The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Oh No He Di – in’t!

Wow, apparently it’s called the “dirty south” because down in the A-T-L they know how to fight dirty…as evidenced by the verbal smack down heard ‘round the world between Sheree and her party planner Anthony. I think I speak for the entire viewing audience when I say to Anthony that insulting someone’s momma is never the way to go, dude. But before we get into the cause of all the drama, let’s pause for a second and recap where last season left off: Lisa was excited because Ed had just gotten picked up by the Oakland Raiders; DeShawn…well, who cares? She was too normal so she was replaced this season; NeNe had just found out that her father wasn’t her biological dad; Kim was trying to break into the music industry while super producer Dallas Austin tried to keep a straight face, and Sheree was actively waging war against her arch nemesis NeNe and ugly people in general. And don’t even get me started on the reunion special – I’m tired just thinking about it.

Just to keep us all on our toes, however, the new season starts out with the winds of catfight-iness (yes, I did just make that word up) having changed and now Kim is persona non grata among the housewives. That’s right- apparently all of her trash talking about NeNe’s husband being poor (clearly the worst atrocity one can be accused of) and Lisa being a drug addict didn’t sit too well with the other ladies and now the great Wigged One has been banished to the far corner of the playground. Not to mention that her sugar daddy boyfriend “Big Daddy” has left the picture (seriously? was he even real?) and now Kim needs to – gasp! – figure out a way to make some money of her own. Kim decides to rely on what she knows and hits up the local beauty school to get some pointers on starting her own line of (you guessed it) wigs. I swear, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. She also pays a visit to the oldest woman on the planet, otherwise known as Rose her psychic, who tells her that she’ll have another child in the future. Let’s all hope Rose’s crystal ball is dusty and she read that one wrong, because hair extensions on boys isn’t exactly flattering. Then Kim shows up at Niecy Nash’s birthday party and snubs the other ladies, and all of a sudden the acrylic nail claws are out.

Meanwhile, Lisa is still relatively uninteresting, and with Ed having recently been released from his contract by the Raiders he decides to fill his free time up with procreating with Lisa. She doesn’t seem 100% on board with Operation New Baby yet, but she’ll cave eventually. Then she goes to visit her friend Kandi, and thus we are introduced to the newest Housewife on the Block. Kandi is a successful songwriter and apparently was in some girl group that no one’s ever heard of, but they keep trying to convince us is relevant. Plus, she’s engaged to a man with 6 kids (not counting her own daughter), as evidenced by the rock of Gibraltar on her finger.

NeNe has upgraded to a new home right near Lisa’s and christens it the best way she knows how – by having her friend Dwight pay a visit and sprinkle fabulousness all around. Then, in a stunning détente NeNe and Sheree decide to meet in a park to extend the olive branch to one another and consider a ceasefire, and thus the Playground Accord is forged. No, we’re not talking about foreign policy or diplomacy here but we should be, these b*tches hated each other, about five minutes ago. Now they just both decide to hate Kim instead and voila! All is right with the world again – until Sheree meets the party planner from hell. Her deadbeat ex got her house foreclosed upon and forced Sheree and her kids to downgrade into a considerably smaller home (wahhh, poor baby – it’s still ridiculously nice), and Sheree decides to throw herself an “Independence party” to celebrate her…good news? She should call it a “You’re not fooling anyone, your life sucks right now” party, but sure – we’ll play along. Then she goes head to head with the sassy event planner when his promises of a helicopter entrance and hunks feeding her grapes doesn’t pan out like she’d planned. Suddenly Sheree is irate and causing a man wearing a pocket square to hurl insults like a cage fighter. Amazing, I tell you – they went from zero to “it’s on like Donkey Kong” in 3 seconds flat.
Honestly, even if the rest of the episodes were lame after this, I still wouldn’t care, the fight alone was worth it – I had to rewind it and watch it twice. Kudos to the producers for ousting DeShawn as well…although it still remains to be seen if Kandi turns out to be an upgrade this season.

Season 2, Episode 1: New Attitude, Same ATL (originally aired July 30, 2009)

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Thursdays at 10pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Quantrell Colbert