The J Factor Episode 14

Episode 14 - August 31, 2009 – Follow  J.B. & Jaimie as they podcast live from the heart of DC.  The team recaps the shows of the summer as Poptimal.com prepares for fall.  Laughter will ensue and insults will fly!!

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Project Runway: She’s a Pregnant Mess

So here’s the problem with this season. While we seem to have some really talented designers, we don’t seem to have a lot of interesting personalities. I thought maybe the first episode had too many introductions and not enough time for people to stand out, but then I watched the second episode, and I realize that these people, while probably fun to know individually, don’t make great television. For now. Possibly as the numbers dwindle and the competition becomes more, dare I say, “fierce,” personalities will start to show themselves.

And with that, welcome to Episode 2, wherein the challenge and the designs are much more exciting than the people we watch on television. Let’s begin!

On the runway, Heidi introduces a very pregnant Rebecca Romijn, this week’s subject du jour. The designers must create a maternity look for any occasion or event. Rebecca explains that she wants fashionable clothes that emphasize shape. Tim will decipher this as “form-fitting.” Everyone laughs while thinking “Maternity? Isn’t that just another excuse to design for large people? I’m not in my comfort zone! Freak!” We later learn that Mitchell previously designed commercial maternity wear. So, presumably, advantage to Mitchell.

Back at FIDM (pronounced phonetically, please), the designers have 30 minutes to sketch and $100 to spend at Mood. This is where the boring starts, because there’s a lot of “I’ve never done this before” and “Pregnant people? What?” Ra’mon (roll the “R,” while you’re at it) begins a series of interviews about how everyone else is draping and he’s an iconoclast for doing something different. He makes a dress of mostly purple, and you’re not so groundbreaking when Purple is this season’s Navy and everyone’s using and wearing the color. He wants a three dimensional, slimming look, and designs a dress with panels of purples and light grey. Mitchell tells him that the belly looks like a bowling ball. Ra’mon worries, and Mitchell fake says “no, I didn’t mean it like that.” Ra’mon begins to have doubts.

But not so many doubts to question his place as a frontrunner.

Christopher thinks he’s nailed a top spot again, but doesn’t worry because he has Immunity. Mitchell’s goal is to land somewhere safely in the middle to make up for last week’s debacle.  Shirin (who talks to herself when shopping for fabric) plans to stand apart by making both a simple dress and a coat. Malvin likes that his design is different, risky, and conceptual.

Tim Time. He loves Althea’s dress and recommends that she embrace how formal she’s making it. Louise’s red silk is looking a little lingerie. Tim encourages Mitchell’s attempt to fully clothe his model this time around. Shirin makes a beautiful draped dress with handwork at the waist. He loves the idea of the coat but warns her that the wrong design will send her home. Malvin’s fertility outfit worries Tim, because of the feathering, egg shape of the belly, and the “chicken thigh” design of the pants. Tim warns Ra’mon that he may be emphasizing the pregnant belly too much with his paneling.

After the final model fitting, the cups of Althea’s dress don’t fit her model perfectly, and Mitchell runs into a problem stitching and gathering the maternity shorts. Almost as if…he’s never designed maternity wear before?

Runway! Guest judges Monique Lhuillier in for Michael Kors, and Rebecca Romijn. Heidi warns all the designers that each of the women have been pregnant, so look out!

Logan: Simple, clean. Shirin: Gorgeous dress and coat. Nicolas: Simple, chic. Christopher: Safe, simple, cute, but could buy it now.  Mitchell: Awesome in concept. But…  Qristyl: Eh. Okay. Epperson: Unflattering “jacket” with pantsuit. That’s right: A pantsuit. Louise: Pretty, a little too much lace. Gordana: Meh. But love the model’s hair. Johnny: Boring! Malvin: The photos make it look worse. A baby bump sling! Ra’mon: Well, it is different. Carol Hannah: loves her own ugly jacket, mostly cute dress. Althea: Beautiful floor length dress, indecent pregnant boob exposure. Irina: Cute day dress.

Safe: Johnny, Qristyl, Logan, Nicolas, Christopher, Epperson, Carol Hannah, Irina, Gordana.

Judges. Monique says that Ra’mon’s dress is too busy and the construction sloppy, and all the women comment that the color blocking over-emphasizes the baby bump. So, not so much a frontrunner, but he takes the news well. Louise’s pleated lingerie and silk slip score points for their adjustable qualities, and Rebecca likes the dress, even though it’s almost too lingerie. Date night! Althea’s evening dress accentuates the back in a flattering, slimming way, and Monique loves the color. However, the cups need to be larger, because the belly ain’t the only thing growing on a pregnant woman. The women all agree that it is a beautiful dress. Malvin explains his Mother Hen-themed ensemble. Nina likes the black feathers, but doesn’t like the sling effect of the overall design. Heidi likes the idea of Mitchell’s urban look, but thinks, “Wow. How difficult is it to make a pair of shorts?” Nina calls the model a mess. Rebecca likes the idea but not the execution, and Heidi reminds him that just because the judges are seated away from the runway, doesn’t mean that they don’t have good eyes. Mitchell clearly thought he was in the top here, but his construction (no one mentions his previous experience) dooms him. Shirin’s dress receives accolades from all the ladies, and Monique tells her to get into the maternity business immediately. Nina is also impressed, and that is an amazing feat right there.

