Entourage: Murphy’s Lie

*clap clap* Let’s hear it for Entourage! We’ve got a good episode and it only took, what 5 or 6 shows to get here? By returning to the earlier hallmarks of the series, the writers finally recaptured the essence of what makes Entourage a good show in the first place.  One prevalent aspect of the show has always been the guys’ ability to maintain their loyal, close-knit friendship in spite of the various misfortunes that may befall them.  All for one and one for all.  When Vince was down and out, the fellas didn’t hesitate to return back to their humble beginnings in Queens with him.  Although Vince is their raison d’etre, the group loyalty extends beyond just him.  You know I despise Drama, but I have to say he was endearing in this episode.  When he thinks a TV exec is making moves on Jamie-Lynn, he intervenes on Turtle’s behalf.

You’ll recall that Jamie-Lynn is making a guest appearance as Drama’s love interest on his television show.  When a studio bigwig drops by the set and compliments Jamie-Lynn on her work, Drama is acutely suspicious.  He tries to crash their lunch date and jeopardizes his job when he ends up choke-slamming the guy against a wall after he says he wants to give Jamie-Lynn the “business.”  Drama may be a royal pain in the ass, but he is loyal to a fault, and I was reminded of what makes Entourage such a likeable show.  The other thing that makes Entourage so good is Vince. Everything about him; the ease with which things generally fall into place for him, his carefree lavish lifestyle, and all the cool situations in which he frequently finds himself.  I’m sure the male viewers were glad to see him nailing a co-ed while waiting for Turtle to get out of class. I got no real joy out of that (though Vince did look cute), but I recognize that Vince needs to swag it out a bit more lately, and so I was glad he resumed his familiar playboy antics.

While the rest of the gang is otherwise occupied, Eric is adjusting to his new job.  He accepted Murray’s offer, and Murray assured him that he was hired on his own merits, not simply based on Sloan’s recommendation.  All isn’t well for Eric though. Or maybe it is, depending on how you feel about Ashley. She knows that Sloan still has a piece of Eric’s heart, and that’s confirmed when he mistakenly calls her Sloan’s name.  First he tries to lie his way out of it, and then he eventually comes clean.  He confesses that he still has feelings for Sloan, and Ashley decides to dump him after checking his voicemail and hearing a message from her.  I never thought Eric was terribly interested in Ashley, but he definitely goes through the motions of apologizing and asking her to take him back.  He’s better off without her.  But Ashley doesn’t get the Crazy Girl Award for the last episode.  That would go to Andy Klein’s wife, who goes all Jerry Springer up in the Miller Gold offices.  She’s looking for the whore who’s been sleeping with Andy, and she’s looking at the top of her lungs. You know Ari is beside himself.  He has to force Andy to reconcile and go home to his wife.  He walked out on her for Lizzie, who doesn’t even want him.  He’s made an old fool of himself, just as Ari predicted.  Ari may be mean sometimes, but his advice to Andy to keep his family together belied a softer side.

Next week’s episode looks like it may be another exercise in mediocrity, but I’ll savor this week’s goodness while I can. Welcome back Entourage? Let’s hope.

For another take on this week’s episode, read Stupid is as stupid does by Renata Sellitti.

Season 6, Episode 6: Murphy’s Lie (originally aired August 16, 2009)

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO.

Entourage: Stupid is as stupid does

Well, well, look what show is finally starting to get better – and it only took them 6 shows into the season to lose the slump! Now that only 50% of the episodes remain, Vince and the boys are going to have to keep this ball rolling to make up for all the previous suckage. It’s ironic that this week was actually NOT a stupid episode, since the theme seemed to be people doing really stupid things. First up? Ari Gold.

I think I speak for everyone when I say “just fire Andrew already.”  Ari, fresh off his return from his exile in couch-ville by Mrs. Ari, manages to get her to forgive him, and it almost seems like he’s on his way to cleaning up the whole Andrew mess once and for all…until Andrew’s wife Marlo storms the Miller Gold agency like a disgruntled Godzilla wife trying to figure out which slut was F-ing her husband (her words not mine, and classy ones at that). And here we have stupid thing #1 ladies and gentlemen. Infuriated by the scene she caused, Ari orders Lloyd to find Andrew and Lizzie and deliver their heads to him on a platter. Not really, but it would’ve been so much cooler if he did. Ari nearly fires both of them (threatening to deport Lizzie naked to the Taliban was a nice touch) and then tells Andrew to go home with his tail between his legs because that’s his only real option. Not because, you know, walking out on your family is vile. It remains to be seen whether Andrew will finally stop being so pathetic and pull it together, but I vote for less of his story line and more of Lloyd’s – and I will keep repeating that request every week until they comply (or Lloyd gets a spinoff, whichever comes first).

Next up is E, who when last we saw him had just called his girlfriend by his ex-girlfriend’s name (no wait, it gets more stupid…). Then, he somehow convinces Ashley the Gremlin that she heard him wrong and was mistaken, then he recants, then she yells at him and eventually she forgives him because he swears he would not lie to her (insert ominous music here). Incidentally, 2 seconds later Ashley listens to a message Sloan leaves on E’s voicemail which reveals that they had seen each other the day before. Doh! She storms off (out of her own house, by the way) while E is in the shower, tells him to F-off when he calls her and then E makes his biggest mistake so far – he tells her the truth. Dude, I’m all for being up front in your relationship, but if the girl you’re currently sleeping with asks you if you still have feelings for a girl you’re no longer sleeping with, the only acceptable answer to that is “Sloan who?” and then lie through your teeth. E you stupid, stupid little man. It’s no wonder Ashley slams the door of her little troll cottage in the forest (where all elfin creatures live, naturally) in his face. But, to be fair, the real issue here is that he should’ve dumped HER first because any girl who will check your voicemail is straight up psycho, end of story. Just about the only smart thing E did the whole episode was accept Murray Berenson’s job offer, thus adding another hatch mark next to the ‘sleazy agents in LA’ running tally, nice work.

Elsewhere, Turtle has started school and arrives on campus with Vinnie Chase and a hot car, which pretty much makes him the coolest person ever (except for the backpack he’s wearing). While killing time between Turtle’s classes, Vince takes an anatomy class of his own with a female coed wielding a video camera. Seriously? Can’t he see where this is going? Everyone else can, sigh… Hence stupid thing #3 which will be sure to come back and haunt him soon, and then they’ll have to dust off ol’ Debi Mazar again to clean it up – hey, she needs a paycheck, too.

Finally – rounding out the stupid quotient for this week, we find Drama on the set of “Five Towns” making out with Jamie-Lynn while Turtle shields his eyes in disgust (that’s not the stupid part, wait for it…). After a dozen or so punishing takes where Jamie-Lynn tells Drama that he’s making her teeth hurt, she heads off to lunch with his boss – a notorious womanizer. Ever the loyal friend, Drama stalks them at lunch and tries to protect his precious Turtle’s girlfriend (and her virtue) and eventually storms his boss’ office in the neurotic and irrational way that only Drama knows how to do – which is why we love him. The fatal flaw in Drama’s plan comes in the form of leverage, however, as in – he has none and his boss has it all. We leave off with the Suited One threatening to have him written off the show and Johnny Drama’s future is suddenly uncertain.

I can’t say that I was disappointed in this episode (pleasantly surprised, actually), but I will say that they still need to tweak a few things. Ashley still needs to evaporate, Vince needs to start actually filming something again (he is a working actor, right?) and Ari needs to focus on cutting deals and abusing Lloyd and send Andrew back to the valley. For now, though, I’ll settle for steady progress and less E.

For another take on this episode, Tanya Lane’s review here.

Season 6, Episode 6: Murphy’s Lie (originally aired August 16, 2009)

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of www.imdbpro.com

Top Chef Masters: What’s My Name, Chef???

This week on Top Chef Masters, we have character studies in how to be awesome (Hubert and Rick) and how to be a Jerk (Chiarello). And some very special guests!

And so! Our final four Masters return to Kelly’s ominous warning that this is the final show before the finale. In every reality show, this elimination and the first one rank as the worst, but at least at this point, people remember your name. Even if it is because you choked just when it really counted. I’m talking to you, Mychael Knight.

Quickfire. The Taste Test Challenge. The Masters take turns during a blindfolded taste test to identify ingredients and condiments. Chiarello continues his habit of telling everyone he’ll lose before they’ve even started so that he doesn’t look like a complete fool if he does. Of course, then he goes and wins, guessing seven of twenty ingredients correctly and earning 5 stars. Rick and Anita tie for second and win 4 stars, and Hubert shocks the world by coming in last and earning only 3 ½ stars. He recognizes the precariousness of his situation.

Elimination Challenge. Cook a buffet lunch for 200 guests, while assuming a leadership role over hired help. And the hired help in this challenge: Former Top Chef contestants! And while I like the term “cheftestants,” it sounds wrong coming from Kelly, who’s felt like an interloper all season. I almost feel bad that I dislike her so much, because I have no good reason. I blame the excessive and poorly dubbed voice-overs. Which, by the way, are everywhere tonight.

A round robin begins, as the “Masters” briefly interview each of the “chefs.” They will then hire three each, and lead them through the prep, cooking and service. This leadership role, presumably, will be taken into account during judging. Oh, I’m sorry – critiquing. I laugh now at the mere suggestion this will affect the Critics’ scores.

The previous contestants: Angry Dale, Jamie, Spike, CJ, Betty, Fabio, Blais, Antonia, Brian, Elia, Ilan, and Alex. For the record, we don’t see enough of CJ, Fabio, Ilan or Elia.

I have to say, I loved the interviews because I loved seeing the old favorites (and the old idiots) back in action, while having Michael Chiarello prove me right. He is the world’s biggest ass. The highlights: Anita and Jamie used to work together, and happily reunite. Blais continues his old habit of sucking up by immediately complimenting Rick Bayless on being awesome. Rick Bayless succumbs. Chiarello forgoes the traditional interview process and forces the chefs to dice and chop a variety of foods, because he doesn’t care about them as people, only as work horses.

Sample of Chiarello’s interview: “What’s My Name?” The chefs try to pronounce his name correctly, unsure why they’re hearing this question. (Correct answer: “Key”arello, as it shall now be.) Then, “What am I to you?” The chefs respond, “Chef.” Then look at him like he’s the biggest douchebag…Ever. (And he really is!)

