So You Think You Can Dance: Wow! That Was Cool!

Over the past few weeks we have established that I hate this show.

This is my first season watching it, and the audition episodes thoroughly turned me off. From Nigel’s homophobic comments in the season premiere, to the cruel mockery of all those not-quite-up-to-par auditioners who really were trying their very best, to the ridiculous behavior of Mia toward one of the top 20 contestants, to what a friend of mine recently referred to as “the gendered BS” that permeates the series, I was really resenting having to spend 3 hours of my week with this crap. Except, that is, for the one week where it was 4 hours.

And then I watched this week’s performance episode. And duuuuuuude. This is a good show!

It had this! And this! And this!

But I don’t want to get too effusive with the praise though, because it also had this.

But honestly, that was a lot of fun. And I still have “Jai Ho” in my head, which is very much a good thing.

Also a good thing: The opening number of the performance episode. They make the contestants all do a short little solo to the theme song. It looked like it would just be a silly bit of time filler, but it was actually really cool. Man, I hope they do that every week.

Plus, Cat’s dress is pretty. And her microphone matches it!

Anyway, let’s talk about what, like, happened.

Adam, Mary, and Nigel are judging this week. Adam is still my favorite judge from that time he did the Lindy hop so this is good news for me. The performance episode is 2 hours long, and even though 20 people are dancing they apparently still have to fill the time with banter, which I’m doing my best to ignore. But I gather that they need to plug Step Up 3-D, which will feature some previous SYTYCD contestants, which I’m sure was done solely on the merits of the people involved without regard for any potential cross-promotional opportunities.

Meanwhile, our contestants have been divided up into teams of two. Our first dancers are Jeanine, a gorgeous ballerina who we haven’t seen much of until now, and Phillip, who is still the same dude he’s been since L.A. (i.e. not my type). They’re doing hip-hop choreographed by Tabitha and Napoleon. Obviously not Jeanine’s comfort zone. I don’t love the routine but it looks well-executed. The judges say it’s amazing. They compliment Jeanine for holding her own and act like Phillip is the most amazing hip-hop dancer in the world. I have no reason to believe otherwise but either way I find Phillip generally just dull.

At this point, I perceive for the first time that Mary’s shriekiness is really quite severe, but I resolve not to let it bother me. As Paula would say, I’m just here for the dancing.

Next, Asuka and Vitolio. They’re doing Broadway with Tyce. I like their costumes, but their dance, to a song from Chicago, is boring. The judges give it mixed reviews – Adam liked the dancers but not the dance, Mary says they played it safe, and Nigel says they were technically excellent but didn’t put their personalities into it enough.

Karla and Jonathan are doing the cha-cha, choreographed by Tony Meredith.  The cha-cha? That’s a real thing? Does anyone not on SYTYCD ever do the cha-cha? We find out that the little-seen-until-now Karla has been on Broadway and toured with Wicked last year. Hmm, so I believe did You Know Who. Jonathan is a salsa dancer who started dancing because of this show. It’s so unfair that all the women have to start dancing when they’re, like, 3 to be good enough to go professional but guys can wait until they get inspired by a reality show as an adolescent. Jonathan sweats a lot and grabs Karla’s butt a lot. Not earning Jonathan any points with me.

It turns out the cha-cha is Latin ballroom, so not as out-there as I had thought. And it’s also a lot of fun to watch. And not just because Jonathan’s see-through shirt is hilarious. Adam likes it, gives Jonathan some pointers. Then Mary screams. And, oh my lord, I hate Mary. Does she have a following? Are there people who consider this screaming a good thing? This is awful. Then Nigel keeps talking about how people like Karla and Jonathan “slipped under the radar.” Um, no, Nigel, the reason we don’t know who Karla and Jonathan are is that the editors and producers (presumably including him) chose not to feature these people prior to now. It isn’t some random accidental thing that happened. Nice try, though.