Deliberation goes much the same way, with Rebecca also calling Ra’mon’s dress reminiscent of a bowling ball. Line the designers back up and Louise and Ra’mon are safe. Between Althea and Shirin, Shirin wins! This week, we’re all in agreement, so well done, judges! However, between Mitchell and Malvin, it’s Malvin for the loss. What? Mitchell’s construction was awful, but at least Crazy Malvin had vision. I am far more interested to see what he would come up with than what Mitchell can’t pull off in the coming weeks. This is two weeks in a row Mitchell didn’t send out a polished product. He probably should have went home last week, and this week the mistake is even more glaring.

Which puts two of the most interesting designers out of the running. While I think we have great talent this season, I have to agree a little with Ra’mon that there’s a lot of the same “concepts” among the group. Ari and her headstands and Malvin with his ethereal voice at least looked at the challenges differently than the other designers. Both people would have driven me nuts, but at least we’d have some variety.

Next week: Teams of two and someone doesn’t know how to sew!

For another take on this episode, check out When You’re Good to Momma by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 2: We Expect Fashion (originally aired August 27, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

Project Runway: When You’re Good to Momma

Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They’ll tell you I’m the biggest mother hen
I love them all and all of them love me
Because the system works the system called reciprocity.

We begin with a wake up call to the designers that this is a competitive show and people will be sent home if the judges don’t like their designs.  That and they’re shocked to find gambling in this establishment.  As Malvin bites an apple whilst leering at Logan in a very modern form of the Garden of Eden, Heidi and her leopard print go-go outfit introduces this week’s challenge: create an actual look for an actual supermodel and television star and it must be formfitting.  In walks a very pregnant Rebecca Romijn, who we all know was pregnant with twins some time ago during her Ugly Betty sabbatical and before her husband starting going to law school.

The designers head back to their room and install fake baby bumps on their dress forms.  Gordana explains where the bump goes in relation to the boobage because she’s been pregnant twice (an odd phrasing).  Anyway, they head to Mood and you know the drill.  You also know the drill where we run through what all of the designers are doing, or at least the designers in the top and bottom groups.  So let’s just skip to Tim’s Take.

Tim’s Take.  Tim is confused by Althea’s evening gown for lunch thing.  He is equally concerned about Louise’s 1920s nightie-like ditty.  Mitchell and Tim are concerned that Mitchell’s model not come out naked again like last week.  He likes Shirin’s idea of include a jacket, provided she does it right.  Then we get to Malvin’s Mother Hen thing and Tim is as complementary as he could be with this outfit; note that he’s “not bored.”  We get to Ra’mon’s dress with panels and there’s a constructive back and forth with Tim, and a subtle dig at Ari who went home last week.  After Tim leaves, Mitchell tells Ra’mon that his dress makes the bump look like a bowling ball.  Then he takes it back after Ra’mon freaks out.  Let’s send in the models while I take a breather and skip the size zero models getting stomachs for probably the first time in their lives.

The next morning Malvin is concerned that his “little egg nest” is not literal enough.  Oh boy.  Ra’mon reminds us of Stella when someone hammers leather and I need to excuse myself to cry in the corner.  In come the models for final fitting and off to the L’Oreal Paris Makeup Room and the Garnier Hair Studio.

Runway.  Heidi introduces the judges: Nina Garcia; Monique Lhuillier; and Rebecca Romijn, who’s wearing a beautiful dress.  (Where’s Michael Kors?)  I won’t go through them all but some of them are pleasantly surprising.  What’s most amusing is seeing the models wear these fake stomachs.  Maybe they should do a Big Momma fat suit one time; the panel could be Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, and critically-acclaimed sociologist Tyra Banks.

Evaluation.  Heidi calls out those who are staying and Qristyl shouts out that she’s safe.  We begin with Ra’mon (and his douchy wool cap and scarf) and his purple cocktail dress.  Monique thinks it’s too busy, with sloppy construction.  Nina and Heidi think there are arrows pointed at the stomach.  Rebecca likes Louise’s lingerie-style piece that she would wear on a date with her husband; Heidi thinks the tiers would accommodate the different trimesters.  Rebecca loves the lines on Althea’s evening gown, which Monique thinks is “perfections.”  Malvin tries to explain his salute to poultry.  Nina thinks the feathery look is very beautiful but she does not like the sling; Heidi thinks it looks too much like an egg.  No one likes Mitchell’s shorts–she’s a mess, per Nina and Heidi, and Rebecca all but says there’s something to be desired in the execution.  We end with Shirin’s jacket and dress combo and Monique suggests she get into the maternity business.

