Rescue Me: Spooning for Love in All the Wrong Places

This week on Rescue Me! Stuff happens!

Let’s get Sean Garrity out of the way. He ill-advisedly visits the firehouse – he should be resting in bed, but wants to live life, and embrace its Jessica Alba-like awesomeness. When he does finally die, he wants to say he lived. It’s all very Thoreau. He then collapses in exhaustion and smokes a cigarette. Irony!

Garrity’s speech inspires the crew to do stupid things, like binge drink at a memorial ceremony and defy Needles’ orders out on a fire call. This results in Tommy’s eventual reaming session courtesy of a very bitchy Needles.

You see, Damien finally graduates and joins the firehouse this week. This means lots of hazing for Damien, and since I’m no fan of this kid, I admit I enjoyed that part. On the probie’s first fire call, Needles assigns Damien to Lou, but! There’s a sex pact, see, and Sheila makes an appearance in the opening moments to remind us, in case anyone’s been sleeping the last few weeks: She sexes up Tommy, and Tommy protects Damien. So as the crew enters the burning building, Tommy takes Damien and Lou takes Mike. When Needles pulls the guys out because of dangerous conditions, Mike and Franco run in instead of out (you know, living life to the fullest and being heroes…or something), and Tommy runs in after them to corral their asses. Lou escorts Damien out, and Needles loses his shit. Maybe he’s still pissed about that whole runaway fire truck thing from last week, and this newest sign of disrespect sends him over the edge. For some reason I miss, he blames Tommy for everything – the Cancer Fire Truck Ride, and Mike and Franco’s going rogue. Back at the fire house, he rips into the team, but especially Tommy.

As everyone’s aware of Tommy’s promise to Sheila, Needles (rightfully) orders Lou to take care of Damien and Tommy to back off, as Tommy is risking the lives of the rest of his crew. The best way to turn Damien into a top notch firefighter like his father, Needles says, is to treat him like any other firefighter. Their job is to train him, not to baby him. Everyone agrees.

So Damien survives because of Tommy’s, er, leadership skills, which means … it’s reward time! Sheila regales (i.e. “thanks the shit out of”) Tommy in three outfits (bunny, cheerleader and dominatrix, in case you’re the type who keeps score), and Tommy tries to duck out post-coitus without telling her about Needles’ new orders. But wait! Jimmy appears to Tommy, surprisingly okay with Tommy having sex with his wife, but not okay with Tommy not telling Sheila that he’s no longer looking after Damien. Isn’t Tommy’s conscience funny? Jimmy insists that Tommy tell her the truth, after he spoons with her. We close the episode with Tommy at the door to Sheila’s bedroom.

Speaking of spooning, Tommy spends an afternoon shopping with Janet and Katy. Katy tries on some clothes and Tommy smoothly goes in for a hug with Janet – a completely non-sexual, cuddling type of hug. She’s not having it, and tells him she wants sex, not a relationship. Much the same conversation Sheila had with Tommy last week, but without all the whining. Obviously, Tommy’s feeling a little starved for real affection, if his conscience is telling him to spoon Sheila. As it is, I’m glad the women have two minute segments, because it’s the same conversation, week after week.

In other news, Mike’s band, Apache Stone, nee Hot Lunch, is throwing a small benefit show for Garrity’s hospital bills. A stream of Native American jokes follow. This is only funny because Mike insists he’s 2% Native American, and I know people like this who adopt an entire culture as their own because their mother had a grandfather who once spoke to someone who was Irish, and so now this person is 2% Irish, and therefore, don’t mock him on St. Patty’s day or when he embraces all things Celtic. The jokes themselves … not that funny. During the teasing of Mike and his heretofore unknown heritage, Franco’s lesbian-esque girlfriend comes up, and Mike tells Franco to have Carla bring a bunch of her friends so that the guys can get some of Franco’s hot, lesbian sex action. Later, Franco mentions the guys’ suspicions to Carla … while they’re in bed … which causes her to laugh and beat him up. I leave the judgment to you, America.

Finally, the crew attends a memorial dedication of a banquet hall to a firefighter lost during 9/11. The widow used her settlement money to buy new boobs. I would guess this is relevant only because of how much we hear about it. At the dedication, a politician starts talking to Tommy and Lou – or rather, makes the mistake of talking to Tommy and Lou. Our boys take offense to the politician exploiting a firefighter’s death for his own campaign, and one of those famous Tommy Gavin rants starts up. The politician turns condescending and indulgent, resulting in Tommy punching him and starting a nice sized brawl, all on camera.

Betting pool: How long before Damien ends up in the hospital, near death? Or will that be the season finale?

Next week: Tommy versus Needles: Fistfights and consequences!

For another take on this episode, check out Cameron Cubbison’s review here.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 5, Episode 15: Initiation (originally aired July 14, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro