Top Chef Masters: Slipping The Diners Some Tongue…

It’s time for a little international competition! And yet, we end up with a snoozer this week. Even with interesting foods and an uppity Frenchman. I feel like I should have an arsenal of anti-French jokes at the ready, but I usually can’t think of any because I’m so befuddled by the accent. It’s just funny to listen to, isn’t it?

The Frenchy is Ludo Lefebvre, and who else immediately made reference to Labyrinth? Ludo! But we also have Wilo Benet of Puerto Rico, representin’ yo! Also, Rick Bayless, who you may remember as a previous judge on Top Chef (as was Wilo Benet, but I guess I wasn’t really paying attention during the Season 4 finale), and Cindy Pawlcyn, who’s … old. That’s not me talking – she reminds us a few times that she’s not as fast as the younger guys, plus there’s the gray hair, so what are we supposed to think?

Quickfire. The chefs must create a dish based on a color. The judges are Chris Oliver, Joanne Cianculli, and Christina Peters: food authors, stylists and photographers, judging on taste and appearance.

Red is “intense,” and so is Ludo, so he should nail this one, right? Rick is officially the most talkative and most enthusiastic contestant. I kind of want him to shut up, because he’s not giving us much substance. Cindy talks about breaking through sexist barriers and overcoming her own low expectations, but she has an interesting story, so talk away, girl. Rick … eh, not so much.

We learn early that Ludo is intense – he loses track of time and “freaks” out a bit that his dish isn’t perfect. Rick’s eagerness visibly irritates him, but Ludo seems to take it in stride. I’m irritated and I’m not even there, so I’m guessing Ludo’s showing major restraint.

Ludo’s red dish goes over “okay.” Cindy’s dish delights with its mixture of texture and shades of yellow. Rick uses mostly vegetables for his green dish, and it’s “very tasty.” Wilo’s orange salmon tartare is the clear favorite. As a result, Ludo receives 3 stars; Cindy 3 ½; Rick 4 stars, and Wilo wins the Quickfire with 4 ½ stars.

Elimination Challenge. Create a street food dish for public diners using offal. I’m grossed out from my seat at home. Ludo decides to do a quesadilla with his pig ears, prompting Rick to interview: “What does a French guy know about quesadillas?” To which I ask, he’s a chef, right? Shouldn’t he be able to make something so simple? The only problem is that Ludo knows nothing about quesadillas, including how to make them, so Rick actually helps him shop. But then Rick decides to do tongue tacos, and Ludo turns pissy because he feels Rick stole his idea. But Rick is a chef specializing in Mexican food, so … I guess Chef Bayless is entitled. Ludo says he’s not here to help people, he’s here to win…even though he asked for and accepted Rick’s help, so I don’t feel bad for him.

Cindy makes a menudo with tripe, so I guess when you need something fast and simple with offal, go Mexican. Wilo uses beef hearts to cook tripleta in pita bread.

Ludo’s bad attitude – wait sorry, his competitive attitude – continues to carry over into the kitchen, as apparently, Rick tries to help him pack and Ludo wants Rick far away. He feels Rick copied him and has an easy go at things because of his Mexican training. His only goal at this point, is to beat Rick.

After a three hour prep, the chefs set up at Universal Studios to cook for tourists. The judges arrive and mix in with the diners. Rick’s tongue tacos are “brilliant,” and Gael would go back for seconds. Wilo uses too much garnish and too many textures – though the meat is tender, they can’t get to the “heart” of the dish. Get it? Because he’s cooking heart? Never mind. Ludo struggles as he cooks his quesadillas, taking too long to prepare his dish. He rattles on Frenchly about his technique, le blah le blah le blah, but he eventually serves the judges, and thinks he’s being charming. His dish is “kind of like a grilled cheese with pig’s ears.” The meat is cooked well, but doesn’t gel with the cheese. Cindy’s menudo could have used more spice and kick.

Critics Table. As usual, we have some redundancy here, as the judges – er, critics – repeat their comments from the tasting, and the chefs basically talk about everything we’ve already seen. So…on to the scoring!

Cindy’s lack of seasoning lands her in the bottom with 15 ½ stars, just under Ludo who fnishes with 16 ½ stars. Wilo collects 19 ½ stars, but Rick wins with 22 ½. Ludo takes the loss graciously, which just goes to show he’s not as bad as his attitude suggests. He seems to let things blow over fairly quickly. And so, Rick wins $10,000 for his charity, Frontera Farmers Foundation, and moves on to the finale.

And I’m just happy that this episode is over, because this one was an effort.

Next week: Neil Patrick Harris, and mind-numbing cold. Hopefully, not mind-numbing entertainment. Get the Doogie jokes ready!

For another opinion on this episode, check out A Top Chef With a Beef Heart of Gold by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 3: Offal Tasty (originally aired June 24, 2009)

For more on Top Chef Masters, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9c on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Kelsey McNeal