Privy Council.  They did not like Ra’mon’s bowling ball.  Mitchell’s problem is poor construction because shorts aren’t that difficult to make.  Perennially pregnant Heidi thinks no woman wants to be referred to as a chicken, so that ends Malvin’s chances.  They think Shirin’s was just beautiful and the most wearable.  Althea’s was similarly very flattering of the form.  Louise isn’t going to win but Rebecca still liked it.

Results.  Louise is safe and Shirin wins.  I like to think it was a close call between her and Althea, so of course Althea is also safe.  Ra’mon is in.  It comes down to Malvin and Mitchell.  With Mitchell’s second time in the bottom two, who will it be?  Malvin’s “chicken-egg concept” was too bizarre and Mitchell was sloppy and unacceptable.  Malvin is out and Mitchell “just squeaked by,” for Heidi.  Back in the room, Malvin says he was “too conceptual for America.”  I’d add “and good taste” to that sentence.

So the two most “out there” designers are already off the show and I’m pleased again.  Now the real question is whether Mitchell will be this season’s Wendy Pepper?  Discuss.

Next week: Team challenge!

For another take on this episode, check out She’s a Pregnant Mess by Jaimie Campos.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 2: We Expect Fashion (originally aired August 27, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Who You Callin’ Ghetto?

Nothing says ‘fish out of water’ like NeNe standing in Inglewood, CA surrounded by a group of vertically challenged Wu relatives. This week, Lisa “my husband’s too boring for television” Wu Hartwell brought NeNe home to meet her family and wouldn’t you know it? She’s Asian! Why NeNe seemed so confused and surprised by this realization is anybody’s guess, but apparently knowing that Lisa was part Chinese and actually seeing that her relatives were Asian had, up until now, created a disconnect in her mind. But, as soon as Lisa and NeNe’s shiny convertible rolled through the streets of some of California’s least glamorous neighborhoods, NeNe suddenly got the memo that her friend was “part gangsta” and immediately started to taunt Lisa about being a “hood rat.” You know, ‘cause that’s what nice friends do.

While in Cali, NeNe rubbed elbows with Lisa’s wee kinsmen, marveled at her 92-year-old grandma’s porcelain skin (NeNe will immediately stop her microdermabrasion and buy stock in Vaseline) and thankfully had the good sense that God gave her to step out of the way when Lisa’s family decided to take a trip to the cemetery to visit Lisa’s older brother’s grave. Realizing that it wasn’t her place to be there, NeNe still told Lisa that she should go pay her respects to her brother Meho, which she did with no lack of trepidation and repressed grief, thus creating the most awkward 5 minutes of television ever. No disrespect to the family, but I don’t know how a camera crew could possibly aid in the grieving process. I’d venture a guess that Lisa will also have something to cry about when she finds out next week what type of alter ego NeNe wants her to have for the photo shoot she’s orchestrating (great idea, subtly insult your friends by revealing to them what you really think of their personalities, in jest, of course!). Something tells me door knocker earrings and baggy jeans are in Lisa’s future…

Kim spent the episode buttering up to Kandi and trying to expand the roster for Team Kim, which doesn’t seem to be working as well as she’d like. After visiting Kandi in the studio and trying to sway her to collaborate on a track, Kandi seems less than convinced. Maybe it’s because Kim wouldn’t actually sing the lyrics to her song and chose to speak them instead. Can you say “red flag” much? And what is all this ‘Tardy to the Party’ business anyway? I thought it was a joke, are they really going to try and sell it like they’re Snoop and Dr. Dre? Good luck with that, ladies. Oh, and then they discover that they’re both from the astrological sign Taurus thus convincing Kim that they’re meant to be inter-racial soul mates. Why is it that Kim keeps identifying herself as the long lost twin of every beautiful black woman in Atlanta? Honey they don’t want to take responsibility for you, take a hint doll baby. Then Kim takes Kandi to dinner and talks smack about all of the girls (‘cause that’s what people who are allergic to drama do, duh) while trying to get Kandi liquored up so that she’ll contribute. Sorry Kim, that one’s a non-drinker, looks like you’ll have to call Lisa a crack whore all by yourself! Lisa will no doubt have her rebuttal ready next week, count on it.