Next up are Randi and Evan. Randi, whose only previous distinguishing feature has been that she wears a lot of unitards, tells us she’s a country girl unused to all this glamour mumbo jumbo. Not endearing me to Randi, here, but I’ll give her another shot because it takes guts to wear those unitards on TV. Tyce is choreographing them in a jazz routine. Poor Randi, who is married, laments that she will have to act like she’s in love with Evan. Evan apologizes to Randi’s husband via the camera. That was funny. I like Evan. He’s like a guy I would’ve hung out with in high school.

Then their dance starts, and since I wasn’t into the jazz routine during Vegas week I’m going in with trepidations, but it turns out to be actually pretty amazing.  This was the first time (well, second, after Adam and the Lindy hop) that I seriously felt like this show and I might be able to work something out. It’s mostly because of Evan – the dancing is incredible, but the acting is even better; his facial expressions are majorly convincing and are maybe a sign that being “Broadway” is good on this show for more than just the whoopee cushion potential. Randi is also fantastic, but after this performance Evan is my favorite contestant by far.

Plus, I like that Evan has been so well packaged so far, with the hats and the vests and the oh-gee-wiz-I’m-just-some-Broadway-kid thing. He’s clearly in this for more than just his run on the show. His brother Ryan is in the audience, along with a third brother wearing a shirt that says “The Other Brother.” Funny! (And who knows, maybe it was Ryan who designed the packaging, seeing as how it was working really well for them both in the first few rounds. But it wasn’t Ryan who did that dance tonight.)

The judges love it. Adam tells Evan “no one saw you coming,” which is how I feel too after that. Then Mary gives them a backhanded compliment, saying she loves them now but that they were at the bottom of her list after Vegas. And then, oh my lord, Mary goes on and on and on and on and on and screaming and talking and oh my lord could I possibly hate her more than I hate Nigel? I very well might.

Paris and Tony. People other than Mary, thank heaven. Paris is not wearing a tutu. Well, she’s doing hip-hop, so I suppose she can be forgiven. Tabitha and Napoleon choreographed them. Their costumes are bizarre, and I’m not so into the dance either. They aren’t in total sync the whole time. Tony has amusing hair dye going on and some astronaut poofs on his sleeves. Tony also makes some funny faces. “Is that a gang-stah face? I don’t think so,” Nigel points out.

They get some medium-level criticism from the judges, who say the dance wasn’t memorable. Also, apparently Tony is considered cute? Adam is concerned that Tony will get by on the show for his cuteness alone. I don’t know, maybe if he had more hair.

Our next team, Caitlin and Jason, are doing Bollywood, choreographed by Nakul Dev Mahajan. You know, I get the concept of the hat draw, but this show has no Bollywood specialists among the contestants, and it seems unfair that Caitlin and Jason have to do this right out of the gate while Tony and Phillip get to do their specialty styles. They’re dancing to “Jai Ho” in gorgeous costumes, though, so I’m certainly curious to see how this goes. Plus, Caitlin and Kayla are currently battling it out for the title of the whitest, blondest girl ever, so it’s cute to see Caitlin all dressed up Bollywood-style.

Then, the dance begins. Wow! It’s very cool indeed. Caitlin does an amazing headstand thing at the beginning, which would’ve been enough by itself to get me into her even if she weren’t wearing this gorgeous outfit and dancing to this awesome song and wearing enough pink eyeshadow to make Elle Woods jealous.

The judges love it. But oh my lord, seriously, Mary has been allowed to do this screaming thing on this show for five years? She should’ve been Brian Dunkelmaned four seasons ago. Anyway, Nigel is very proud of himself for putting Bollywood on the show before Slumdog happened. Yes, because Bollywood was a well-kept secret until September 2008. Thanks, Nigel, for expanding all our horizons.