Keyarello very clearly makes the distinction that there will be no collaboration – they work for him. The chefs laugh at him while waiting, and as Betty says, “Everybody wants to be with [Hubert]. Nobody wants to be with Chef Michael Keyarello.”

Spike ignores Keyarello and talks his way through the interview. Spike finds a way, apparently, to turn off each of the Masters – He believes his being chosen last means the Masters are jealous of him. Which goes to show how much Spike has not grown.

So: Keyarello’s Team: Brian Malarky, CJ, Fabio. Rick’s team: Alex, Blais, Betty. Anita’s Team: Ilan, Jamie, Dale. Hubert’s team: Antonia, Elia, Spike.

Prep. Anita seems overwhelmed and disorganized, while Rick is concerned that his teammates feel as though they’re contributing, not just taking orders. Hubert respects the contestants on TC, and he asks them for their best dishes in previous challenges, enjoying the opportunity to teach. On the other hand, Keyarello tells his team what they’re doing and how they’re doing it. And that’s it.

Anita decides on a raw bar with Asian flair. She soon remembers what she disliked about Jamie, including Jamie’s tendency to become overwhelmed by details. Jamie slows the team down with her inefficient oyster shucking. Meanwhile, Dale claims Keyarello’s fridge for his team. Or something equally stupid involving the fridge. Next thing you know, Keyarello’s calling Dale, “son,” Dale is up in Keyarello’s face, repeating the great hold-me-back refrain: “What are you going to do about it?” Keyarello claims his wife would be embarrassed if, in fact, he did anything about it, so he essentially ignores Dale until he goes away. Note to Keyarello: if your wife isn’t embarrassed by your large ego present through the first part of this episode, you two are meant for each other. Dale claims he didn’t sign up for disrespect and people calling him “son.” I’d love to know what Dale thought he signed up for.

Kelly announces two twists. First, the buffet will now take place outdoors, under the sun. The clock ticks on Anita’s career on Masters, as a raw bar can only fail in these conditions. But she’s committed, and that’s that. Second, shortly before Service, the Masters must cut one team member. Hubert happily bids farewell to Spike, Anita happily sends home Jamie, Rick happily sends home Betty, and Michael sends home Brian.

Service. Critics: Rayner, Oseland, Gael. The Masters stick to their strengths: Rick serves a Mexican menu; Hubert serves an “18 Dish Buffet”; Keyarello does Italian; and though it’s raw, Anita does Asian. The diners (Hollywood insiders, whatever that means) worry about the raw bar in the sun. Rayner likes Anita’s pork rib, but is not impressed by the rest of the meal. The critics question Anita’s inability to adapt her menu to the new venue.

Keyarello’s food, though fine in taste, suffers in the execution, from the preparation of the shrimp to the cutting of the swordfish. The Critics find Hubert’s meal luxurious and delicious, impressed with the execution and the sheer volume of perfect food. Rick spotlights Blais’s liquid nitrogen avocado ice cream, clearly proud of his team, not just his own menu and cooking. His soup “tastes like Mexico,” and other delicious-type adjectives are thrown around.

Critics Table. More of the same. Hubert and Rick compliment and promote their teams without thinking about it. Anita takes polite heat for not changing up the raw bar menu. The Critics ask about Keyarello’s swordfish and his olive oil cakes. He blames the execution of the cakes on his sous chefs, and admits that he did not let his chefs take a lead on any dishes. Over deliberation, there’s more repetition, and only one or two references to the Masters’ leadership skills. Though they compliment Rick and Hubert for their deference and respect for their sous chefs, they don’t seem to penalize Anita for not being a strong leader, nor Keyarello for being the World’s Biggest Ass.

And first of all, I think we all know if Colicchio were on the panel, he’d have called Keyarello out for blaming his sous chef for poor knife work, when it was his job to lead and check up on his teammates. No one busts him for passing off responsibility. Second, if this challenge were really about leadership, why not call out the chefs and let them provide input? It should be very clear, if all factors are counted as per Kelly’s initial challenge description, that Keyarello should have more points taken off for being a poor leader.

But who are we kidding? Because we need Keyarello, his ego, and his role as villain to come with us to the finale! It’ll be good versus evil! The Italians versus the French! We can only hope that if the Italian wins, Hubert will headbutt Keyarello the same way. However, let’s not count out Bayless.

Because, it’s true, Anita loses, and perhaps rightly so, since the pressure seems to have cracked her. She’s another one who doesn’t think too quickly under stress. She loses with 17 stars; next is Keyarello with 19 ½ stars; Rick with 21 ½ stars; and Hubert wins with 22 stars. Yay, Hubert!

Next week: The finale, past TC winners, Padma, Gail, and Colicchio!

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 9: Masters of Disaster (originally aired August 12, 2009)

For more on Top Chef Masters, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9c on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Kelsey McNeal

Comic-Con 2009: Supernatural

Last year was Supernatural’s darkest year ever, pitting brother against brother, angels against demons, angels against other angels, and the brothers against obsessed fans. Despite the fact that neither stars Jensen Ackles nor Jared Padalecki were in attendance at this year’s Comic-Con, it was a standing-room-only crowd that heard Eric Kripke, Misha Collins, Jim Beaver, Sera Gamble, and Ben Edlund discuss what will be the show’s fifth and most optimistic season yet.  This time around, the boys come back together again to stop Lucifer, played by Mark Pellegrino (Lost), who is now walking free on Earth.