Lastly we have Shereè, who is determined to piss of every event planner in Atlanta. Somehow she managed to have her clothing line launched at a Mercedes Benz-sponsored fashion show (do you think she said “Mercedes Benz” enough times? Nah, me neither) and has a sit down with the event people to discuss her demands. Shereè, what’s it like on the planet where you live? Chick is clearly out of touch with reality, as she asks that she be driven in a Maybach and draped in Tiffany diamonds. Come to think of it, maybe that event planner from a few weeks back that she grappled with should’ve taken a swing at her…She then proceeds to insult every single prospective runway model that they offer her for her show. Granted, I think they just rounded up all the girls they found working at the local Forever 21, but still – Shereè, if don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Even though this week didn’t have any actual brawls, I was still moderately entertained. I am looking forward to seeing how scrappy Lisa can be when she ‘rips Kim’s eyebrows off her head’ next week, and also eagerly awaiting the return of the gay messiah, Dwight. I’m going to call out Kandi right now, though, and say that unless she starts being a full-blown diva or threatening physical violence on others, the producers aren’t going to keep her around for next season. AJ’s baby momma drama aside, it’s all about having massive issues and being dysfunctional, Kandi – get with the program already.

Season 2, Episode 5: Home Is Where the Heartbreak Is (originally aired August 27, 2009)

For more on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Wilford Harewood, and Quantrell Colbert

Advanced Screenings

From time-to-time, we have extra passes that our Featured Writers are unable to use. As such, we offer them to our faithful readers and podcast audience. Here is what you do to qualify:

1. Look below to see if the movie is playing in your area.
2. Post your comments about at least one (1) of our articles located on the our front page. (Each new post increases your chances of winning.):

At the end of your post, put the name of the movie you want to see in parentheses. Like this: (MOVIE NAME, Location).

Make sure that you supply a valid email address in the “Mail” entry blank. This is the email where the passes will be sent, if you are chosen.

We are constantly providing more opportunities, follow us on Twitter to stay in the loop, @Poptimal.

The Burning Plain

Seattle, WA

**For a Special Screening of the Informant starring Matt Damon, click here.

Top Chef: Sweet, Gooey, and Disgusting

This week on Top Chef – It’s a wedding-themed challenge, which hopefully replaces the wedding challenge entirely. Although, with Elvis-included chapel opportunities, who knows?

Quickfire. In the kitchen, Padma, guest judge Todd English, and a craps table greet the chefs. The winner of the Quickfire wins another $15,000, but I ignore this when I hear the challenge. Each chef will roll the die, and whatever number comes up is the number of ingredients required for their respective Quickfire dishes.

A great idea, though those who roll a three (Laurine) and anything above eight (Jessie, Jennifer, Eve, Kevin, Michael V, Ashley, Bryan) aren’t as thrilled as I am. Chatter, chatter, cook, and Todd Does a Tasting. His least favorites are Jessie (who realizes too late that she grabbed the wrong pan), Bryan, and Eve. He chooses Jennifer, Michael V, and Kevin as the top dishes, with Michael winning the cash prize and immunity.

Elimination Challenge. Create an array of appetizers to pair with shots for a bachelor and bachelorette party. Drunken screaming – woo hoo!  That’s just me, not the chefs. Most look less than thrilled. But that’s not all! It will be men versus women, because we’re as antiquated as The Apprentice here. The men will cook for the Bachelorette party, and the women for the Bachelor party. Allow me to kill some suspense: the “party” is a bunch of people hanging out by and in the pool, eating Top Chef food with a selection of three shots. So this must be the “pre-party” they’re cooking for, because no one goes to Vegas for half a meal by the pool. For the shots, yes, but come on now. We do not learn the fate of the couple the next morning, or how many people woke up saying, “What have I done?” Insert “Who” where you will.

Ashley, as a gay woman, is immediately offended by the challenge because of gay marriage laws being what they are. She will cook and participate and try her hardest, but she’s not pleased, and finds it “beyond comprehension” that TC would have such a challenge with at least three gay participants in the cast. Even though, she claims, she knew this challenge was coming, in Vegas of all places. I don’t wish to be unsympathetic, but try to look at it not as a wedding celebration (which it isn’t) and more like a party with a bunch of people looking to get drunk and misbehave. Can I express how low expectations for a party like this should be in a place like Vegas?

Also offended: Jennifer, but mainly because she has to work with the women, who are clearly the weaker group here. Men versus women? Gender is irrelevant in the world of Chefdom! Robin, however, seems excited to bond with the other ladies, especially because the culinary world suffers from male domination. So, you take the good, you take the bad…

Back to the food! The shots: Moscow Mule. Tequila. And the Golden Delicious – or as Ash describes it: “sweet, gooey, and disgusting.” Each team must prepare two dishes to pair with each shot. Laurine thinks the women’s choice of more familiar food will win the challenge over the men, who she thinks will go too exotic. She calls their menu “contrived.” Sigh. I hate men versus women challenges on any show, because the women almost always lose, and here I sit, feeling silly on behalf of my whole gender.

