Top Chef Masters: Flaming Coconuts!

July 8, 2009 … You knew it was coming. Memories! Forget Barney and Harold and Kumar. Neil Patrick Harris lives on in the hearts of millions not as Dr. Horrible, but as Dr. Howser.

(I don’t know if that Dr. Horrible line works – I’m not a Joss Whedon fan. Unless we’re talking Angel, and we’re not, so just go with it.)

This week, the fun is back! First, meet another four chefs: Douglas Rodriguez, Anita Lo, John Besh, and Mark Peel, who has the best voice in the business. This guy, especially with his sense of humor, belongs as a sportscaster on ESPN.

A moment: what’s with the pop-up advertisements, Bravo? Every few minutes, another bubble pops up in the bottom right hand corner of the screen, distracting from the show to advertise things like The Fashion Show. Look, I don’t like TFS, I haven’t met a single person who likes it, and I don’t care how many bubbles you throw up. I don’t care who made a knock off dress this week, and all you’re doing is securing my hate for the show, and now I’ll never, ever watch it. It’s not my fault you lost Project Runway, so don’t take it out on me while I’m enjoying one of your better programming decisions.

And in other Bravo news: Can you believe there’s more unseen footage of the Housewives they haven’t shown yet? I’d feel bad for Andy Cohen sitting in the middle of that train wreck if he didn’t so clearly relish the drama. Don’t get me started on that idiot.

Quickfire. Cook an egg-based dish with only one hand. Judges are Gail Simmons (Gail!), Terry Reish, and Monica May.

The chefs all go on about the difficulties of cooking a perfect egg, and cooking one-handed. Ironically (interestingly?), Mark’s father was born with one hand. Hmmmm… John makes a dish he makes every morning, but runs into a problem with timing and the oven, and only completes one dish out of the four.

Douglas’s open faced corn cake with ham and eggs pleases the judges; Mark makes duck egg pasta with egg and olive oil cream sauce – but he forgets the olive oil, so he really makes “bland” duck egg pasta with egg sauce. Sounds gross, doesn’t it? Anita cooks scrambled eggs with mushrooms and truffle sauce; aside from cooking a perfectly tasting dish, she scores extra points for presentation, with her eggs served in the egg shell. As expected, John’s slow cooked egg doesn’t receive one good review.

As a result, John receives a half star; Mark earns 2 ½ stars; Douglas 3 stars; and Anita wins with 5 stars.

Elimination Challenge. Max Maven enters and performs a little magic to introduce the challenge, and this guy looks exactly like a cartoon character – I don’t know why I kept thinking of the Great Gazoo. So: Create a dinner for Neil Patrick Harris and friends, with each chef inspired by a different element of the magic trick: Mystery, Surprise, Illusion, and Spectacle. A magical inspiration because NPH is apparently a huge magic fan, and … well, I have no idea. NPH and magic as guests on TCM seems awfully random, but I’m having a good time, so let’s do this.

Shopping and prep! Anita realizes she can’t rest on her 5-star win, and must still try as hard as she can. Mark goes all “east coast-west coast rivalry,” because Anita’s the one to beat, and she’s from New York (holla!) and he’s in L.A. (boo!), but it’s all in good fun, and I can’t help but like him. He has a great sense of humor about the competition and great respect for his fellow chefs. Douglas refuses to talk about his dish on camera because he doesn’t want to reveal his secrets … like a magician … (eye roll) … but he goes on a bit about how perfect it is he pulled Spectacle. O…kay?

And just as happy as we were to see Gail judging the Quickfire, in walks Tom Colicchio to survey the chefs as they work! See? How much better is this show with a familiar judge and the return of Colicchio? It’s like when a new Star Trek series starts but then Captain Picard guest stars to pass the torch. Wow, how geek-ified did this review just get?

Tom makes his rounds, and says that the Masters have a leg up on the “amateur” Top Chef contestants because “they didn’t get bogged down in the challenge, and know that through cooking, you can tell any story.” Oh, is that what the problem is with the TC contestants? I thought it was ego, lack of talent, and ego. While a few of the Masters haven’t been able to wrap their heads around their own awesomeness, I will agree that they always seem to come to quick decisions with confidence. Even when they’re trying something new, they can usually back it up with an almost perfect dish, and lack the insecurity that dooms less experienced chefs.

Look at me as if I know what I’m talking about! Anyway, the chefs pack up and head for The Magic Castle, where dinner will be served. Sadly, I’ve been here before with some models; this is much better. Anita says it feels like Hogwarts, and I’ll let JB make any Potter references and I’ll just stick to random Star Trek remarks. NPH arrives with his guests: Max Maven, Ed Alonzo of the Maxx, and actor David Burtka. The critics are Gail (Gail!), Gael, and James Oseland.

Service. Mark accomplishes Mystery by cooking fish in a paper bag, so you’re left wondering, what is that on my plate? Ta da! Mystery. He also provides sake, and in case you need a bit of trivia, NPH loves him some sake. His fish is “bold,” with lots of oohs and aaahs. John scores points for creativity, using liquid nitrogen tableside to make crème fraîche and horseradish sorbet. He loses points for freezing NPH’s hands, and because the sorbet is too cold to enjoy. Gael loves “the game of it” and the Surprising textures. Anita cooks a braised daikon with kombu caviar and steak tartare. For the Illusion, the tartare is hiding in a faux scallop, on a bed of rice krispies doubling as a “seascape.” Everyone loves the food and the plating. Douglas creates a flaming coconut for his Spectacle by smearing sterno wax on coconuts because he can’t find rum. That is an accident waiting to happen, but no one gets hurt. They enjoy the presentation of his duck four ways, but they don’t talk much about the food itself.

Critics Table. John’s lobster was perfect, but the rest of his meal was too cold to enjoy. Anita’s dish was a “surrealistic painting,” but all the Critics love it. Douglas played it safe by cooking dishes he’s comfortable with, and created a “classic ceviche.” No other comments. Mark moved away from his “deeply Mediterranean style.” But in a good way.

On to the scoring! John stays at the bottom with 12 stars. Next comes Douglas with 13, then Mark with 18 ½. But Anita wins the day with 22 ½ stars. Take that, West Coast!

Let’s hope the next few episodes remain as enjoyable as this one – I think the key is that these Master chefs checked their egos at the door and came to have fun, not just to compete for their charities. They laugh even as they make mistakes and lose, making this a good time for them, and for us at home. All that, and Tom and Gail? Perfection!

But can we get rid of the pop-up bubbles, Bravo???

Next week: Jeff Lewis. I think he’s hilarious but then, I’m never on the receiving end of his anal retentive degradation.

For another opinion on this episode, check out Pesto, Chango! by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 4: Magic Chefs (originally aired July 8, 2009)

For more on Top Chef Masters, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9c on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Kelsey McNeal