Rescue Me: Enough Already

That’s it! I’m off the Rescue Me train. Were it not for my contractual obligations with Poptimal, I wouldn’t even watch this show again. As it is, I am resisting the urge to make this review five lines total. Because you’ve already seen this episode. All season long.

Guess what happens?

Damien moves in with Apache Stone bandmate Mike, and cancer recover-er, Sean Garrity. They debate the merits and linguistical birthplace of “carpe diem.” I’ve called that phrase on this show already, so I’m over you, Horace. Once again, we listen to Franco explain to his girlfriend that his idiot friends think she’s a lesbian, and she is offended. Kind of? I’m sure hilarity will ensue when said friends show up for Apache Stone’s Sean Garrity benefit gig. Or nothing will happen, like every other plot development on this show. Did you know Franco’s a boxer? Yeah, there was that one fight. If you don’t remember, they repeat it to us. And, you know, Garrity had cancer, in case you forgot, and Franco’s having the best sex ever with his lesbian-girlfriend, in case you forgot. It’s not called plot development, by the way, if we’re just listening to the same conversation, week after week.

Something new: a conversation/shoving match between Needles and Tommy, wherein Needles reprimands Tommy for his physical attack against the politician last week, which made the news and the papers. Because Tommy was seen holding a drink, everyone assumes he was drunk. Not incredibly stupid – just drunk. In order to make the punishments and reprimands go away, Tommy promises to quit drinking for 30 days, and take over Damien’s probie grunt work around the firehouse. Tommy doesn’t like this addendum, but Needles does.

Tommy’s spotlight in the media also causes the Gavins to align and stage an intervention. I fast forwarded through the speeches – sorry, I’d about had it by then. Basically, they say he’s an alcoholic and he says alcohol keeps him happy, thereby making others happy, and pulls the “I watched my best friend die on 9/11, so I’m allowed to be an alcoholic.” Because five seasons in, it’s the same old line. Tommy’s speechifying turns everyone but Maggie back on to the bottle. I guess that would be a nice surprise if we hadn’t seen some form of this conversation every week, for the last few weeks.

Now it’s time for the Janet and Sheila double-team! We open the show with Sheila and Tommy after a night of no-strings sex (except for the strings attached from Tommy to Damien, because Tommy’s sworn to protect Damien – don’t worry, if you forgot THEY HAVE ANOTHER CONVERSATION REMINDING US). Jimmy’s ghost appears, repeating his last conversation with Tommy about telling Sheila that Lou now has protective custody of Damien. Tommy stops short of confessing this to Sheila, because she’s a woman on Rescue Me. Okay, I know I’m criticizing the show for its repetitive conversations, but then I can do it too, right? We watch the poorly developed character of Sheila flip out like a madwoman, in a jealous rage over some woman Tommy talked to whenever-ago, and then start crying, then go manic again, then come back with a bunch of pills she takes daily for anxiety, sex drive, and alertness. Because if the women on this show aren’t there for sex, they are being unreasonable, impossible to understand and deal with, and are insane. Is that all redundant? Perfect!

As for Janet, she shows up at the firehouse while Tommy’s grunting his way through Damien’s job of cleaning a closet. She’s all happy that bratty Katy loves her, so she opens her coat to reveal she’s dressed only in fancy underwear, then convinces Tommy to go for a shag right there in the closet. He loves it, asks her on a date, and she says no. Because he’s hurt her too many times. And also, saying yes would require new dialogue to be written, and I don’t think anyone’s up to the task.

Obviously, I’m extremely frustrated over the plot development, as I’ve noted previously. Unfortunately, what drove me over the edge this time was yet another conversation by the crew breaking a woman down to all they really care about: the snatch.

Feinberg’s dirt on Needles turns out to be a mail-order Russian bride. She shows up at the firehouse looking for Needles. Possibly for a nooner, possibly just to drop something off. Her tiny skirt inadvertently revealed to Damien that she’s undergarment-less, and has a shaven vajayjay. The rest of the guys compete to be the first to catch a glimpse of “the business.” We watch Lou, Franco, and Tommy be “funny” in their pursuit until Tommy wins.

The entire incident sat wrong with me, mainly because I keep having to watch this. Last week it was the widow’s boobs, another time it was Garrity’s nurse.  I’m normally not so sensitive (usually I can simply poke fun at it), but yes, I find it a little degrading. I’m aware these conversations happen amongst guys in real life, and I’m aware they happen on a regular basis, and sure, television portrayal must be some sort of edgy verite. Whatever. I’ve recommended this show before with the caveat that it’s very sexist. I’m beyond even recommending it now. I take back the writing Emmy nomination I suggested: that was for moments like Tommy wrapping up a burned child in the creepiest, saddest three minutes of television. But I can’t recommend the show at all anymore. Between the fact that viewers are watching recycled conversations and moments and that the women aren’t even real people, I’ve found very little redeemable here.

Which isn’t to say I think they should shut the show down – obviously, Rescue Me has a huge fan base (and Leary is still awesome). Ordinarily, I’d just stop watching, as is my right. I’m only in for the rest of this season, and not by choice. For me, that ending can’t come soon enough.

Next week: Janet versus Sheila. If there’s a catfight, I’m turning it off, I warn you now.

For another take on this episode, check out Cameron Cubbison’s review here.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 5, Episode 16: Clean (originally aired July 21, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

Rescue Me: Clean

All throughout the opening scene of this week’s episode, I kept thinking over and over and over again, “I’m so grateful I’m not Tommy Gavin.” He’s boatloads of fun to watch, but if I were actually him I think I’d probably go skydiving without a parachute.

Now what is the horror in this opening scene I’m alluding to? At first glance it might not seem horrible. It might actually seem nice. Sheila is cooking Tommy breakfast and making pleasant conversation. But wait: she starts raving about how much she likes bacon, how she would eat bacon 24/7 but “I wouldn’t want my ass going all Kim Kardashian on me.” I don’t know who that is, though I hear the name way too often. But then the worm turns: Sheila asks Tommy the dreaded question: do you think I’m fat?

The color drains out of Tommy’s face, as it does out of every guy who gets asked that question, because there is no right answer, there is no safe way out. That question isn’t really a question, it’s a harbinger of doom. Tommy gives it his best shot and tells Sheila that no, of course she isn’t fat. She could eat all the bacon and all the Canadian bacon she wants and never get fat. And he’s sincere. But Sheila doesn’t buy it, and then she interrogates him over why he mentioned Canadian bacon. Apparently Tommy checked out a…shall we say…voluptuous woman at a party a long time ago, and she happened to be from Canada.

It gets worse: Sheila asks Tommy whether he wants both red and green peppers in his omelet or just one or the other. He says he doesn’t care, it’s all good. And Sheila starts sobbing. Does this sound like especially ridiculous behavior? That’s because it is, but, disturbingly, that doesn’t mean it’s not realistic. Because I’ve been in situations just like this, where something completely harmless can explode into a completely irrelevant, unrelated tangent with dire consequences.

Sheila gets up suddenly to leave while Tommy sits shell-shocked. Then, to make matters worse, Jimmy appears and chastises Tommy for still not telling Sheila that he can no longer watch Damian constantly because Needles has ordered Tommy to stay away and for Lou to take charge. But Sheila comes back with a big pill organizer and sheepishly explains that she forgot to take her many many meds this morning. She takes them all and becomes much more stable, but Tommy is frightened to tell her about Damian, and I sure as hell don’t blame him. And that’s just the start of a bad morning.

Right then, Tommy gets a call from Needles. It’s not a social call. He’s telling Tommy to turn on the tv and look at the paper, then get his ass into work. Tommy turns on the tv and sees…himself. Remember last week when a television crew captured Tommy shaking up a sleazeball politician? Yeah, this is the fallout.

Tommy meets Needles in his office and tries to explain. He says that he wasn’t drunk, and that the drink in his hand was his first of the night and he hadn’t even had a sip when he went after the politician. He says he didn’t go down there looking for trouble and Needles says that Tommy never does…it just seems to always erupt in his vicinity. Needles starts pulling the “I-have-to-be-responsible-and-deal-with-all-of-this” martyrdom bit, and Tommy replies that he fights fires and Needles pushes papers (i.e. shut the hell up).

“What happened, Tommy? We used to be friends” Needles says. Tommy nods, “Yep. Used to be.” Needles takes a cheap shot and asks Tommy if Tommy is going to drive him to shoot himself. This is a reference to the previous chief, the much beloved Jerry Reilly, shooting himself. But that had nothing to do with Tommy, it had to do with the fact that Jerry’s wife had Alzheimer’s and didn’t know who he was, and that the suits of the FDNY were forcing him to retire because he had had a heart attack.

Tommy’s response to this: he takes the direct approach. He leaps over the desk and starts clawing at Needles. Needles shouts that he’d love to go fight fires with Tommy, but he has a responsibility to deal with all the men and their families. Tommy stops, they help each other up, they dust themselves off. They certainly didn’t kiss and make up, but I think both secretly acknowledge that they understand each other and deep down there still is a smidgen of respect and camaraderie left between them.

But of course, Needles is obligated to sanction Tommy for the altercation with the politician. Needles asks Tommy if he could quit drinking for a few days. Tommy says yes. The deal is Tommy quits drinking for a few days or he inherits all of Damian’s crappy probie duties. Then Needles elaborates that by a few days, he means Tommy has to quit drinking for a month. Cut to: Tommy washing the rig. Some things you just can’t give up.

We’re not done with Needles though. Damian walks into the house and announces that he just saw a knockout young blonde outside. Then said knockout young blonde walks in. But this isn’t just anyone…this is Needles wife. His new wife, that is. It seems Needles went through a nasty divorce and ordered himself up his very own Russian mail order bride. Maybe this is what Feinberg meant when he said he had something on Needles.

Damian also mentions that he witnessed quite definitively that Mrs. Needles is not wearing any underwear. But something as juicy as that needs verification, of course. So a bet is announced: whoever verifies this information first is the winner. The stakes are…nothing more than to see that Mrs. Needles isn’t wearing any underwear, and for the guys, that is more than enough. What follows is the Rescue Me staple of a series of hilariously juvenile hijinks, as the guys all vie to win the bet.

The other big event this week is that Mickey enlists Teddy, Maggie, Derek, and Co. to stage an intervention for Tommy. They all try to convince Tommy that they love him and want him to get off the booze. But let’s just say their intervention completely backfires and Tommy succeeds in corrupting them all. It’s a great scene. My only real complaint this episode is that we don’t see Candy or see Lou mulling over her proposal. She proposed two episodes ago, and there has been no mention of it since. Come on people, this is huge! That’s the only downside of having a super-sized season, the drawn-out factor.

For another take on this episode, check out Enough Already by Jaimie Campos.

Season 5, Episode 16: Clean (originally aired July 21, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

Merlin: Pretty on the Outside, Evil on the Inside

It would seem Merlin’s not the only one possessing some form of magical abilities within the castle at Camelot.  The King’s ward, Morgana, wakes up in the middle of the night from a frightening dream in which a pretty young lady is drowning Arthur. At first, she brushes it off as nothing, but her fears are confirmed when Arthur introduces Sophia and her father, Aulfric, to Camelot, after rescuing them from bandits in the forest.  This young woman’s face is the same exact one from Morgana’s dream.

Sophia and Aulfric claim to be a noble family traveling onwards to another city, but need a place to rest. Of course, this whole set up is a ploy. Sophia and Aulfric are actually a breed of magicians who lost their immortality and are looking to regain it. In order to return as immortals to their city of Avalon, they must sacrifice Arthur. With Sophia’s beauty and the help of some powerful enchantments, it doesn’t take long for Arthur to become completely “besotted” by her.

Meanwhile, Merlin puts himself up for abuse in the stocks while Arthur runs amok with Sophia and skips his Princely duties. Allowing oneself to be pelted with tomatoes for someone else? That’s more than just being a servant – that’s the mark of a true friend! I guess Merlin’s tasks don’t always have to involve saving Arthur’s life.

Arthur foolishly falls into Sophia’s trap and, under her very powerful enchantment, announces to the Court they are going to marry. King Uther strongly opposes this and his reaction to Arthur’s marriage proposal was pretty spot on; I enjoyed seeing Uther actually being a father and not freaking out over magic. After this fiasco, Arthur, Sophia, and Aulfric leave the castle to “elope.” Morgana spots the trio leaving, panics knowing her dream is about to come true, and then alerts Gaius who in turn notifies Merlin because it is, after all, his destiny to keep Arthur from harm.

Morgana has confided in Gaius for several years now about her reoccurring dreams that seem more like prophecies. Gaius confides in Merlin that he believes Morgana to be a Seer, although he would rather keep this a secret from her. Morgana certainly has her suspicions, but it’s clear she does not know the extent of her capabilities. However as this week’s episode ends, viewers see Morgana waking from another nightmare. Surely it’s only a matter of time before she catches on to her powers. And is it possible Merlin will reveal his own magical abilities to Morgana and they will team up to fight whatever future evils threaten Camelot?

As you can guess, Merlin shows up right on time to destroy Sophia and Aulfric and save an unconscious and drowning Arthur. Even though the ending to each episode is always predictable, the magical creatures and camaraderie between the characters makes Merlin a fun watch.

For another take on this episode, check out Murder, Sidhe Wrote by J.B. Perlow.

Season 1, Episode 7: The Gates of Avalon (aired July 19, 2009)

For more on Merlin, click here.

Sundays at 8/7c on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC, The BBC, and Nick Briggs

Merlin: Murder, Sidhe Wrote

We begin this week with a question . . . from me:  Is anyone else still watching this show?  If so, why?  I have to under the terms of my indentured servitude to Poptimal.com, but what’s your excuse?

Anyway, on this week’s snooze-fest, we open with Morgana’s dream about Arthur suspended in water like peaches in Jell-o.  Only it is not a dream but a vision.  It seems that Miss Morgana has had many of these visions and Gaius suspects she also has the magical gift like Merlin.

But before he comes to that realization, Arthur and Merlin save an old man (Aulfric) and his daughter (Sophia) from a team of bandits.  As usual, Merlin uses his illegal magic and no one is the wiser.  Arthur escorts the pair to Camelot, where they take up residence and Arthur insists on Sophia sleeping in the room next to him.  This just plays into Sophia’s plan to seduce Arthur.

Why, you ask?  Well, Aulfric and Sophia are banished Sidhe (pronounced “shee”) of Avalon, and the only way they can return is if they give the Sidhe the soul of a prince, specifically Arthur because he’s a dreamy prince or something.  Anyway, only Sophia can return because Aulfric killed another Sidhe and that’s how they roll.

So while Sophia enchants Arthur in the woods, Merlin has to cover for Arthur’s absence at court.  He’s rather unsuccessful about it and winds up in the stocks, where people throw fruit at him.  But fear not, Merlin likes balls flying at his face.

In the end, Merlin uses Sophia’s staff to blow up Aulfric and Sophia as they’re damning Arthur to the depths of Avalon.  It’s a pretty good effect and a bit like the exploding head bomb in Total Recall.  So Arthur is saved, thanks to Merlin’s magic.

Boy, you’d think magic could be used for good purposes what with all of the good deeds Merlin’s been up to so far.  Maybe Uther’s ban on magic is unreasonable.  And maybe I’m being facetious.

For another take on this episode, check out Pretty on the Outside, Evil on the Inside by Stephanie Jaar.

Season 1, Episode 7: The Gates of Avalon (aired July 19, 2009)

For more on Merlin, click here.

Sundays at 8/7c on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC, The BBC, and Nick Briggs

Join Us at The Sexy Hero’s Ball at Comic-Con (hosted by Legendary Press)

Come join us and Ference from Poptimal.com’s the Jone Dome podcast show as we attend the hottest party at Comic-Con:  The Sexy Hero’s Ball hosted by Legendary Press. If you are lucky, Ference might even buy your first drink . . . well only if you are a redundancy. (Ference’s high school homeboy Joel Madden will be the guest D.J.)  Here are the details!!

July 25th 9PM-2AM / Voyeur Night Club
755 5th Ave Gaslamp Quarters San Diego CA
Red Carpet at 8PM

Celebrity DJ Joel Madden from Good Charlotte
Giveaways by Ed Hardy, Mobigrip and more
Live abstract semi-nude paintings by Rick Bliss

Free with RSVP to rsvp@legendarypress.com
Rage1 Entertainment / Catalyst Production

(500) Days of Summer – Not a love story, in love with it anyway

Not enough movies have choreographed group dance sequences these days. And animated birds flying around the main character’s head? You typically don’t see those either – well, unless we’re talking about Snow White or a Disney movie. But the reference to the defunct series (and source of many a child of the 80s’ bad television nostalgia) Small Wonder and Vicki the Robot was what pretty much clinched it right then and there that I was in love with this movie. If I’m being honest though, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s rumpled good looks didn’t hurt, either. I admit I didn’t know what to expect from this film, I figured it would be just another romantic comedy but probably with more of an indie hipster vibe than your garden variety Jennifer Aniston flick. What I found was that it wasn’t just a romantic comedy, it had heart.

The story centers around Tom, played by Gordon-Levitt (who I’m pretty sure every girl in the theater – nay, America – is swooning over now), a former architecture student who like so many of us took a left turn in his post-college job search and finds himself years later deeply entrenched in a job as a greeting card slogan writer. This is ironic, considering he doesn’t much believe in love or storybook endings – until he meets Summer. Zooey Deschanel plays Summer, a relationship realist with saucer-like blue eyes and 1950’s housewife throwback style, who instantly has Tom entranced by her feminine wiles. Summer has been the object of many a man’s affections before Tom, and has amassed a sizeable body count of unsuspecting male suitors over the years. Let’s face it, we all know a Summer.

Despite Summer’s early disclaimer that she wasn’t looking for anything serious, Tom can’t help falling head over Converse-wearing heels for her, which is what makes the eventual dissolution of their relationship (over diner pancakes, no less) all the more heart wrenching. Even as they traded music taste in an elevator and romped playfully in pretend domestic bliss through IKEA (the new scene of 2009 movie romance – move over, Central Park and Paris), the audience can’t help but see the freight train chugging steadily toward our man Tom, and the worst part is that he is the last one to see it coming. His eventual unraveling is arguably the funniest part of an already brimming with humor film – I mean who amongst us hasn’t been inclined to remedy a broken heart by wearing a bathrobe in public and screaming at an unsuspecting couple merely holding hands to “get a room”? We’ve all been there.

Music video-turned-film Director Marc Webb and his crackerjack team of writers use two devices in (500) Days to charm the pants off all of us – raw honesty and a cleverly out of sequence calendar that toggles back and forth between scenes of Tom and Summer pre- and post-relationship nuclear winter. Plus, they pepper it with characters like the dumbass best friend and the Obi-Wan-like kid sister who doles advice out during breaks in soccer practice, and we can’t help but be won over by this remarkably accurate look at love in life’s rearview mirror. There are only two discernable aspects of (500) Days that I see as possible flaws to what I consider to be a remarkably stellar movie (and this coming from someone who is generally underwhelmed by romantic comedies). The first is a gratuitous chance to let Zooey Deschanel showcase her singing chops (?) during a borderline awkward scene of drunken office karaoke – we get it, you have an album out. And the second? The fact that I now have to admit that I have a crush on the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun.

Entourage: Step It Up!

The second season is getting off to a slow start.  I thought last week’s premiere episode was little thin and assumed things would pick up this week.  Don’t get me wrong, it was a decent episode, but it wasn’t great. This week, Vince prepares for his big movie premiere, and Eric tries to interpret Sloan’s mixed signals.  Ari tries to get a hold on his buddy Andrew, who has begun sleeping with a young female underling at Miller-Gold.  The affair threatens to bubble over at the Gatsby premiere party, where love is not in the air for Sloan and Eric.  He mistakenly assumed that her insistence on him moving out was an indication of her desire to resume their relationship.  *Fail*  He has to pick his face up from the floor when Sloan literally gives him a kiss-off.

Drama was his usual annoying self, hating on Turtle whenever possible and constantly prying into Eric’s love life.  It’s no wonder that Turtle spends all his time with Jamie and Eric wants to move out.  As he explained to Vince, who wants to hear puerile commentary from the peanut gallery at every turn?  Getting back to Turtle for a second, how cool is it that he’s dating Jamie? Not only does Turtle have a girlfriend, but she’s actually a girl that would be in Vince’s league if he were so inclined: an actual celebrity.

This episode showed a different side of Ari and demonstrated that despite his ass-holic ways, he actually has a modicum of integrity.  We’ll have to stay tuned to see what ill effects, if any, Andrew’s affair has on the agency and their friendship.  I’ll give this episode a hypothetical 3 out of 5 stars.  There’s no way a show centering on a gorgeous movie star and his friends should ever be dull. Come on writers, step it up!
Entourage: Season 6, Episode 2: Amongst Friends (originally aired July 19, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read Renata Sellitti’s review, Is that the best they can do? here.

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO.

True Blood: Shapeshifter Sex

True Blood has upped the supernatural ante this season and I’m extremely interested to see what will happen. This week, Jason tackled Jesus Boot Camp as well as some romantic advances. And Sookie, Bill and Jessica were still at Motel Vamp, trying to figure out what happened to Godric. Back in Bon Temps, Tara tried to separate herself from Maryann, to no avail. And Sam’s shapeshifter secret is not so much of a secret anymore to his newest employee.

BATTLEFIELD CHRIST

The Soldiers of the Sun get their first taste of the extremely rigorous training planned for the select and special few. From the start, Jason and the Lukenator get into another battle of strength and devotion, but it seems to end, at least for now, when they tackle the fence. Luke can’t make it over, to the point where the drill sergeant even tries to motivate him with some ‘Oh you’re family is being killed by vampires on the other side…oh, wait! Now they’re dead, you pansy.’ But it’s Jason who steps up to the plate and scales that fence like a monkey and lends his hand to help, further proving him as the chosen slayer.

Besides training, Mr. Drill Sergeant is also planning something quite diabolical with Reverend Newlin. (Which can only have something to do with plans to start a Jesus-Vampire war.) And when Sarah tries to put her two cents in, Newlin just pushes her aside.  So while Newlin takes Jason downstairs to show him his arsenal (and the boys are extremely cute with giddiness and glee but also VERY creepy), a rebuked Sarah plans her own surprise for Jason. Let me just say, it includes Jason in a bathtub and her wielding a loofah and telling a story about how Mary Magdalene washed Jesus’ feet to show her devotion. And, let’s be clear, there was NO feet washing.

TARA’S STALKER

After the crazy birthday shindig Maryann threw for Tara last week, Tara starts thinking about Sookie’s grandma, who created the only place that made her feel at home. I guess moving in has gotten her all nostalgic. Things with Eggs are great as he showers her with affection and sweet, sweet lovin’ and is always shirtless when she comes home. But Maryann throws a wrench in her happiness when she gets all clingy on her, confessing that the home she recently opened to Tara was actually not hers at all but some guy from Peru who just came back. (Oh, the coincidence!) And now, she needs to move in with Tara.

Tara’s having none of this. And she really doesn’t like the fact that Egg didn’t clue her in either and just seems to follow Maryann wherever they go. He tries to convince her that the only thing that matters is they love each other and take care of each other, and that’s what family does, the same way they took care of Tara when she needed it. But Maryann decides Tara needs a little pushing to get the point, so she sits outside of Merlotte’s and works her magic. Just like how her parties always turn to lewd and sexual mania, everyone working Tara’s shift seems to gang up on her, making her realize that maybe she wants that “family” love, after all. Mission accomplished! Maybe bringing Maryann closer to Sookie will set her crazy warning bells ringing.

WHAT HAPPENS IN DALLAS…

Sookie continues to pursue Motel Vamp’s bellboy Barry since discovering that he’s a telepath like her. Sookie reminds me of Jack from Lost because I think she always wants to fix things, and when she meets Barry, she sees her struggles with trying to overcome the voices in her head and the feelings of alienation. Unfortunately, Barry just wants to forget they ever met and move on with his life, no matter how difficult it is and how much she could help him to control his telepathy.

Where she can help, though, is in finding Godric. At least, she wants to, but all the vamps she came to help, Isabel and Stan, can do is bicker. Stan wants an all out war. Isabel thinks he’s an idiot. And it sort of goes back and forth like that endlessly. Eric hates that he has to deal with such imbeciles, Bill hates that Sookie is getting deeper and deeper involved and Sookie is the only one with a good idea, albeit a dangerous one. They know that someone in the Dallas ranks is a traitor because only they knew about Sookie’s arrival so who’s to be trusted? Before any blood is shed, Sookie offers to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun and listen to their thoughts to find out if they’re involved at all.

On a side note, Bill is so cute trying to reign in Jessica after she orders a man to drink from the hotel menu. And Sookie and Bill finally get to wake up to eachother (No coffins allowed!) since the hotel is completely light sealed.

SHAPESHIFTER SEX

I thought Sam was on the way out of Bon Temp, but now that he’s found a new girltoy, I think he’s put that idea on the back burner. Daphne confesses that she knows Sam’s secret and shows him one of her own. After making Sam chase her through the woods as she sheds layers of clothing, she gets her fawn on, and finally does a little show and tell to get her point across. So Sam is to dog as Daphne is to deer. Having found a kindred spirit who he wants to throw down on a pool table and get horizontal with, I don’t think Sam’s going anywhere anytime soon.

So another week of True Blood gone, another Bon Temps secret out in the open. And that’s just the way I like my weekly vampire shows. I can’t wait to see Sookie put on her southern charm and get a little detective work done!

Season 2, Episode 5: Never Let Me Go (originally aired July 19, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read You know that I could use somebody li. . .by Ian Nyanin

For more on True Blood, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO, IMDbPro, and Jaimie Trueblood

Entourage: Is that the best they can do?

Is it me or did that episode fall about as flat as Keira Knightly’s cleavage? I mean really, tell me that wasn’t the writers giving it all they’ve got, because this season is taking up precious space on my DVR and unless Mark Wahlberg and his entourage up their game I may just have to start playing television survivor and voting shows off the island. Sigh. Here’s the rundown, in case you missed it:

Vince’s epic, glossy, Hollywood-sized premiere of The Great Gatsby finally arrives, and in an ironic twist, all of the guys are left scrambling for dates except Turtle. Remember what I said last week about the world coming to an end? Yeah, that still applies. So Vince decides to bring a recent one night stand girl as his date (doesn’t that defeat the whole idea of one night stands? Just saying…), never mind the fact that she looks like she could be a center for the WNBA or captain of the East German Olympic volleyball team. Speaking of sports, E also gets acquainted with his new stalker, I mean neighbor, Ashley, who looks like she used to be a Russian gymnast or a figure skater (witness the snap barrettes she’s wearing – see, I told you). E decides he’d rather take Sloan than his wee neighbor as his date to the premiere, only to find out that Sloan whips out the “F” word upon hearing his invitation – that’s right, she wants to go as ‘friends’ *shudders*. Drama wrangles some random retail girl as his date (the cut off shirt must’ve won her over) and Turtle finally comes out…as Jamie Lynn’s boyfriend. He also spends half the episode contemplating how ugly guys land hot girls – they must be really funny – and pretty much drags poor Seth Rogen down as the perfect example of this phenomenon. I mean, Seth’s chubby but I wouldn’t say he’s Eric Stoltz in “Mask.”  Cut the guy some slack, Turtle.