Brothers Bryan V and Michael V contend that their only goal is to beat each other, for the same competitive reasons that I’m growing tired of hearing about. Ashley says that the men are using ingredients that most of the women have never even heard of, and a win would be a good confidence booster. She decides that since she has time, she’ll make a second dish. Jennifer advises against it.

Service. The women’s plates undergo review first, and the judges take into account not just the taste of the dish, but how well they pair with the shots. Eve’s ceviche remains as unbalanced as her dish last week, and the judges dislike it across the board. They also disliked Ashley’s bay leaf and vanilla panna cotta (bitter and not completely set); Preeti’s Coriander & Sesame crusted tuna (pedestrian and over-cured); and Jesse’s Thai chicken lettuce cup – despite its popularity with the guests.

Jennifer’s octopus ceviche (what the what?) lands among their favorites, as does Ashley’s watermelon carpaccio and Laurine’s lamb chop.

Over with the men, the brothers receive the most compliments – Michael’s apple sorbet & goat cheese cookie (“ridiculous,” as in good) and Bryan’s sweet and sour macaroons (great, with extra points for difficulty) wow the judges. Also favorites are Eli’s tuna tartare (great acid with excellent seasoning), Hector’s tofu lemon-lime ceviche (interesting with nice flavors that highlight tofu), and Ash’s chicken wings.

Among their least favorites were Mike I’s arctic char (doesn’t work with the tequila, flat) and Ron’s lobster cocktail (no flavor, despite the guests’ compliments).

Judges’ Table. The men win! Shocker. Hector, Michael V, Bryan and Kevin receive their share of compliments, but the win ultimately goes to Bryan. And he’s just happy to have bested his brother, which is what this show is all about.

That, and the losers. Representin’ the Ladies: Preeti, Jesse (again), Eve, and Ashley. Ashley takes plenty of heat for making two dishes, because one was great, but the panna cotta was awful. Jesse again knows what she did wrong, having added ginger beer (but not real ginger) and lacking a strong direction. Preeti’s lack of knowledge about her ingredients and food choices disappoints Tom especially, but Eve takes the hit – she looks lost and confused, and her failure to fix her dish knowing that it wasn’t cooked well dooms her back to the kitchen … to pack her knives and go.

Okay, so I have to admit that I watched a season (and a half) of Hell’s Kitchen before my Top Chef days really kicked in. There’s a world of difference between those chefs and these chefs – it’s almost laughable how advanced TC’s contestants are over Ramsay’s. My problem is that the women of this season remind me of the contestants on that show. Jennifer seems to be the only one with any real talent (unless Robin or Ashley step up and surprise us) which is disheartening. The men, however, seem to possess the talent, skills, and confidence that the women lack. The men versus women aspect of this week only seemed to highlight that more. Let’s not do this again, okay?

Otherwise, the Quickfire and the Elimination were both good challenges, and if we can keep up that level of competition, it doesn’t matter who wins.

Next week: Jennifer takes control and the Air Force. Go America!

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 2: Bachelor/Ette Party (originally aired August 26, 2009)

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Trae Patton

Rescue Me: The Game Plan

With Rescue Me finally and painfully winding down, it’s closure and surprise time.

And so! Franco’s a boxer – remember? It’s Fight Night: Puerto Rican Pillow Lips versus stunt opponent, The Lesbian (no, it’s not Carla, and that’s why this fight is a hundred times less interesting than it could have been). Franco’s new doubts result in a disappointing fight; the crowd becomes disruptive and a large bar fight breaks out. The crew books it out of there, the match stops, and Franco decides right then that he’s over being a boxer. And…scene.

Over in the world of Apache Stone, Mike and the band play for Kelly’s record exec friend (under the new band name, The DBs. Guess what the initials stand for?). Mike has some performance issues to work out, such as crowd interaction and basic motor skills. The exec loves the band but hates Mike, and offers to sign the other members. Damien declines, since he joined the band to get women (he uses another word), and his job as fireman is bringing in all the “women” he can handle. The rest of the band, however, signs up with the exec, and Mike is now bandless, and, presumably next week, hairless. Good-bye Apache Stone!

Now to Kelly (Maura Tierney), who decides to rescind her part-time lover offer from last week. She ditches Tommy entirely in favor of Damien. Angry Tommy shows up at her apartment, they make out a little, she tries to kick him out, and Tommy refuses to leave until he finds out what’s in the silver case. She doesn’t open it for us to see, but pulls out a baby picture. She explains that her daughter died when she was an infant from a heart defect. Well, now we can guess where her attitude comes from. Tommy shares the story of Connor’s death, but Kelly doesn’t want to hear it. However, in a nice moment, Tommy refuses to leave until she relents and allows him to stay. Whether they like it or not, they’re partners in an exclusive club.

A failed Ponzi schemer attempts suicide by jumping off of a bridge, and with the negotiator running late, our crew steps in. Black Shawn has more than five lines this week as he volunteers to make contact. Tommy and Franco back him up, and though Shawn makes some progress, he offers his coat to the jumper and the man falls off the bridge and dies. Naturally, the team is crushed, Shawn in particular.

Tommy returns home later to hear Colleen hysterically crying and finds Black Shawn on the balcony, drinking. They share a father/son moment (at least, that’s how Shawn takes it) when Shawn yells at Tommy for upsetting Colleen – Tommy dealt with death and mayhem through the years by turning to the bottle and a skirt; Colleen naturally thinks that Shawn will do the same. Tommy convinces Shawn to man up, break the cycle and go inside and console Colleen in the way that Tommy never did. And Shawn does. It was slightly more interesting than what I just wrote, because I nearly just put myself to sleep recapping that.

As for Lou, he rents a fancy new apartment and blows up online shopping carts everywhere as he spends Candy’s money. Ahem, their money. He also learns she’s wanted in Florida for conning a man out of $250,000 – the same amount of money she “inherited” from her uncle. Who, in fact, is not dead. When Candy arrives at his new place, Lou informs her that the cops are on their way, and if she’s innocent, she should stay. She leaves him, with a stern warning that he doesn’t know what he’s done.

Finally, in what may have an impact on someone on this show – and by impact, I mean that the ramifications would be felt long after ONE FRIGGIN’ EPISODE … we close the night at the bar, with Tommy serving drinks to his family of Born Again Alcoholics. By now, they’re all pretty drunk, per usual, and Ellie leaves … to pick up her dog. I couldn’t tell if that was code or for real (it’s nearly midnight, for pete’s sake). We cut back and forth between the drunk Gavins and firemen, and Ellie drunkenly driving. Do alcoholics care when a family member dies because of a drunk driver? Apparently not. She drunkenly calls Teddy, who doesn’t pick up because he’s laughing and drinking, and then Ellie runs a red light. A large Mack truck plows into her. Cut to black.

Oh, and for anyone taking notes, Garrity’s balls are pink, and his penis is teal. There was a bleaching agent involved.

One episode left. Good night, Everybody!

Next week: Janet, Sheila, Ellie, blah blah blah, and I retire.

For another take on this episode, check out Fighting, Jumping, Drinking and Sour Candy by Cameron Cubbison.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 5, Episode 21: Jump (Originally aired August 25, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

Inglourious Basterds

Inglourious Basterds is the type of film that makes me wish I had more of Siskel and Ebert’s reviewing skills because as hard as I try to imagine what to say and how to say it, words just don’t seem to be able to do this film justice. So first let’s start with some background.

Back in the 1978, a properly-spelled, Italian B-movie titled The Inglorious Bastards was released by a man named Enzo Castellari. He may be no Sergio Leone or Federico Fellini, but a film nerd like director Quentin Tarantino is the perfect man to tackle this spaghetti western in a way that puts it on a pedestal and knocks it down a few pegs at the same time.

So the film, I’m told since I haven’t seen the original, isn’t a remake and, thank god, Tarantino wouldn’t be the type to tout it as a redux or reboot or whatever else we’re calling remakes with freedom to change as we please these days. And besides a loosely taken plot about the “basterds”, vicious fighters who sneak behind enemy lines of the Nazi’s to seek revenge on the big men in charge, it’s suppose to be completely its own.

Much like any Tarantino film, the soundtrack choice is superb and the 35mm visuals are pretty great to watch. But the greatest thing of all is the characters he brings to life. These characters are over the top  and broad in the personage spectrum but nowhere near being generic. The three superstars are Brad Pitt, Melanie Laurent and Christoph Waltz, who respectively play the Antihero, the Femme and the Nazi. Yes, it’s as simple as that.

The Antihero Lieutenant Aldo Raine’s (Pitt) got a thick southern drawl and is the leaders of the “basterds”, requiring all of them to get at least 100 Nazis scalps. No joke! Though he comes around to be the hero of the story and you root for him and his group of merry men, they’re kind of the dregs of society.  The Femme Shosanna, played by Melanie Laurent, watched her entire Jewish family massacred. After changing her name and acquiring a movie theater, she plans to use a Nazi premiere to blow the enemy away. And Nazi Colonel Hans Landa (Waltz), who also won the 2009 Cannes Best Actor award, kicks off and ends the film in grand fashion and makes it clear that sometimes it is oh-so fun to play the villain.

Some would say that it might be the best Tarantino film made to date. It’s funny, it’s smart and wonderful to watch visually and musically. It’s dark and light at the same time. It succeeds at everything Tarantino tries to encapsulate and capture in all his films. Plus, it’s an added bonus to see World War II end in a much different manner.

Rescue Me: Fighting, Jumping, Drinking and Sour Candy

Great writing is when you present a scene that is both surprising but also feels inevitable at the same time, like it was always going to happen and viewers should have been expecting it. This week’s episode—which is scripted by Denis Leary, Peter Tolan and frequent head writer Evan Reilly, and directed by Tolan—achieves that remarkable feat no less than three times.