This season, we will see a number of familiar faces and themes.  Sam’s girlfriend Jessica (Adrianne Palicki), Chuck the Prophet (Rob Benedict), Meg the Demon (now portrayed by Rachel Miner), and mother and daughter Hunters Ellen (Samantha Ferris) and Jo (Alona Tal) will all be back.  Also making a reappearance is the Colt, last seen in season 3, and the ever-present threat of the Apocalypse, which will be explored further in an episode set 5 years in the future.

Collins will have a bigger role this year, despite the dire circumstances Castiel found himself in during the season finale.  After being blown apart molecule by molecule, he will return with a mysterious and ambitious mission, fewer friends, and a little less angel mojo.  He is cut off from Heaven and is trying to figure out what it means to be human, not having been around them for the past 2000 years.  Naturally, Dean will take him to a whorehouse (without Bobby, much to Beaver’s disappointment).  Castiel will also be joining the Winchesters on Monster of the Week cases, which will inevitably be awkward.

What there will not be a lot more of in the upcoming season are the classic rock and metal songs that helped make early episodes so memorable.  Due to budgetary cuts,  they can only afford one song every episode or two.  Fans looking to buy a soundtrack for the show will have to keep waiting, as the producers have been unsuccessful in their efforts to convince a record company to sell one.  They are, however, looking to create a Playlist on iTunes, so be on the lookout.

Supernatural returns to The CW on September 10 at 9/8c.

For more on Comic-Con, click here.

For more on Supernatural, click here.

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Michael Courtney.

District 9 Packs (Too) Much In

This article packs too much in too, but let’s just say it’s an homage to the movie. District 9 has been marketed and is now positioned to be not just a movie but also an experience. It comes packing a considerable amount of buzz and juice, and even I was astonished at how many people were lined up at my local theater to see this low-budget (at least for effects-driven films) movie with not a single known actor in it. As I write this, the movie hasn’t even been out a full day, yet all over the web there are glowing reviews and dozens upon dozens of pages of talkback comments. This movie has by far the most hype of any movie this summer. The only one that comes close in terms of hype is Katherine Bigelow’s extraordinary The Hurt Locker. But whereas The Hurt Locker has a lot of hype, District 9 has a special kind of hype that is even more powerful (and frightening): fanboy hype. I’m almost reluctant to write any kind of response to the film, because there will be legions of people ready to jump at me no matter what I say.

But for the sake of clarity—a quality that District 9 does not altogether have—I’ll just come out and say it. I liked District 9, I admired a lot about it, but I didn’t love it. I certainly would not agree with the statement I’ve come across in a myriad of places that it is the best science fiction movie in years and one of the best of all time.

A few months ago I started seeing the trailer attached to every movie I went to see, and while I was mildly intrigued, I was also wary. For one thing, practically the most predominant thing featured in the trailer is the credit that says “Peter Jackson presents.” That credit has always irritated me. Tarantino does it a lot too, and I’m not his biggest fan (let the stoning begin). What, because some hotshot slaps their name on something, it’s automatically supposed to be the Second Coming?
I also get irritated by the credit “A Film By.” In this case, the film is by a guy named Neill Blomkamp, and this is his first feature. That credit is really pretentious, especially when you haven’t even established yourself as a respectable filmmaker. I mean even Clint Eastwood—a legend, an icon, and a four-time Oscar winner—never uses that credit. His films just say “Directed by Clint Eastwood.” Having that auteur credit diminishes the hard work of the teams and teams of people who work on a movie. At the very least, I think that credit should be earned. So all that irritated me leading up to the movie coming out, and speaking of Eastwood, he’s the reason why I’ve harbored a fair amount of animosity toward Peter Jackson for years.

2003. In any other year, Clint’s masterpiece (and I don’t use that term lightly) Mystic River would have won the Best Picture Oscar, but no, The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King had to whore away all the awards. How could a movie where none of the actors were even nominated for an award win best picture of the year? Why does every movie Peter Jackson make—even about giant apes—have to be three bloated hours long? My cousin Sara and I—who usually agree vehemently on all things movies and tv—nearly came to blows in the Mystic River/LOTR wars. That Clint won big time the next year for Million Dollar Baby took some of the sting away, but I still harbor a grudge.

Yes, I know it’s not Peter Jackson’s fault that his movie came out the same time as Mystic River, and that the Academy had to give it all the awards because it didn’t give them to the first two LOTR movies. And I’m not saying that LOTR wasn’t an epic, revolutionary, hugely ambitious, mammoth piece of filmmaking, and that Jackson has many talents and is a huge force in the film industry. I’m just saying that the man and his movies don’t blow my skirt up. But anyway, I understand that him putting his name on District 9 gives it a lot of credibility and juice and helped get it made and opened doors that might not have been opened otherwise, so I get it. I’m just wary of credit-whoring.

