Entourage: Wake Me When It’s Over

“Zzzzz….Zzzzzz…..” Oh I’m sorry, did you say something? I must’ve dozed off… probably because the latest episode of Entourage was a monumental bore – again. It pains me to say this because I am first and foremost a fan of this show, but damn they’re making it hard to keep watching it. Here’s the lowdown on the latest action, or should I saw inaction…

Turtle is the luckiest man alive, clearly, because he not only has managed to hold down his hottie girlfriend Jamie-Lynn Sigler (much to the confusion of celebrity tabloids and Hollywood alike – and even his own mother), but he also got, not one, but TWO Ferrari’s for his birthday this year. The first was from his boy Vinnie, who thought little of dropping a quarter mil on his sneaker-obsessed buddy (Turtle is the new Imelda Marcos, in case you hadn’t heard) and gifting him a sweet new ride. I know he’s a fictitious character, but can I please be friends with Vinnie Chase? I have slightly less expensive taste than Turtle, think less ‘vehicle’ and more ‘Prada,’ and my birthday is in March. The second set of wheels was a surprise from his girl Jamie, who seemed unfazed by her repeat gift, and later helped Turtle decide on grad school to help with his future business endeavors…but I’m getting ahead of myself.

First, convinced that he didn’t have a career of his own to launch, Turtle later hit up Ari for some business advice to which Ari tells him he’ll have to pay his dues and get his act together if he wants to make it on his own. Ari uses his trusty assistant Lloyd’s ability to recite script information verbatim and on command to demonstrate his point about diligence. I said it before and I’ll say it again – Ari, is that the best you can do? That plot line is begging for some action already. Begging.

Meanwhile, E can’t seem to get rid of neighbor girl Ashley after she spends the night, breaks his coffee press (super manly, by the way E), and gives her unsolicited opinion of E’s new pilot episode. It seems Mousy McNopants doesn’t like the main character Charlie and the studio tends to agree with her – Charlie’s focus group numbers tanked so they dropped him from his own show. Then Ashley (who has apparently decided to squat in E’s house) and Ari convince E to lay the pint-sized smack down on the studio people to fight for Charlie, never mind the fact that they all agree that Charlie can’t act his way out of a paper bag. E does so with a vengeance, and he even plays the race card, upon Ari’s (half-serious) suggestion. It backfired and not only did they not appreciate E’s mini tirade, but Charlie still got his walking papers. I think I speak for many of us when I say, “Who cares? Bow Wow wasn’t really bringing anything to the table, anyway.” Oh, and then E decided to keep Ashley in the picture despite her annoying quotient being off the charts…at least until he lays eyes on Sloan again, that is.

Sadly, that was pretty much the gist of things – no drama story line, no Andrew, no Sloan, precious little Lloyd, and almost no discernible humor. Oh, but there was a cameo from 50 Cent, which ultimately meant… nothing. Not even Vince had a real story line this time; he just took his boys to the racetrack to test drive some smokin’ hot Ferrari’s for his upcoming film. They went ‘round and ‘round, they cut each other off…basically it was one big commercial – the product placement was shameless. Aside from the hot cars though, the boys aren’t really engaging in any crazy behavior these days, which begs the question – fast cars are nice, but where have all the fast women gone? I mean I’m a female and even I long for the days of smut and debauchery from earlier seasons. That’s why we watch this show, isn’t it? With sentimental crap like Ari giving career advice to the boys while spending quality time with his son, and Vince lamenting all of his friends growing up and moving on, I half expect the sappy ‘moral’ music of shows like Full House and 7th Heaven to start playing at the end. All I know is, last time I checked Entourage was on HBO, not ABC Family.

For another take on this episode, read Turtle Coming Out of His Shell? by Tanya Lane.

Season 6, Episode 3: One Car, Two Car, Red Car, Blue Car (first aired July 26, 2009)

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO.