Rescue Me: You Said Tee-Tots, Didn’t You?

It’s a turning point for several of the guys this week, most notably Damian, who officially graduates and finds himself the newest member of 62 Truck—for better or for worse. Sheila is there to neurotically take pictures like any doting mother, while the guys all start announcing the many good-natured tortures that await Damian as part of the time-honored ritual of being a probie (probationary firefighter, rookie, the new guy, grunt, whatever you want to call it). He will face ridicule and abuse—of physical, verbal, and psychological natures. But what Sheila is worried about is having her son being roasted like a marshmallow. And after having that very thing happen to her late husband Jimmy, she has every right to be concerned.

That’s why for weeks she has been manipulating Tommy into going out of his way to protect Damian and never leave his side. Damian’s safety is Tommy’s extra responsibility, whether he wants it or not. He has that responsibility on his mind when the crew goes into a big apartment building fire. Needles orders Damian to stay with Lou, but as soon as they get inside, Tommy tells Lou that Damian is going to stick with him. Lou respects this. After all, Damian is Tommy’s family.

The job seems routine, everyone seems to have been evacuated. The building starts to go and Needles orders everyone out. But then Black Shawn and Franco think they hear something and believe someone might still be trapped inside. Normally Tommy would be with them all the way, gung-ho, and he’d go running back into the flames to save the day. But he has Damian to think about, not to mention the fact that Needles has been up everyone’s ass this season whining about regulations. So Tommy does something truly unlike him: he tells everyone to follow Needles’ command and evacuate. But Franco and Shawn and Mike don’t listen and they run back. Tommy gives Damian over to Lou and goes after them to make sure they get out okay. Not only does Tommy display his usual balls here, but he acts perhaps more responsible than he ever has before.

Everyone gets out okay, and yet Needles blows a gasket, and dumps the whole mess in Tommy’s lap. It’s an unfair situation, and I’ve finally reached my verdict on Needles: I think he’s a whiny little weasel who, if he ever had any redeeming qualities, has them no more. I hope Tommy kicks the sweet bejesus out of him, and if the coming attractions don’t lie, that’s set to happen next week.

The other big event this week is that Sean gets out of the hospital. He can’t come back to work for a few weeks, but he stops by the firehouse and tells the guys that he basically has a new lease on life and wants to live bigger and fuller than he ever has before. He inspires chiefly Black Shawn and Franco, who use this idea to justify getting plastered at a speed that even Tommy would blush at during a memorial dinner/benefit type of thing for a colleague who died in 9/11. Everyone attends this shindig not solely out of respect for their dead acquaintance, but because of the presence of his widow, who apparently used a good amount of the funds she got from her husband’s tragic death to enhance her, as Lou inimitably dubs them, her “tee-tots.” The problem is that Lou starts mentioning aforementioned tee-tots and raving about them unknowingly to her new husband. Bad for Lou, funny for viewers to watch.

The fight that breaks out there though isn’t due to Lou, but due to Tommy. Tommy is on the right side though. He goes after a politician who openly admits that he didn’t even know the firefighter who died, and has a whole camera crew there filming to help his re-election campaign. Tommy goes after him…but did I mention a camera crew? Oh, and Tommy identifies himself verbally on camera and announces that he belongs to 62 Truck. I guess it was a moment of pride, but it’s definitely going to come back to bite him in the ass.

Candy isn’t in this episode, so who knows what the status is of her insane marriage proposal to Lou. Janet makes a brief appearance to act like the typical despicable twit she is while she and Tommy are out with Katy buying Katy new clothes and trying to keep up the charade that they still love each other. The problem is that for Tommy, it isn’t a charade, though how he can have any feelings for this woman that aren’t pure hatred, I will never know.

Franco continues to try to block out the idea that his new lady is a lesbian, even though the guys keep chanting it over and over again. But he’s definitely starting to have doubts as well. I don’t really like this new girlfriend, she does nothing for me. I’d rather have some Franco stuff with his daughter, who hasn’t yet made an appearance this season. There are only seven episodes left, but I’m sure the creative team will make them count.

For another take on this episode, check out Spooning for Love in All the Wrong Places by Jaimie Campos.

Season 5, Episode 15: Initiation (originally aired July 14, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

Rescue Me: Spooning for Love in All the Wrong Places

This week on Rescue Me! Stuff happens!

Let’s get Sean Garrity out of the way. He ill-advisedly visits the firehouse – he should be resting in bed, but wants to live life, and embrace its Jessica Alba-like awesomeness. When he does finally die, he wants to say he lived. It’s all very Thoreau. He then collapses in exhaustion and smokes a cigarette. Irony!

Garrity’s speech inspires the crew to do stupid things, like binge drink at a memorial ceremony and defy Needles’ orders out on a fire call. This results in Tommy’s eventual reaming session courtesy of a very bitchy Needles.

You see, Damien finally graduates and joins the firehouse this week. This means lots of hazing for Damien, and since I’m no fan of this kid, I admit I enjoyed that part. On the probie’s first fire call, Needles assigns Damien to Lou, but! There’s a sex pact, see, and Sheila makes an appearance in the opening moments to remind us, in case anyone’s been sleeping the last few weeks: She sexes up Tommy, and Tommy protects Damien. So as the crew enters the burning building, Tommy takes Damien and Lou takes Mike. When Needles pulls the guys out because of dangerous conditions, Mike and Franco run in instead of out (you know, living life to the fullest and being heroes…or something), and Tommy runs in after them to corral their asses. Lou escorts Damien out, and Needles loses his shit. Maybe he’s still pissed about that whole runaway fire truck thing from last week, and this newest sign of disrespect sends him over the edge. For some reason I miss, he blames Tommy for everything – the Cancer Fire Truck Ride, and Mike and Franco’s going rogue. Back at the fire house, he rips into the team, but especially Tommy.

As everyone’s aware of Tommy’s promise to Sheila, Needles (rightfully) orders Lou to take care of Damien and Tommy to back off, as Tommy is risking the lives of the rest of his crew. The best way to turn Damien into a top notch firefighter like his father, Needles says, is to treat him like any other firefighter. Their job is to train him, not to baby him. Everyone agrees.

So Damien survives because of Tommy’s, er, leadership skills, which means … it’s reward time! Sheila regales (i.e. “thanks the shit out of”) Tommy in three outfits (bunny, cheerleader and dominatrix, in case you’re the type who keeps score), and Tommy tries to duck out post-coitus without telling her about Needles’ new orders. But wait! Jimmy appears to Tommy, surprisingly okay with Tommy having sex with his wife, but not okay with Tommy not telling Sheila that he’s no longer looking after Damien. Isn’t Tommy’s conscience funny? Jimmy insists that Tommy tell her the truth, after he spoons with her. We close the episode with Tommy at the door to Sheila’s bedroom.

Speaking of spooning, Tommy spends an afternoon shopping with Janet and Katy. Katy tries on some clothes and Tommy smoothly goes in for a hug with Janet – a completely non-sexual, cuddling type of hug. She’s not having it, and tells him she wants sex, not a relationship. Much the same conversation Sheila had with Tommy last week, but without all the whining. Obviously, Tommy’s feeling a little starved for real affection, if his conscience is telling him to spoon Sheila. As it is, I’m glad the women have two minute segments, because it’s the same conversation, week after week.

In other news, Mike’s band, Apache Stone, nee Hot Lunch, is throwing a small benefit show for Garrity’s hospital bills. A stream of Native American jokes follow. This is only funny because Mike insists he’s 2% Native American, and I know people like this who adopt an entire culture as their own because their mother had a grandfather who once spoke to someone who was Irish, and so now this person is 2% Irish, and therefore, don’t mock him on St. Patty’s day or when he embraces all things Celtic. The jokes themselves … not that funny. During the teasing of Mike and his heretofore unknown heritage, Franco’s lesbian-esque girlfriend comes up, and Mike tells Franco to have Carla bring a bunch of her friends so that the guys can get some of Franco’s hot, lesbian sex action. Later, Franco mentions the guys’ suspicions to Carla … while they’re in bed … which causes her to laugh and beat him up. I leave the judgment to you, America.

Finally, the crew attends a memorial dedication of a banquet hall to a firefighter lost during 9/11. The widow used her settlement money to buy new boobs. I would guess this is relevant only because of how much we hear about it. At the dedication, a politician starts talking to Tommy and Lou – or rather, makes the mistake of talking to Tommy and Lou. Our boys take offense to the politician exploiting a firefighter’s death for his own campaign, and one of those famous Tommy Gavin rants starts up. The politician turns condescending and indulgent, resulting in Tommy punching him and starting a nice sized brawl, all on camera.

Betting pool: How long before Damien ends up in the hospital, near death? Or will that be the season finale?

Next week: Tommy versus Needles: Fistfights and consequences!

For another take on this episode, check out Cameron Cubbison’s review here.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 5, Episode 15: Initiation (originally aired July 14, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

The J Factor Episode 12 (Michael Jackson Free)

Episode 12 – July 15, 2009 – Join J.B. and Jaimie for a Michael Jackson free July 4th Podcast.

Subscribe to Itunes Podcast

(If the show does not play using the link at the bottom of the page, you can download it: MP3| Podcast Alley)

You can also send us an email at editor@poptimal.com.

Harry Potter & the HBP Exclusive: From the NYC Red Carpet Premiere

The release of anything Harry Potter-related is always greeted by fans with costume parties, movie marathons, and catching up with friends you may not have seen in a year. The excitement radiating off everyone is contagious, and I found myself taking part in all this hoopla during the second week of July. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was about to be released in a week’s time after being delayed for nearly a year, and I had traveled to New York City to cover the North American premiere of the film for a fansite.

Even though I had traveled to Los Angeles once before to cover the fifth film’s premiere, I still felt like a complete rookie as a red carpet correspondent. Conveniently (or perhaps not!), my hotel room was located just above the Ziegfeld Theatre – the location of choice for the evening’s festivities. With my bird’s eye view from the twenty-seventh floor, I was able to watch as crews began setting up barriers and rolling out the red carpet. Every five minutes, I could be found pressing my face against the window, and while it was thrilling to watch as the action unfolded and the crowd of fans grew thicker, it did nothing to help calm my nerves!

After signing in with a Warner Bros agent and receiving a nifty little “Press” sticker with an image of Harry and Dumbledore on it, my friend and I took our place on the red carpet and waited for the stars to arrive. In the meantime, though, it was nice to get to know the people around us! Space in the press pit was rather tight, and we were placed in between a cameraman for Hot Topic and a radio show personality. The nerves started to wear off a little now that I was finally in place and things were about to begin.

Being located towards the far end of the press line, closer to the theatre’s entrance, is always tricky as most of the actors are running late by the time they get to you and are being rushed inside by their handlers. This didn’t stop me, however, from chatting a bit with Freddie Stroma, one of the new faces in the Harry Potter series. He plays Cormac McClaggen, the typical jock who goes against Ron for a spot on the Quidditch team and has his eyes on Hermione. As arrogant as Cormac’s character may be, Freddie was anything but that! We chatted briefly about being a part of the Potter phenomenon and the nasty weather that hit the London premiere just a few days earlier. It was small talk, mostly, but he was absolutely charming!

I also threw out a quick question to producer David Heyman regarding the film’s delay. He told me that even though they were given more time to tinker with the film, “the edits were so minor…it was literally a frame here, a frame there.” Daniel Radcliffe stopped by briefly to speak with other press before being pushed into the theatre, and I managed to grab a quick shout out from Rupert Grint to his fans until he, too, was hurried inside. Emma Watson, unfortunately, passed by the end of the press line completely. Other celebrities present included Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy), Bonnie Wright (Ginny Weasley), Alan Rickman (Snape), Michael Gambon (Dumbledore), David Yates (director), Kelsey Grammar (Frasier), Diane Sawyer, and Mark Indelicato (Ugly Betty).

Walking into the Ziegfeld was impressive, to say the least! As I entered the lobby, there were flashes going off where the cast was having group photos taken. There is only one screening room which is enormous and can seat over 1,000 people. It is extremely ornate and the seats were covered in red velvet. Warner Bros CEO Alan Horn introduced the film and said a few words, as did David Yates, David Heyman, and Daniel Radcliffe. Then without previews (something that caught me off guard), the film began! It was definitely a great film and I thought it managed to balance out the comedy and serious material really well. I also thought the cinematography was extremely beautiful! This was something that really left an impression on me, along with the young cast’s vastly improved acting talents.

This trip to New York City was an amazing learning experience: not only did I get to attend a premiere, but I made a lot of new friends and realized what skills I’m going to have to improve on if I want to continue on my path of becoming a journalist. I would do it again in a heartbeat!

NYC: July 9, 2009

Photos taken by Stephanie Jaar

Special thanks to RupertGrint.net!

True Blood: Shake and Fingerpop

Wow. This was the best episode of the season so far, as the plot continues to twist, turn and thicken.  Let’s start by saying that the vamps might actually be among the least dangerous creatures in Bon Temps. Think about it. It wasn’t a vamp that committed the killings last season, and it is not a vamp that committed the killing that opened up the new season; remember the woman that performed the exorcism on Tara’s mom? It also was not a vamp that attacked Sookie in the last episode.  My point is that Bon Temps is a scary, dangerous place – and it’s not the usual suspects that people need to be worried about.

In exchange for releasing Lafayette, Eric demands that Sookie use her gift to locate the missing vampire in Dallas.  She and Bill take Jessica, while all sorts of weird things unfold back home.  Sam gets close to the new waitress, who bears the marking of the beast that attacked Sookie: a deep scratch on her back.  This begs the question of how she survived, considering that it took the help of a trained medic and the consumption of Bill’s blood for Sookie to recover.  Maybe she’s some supernatural beast (it wouldn’t surprise me one bit with this show).  Meanwhile, Jason becomes further entrenched with his new cult, I mean, church.  I can’t tell if he’s just whistling Dixie or if he’s really bought into their brainwashing rhetoric.  Jason is not the sharpest tack in the box, and I know this can’t end well.

Even more disturbing than Fellowship of the Sun is Maryanne and her interest in Tara.  Sookie extended an offer to Tara to move in a while back, and she finally accepts.  This means she will be moving out of Maryanne’s house.  Well, this manipulative witch won’t be deterred.  Tara moves into Sookie’s, but remember that Sookie, Bill, and Jessica are in Dallas, so Tara is alone.  Maryanne takes the opportunity for a surprise visit, with Eggs in tow.  It’s Tara’s birthday and they insist on throwing her a party.  Tara puts up a little resistance, but of course Maryanne insists, along with Eggs. I don’t trust this guy.  Sure enough, once the party gets underway, Maryanne starts to do that thing she’s done before – whipping the guests into a sexual frenzy.  She seems to have been intent on putting Tara and Eggs together, and it finally happens and the two of them get busy upstairs while the party rages on.  (You know if Sookie were home this never would have happened.)We see Maryanne leave the party and go off into the woods, chanting with her eyes closed.  Her body shakes as Eggs and Tara climax, and Maryanne morphs into another being.  This time it’s not the pig, it’s the bull-creature that attacked Sookie!!! What? Maryanne is super crazy and evil, and I’m afraid for Tara. She doesn’t have a Bill to protect her, like Sookie.

Speaking of the pair, when they arrive in Dallas, they thwart a kidnap attempt on Sookie.  Someone knew she was coming to Dallas, but who? After questioning the limo driver who attempted the abduction, they learn that the Fellowship of the Sun is responsible.  Eric also suspects they are responsible for kidnapping the missing vampire. We knew those zealots were crazy, but now they’ve taken it to another level.  I’ve saved the best twist for last.  A lead takes Sookie and Bill to a hotel, where a bellboy is discovered to have a most interesting gift.  Maybe Sookie isn’t so unique after all, as she and the young man exchange a conversation without uttering a word. That’s right, he can read minds just like Sookie!  I was blown away. What does all this mean? I don’t know but I can’t wait to find out.

Season 2, Episode 4:  Shake and Fingerpop (originally aired July 12, 2009)

For more on True Blood, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO, IMDbPro

Entourage: Drive

Entourage’s appeal is quite simple. I think we all have a curiosity to see how the “other half” lives, and Entourage taps into the fantasy of a charmed life.  Particularly for male viewers, the show’s characters mirror the dynamics found in their own friendships.  For female viewers, well there’s Vince’s perfect hair and puppy dog eyes, not to mention Ari, if assholes are more your thing.  Anyway, in an effort to broaden Vince’s character, the writers allowed him to fall on uncharacteristically hard times last season.  Some viewers longed for a return to the good ol’ days when Vince was sleeping with groupies and the gang engaged in various debaucheries.  I for one had grown tired of the unrealistic way everything seemed to fall in Vince’s lap, and I didn’t mind seeing him struggle for a change.  However, eventually the show would lose its initial appeal if Vince were allowed to languish for too long.  We’ve watched the fall, and now we are ready to watch Vince emerge from his troubles in Victory! (Shout out to Johnny Drama).

When we last left Boy Wonder he was back in Queens, having to return home after things went cold in L.A.  Door after door was slammed in Vince’s face until Marty Scorsese threw him a life saver, resurrecting his once-promising career by offering him a career-defining starring role in Gatsby, the film adaptation of the Fitzgerald’s classic.  I mean, hell this is the second time I’ve wished Vinnie Chase were a real actor so I could see one of these fictional movies.  I wished I could have seen Queen’s Boulevard and Medillen, and of course the idea of Vince teaming up with Scorsese is perfect. I’m sure by season’s end they’ll have Vince winning an Oscar. If you’re a loyal follower of the show, you know that when Vince is happy everyone is happy.  This means Ari is loving life and Drama, Turtle, and E are feeling great.  They all rallied around Vince during the hard times, and will reap the benefits when he’s back on top.

Eric appears to be doing just that, having had more sex in the past month then ever.  It looks like Sloan might even be back in the picture, as she oddly presses Eric to finally move out of Vince’s place and sublet from a friend.  Eric eventually decides to move out on his own, and he’s not the only one growing up and making long overdue moves.  Vince finally gets his driver’s license in preparation for a movie role.  Not everyone is pleased though. Lloyd would like a promotion, and Ari is reluctant to address the issue.  After being persuaded to give him a shot by Andy, he agrees to give Lloyd a chance, if he can survive a hazing, 100 day bootcamp of sorts.

The season premiere was far from memorable, only because it takes about one episode to lay the groundwork of re-introducing the characters and their current situations.  Now that it’s been established that Vince is back on the rise, I expect the next few episodes to be awesome.  I wish we could have seen a glimpse of Vince filming Gatsby, but I guess the writers just wanted to skip to the end result.  I’m so glad my favorite show is back!

Season 6, Episode 1: Drive (originaly aired July 12th 2009)

For more on “Drive”, read Let’s All Take Some “E” by Renata Sellitti here.

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Entourage: Let’s All Take Some “E”

OK I admit it – maybe my expectations were a little too high for the new season of Entourage. But how could they not be? I mean, season 5 ended with the cast sprinting in hot pursuit of the crazy German, Vince’s movie being shelved indefinitely, the bromance between E and Vince ending when Vince gave him the axe as his manager, a Scorsese film offer and the stunner of all stunners – Ari Gold setting foot in Queens. So yeah, I guess you could say the bar was set a wee bit high for the new crop of episodes. I hoped for greatness, but what I got was an overdose of E and not enough Drama (both kinds) – not exactly the half hour I expected. But, as basketball teams sometimes have rebuilding years, I guess this was what you’d call a ‘rebuilding episode’, necessary for development if not all that riveting.

Vince, fresh off his exile as the pariah of Hollywood, is back at the bachelor pad and gearing up to take on the really tough tasks in life (no, not fixing the stimulus package or curing cancer), passing his driving test. His boy Turtle needn’t worry about being out of his chauffeuring gig any time soon though, since Vince’s road test looked like Alicia Silverstone’s in Clueless. Lucky for him his DMV instructor was willing to overlook a dozen or so crushed traffic cones (cones, pedestrians, same difference…) and look the other way in exchange for some tickets to his movie premiere. Vince returns the favor later that night by ratting him out while on Leno (a curious thing to include – unless the guy gets fired as a result and shows up on the red carpet with an Uzi and a bone to pick, it probably could’ve been left out frankly). It doesn’t seem to bother his publicist Shauna though, (yes folks they even brushed the cobwebs off Debi Mazar and rolled her ol’ bones out for the new season) and by the end of his appearance Team Chase are all convinced that Vince is about to reclaim his Hollywood crown.

Meanwhile, E is scoring tons of girls and Turtle is still dating Jamie Lynn Sigler, proving that the end of the world is indeed near. Kidding. Actually I’m happy that Turtle is still getting some action, it always gives the regular guys hope when someone who resembles Joey Fatone can still pull chicks. He seems to be splitting his time between smoking weed, taking baths with Meadow Soprano and busting E’s chops with Drama, so I’d say his life is looking up these days. Likewise, E can be found nailing half of LA until his old flame Sloan calls him up and suddenly he’s like one of Pavlov’s dogs, drooling at the very sound of her voice. To be fair, Emmanuelle Chriqui looked so ridiculously good, even I wanted to date her and I don’t even play for that team. I think I speak for all viewers when I say how confounded I am by the fact that E looks like a lawn jockey and yet she’s still into it. Sloan convinces him to come view and ultimately rent her friend’s house, and we’re all left wondering if she wants him to move out of the clubhouse because she wants to date him again or she just thinks he’s grown unnaturally fond of Drama’s egg frittatas.

And speaking of growing unnaturally fond of something, Lloyd is convinced that Ari is too comfortable with him as assistant and that he’ll never get the promotion he deserves so he puts his loafer-clad foot down and gives Ari an ultimatum –  make him an agent or he walks. Oh, and then Lloyd plays the family card and calls Mrs. Ari to get her on his side. Well played, Lloyd, well played. Ari responds by telling Lloyd to come to his house at night and then makes him sit on his doorstep for hours to see how badly he really wants the job. Yeah, that’s a pretty A-hole thing to do, but I hardly noticed, I was too busy contemplating how much Lloyd must get paid to have that sweet a ride and be able to afford Fonzworth Bentley’s wardrobe (the sweater vest, I mean how can you not love Lloyd?). Then Ari tells Lloyd he’s giving him a 100 day hazing period and if he can still hang after that, the promotion is his (cue the next 5 episodes of Asian jokes and gay slurs – make that 15 actually). I for one am ecstatic that Lloyd got some extra screen time, his episodes never disappoint.

The episode ends with the crew buzzing about the upcoming Gatsby premiere (which should’ve been the focus of THIS episode if you ask me) and Vince sitting on the couch in an empty house, as all of his boys are off living their lives. Awwww, I think we were supposed to feel badly for him but I didn’t. I mean, he gets more tail than a public restroom toilet seat (for lack of a classier way of putting it – witness the car scene), so I’m sure he’ll bounce. On an excitement scale I’d give this episode a 4. On a Lloyd scale though, I’d give it a 9.5. It had something for everyone, gratuitous Sloan shots, male-friendly sex scene…They even had an Easy E song. See, it’s fun for the whole family! I’m curious to see how they’re going to make the Gatsby spectacle trump Aquaman next week. In the meantime, I’ll be making Lloyd my screensaver if you need me.

Season 6, Episode 1: Drive (originaly aired  July 12th 2009)

For another take on this episode, read Tanya Lane’s review here.

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO.

Weeds: Getting What You Want

This week, the Botwin clan was going for what they want, using the usual Botwin means of deception, blackmail, and violent intimidation.

First getting the money he wanted, Andy went on a super-creeptastic date with a former flame of his dead brother. Throughout the date, the chick – in full-on Molly Ringwald gear – called Andy “Judah” and then had him recreate her deflowering under a beach boardwalk among the homeless. Gross, but Andy got the money and is now $186K richer.

Finding himself not so rich after his teacher ripped off all his pot, Shane gets advice from Celia’s daughter Isabel and Nancy’s latest bodyguard Ignacio. Ignacio suggests they go get even. So off they go to pot-stealing Teacher’s sad apartment where Shane threatens his teacher with a gun. Finding that he’s not all that afraid of Shane – who he thinks is bluffing – he then threatens him with Ignacio. That does the trick, and Shane gets his pot back, takes some weird instrument thing that his teacher is oddly attached to, and then shoots his teacher’s parrot.

Trying to figure out what she wants, Nancy goes to the doctor – curiously played by Alanis Morissette – and finds out all’s well with the baby. She asks when would be too late to get rid of it? The doc asks if she’s really considering that and Nancy replies that she doesn’t know. She’s got some decisions to make.

Back at the house, Nancy discovers that Celia’s been squatting in her garage after Celia found a dead Mexican – poor Sucio – in the garage cooler. Nancy responds by getting very angry at Celia and calling Esteban to come clean up the dead bodyguard mess. But Celia ultimately gets her way and gets to continue living in Nancy’s garage after taking some lovely blackmail shots of Esteban’s buddies getting rid of Sucio’s body with the help of some acid. Why Celia would want to be around this is beyond me, but at least she has a roof over her head.

Off still trying to make good on their legal (sort of) pot endeavor, Doug and Silas skip off to meet “The Wizard” in order to get him to supply their pot. But Doug was not going for his extra costs and ends up flipping out at The Wizard while Shane sits by, the surprisingly mature one. Pissed at Doug for screwing up their deal, Doug and Silas get into a bickering match which ends when Silas punches him after Doug brings up his dead father. Silas immediately apologizes and the two hug it out. Somehow these two – who used to be my least favorites – are quickly becoming the highlight of the show, along with the devious and dark Shane.

Speaking of Shane, Nancy finds out what Shane did to get his pot back and is furious at all involved. She takes Shane back to the teacher’s house where she demands that he return the weird instrument and brings him a replacement iguana. Shane then apologizes for making his cockatoo an “innocent casualty of his youthful vengeance.” When the teacher is not satisfied with this, he begins to threaten Shane with Fs and shoves him. Nancy grabs the teacher’s bat and while holding him down in a chokehold with it, tells him he’ll do no such thing. Like mother, like son. She informs the teacher that he shouldn’t abuse his position by stealing from students and tells Shane that no, he can’t kick his teacher and is punished. They’ll be no tweeting or anything electronic. Then she releases the teacher and tells him to take care of the iguana, it could be a new start for him.

But, of course, there is no new start on the horizon for Nancy. There was a dead bodyguard in her garage and last week her boyfriend and his drug dealing posse killed a DEA agent in her bedroom. Sitting with Andy, Nancy asks why f-ing Armageddon is always coming down on her. Andy replies with the obvious answer, she does it herself, she must know that. As a solution, Andy once again tells her they should run away together, just leave a note and be gone in the night. They could be happy together. Nancy agrees and next we see her, she and Andy packing, but when Andy goes to fetch her in the morning, he finds his own Dear John letter.

Nancy turns up on Esteban’s doorstep with Shane. They’re moving in.

Season 5, Episode 5: Van Nuys (originally aired July 6, 2009)

For more Weeds, click here.

Mondays at 10pm ET/PT on Showtime

Photographs courtesy of Showtime, Monty Brinton

Weeds: The Magic 8 Ball

Since their Mexican bodyguard disappeared leaving behind only a trail of blood, Nancy and family were hanging out in the arcade. Andy wants to go home and suggests that Nancy’s only angry about him sleeping with Jill because she’s jealous. Nancy scoffs and reminds him that she’s pregnant with another man’s child.

Baby daddy then calls and they return home where Esteban meets Nancy’s sons for the first time. Esteban is happy with Nancy since he just found out that it really is a boy that she’s carrying. Shane is about as thrilled as Andy to meet the man who impregnated his mother while Silas tries to shut him up. Esteban then invites them to live with him in his house in California and gives Nancy a Zen baby swing. Nancy says she’ll think about the moving in thing and Esteban gives her Ignacio as a bodyguard in the meantime, who promptly tasers Andy who wets himself. Nancy is not phased and makes the goon go get a towel.

After being embarrassed by Ignacio, Andy starts working out in the garage in some awesome 80s aerobic gear. Ignacio says he looks like Jamie Lee Curtis, but Andy’s the last one laughing when he discovers an old bank book of his dead brother Judah.

Meanwhile Celia turns up, asks if Nancy’s baby is Andy’s and is promptly thrown out on her ass. Trying not to get thrown out on their asses, Doug and Silas are trying to get a space for their medical marijuana business, but the woman at the location they want won’t give it to them when she finds out what they’re planning to sell. So being the newly law-abiding citizens they are, they go to their cop friend that they’re bribing.

At school, Shane is taking a decidedly less legal route and is preparing to get $4,000 worth of pot to sell to his teacher. That has good idea written all over it. As Shane takes the majority of Silas’ pot sandwiches from the fridge, Andy reaches out to Shane as the family’s moral center. Oh boy. He asks if it would be okay to impersonate his dead brother to get some money that could help the family. Shane tells him his dad’s passport is upstairs. Andy, however, doesn’t approve of Shane’s plan to sell to his teacher and in a truly great line Shane responds, “I’m a Botwin. We’re not responsible for anything we do.” Touché.

So off Shane goes to give the pot to his teacher, who puts the duffel bag full of weed in the trunk and drives off without paying. Something tells me that that’s going to have some consequences.

Somehow not bothered by that sentiment coming from his nephew, Andy pursues his brother’s money at the local bank and has the great misfortune to have a teller that once dated his brother Judah. She wants to know where Judah is so she can tell him all the things she’s been waiting to tell the jerk. Even though there’s $186,000 in the bank, Andy does the right thing and tells the woman that Judah died.  However, the bank teller is still a little too stuck on Judah and says she’ll give Andy the money if he goes on a date with her, pretending to be Judah. Andy thinks that’s creepy but agrees for $186K. It looks like Andy’s luck might be changing.

But Nancy’s luck is only getting worse. Ignacio discovers scorned DEA Agent Till out in his car and drags him in. He’s got a gun and some brass knuckles, but no badge on him. This was about to get personal, and Nancy realizes it must have been him who killed Sucio. Ignacio reports that he’s going to drain the unconscious DEA Agent’s blood in her bathtub. Nancy takes the taser and zaps Ignacio. Not in her bathtub.

The two men finally come to after Nancy has handcuffed them both to her bed – and not in a sexy way. Roy Till wants to know which side Nancy’s on and Ignacio brings up the obvious: she’s pregnant with his boss’ baby. The two men start to leg wrestle, but when Agent Till gets a little excited, Ignacio decides they shouldn’t fight anymore. Meanwhile, Nancy doesn’t know what she’s going to do – whichever man she sets free is going to kill the other. She can’t decide and instead consults a Magic 8 Ball. When that doesn’t seem to be working, she calls Esteban.

Esteban arrives to find Nancy curled up in the hall, nearly catatonic, repeating Magic 8 Ball phrases over and over. Esteban resolves the issue, telling her there’s no right and wrong here, and he’ll do anything to protect her and their son, and then he goes into the bedroom. Later Ignacio washes up, and Nancy and Esteban go for a walk on the beach. He throws her Magic 8 Ball into the ocean and kisses her belly. No more decision-making for Nancy.

Back at the house, Andy finishes putting together the baby rocker.

Season 5, Episode 4: Super Lucky Happy (Originally aired June 29, 2009)

For more Weeds, click here.

Mondays at 10pm ET/PT on Showtime

Photographs courtesy of Showtime, Cliff Lipson

Eli Stone: No Fury like a Maggie Scorned

After a bedding gone awry in last week’s episode, Eli is eager to make amends with Maggie – but having little luck as she is keeping hold of the evidence they absconded from a witness last week. This leads to more Maggie-Eli bickering – it’s becoming a theme – with Maggie crossing the line in court when she asks for Eli to be dismissed due to his belief that he’s a prophet of God. Yikes – what happened to sweet, innocent Maggie who believed in Eli?

Sinking to her level, Eli counters by saying that Maggie should be excluded because they had sex last week. And co-counsels Matt and Taylor are having a baby together. The judge throws her hands up and says no one’s excluded from trying the case unless any of them mention their bedroom activities or prophecies in the court room.

Speaking of prophecies, Eli finally has a vision again, seeing himself in Rome trying to follow Maggie, but he trips and can’t catch her. However, this doesn’t help him with his case defending a former news anchor, Sam Russell. Russell was demoted from his evening anchor position to the morning news and subsequently quit. He claims he was forced out because of an incriminating piece he was going to run against one of the station’s largest advertisers, Zyre Motors. Maggie and Evil Lawyer Firm – which now includes Jack from Dawson’s Creek (Kerr Smith) as lawyer Paul Rollins – are defending the news network and claiming that Russell quit and that he was demoted, not because of the piece, but because of his falling ratings.

Also, Maggie’s doing exceptionally well in court tearing Eli’s case apart, and Taylor notes it’s because he pissed her off. Hell hath no fury, they say. Eli says he’d been trying for ages to get Maggie to be this good of a lawyer, if he’d known he just had to sleep with her, he’d have done it a lot earlier. Taylor doesn’t think this is funny, and confronts Eli on his obvious feelings for Maggie. She says he’s blowing his window of opportunity.

In court, Maggie and Eli continue to fight over who’s right – the newsman led by the story or the network led by their purse strings. Eli – and I – continue to be shocked that Maggie can be working for the corporate money-grubbing man at all, but she spares nothing in her desire to get back at Eli. In a bold and uncharacteristic move, Maggie subpoenas her friend from Sonoma, Jesse Bates, to testify against Russell and admit that he was offered the demoted morning news position six months before the Zyre Motors piece and six months before he quit. This seems to really hurt Eli’s case until he realizes he can use this loophole to get access to the e-mails Maggie has been keeping as privileged. It works and Maggie – in a mean move – sends over hundreds of boxes of useless documents to his office; only one of which contains the documents Eli needs.

Luckily, however, Eli receives another premonition of himself chasing Maggie through ancient Rome. He knows which box has their documents straight away: the one with the gladiator on it. In the e-mails, Eli finds an e-mail in which the CEO of the news network asked the producer to take care of the Russell problem and Eli gets him to admit that the problem was the Zyre Motors piece. Feeling good after that confession, Eli takes a chance to express his feelings to Maggie, but before he can, she says that she’s over him. She never thought that sleeping with him was all she needed to do, but she feels nothing for him now (though her behavior certainly would suggest otherwise). Eli – daft boy that he is – believes this version of her story and goes out to give his summation.

Both Maggie and Eli give convincing closing statements – Maggie’s more so – and Eli’s worried that they’ll lose the case and, consequently, their money-starved firm. Matt Dowd, however, comes to the rescue of his Taylor’s struggling firm by offering Russell a secret settlement of $5 million if he’ll admit that he quit and stops speaking out against the media. Jordan convinces Russell that he can’t do it, even if it will save the firm, and Taylor forgives her dad for all his bad behavior (including driving her mother out of town) because of his selflessness in this case.

So in the end, they don’t take the deal and the jury rules against them and in favor of newly cutthroat lawyer, Maggie. Paul Rollins, however, has heard about what Matt tried to pull in the court with the secret settlement and threatens to fire him if it ever happens again. Matt walks away and shows up at Weathersby Stone, which is trying to figure out how it’ll survive the next couple of months. Matt asks if they need another lawyer. He tells Taylor he wants to be the kind of father who will stand up for what he cares about. Taylor then reveals that they’re having a girl and it gets really gooey.

Inspired by the sap-fest – and apparently over his devastating court loss – Eli takes off to see Maggie with flowers in hand. But when he arrives at her office, she’s zipping off in a car with Paul Rollins. So Eli hands his flowers off to the receptionist, believing his window of opportunity with Maggie has closed.
But don’t worry Eli, inevitably Jack – I mean Paul – will turn out to be gay and then become bosom buddies with your blond former paramour. Then he’ll marry your cop – I mean doctor – brother. Right?

Let’s hope Maggie sees the error of her ways soon – only two episodes left for these crazy kids to get it together.

Season 2, Episode 11: Mortal Combat (Originally aired June 27, 2009)

For more on Eli Stone, click here.

Photographs courtesy of ABC

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