Next, Janette and Brandon, doing the foxtrot, choreographed by Louis van Amstel. I know about the foxtrot from Dirty Dancing. They show us more of the conflict between Brandon and Mia and Lil’ C, even though neither of the latter two is involved in tonight’s show, but whatever. His outfit tonight looks great (although Adam will soon rightly point out the rarity of seeing Brandon dance while wearing actual clothes) but Janette’s dress is way too much. But it poofs beautifully when he flips her over and/or she twirls. She has a beautiful smile, but Brandon looks constipated. I like Janette, not sure how I feel about Brandon. The dance is boring but pretty, until the end when he throws her all around, which is cool.

The judges all think it was great. Also, apparently Mary used to raise her eyebrows a lot but now she can’t anymore because of Botox. Everyone screams at this as though it’s a shock, but, I mean, look at her.

Next, Ashley and Kupono, doing a jazz routine choreographed by Wade Robson. The audience all gasps when they hear Wade’s name, which should’ve been my first clue about what was coming. Then Wade tells us that Ashley and Kupono are playing crash test dummies. I figured that meant they’d be acting, you know, like how  Phillip and Jeanine had to act like they were waking up in the morning. Then the actual performance began, and …

Oh my gosh you are kidding me. I have to pause this to describe it.

They’re both in full crash test dummy costumes, with their faces even covered in white. Ashley is wearing a little white skirt over her white pants because as we all know crash test dummies must always evidence their gender at all times. There is also a little robot dog on the stage with them. I think Wade Robson knows a lot more about crash test dummy culture than I do. All I know is that Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm song.  I guess the dancing is good but this is so unfair because I can’t even really form an opinion of either of them because the outfits are so damn distracting. The reason I know I like Evan is because I got a really good look at him as he was performing and I could see in his face how into the performance he was, and I can’t do anything with these two except notice the concept/choreography. Which I guess is what Wade Robson intended. Kupono and Ashley go with it, though, staying in character all the way up to the judges.

The judges say they were good. Mary claims to have even been into the choreography. Adam compliments the show’s “diversity of culture” and calls Wade “one sick puppy.” Nigel calls Wade a genius and says people will remember and talk about the routine and that that’s very important because people are talking about dance. Still not knowing anything about dance but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, moving on. Melissa and Ade. Contemporary. Mandy Moore.  No, not that Mandy Moore. Melissa, you may recall, was the “naughty ballerina” from L.A. with a tutu and a sports bra, which is a combo I always like. She’s 29, which, having just turned 30, sounds good to me, but the judges act like she’s about to keel over (although they all have at least 15 years on her). Their dance involves a lot of lifts and flowy fabric. With the way Ade keeps throwing Melissa around I almost felt like I was watching pairs figure skating. I didn’t care one way or the other about the dance but the lifts were impressive and I liked their clothes.

The judges love it. Adam cries because it was just so gosh darn special. Mary screams and clearly wants to hook up with Ade.

Finally, it’s time for Kayla and Max. They’re Doing the samba, choreographed by Louis van Amstel, who it turns out has known Max since Max was 14. Well, that seems unfair. Max is a ballroom dancer originally from Moscow, and he’s kind of amazing. He’s doing his specialty here, so we’ll see what happens next week, but for now, as someone who knows nothing about dance, I found Max to be the most technically-proficient-looking person we’ve seen so far this season. I just can’t believe it’s possible to make your feet do those kinds of things. Kayla, meanwhile, has never done ballroom at all, but they look great together nevertheless, although dress is so fringey it’s hard to pay attention to her movements, and she seems a little young to be doing such a sexy dance. I’m not loving this routine, but I like watching Max.

The judges, once again, love them. Adam flips out because he loves them so much. He claims that Kayla proves that there is a God because only God could have created Kayla. I love Adam. He seems so sincere. But then, then, oh no, I can see it coming – Mary does an extra special scream.

Seriously, people put up with this? I want to like this show, I do, but seriously, this screaming thing may well overpower the high-quality dancing.

OK, results show time.

