Real Housewives of Atlanta: That’s What She Said

If every episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta ends with a knock down drag out fight this season, then consider it my new favorite hour of television. Last week it was Sheree vs. the party planner, with no declared winner but some near-bloodshed, and this week it was Sheree and NeNe (well, NeNe was there but not technically knocking down or dragging anyone out) vs. Kim, aka public enemy #1. Words were exchanged, names were called, and by the time the ladies decided to take it outside, I thought for sure we’d see some Jerry Springer action…until the “To Be Continued” sign flashed (hello Debbie Downer! Wah Wahhhhhh…). Boo, way to kill our fun, producers.

But before all the fur flew, here’s what the housewives were up to this week: Lisa is still boring. As predicted, she decided to cave in and let Ed win the ‘let’s have more babies’ argument so she hit the doctor’s office to find out what she’d be up against in this new pregnancy attempt. The words “high risk” didn’t sit too well with her, but she quickly forgot all about it when Ed turned on his romantic-slash-borderline-creepy charm. He made Lisa dinner, sprinkled rose petals, gave her a massage and by the time they got into a bubble bath I had already thrown up all over my couch. Thanks for giving us a way too intimate look into your bedroom life, Lisa, I have to go kill myself now.

Kandi is also taking the boring pills these days, as she is proving way too uninteresting for her own air time. Sick of people dogging her fiancée AJ, she did the only logical thing and went on the gossip blogs to read all the hateful things people had to say about her man. Right, that’ll fix it! She tells him he’s being called a freeloader and he decides to prove them wrong by asking her what she was making him for breakfast. Then Kandi goes to visit her family and her mother says she’ll never support Kandi’s decision to marry a man with 3 different baby mommas for his 6 kids (Why? Isn’t that ideal son-in-law material?). Then her army of aunts lays down and gives her their blessing despite her mother’s reservations. That wedding sounds like it’ll be totally sane and drama free, I can’t wait. Oh, and then Kandi hits the studio to lay down some tracks with Jazzy Pha, and yes – we get it, you can sing. I’m still underwhelmed by her though, whatever.

Sheree is still whining that her Independence party didn’t happen, and she decides to plan a more scaled down version for her closest girl friends – which will most likely include that Tania chick that took her to the firing range to test out some guns. Sheree says it’s because she wants to protect herself in her new house but I think we all know that it’s secretly for some Kim-related target practice. Kidding! Not really, but I don’t think Sheree will prove to be that formidable, after all she did show up to target practice wearing liquid black leggings and Christian Louboutin shoes. Actually, Kim’s lucky that Sheree didn’t come to their sit down packing heat, or else it could’ve ended a lot uglier than it did.

And speaking of the Don Corleone-style sit down that NeNe arranged…Frustrated by all of the rumors between her friends, NeNe decides to call a newly single Kim to ask her to meet one on one and discuss the drama. Kim agrees, they slam a few margaritas and for a moment at least it appears that these chicks might actually bury the hatchet. Then after they decide to invite Sheree into the fold (Lisa has purposely been left out on Kim’s request) the vibe quickly switches and it suddenly appears that they might bury the hatchet in each other’s skulls. Good thing Kim brought that helmet, so much for camaraderie and peacemaking. Kim gets called out for being a liar liar pants on fire, she denies it (while swearing on her children’s lives – yikes), Sheree calls her trailer park trash and suddenly it’s a cleavage-themed all out rumble. At least Kim’s token gay friend had just custom designed her some truly hideous creations so that she’ll have something loud and boobalicious to wear to her own funeral when Sheree takes her out.

All in all this episode was 90% not that exciting, 10% Fight! Fight! Fiiiiiiiiiiiight! I, for one, am looking forward to next week’s episode for two reasons. One – because Kim FINALLY gets her wig pulled (Amen to that, that thing’s been asking for it since season 1) and two – and this is the really fabulous reason – because my favorite diva Dwight gets some much-needed air time. This show has found and perfected the formula for ratings success: Dwight + catfights + artificial hair = gold.

Season 2, Episode 2: Kim-Tervention (originally aired August 6, 2009)

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Thursdays at 10pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Wilford Harewood