But I kept hearing great things about the movie in the weeks and days before I went to go see it. I love smart sci-fi as much as the next person, and I love films that are creative and original yet commercial and not pretentious or esoteric. I thought District 9 had the chance to fit that particular bill, so I went into the theater with an open and eager mind. When I left the theater, I felt that I was well-entertained and admired many things about the movie. But I don’t think it’s quite worth all the hype.
I think part of that hype stems not from the movie itself, but when the movie is viewed as a response to flaming, dumbed-down, mindless crap like GI: JOE and Transformers 2. I didn’t see either film because I like my action movies to be believable and character-driven, but from what I heard, most people that saw both films felt insulted. Audiences aren’t (usually) stupid, so why does Hollywood continue to make dumbed-down tentpole pictures and remakes and reimaginings and reboots and re-whatever? So people are really trying to get behind District 9 because it attempts to be (and mostly is) an original and exciting film that doesn’t talk down to its audience, and I’m totally with everyone on that.

But District 9 is not a perfect film or one that I would watch over and over. I wasn’t a fan of the narrative structure and style, and the film has plenty of, if not plot holes, gaping plot questions that are left unanswered. It’s not that I’m not a fan of ambiguity, because I am. I hate being hit over the head with everything, and two of my idols, Eastwood and Christopher Nolan, are masters of ambiguity. But there are questions I would have liked to have answered in District 9, and they weren’t.

What’s interesting right off the bat about the film is that it’s not an alien invasion movie like we’ve seen countless times (the best example in my book forever being Independence Day). It’s not an alien invasion movie because, right when the movie starts, the aliens have already invaded. So it’s an alien invaded movie! These aliens, derogatorily referred to by the humans as “Prawns” because they look like a cross between lobsters and grasshoppers, crash-landed on earth twenty years ago in Johannesburg, the largest city in South Africa. Exactly who these aliens are, where they came from, and why their ship ran out of juice and crashed but continues to hover in the sky are three of the film’s unanswered questions.

Humans found the aliens starving and huddled together, so they stuck them in these shantytowns and started giving them aid and food. But soon they become not welcomed but feared. It’s easy to understand why humans would fear these guys. They’re grotesque looking, they eat wet cat food like it was filet mignon and they’re destructive and often act like lunatics. So the powers that be, fearing alien attacks, demand that the Prawns all be relocated outside of town. Some big agency with their own hired private security force is charged with relocating the aliens, specifically an amiable yet somewhat dull and bumbling bureaucrat named Wikus van der Merwe. This is our protagonist, and he’s played by newcomer Sharlto Copley, who is actually quite good.
So the movie begins with Wikus performing this task, going from alien residence to alien residence trying to get them to sign eviction notices. But when Wikus gets infected with this black alien liquid goo stuff, the movie goes in a much darker and unexpected direction. A big part of the movie deals with the private security firm that Wikus indirectly works for trying to learn how to use and take control of the alien technology and weaponry. The humans can’t use the weaponry because it is biologically linked to the Prawns. I don’t want to ruin the plot for everyone who plans to go see the movie, and really, it is worth seeing, but suffice it to say that Wikus goes on a Heart of Darkness type journey and learns that the people he works for are far more evil and nefarious than he could have imagined.

The film is digital, shot on the increasingly-ubiquitous Red One, but it doesn’t look digital. It looks gritty and fantastic, and the CGI is seamlessly integrated. Seriously, the special effects are as good as any I’ve seen. Another thing I liked about the film was that until now, we’ve really only had the purely evil aliens like in Independence Day or the purely benevolent aliens, as in E.T. The Prawns in this movie are neither. They are mostly just a lost, homesick, poverty-stricken group of alien blokes that act like peasants. There is seemingly only one Prawn that has any real intelligence and a plan to fix the ship and get his people out of there, and he plays a major role in the story. In fact, he’s the most significant character besides Wikus. So all that is original, and the setting is original too. Instead of having an alien movie set in the typical New York or L.A., we have it in South Africa. Cool. There’s also some social commentary on the deplorable nature of Nigerian gangsters and, even if it weren’t set in South Africa, the film works as an allegory for Apartheid.

Here’s what I really didn’t care for: the style of the movie. The movie is shot as a faux documentary, initially chronicling Wikus as he attempts to evict and relocate the Prawns, and the film sticks to that style even throughout all the action scenes and unexpected plot developments that occur. I’m sure a lot of people think that’s great, but I’m really sick of narrative films being shot documentary-style. I’m sick of shaky cam, I’m sick of movies integrating fake news footage with the actual narrative. This movie was creative enough as it was, it didn’t need all this distracting window dressing added to it.

And that’s what it is: distracting. The film felt really busy to me, like there were always twenty points of view going on at the same time, and it just made my head spin. And that approach makes it so that Wikus isn’t driving the story, even though everything is happening to and revolves around him, but rather, Wikus is just another incidental character in this spinning tapestry of news and drama. To put it simply: I think the movie would have been more powerful and more satisfying if it had just been written and shot as a traditional narrative with three-act structure. Great movies don’t rely on gimmicks. The only time I really ever thought a narrative gimmick enhanced the movie was with Memento. Having that movie be told backwards was innovative and gimmicky and made the movie so much more confusing…but that was great because that’s how the protagonist saw life, and so the gimmicky way in which that movie was made actually brought us closer to the character, not farther away.

Blomkamp was going for absolute realism with District 9, so I guess that’s why he felt he had to make the movie seem like it was something you were watching on the evening news. But the actors were good enough, and the CGI was definitely good enough, that I already believed in the movie, I didn’t need all that extra confusing stuff. That narrative decision really detracted from the movie for me. If he had shot it traditionally, I’d probably be praising the movie to no end. That, and if he had answered or at least addressed a number of plot questions, like how is it that every single Prawn and every single human can completely understand one another with almost no difficulty, and how come if the Prawns have all these advanced weapons, why don’t they ever use any of them to stop the humans from oppressing and slaughtering them? I had other questions besides those, and you probably will too. But the film is still better than virtually any other blockbuster of the summer, and it’s got some decent action and a brain and a conscience, so I say it’s worth seeing, imperfect as it may be.

“The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard” (insert bad car pun here)

I think I’ve heard all the clever automotive quips that there are to describe this movie. “Hard sell?” Heard that one. “Runs out of gas?” Yup, that one too. In fact, I think every person who’s reviewed this film has used some form of “stalling” or “clunker” reference to describe the overall trajectory of this movie, and they may not be entirely wrong. Here’s the thing, though – who cares about plot line? I mean, does anyone really see a movie like this expecting it to have an actual story arc or character development? And don’t even get me started on the critiques of Jeremy Piven’s “performance” (chuckles); I’m pretty sure no one in my theater walked out asking themselves if he was believable in his role. For all intents and purposes, all you need to know is – will it make you laugh? The answer for me, at least, was yes.

The story centers around a renegade car salesman (played by Piven) named Don “the Goods” Ready, who is so slick and fast-talking he could sell ice to the Eskimos, or in this case – cheap cars to the American public. Ready is called upon by Ben Selleck (played by James Brolin) to resuscitate his used car dealership’s ailing sales when facing impending bankruptcy and the loss of his family business. Ready rounds up his fellow “mercenary” salesmen (and saleswoman) and the team storms the Temecula, CA lot looking to kick some ass and sell some cars over the Fourth of July weekend. Piven’s entourage in this film consists of Ving Rhames, David Koechner and Kathryn Hahn, who shamelessly pursues Selleck’s ten year old son – if it sounds creepy, it is. And on the home team, Brolin’s crew of rag tag salesmen consists of Charles Napier, Tony Hale and Ken Jeong – who is apparently going for a Guinness Book world record for the most movies made inside 18 months, dude is in almost every film/preview I’ve seen recently, damn.

Everyone covets something in this film, Brolin’s character covets David Koechner (not a typo), Don Ready covets Brolin’s daughter Ivy (played by Jordana Spiro), and Ivy’s fiancée Paxton (played by Ed Helms) covets fame and fortune for his boy band, er, man band. Helms pretty much nails the whole “raging D-bag” character and scores a few good laughs, while Piven’s desire to set down his rootless, wheeler/dealer existence and find love brings a decidedly un-funny and predictable subplot to the movie. But, like I said before, we’re not going for Oscar nominations here. There are some unexpected bright spots in The Goods, namely Hahn and Napier’s scene-stealing one liners and an entertaining cameo from Godfather of absurd comedy, Will Ferrell. Before you go crying “spoiler alert” realize that his participation is anything but a secret.

Considering this movie was brought to us by Director Neal Brennan of Chapelle’s show and the writers/producers from “Talladega Nights”, “Anchorman” and “Step Brothers” it should come as no surprise the kind of laughs they’re going for – ridiculous, offensive and profane – the best kind, in my opinion. Why, then, does this movie seem to fall pretty flat on entertainment value? Your guess is as good as mine, but I’m pretty sure this film is destined for DVD-ness inside of a few weeks, and maybe that’s best. It’s good for reciting or watching in an altered state, as I’m sure many of us will end up doing. I wasn’t checking my watch or itching to leave the theater, but I was wondering if I should be eating my weight in popcorn just to make the trip to the theater worthwhile. The verdict? Netflix this one, kids. If I’m guilty of one car pun in this review let it be this one: The Goods is worth a spin but I probably wouldn’t drive it off the lot.

The Time Traveler’s Wife

About three years ago, I fell in love with a  birthday gift, Audrey Niffenegger’s best-selling novel “The Time Traveler’s Wife.” Played by Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams, the main characters are Henry DeTamble, a time traveler, and Clare Abshire, his devoted lover and, then, wife.

The excitement I felt when I heard that this book was being turned into a movie was overwhelming. The story is not everyone’s cup of tea (though I think you’re crazy if you don’t adore the book), but no one can deny that it’s unique, an unbelievably realist and poignant mix of science fiction and romance. And that’s what I felt while I watched the film.

Of course, I’m a believer that very rarely can a movie be better than the original novel. (Hey, I love the Harry Potter movies, but the books are STILL way better.) It’s directed by Robert Schwentke, who’s biggest film was Jodie Foster’s Flight Plan, so I really had no idea what’d he do with a sweeping love story and an adoption at that. But I’m not here to debate which was better. The question is did the movie ruin the book for me? Did smashing the novel’s never-ending descriptions of love and loss and time travel into a two and a half hour movie butcher the story? And while adapting, did the film stay true to the book at it’s heart?

So what are my answers? No, no and yes. If I had never read the book, I would have still enjoyed the film. Sure they cut out certain parts. Some characters were not as prevalent or gone altogether. (Ron Livingston plays Clare’s friend Gomez who adds a dash of comedy to the film but, basically, has a total of 17 minutes of airtime.) And certain turning points were either smushed together or slightly changed. Niffenegger’s novel is a bit darker, more intense and much sexier. If you were to tell her story, it’d be more rated R than PG-13, but I can forgive these changes to draw in a wider audience because the integrity of the story is still held intact. And what exactly is that story?

Henry has a genetic disorder that forces him to jump through time, past and future, without an on or off switch. Sounds like fun at first, but since he can’t control it and ends up naked every time he travels (Thank you. Audrey!), it’s actually pretty scary and often happens at the most inopportune times. Clare, on the other hand, meets Henry when she’s a child/ He’s traveled into the past and, pretty much, loves him her entire life, waiting for the day when she’ll meet him in the present.

It’s already confusing I know. And what the book does best is it encompasses this confusion, almost encourages it by telling its story in a non cyclical fashion, teasing you as you’re reading with the idea that you have to finish the novel to truly understand the whole story and how it all plays out. What the movie does best is it understands that doing this in just over two hours is almost impossible, and it’d be a detriment to the romance of the story, Henry and Clare’s love, which is the true star in the film. It makes the science fiction aspect a beautiful backdrop and doesn’t muddle the audience with the mechanics of it all.

Though they’re not smoldering, like say, McAdams and Ryan Gossling in the Notebook, she and Bana have a certain subtle spark together.  And Bana can play action, but he’s just as captivating as that sexy leading man. Some scenes are especially painful like Clare and her attempts at bearing a child, but they’re offset by beautiful scenes like the two sharing Christmas with their daughter Alba. All the while you’re watching and you know that it’s not the kind of story that has a happy ending. There are a lot of hints throughout the film why this can’t be, but you can’t help but enjoy the ups and downs this couple have to endure, and I do mean have to, because their destinies were always intertwined. But most of all, they could never stop loving each other.

Like Clare says to Henry, “I wouldn’t change one second of our life together.” And I feel the same way about both the book and movie. They’re each perfect in their own right.

The Jone Dome Ep. 15 (Sista-hood of The Traveling Book Club)

Episode 15 (Book Club) – August 16, 2009 – Step inside Alana D.’s book club group as her ladies talk about the movie The Time Traveler’s Wife.  These ladies have read the book and seen the movie.  Listen as they tell you what they think from the point of view of black professional women in the DC area. (Feat. Sista-hood of The Traveling Book Club Members: Alana D., Penny, Angela, Phoenix, Dee, and Blondie) Read more

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Hair Pulling, Heifers and Hot Messes

“To Be Continued” is just a cruel method that writers use to create suspense and leave us chomping at the bit – and it works. Last week when the ladies from the A-T-L spilled out onto the sidewalk post truce-dinner-gone-awry and we saw Sheree reach for Kim’s wig, I don’t know about you guys but I practically jumped off my couch…and then they rolled the credits. Bummer. That’s why I expected this episode to start with some name calling, nail scratching and (hopefully) the hair pull ‘heard round the world. I could practically hear the announcer shouting “Let’s get ready to rummmmmmmmmm-blllllllllllle!” That is, until Sheree lightly fingered Kim’s faux locks and let us all down by not revealing what Kim’s real hair looked like. Damn you, Sheree! You’ve let us all down.

Luckily, there was an undercard fight lurking just around the corner, as Sheree’s friend Tania decided to insult NeNe and Lisa at Sheree’s housewarming party and practically started another brawl. I mean, NeNe doesn’t like being called fat by total strangers? And Lisa gets offended by people saying her hair is busted? Psshht! Cry babies. Kidding, I would’ve crammed a pastry in Tania’s face. Sheree, way to diffuse the situation – not. Noticeably absent from the housewarming party (obvi) was Kim, who was busy hitting the plastic surgeon’s office across town for some laser cellulite treatment. Wasn’t she just saying last week that she wanted to tighten her belt now that her meal ticket Big Poppa was out of the picture? Hmmm, $100/month gym membership vs. $3000/session plastic surgery…good call, Kim. Not that it didn’t make me want to sign up for whatever they were doing to her thighs, however, I admit I was a wee bit curious.

Meanwhile, across town Kandi was having lunch with T-Boz from TLC, and why exactly are we 3 episodes into this season and are only now seeing T-Boz? She should be on it all the time, especially when she responds to Kandi’s concerns about AJ’s multiple baby momma situation by saying that she wouldn’t tolerate it because she “can’t deal with too many heifers.” Priceless. I vote for T-Boz being added as a housewife.

On the clothing front, it’s Lisa’s line Closet Freak vs. Sheree’s She by Sheree, and allow me to just say this: neither of you are shedding “blood, sweat and tears” in these ventures because you have “illustrators” doing the sketches and seamstresses making the actual clothes. That would be like saying that someone is a hard working mother only they used a surrogate and then hired a nanny. Right. It is evident, however, that Sheree is stepping up her game since the fashion show debacle of last season, and it’s about time.

The best part of this episode comes in the form of a very flamboyant Dwight and the birthday party he throws for Atlanta’s most fabulous person, himself. It was Cirque Du Soleil meets the Lion King, and I loved every second of it. I’m not so sure Kandi loved every second of it, though, as she seemed a little thrown off when Dwight grabbed her boobs. Kandi, what do you expect? The man wears eyeliner and calls boobs “melons.” Dwight’s a breast man, God love him, and you can’t blame him for that. Frankly, it was Dwight’s antics that saved the episode after the wig reveal turned out to be so lackluster. The quote of the show, though, does go to Sheree, who explained that she wasn’t trying to pull Kim’s wig off, she “just wanted to shift it a little.” God these broads are nuts. I’m looking forward to next week, and hoping that I never have to hear Lisa talk about her birth control adventures with Ed ever again. We all could’ve done without that conversation, thanks. I do, however, think it was brought about by NeNe always being a wine-toting, margarita-swigging enabler, and I love it. Perhaps I should offer an addendum to last week’s formula for episode success. It should now read “Dwight + catfights + artificial hair + DRUNK NENE = gold.”

Season 2, Episode 3: Unbeweavable (originally aired August 13, 2009)

For more on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Wilford Harewood

Rescue Me: Secrets, Lies, Fist Fights and Vitamin Water

The boys start this week falling and slipping on the ice that surrounds the fiery scene they just extinguished, and it doesn’t get much better for them down the line. The only one who gets a pass is Garrity, whose only job requirement is handing out Vitamin Water, as he isn’t on active duty yet. The guys bust his chops about the infamous genital tanning incident from last week. They also bust Mike for his goatee. Mike claims that the goatee is part of his “rock star vibe.” He says that Kelly (Maura Tierney)—the woman that ran into a fire and nearly perished just to retrieve a box with undisclosed contents—is going to introduce the band to a recording honcho she knows.

Mike is convinced the guy is going to sign his ridiculous band to a recording label, so Lou makes Mike a proposition: he can keep the goatee until the meeting, but if they don’t get signed, he has to shave it off…along with every other spot of hair on his body. Yes, everywhere. Mike counters that if he does get the deal, Lou and Tommy have to do the same thing. And so, yet another ridiculous bet is waged in the land of Rescue Me.

This Kelly is an odd duck, and we know almost nothing about her. Last week she showed up at the firehouse looking for Franco and ended up convincing Mike to go on a date with her. Said date ended badly when Mike started singing when he should have been more occupied with…other things. And by singing, I mean he started singing one of his own songs. Needless to say, Kelly doesn’t sense a promising future with Mike. So she sets her sights on Damien, and convinces him to go out on a date with her. If you’ll recall, Damian is no stranger to dating older women. In season three I believe, he slept with his high school science teacher. That didn’t really work out well for him, and I can’t imagine that this would either.

Tommy must think the same thing, because he shows up for Damian’s date in Damian’s place. He tells Kelly to stay away from Damian because he is Tommy’s godson and just a probie, and he only recently stopped living with his mom. Kelly signals for the check, not interested in Tommy because, according to her, he’s too old for her and he looks like Ron Howard. Tommy wants to know what was in the box that she risked her life for. She tells him that it contains personal items like photo albums, and her weed. Really good weed, apparently, weed worth dying for. Tommy says he doesn’t smoke the stuff because it makes him delusional, and since the guy has already been seeing ghosts for five years, I agree that he doesn’t need to stimulate any more delusions or hallucinations.

And speaking of Ron Howard, Tommy is so concerned about the possibility of looking like him that he starts comparing himself in his locker mirror to a picture of Ron Howard. (This is kind of like the moment in season two when Laura told Sean that his new haircut made him look like a monkey and he became obsessed with that). Tommy is interrupted by Needles, who tells him that he doesn’t think he looks like Ron Howard as much as he looks like David Caruso. Tommy knows when he’s being buttered up, and Needles is buttering him up.

“You’re doing an Irish goddamn jig my friend. What’s the bad news?” Tommy asks. Needles replies: “What do you want from me Tommy? It’s all bad news. Look at the world we’re living in. The Palestinians might have nuclear weapons. Derek Jeter is on steroids.” Then he lowers his voice and quickly mumbles: “Lou is getting married and wants me to be his best man at his wedding.” Cut to Tommy going after Lou, who is in the kitchen (as if he would be anywhere else). While eating Oreos, Lou shares an epiphany he had while recently watching CSI: Miami: “David Caruso, Tommy Gavin. You two are like twins. Except instead of the sexy, dynamic, crimefighting twin, I get stuck with the completely self-centered asshole twin who is supposed to be my best friend, but how the hell is he supposed to be my best friend when I’m getting married to the woman I love, and I have to think of a way to not only have him not be my best man, but to have him not come to the god damn wedding at all?” Dialogue exchanges like that are what make this show unlike anything else on television.

There’s way more to that scene, and it eventually erupts into a brotherly brawlfest, which is all the reason you need to watch this episode. Does Lou really go through with marrying Candy, and if so, what results? That’s the other question that is mostly answered, but as usual, another question takes its place. It becomes known that Jimmy, until now revered as the tragic 9/11 victim, the perfect husband and father, everything that Tommy is not…cheated on Sheila the year before he died. Who with we don’t know yet. All I know, is that if it turns out to be Janet, I think the season finale should involve Tommy and Sheila killing her with a blowtorch.

For another take on this episode, check out Happy Days: Miami by Jaimie Campos.

Season 5, Episode 19: David (Originally aired August 11, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

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