“The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard” (insert bad car pun here)

I think I’ve heard all the clever automotive quips that there are to describe this movie. “Hard sell?” Heard that one. “Runs out of gas?” Yup, that one too. In fact, I think every person who’s reviewed this film has used some form of “stalling” or “clunker” reference to describe the overall trajectory of this movie, and they may not be entirely wrong. Here’s the thing, though – who cares about plot line? I mean, does anyone really see a movie like this expecting it to have an actual story arc or character development? And don’t even get me started on the critiques of Jeremy Piven’s “performance” (chuckles); I’m pretty sure no one in my theater walked out asking themselves if he was believable in his role. For all intents and purposes, all you need to know is – will it make you laugh? The answer for me, at least, was yes.

The story centers around a renegade car salesman (played by Piven) named Don “the Goods” Ready, who is so slick and fast-talking he could sell ice to the Eskimos, or in this case – cheap cars to the American public. Ready is called upon by Ben Selleck (played by James Brolin) to resuscitate his used car dealership’s ailing sales when facing impending bankruptcy and the loss of his family business. Ready rounds up his fellow “mercenary” salesmen (and saleswoman) and the team storms the Temecula, CA lot looking to kick some ass and sell some cars over the Fourth of July weekend. Piven’s entourage in this film consists of Ving Rhames, David Koechner and Kathryn Hahn, who shamelessly pursues Selleck’s ten year old son – if it sounds creepy, it is. And on the home team, Brolin’s crew of rag tag salesmen consists of Charles Napier, Tony Hale and Ken Jeong – who is apparently going for a Guinness Book world record for the most movies made inside 18 months, dude is in almost every film/preview I’ve seen recently, damn.

Everyone covets something in this film, Brolin’s character covets David Koechner (not a typo), Don Ready covets Brolin’s daughter Ivy (played by Jordana Spiro), and Ivy’s fiancée Paxton (played by Ed Helms) covets fame and fortune for his boy band, er, man band. Helms pretty much nails the whole “raging D-bag” character and scores a few good laughs, while Piven’s desire to set down his rootless, wheeler/dealer existence and find love brings a decidedly un-funny and predictable subplot to the movie. But, like I said before, we’re not going for Oscar nominations here. There are some unexpected bright spots in The Goods, namely Hahn and Napier’s scene-stealing one liners and an entertaining cameo from Godfather of absurd comedy, Will Ferrell. Before you go crying “spoiler alert” realize that his participation is anything but a secret.

Considering this movie was brought to us by Director Neal Brennan of Chapelle’s show and the writers/producers from “Talladega Nights”, “Anchorman” and “Step Brothers” it should come as no surprise the kind of laughs they’re going for – ridiculous, offensive and profane – the best kind, in my opinion. Why, then, does this movie seem to fall pretty flat on entertainment value? Your guess is as good as mine, but I’m pretty sure this film is destined for DVD-ness inside of a few weeks, and maybe that’s best. It’s good for reciting or watching in an altered state, as I’m sure many of us will end up doing. I wasn’t checking my watch or itching to leave the theater, but I was wondering if I should be eating my weight in popcorn just to make the trip to the theater worthwhile. The verdict? Netflix this one, kids. If I’m guilty of one car pun in this review let it be this one: The Goods is worth a spin but I probably wouldn’t drive it off the lot.