At the premiere, E tells Sloan he misses her and doesn’t want to be just friends, to which Sloan responds that they probably shouldn’t even be talking then.  Oh, and then she puts E’s dignity and self-respect in her purse and walks away. Ouch. E also gets ambushed by Oksana Baiul (his neighbor Ashley) who probably stalked half of LA to score tickets to the premiere just so she could come across as that desperate. Desperate or not it didn’t matter, as a freshly jilted by Sloan E decides to drive off into the night for a pint-sized booty call from Ashley after the premiere. And speaking of booty calls…

Ari finds out that Andrew has been dipping his pen in the company ink by bedding a twenty-something agent named Lizzy. This doesn’t sit well with Ari, who had just urged Mrs. Ari to spend some time with Andrew’s wife  and make her feel welcome, only to find out the two had become insta-BFF’s. Ari tells Andrew to end it, pronto, or else he’ll mess up the life that Ari has worked hard to create for him at the agency. It remains to be seen if he’ll listen but my money’s on ‘No’. Meanwhile, Lloyd is on a crash diet in an attempt to lose weight per Ari’s ‘100 Days of Hell’ mandate, and busies himself eating only grapes like he’s an Olsen twin. That’s what Ari calls punishment? I love Lloyd but Ari better throw a lot more than that at him if he really wants Lloyd to earn his agency stripes, plus this plot line could use some spicing up.

Considering this episode was supposed to be such a big deal, with Vince’s premiere causing a huge spectacle and re-introducing him to Hollywood, it was pretty lackluster if you ask this girl. Why go through the trouble of hiring hundreds of extras and shutting down Hollywood Boulevard to shoot if you’re not going to write a killer script to go with it? Plus, am I the only one who’s curious enough to wish we saw some actual “footage” from this larger than life film that resurrects Vince’s career? And poor Perrey Reeves, she finally gets more than her usual 2 lines of dialogue and it’s in an episode that kind of sucked. Maybe the Lloyd story line will bring the comedy that this show currently lacks. Or maybe Drama’s character will be shown a little more love (at least they’re still giving him the best one-liners in the show, thank God). Either way, they can’t ride the wave of Sloan’s good looks to hold this show up much longer; the natives are getting restless.

Entourage: Season 6, Episode 2: Amongst Friends (originally aired July 19, 2009)

For more on this episode, read Step It Up! by Tanya Lane here.

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO.

Chance to Win Official Harry Potter Gear: Just Follow Our Tweets

Fans!!  We are giving away official Harry Potter gear  including hats, Quiddtich shirts, and much more.

Not only will you be entered for a chance to win Harry Potter gear, but you will also be able to follow our writers as they tweet from this year’s Comic-Con in San Diego, CA.  There, Poptimal.com will be interviewing your favorite television and movie actors.  We will be also covering the hottest after-parties, red carpet events, and celebrity sightings.

Here is how you enter for a chance to win:

1. Go to Twitter and follow our tweets, @Poptimal (http://twitter.com/Poptimal).
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3. Check back at our site to see if you won.

It’s just that simple.

** As an added bonus, even if you do not win the HP gear, we will automatically enter you in to our advance screening ticket pool.  That means if we have advanced screening tickets in your area on our free stuff page, you will have priority over non-Twitter followers – increasing your chances to win.

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