They don’t do that cool opening thing they did the night before. Instead they do a group routine which is not nearly as much fun. It’s hip-hop, I think, and it involves the women stripping, which is I guess strategically there for the entertainment of the teenage girls and gay men who seem to make up this show’s core audience. I think the dance is supposed to be post-apocalyptic or something. I think some of the guys are supposed to be zombies? Speaking of which, I’m reading Pride & Prejudice & Zombies right now and it’s quite fun. This dance, however, is not.

For the results announcements the contestants are out of their zombie-wear and dressed in what I guess are the outfits they will do their solos in, if need be. The problem is, they look ridiculous all standing there in costumes of completely different genres. Like, Evan is wearing a bow tie and Jeanine is standing next to him in a spangled bikini, which looks even sillier when she finds out she’s safe and jumps up and wraps her legs around Phillip.

Man, it must be so frustrating for anyone who has ever watched this show before to read my reviews. All this stuff is striking me as really weird, but you’ve already been over it for five years.

I have no idea who will be in the bottom 3 pairs. Everyone was good. I can’t imagine anyone voting for Ashley and Kupono after that weirdo crash test dummies thing though so I’m going to predict they’re in the bottom.

But no, I’m wrong. Our bottom 6 are Paris and Tony, Asuka and Vitolio, and Karla and Jonathan. So, yes, the two pairs the judges said slightly negative things about, and one of the two couples we’d never met before last week. Thanks for being sheep, America.

Then, some random famous dancer types do a tango. It looks cool, but does anyone outside the dance world know who these people are? If I wanted to watch professional tango I would, like, rent a tango DVD or something. I want to see Evan and Randi do a tango. I know and like Evan and Randi. I don’t know why people would want to watch these random people. You wouldn’t think it would be that hard to fill an hour when you’ve got results and 6 solo performances and critiques of them all to fit in. But perhaps there is massive thirst among those American sheep to watch selectively famous people do tangos.

Oh, now I see. The bottom 6 are each only allowed to dance for a few seconds. Well, that’s dumb. And kind of cruel. All the performances just look so frantic and desperate. This is worse than the “Dance for Your Life” thing in Vegas since it’s so short. Vitolio especially looks really depressed, like he already thinks he’s getting kicked off. Asuka’s dance is the only one that makes much of an impression on me. She does really cool stuff with her legs that almost make up for her Fredrick’s of Hollywood top. Oh, and then there’s Jonathan, who does some very impressive gymnastics. I think in Bring It On they called that a standing back handspring back tuck, or something. If Jonathan winds up in the bottom 6 some more will he just keep doing fancy flips over and over until the judges get sick of him? I would enjoy watching that.

Then, the judges go off and deliberate, supposedly, and we watch Sean Kingston perform. I gather that he’s famous in a more mainstream way than those tangoing people, so his appearance on the show doesn’t bother me. Although I don’t know this song or like it, and the scantily clad women dancing around this very unattractive man in his ridiculous jacket who does not appear to have any singing talent just make me even sadder about the gendered BS.

I do like that they’ve got things moving along at a clip though. Not nearly as much filler as the performance show. Good job, Cat and producers. (And Cat is hardcore, by the way, constantly ordering people to get off her stage. That’s right, Cat, take no prisoners!)

Out of the bottom 6, the judges unanimously rule to get rid of Paris (so much for those tutus) and Tony. Wow, I did not see Tony leaving. It seemed like they loved him. And so far the biggest impression Jonathan has made was doing those flips just now.

Anyway, overall, this week was about a 500 percent improvement over the previous weeks for me. It would’ve been 1000 percent but Mary’s screaming knocked it down by half. But in sum, between the lessened prominence of the judges, the well-choreographed, well-rehearsed, well-performed dance numbers, the emergence of truly engaging contestant personalities (well, okay, mostly just Evan so far, but I saw lots of potential – I’m looking at you, Randi and Asuka and Caitlin), and the amazing Bollywood number – I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’m looking forward to next week.

Season 5, Episodes 6&7: Top 20 (originally aired June 10&11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Inisia Lewis’ review here.

For more on So You Think You Can Dance, click here.

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Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro