eight of these people will be eliminated, so this show can be put out of its misery.

Season 1, Episode 3: Trick Up Your Sleeve (originally aired May 21, 2009)

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Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Barbara Nitke