There’s no Janet or Sheila this week, and I can’t say that I mind, especially because you know next week’s season finale (how can the season be over already?) will be loaded with both of them. We open this week at Franco’s bout/dyke-and-proud-of-it freak show. In the moments before the fight begins, as he sizes up his opponent, who looks like more of a man than Mike Tyson, Franco starts to get cold feet. Lou and Needles try to psyche him up, telling him that they’ve trained for this and imploring him not to be afraid to hit her. “I’m not afraid of hitting her,” Franco tells them, “I’m afraid of her hitting me.”

Meanwhile Tommy spots Kelly once again putting the moves on Damian, so he goes over to confront her because not only does he not want her putting the moves on Damian, he wants her putting the moves on him. But Kelly wants the easy way out, she wants Damian because he’s safe and easy, and Tommy is chock full of inner demons. “I’m not in to boyfriends and you got boatload of boyfriend written all over your David Bowie face,” she tells him. I guess that’s a more specific, personalized version of “it’s not you, it’s me.” Personally, I’ve come to really like Kelly (and Maura Tierney) in the last few episodes. She’s fun and mysterious and unpredictable, but not mentally unstable like Sheila or a petty vindictive bitch like Janet. She’s like Gina Gershon’s Valerie from last season, but with more going on upstairs. I’m glad Tommy is trying to make something happen with her, she’s a much better choice.

Of course all this dancing around is interrupted by the start of the fight. Franco is getting his ass kicked (further proof that the show is not sexist, in spite of what some small-minded and ignorant people claim), but when a drunken Mickey picks a fight with another dyke in the crowd, the whole arena erupts into a brawlfest. It’s so intense that Franco and his opponent actually stop their fight to watch everyone else’s. Franco decides he’s done with boxing because it brings out the worst in people. His opponent says that she’s done with “the whole lesbo thing” for the same reason. Franco asks if she wants to go get a drink. She declines. “Good fight,” he says.

From there, the guys get called to a very different, yet equally chaotic scene: a guy threatening to jump off a bridge. “Isn’t this like a cop thing?” Damian asks. Well yeah, except Lou discovers via radio that the police negotiator isn’t going to be there for another ten minutes because he was working a job uptown. Where’s Martin Riggs when you need him?

Black Shawn volunteers to try to talk to the guy, since he’s the only one with any experience in this sort of thing. It seems he talked his brother out of jumping several years ago, although there’s more to that story that we don’t find out until later. I won’t tell you the outcome of the scene, but I do want to mention how beautiful the cinematography is. Rescue Me has always shot digital, but there’s always so much texture to the image, and the lighting here is just breathtaking, the bridge lit dimly by the city lights reflecting off the black water. Also, as a result of this scene, we get another one that gives Tommy and Black Shawn a chance to bond a little bit.

Mike has his audition, but of course there’s not a happy ending for him. Frankly, I don’t really care. I’m much much much more interested (and delighted) with a big development that happens between Lou and Candy. No one was more surprised than I was (well, except maybe Lou) that Candy showed up this season after robbing Lou’s money and his heart all the way back in season two. When their relationship started progressing, I thought I was going insane. When she proposed marriage, I couldn’t believe it. On the one hand I was really rooting for Lou to find happiness because, well, he’s pretty much had nothing but crap thrown at him throughout the entire series. But I was also thinking, how could this possibly work? My question got answered this week, and in a way that not only wasn’t sad, but a way that had me cheering and jumping up and down like a maniac. I’m not sure what it will mean for Lou in the long run, but I’m sure glad what happened happened. Go watch!

Oh yeah, we also get a cliffhanger involving Teddie’s floozie wife Ellie, who he met when he was in prison in season three for killing the guy who ran over Tommy’s son. And we finally find out what’s in Kelly’s secret box this week, and it’s not a doomsday device, but something very personal. It turns out she and Tommy have more in common than either one would probably like to admit.

Next week is going to be great. It better be, because I just read that Stallone offered Denis Leary a part in The Expendables but he couldn’t do it because it interfered with the Rescue Me shooting schedule. The season four finale of Rescue Me, while dramatic, lacked the kind of surprise oh-my-sweet-jesus-did-that-really-just-happen energy of the first three, and Tolan and Leary acknowledged that, so I’m positive they have something truly worthwhile cooked up for this year. Until next week…

For another take on this episode, check out The Game Plan by Jaimie Campos.

Season 5, Episode 21: Jump (Originally aired August 25, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

True Blood: New World In My View

There was not a lot of plot development during this episode, but do not fret, dear readers, because it was still juicy and full of hysterical moments. Really. I literally found myself laughing a lot more than usual.

Sookie, Bill, and Jason were technically playing catch up on the things we already know have been going on back at home. People were running around town, tossing themselves in front of cars and pretty much just acting a fool. Repeated calls to the police station were greeted only with an answering machine, and for a town that small, it was utterly baffling and annoying to Jason.

After hearing all the crazies talk about finding Sam and, well, killing him, they head to Bill’s. There, Jessica and Hoyt have their hands full trying to wrangle the newly black-eyed and liberated Maxine. Keeping her locked up is probably the smartest thing these two could do, but it sure as hell doesn’t look like any fun with all her hateful ranting and sexual lunges at Jason (I feel you, lady!). But the funniest part of all was the realization that an alien-killing Wii game would hold her attention.

The two give them the heads up that party central has been Maryann’s place which also happens to be Sookie’s place, and they go off to find out what’s going on. Jason takes the opportunity to break from them and use his FOTS training to  confront, head on, what’s going down in town.

And Maryann is done with pleasantries when they arrive. I guess I get that since she’s already erected a giant tree statue made out of meats and veggies and other earthly things. I can’t imagine what that thing smells like in that hot Louisiana sun, but she just wants a little more Kobe beef and Sam. Sookie makes her stand. but Maryann is faster and stronger, so Bill goes vamp on her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to be filled with blood, more like gross sticky black ooze that makes him puke. In all the mayhem, Sookie puts her hand on the baddie’s forehead and a light sparks out of it. It puts Maryann out of commission for a second so they take the opportunity to run. No one has any idea what just happened, let alone Sookie, and all Maryann can do is laugh as they run and scream out “what are you?!”

Elsewhere, Jason finds Sam and Andy stuck in Merlotte’s freezer with all the maddies in town ready to turn him over to their new leader. Terry, with his military background has become the groups leaders. Jason bust in, wielding a chainsaw, and when no one paid him any attention until he sawed their radio player in half, I almost died. No one seems to care that he’s ready to knock ‘em down like bowling pins until he puts a nail gun to Darlene’s head. Well actually, everyone wants him to (teehee) nail her, even Arlene but Terry doesn’t like the idea of him hurting his lady friend. They retreat long enough for Jason to get Andy and Sam convinced to come out but not long enough to help them escape.

So Sam gives up. He’s thought about it a lot in the last couple of episodes, but he actually does it this time. Thankfully, Jason’s scheming isn’t done yet, and he takes advantage of the fact that these black eyes make vision a little blurry. He dons a gas masks, throws some flares, and keeps some in his hand for a god-like effect, and all the while Andy’s holding this tree branch as antlers behind his head because no one will believe he’s a god unless he has antlers. Hysterical. At this point, I’m rolling around in my bed. Sam screams “smite” me about ten times before Jason gets with the picture, and then shape shifts, and that’s enough to convince everyone to go back to Maryann and tell her that their job is done. Now, we haven’t yet tackled Jason and Andy seeing Sam disappear and reappear naked, but I can’t wait until they finally put it together in their little brains.

And the final piece of this puzzle is saving Tara from Maryann’s hold. Lafayette and Lettie Mae try to reach her with slaps and prayer and nothing works. Lafayette quips, “This has got to be the worst [bleeping] intervention in history!” Never mind, Tara just chants the same thing over and over again and says “He’s” coming to kill them all. He must be Dionysus or Satan, definitely someone scary. When Sookie and Bill show up, Bill glamors her while Sookie presses further than she’s ever had to to get answers, and though it’s difficult, she finally unlocks Tara’s brain and all those repressed memories. Boy, her realization of everything that’s happened is heartbreaking. But Bill can’t hang around because he knows something has to be done, and he doesn’t want to call on Eric like Sookie suggest. Instead he heads to the Queen Bees home, who happens to be the head honcho of vamps in Louisiana.

Side Note: Jessica has enough with mommy dearest vamp-hating rants and attacks. Doesn’t look good for either of them in Hoyt’s eyes. And Bill recognizes the sacrificial tree with a burning man from a book he was reading in a flashback a few episodes ago. He also remembers the names that accompanied the picture, which he thought was just a myth, and the words Tara was chanting happened to be those names. Oh, and the picture and caption definitely had to do with Dionysus and his Maenads.

So we didn’t learn very much, but I’m happy that Bill, Sookie and Jason are finally clued in to what’s been going on while they were in Dallas. I love Sookie all gussied up and ready to defend the people she loves, and hopefully Tara will finally have the will to fight back too. It’s also clear that something different about not only Sookie, with her new powers, but Jason (same blood, duh!), Hoyt, Andy and maybe even Lafayette and Lettie Mae since they all seem to be immune to Maryann’s crazy juice. Hopefully we’ll get some of those answers before the end of the season as well as Maryann’s downfall. Only two more to go!

Season 2, Episode 10: New World In My View (Originally aired August 23, 2009)

For more on True Blood, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO and IMDbPro

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