Weeds: Getting What You Want

This week, the Botwin clan was going for what they want, using the usual Botwin means of deception, blackmail, and violent intimidation.

First getting the money he wanted, Andy went on a super-creeptastic date with a former flame of his dead brother. Throughout the date, the chick – in full-on Molly Ringwald gear – called Andy “Judah” and then had him recreate her deflowering under a beach boardwalk among the homeless. Gross, but Andy got the money and is now $186K richer.

Finding himself not so rich after his teacher ripped off all his pot, Shane gets advice from Celia’s daughter Isabel and Nancy’s latest bodyguard Ignacio. Ignacio suggests they go get even. So off they go to pot-stealing Teacher’s sad apartment where Shane threatens his teacher with a gun. Finding that he’s not all that afraid of Shane – who he thinks is bluffing – he then threatens him with Ignacio. That does the trick, and Shane gets his pot back, takes some weird instrument thing that his teacher is oddly attached to, and then shoots his teacher’s parrot.

Trying to figure out what she wants, Nancy goes to the doctor – curiously played by Alanis Morissette – and finds out all’s well with the baby. She asks when would be too late to get rid of it? The doc asks if she’s really considering that and Nancy replies that she doesn’t know. She’s got some decisions to make.

Back at the house, Nancy discovers that Celia’s been squatting in her garage after Celia found a dead Mexican – poor Sucio – in the garage cooler. Nancy responds by getting very angry at Celia and calling Esteban to come clean up the dead bodyguard mess. But Celia ultimately gets her way and gets to continue living in Nancy’s garage after taking some lovely blackmail shots of Esteban’s buddies getting rid of Sucio’s body with the help of some acid. Why Celia would want to be around this is beyond me, but at least she has a roof over her head.

Off still trying to make good on their legal (sort of) pot endeavor, Doug and Silas skip off to meet “The Wizard” in order to get him to supply their pot. But Doug was not going for his extra costs and ends up flipping out at The Wizard while Shane sits by, the surprisingly mature one. Pissed at Doug for screwing up their deal, Doug and Silas get into a bickering match which ends when Silas punches him after Doug brings up his dead father. Silas immediately apologizes and the two hug it out. Somehow these two – who used to be my least favorites – are quickly becoming the highlight of the show, along with the devious and dark Shane.

Speaking of Shane, Nancy finds out what Shane did to get his pot back and is furious at all involved. She takes Shane back to the teacher’s house where she demands that he return the weird instrument and brings him a replacement iguana. Shane then apologizes for making his cockatoo an “innocent casualty of his youthful vengeance.” When the teacher is not satisfied with this, he begins to threaten Shane with Fs and shoves him. Nancy grabs the teacher’s bat and while holding him down in a chokehold with it, tells him he’ll do no such thing. Like mother, like son. She informs the teacher that he shouldn’t abuse his position by stealing from students and tells Shane that no, he can’t kick his teacher and is punished. They’ll be no tweeting or anything electronic. Then she releases the teacher and tells him to take care of the iguana, it could be a new start for him.

But, of course, there is no new start on the horizon for Nancy. There was a dead bodyguard in her garage and last week her boyfriend and his drug dealing posse killed a DEA agent in her bedroom. Sitting with Andy, Nancy asks why f-ing Armageddon is always coming down on her. Andy replies with the obvious answer, she does it herself, she must know that. As a solution, Andy once again tells her they should run away together, just leave a note and be gone in the night. They could be happy together. Nancy agrees and next we see her, she and Andy packing, but when Andy goes to fetch her in the morning, he finds his own Dear John letter.

Nancy turns up on Esteban’s doorstep with Shane. They’re moving in.

Season 5, Episode 5: Van Nuys (originally aired July 6, 2009)

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Photographs courtesy of Showtime, Monty Brinton