Real Housewives of Atlanta: Who You Callin’ Ghetto?

Nothing says ‘fish out of water’ like NeNe standing in Inglewood, CA surrounded by a group of vertically challenged Wu relatives. This week, Lisa “my husband’s too boring for television” Wu Hartwell brought NeNe home to meet her family and wouldn’t you know it? She’s Asian! Why NeNe seemed so confused and surprised by this realization is anybody’s guess, but apparently knowing that Lisa was part Chinese and actually seeing that her relatives were Asian had, up until now, created a disconnect in her mind. But, as soon as Lisa and NeNe’s shiny convertible rolled through the streets of some of California’s least glamorous neighborhoods, NeNe suddenly got the memo that her friend was “part gangsta” and immediately started to taunt Lisa about being a “hood rat.” You know, ‘cause that’s what nice friends do.

While in Cali, NeNe rubbed elbows with Lisa’s wee kinsmen, marveled at her 92-year-old grandma’s porcelain skin (NeNe will immediately stop her microdermabrasion and buy stock in Vaseline) and thankfully had the good sense that God gave her to step out of the way when Lisa’s family decided to take a trip to the cemetery to visit Lisa’s older brother’s grave. Realizing that it wasn’t her place to be there, NeNe still told Lisa that she should go pay her respects to her brother Meho, which she did with no lack of trepidation and repressed grief, thus creating the most awkward 5 minutes of television ever. No disrespect to the family, but I don’t know how a camera crew could possibly aid in the grieving process. I’d venture a guess that Lisa will also have something to cry about when she finds out next week what type of alter ego NeNe wants her to have for the photo shoot she’s orchestrating (great idea, subtly insult your friends by revealing to them what you really think of their personalities, in jest, of course!). Something tells me door knocker earrings and baggy jeans are in Lisa’s future…

Kim spent the episode buttering up to Kandi and trying to expand the roster for Team Kim, which doesn’t seem to be working as well as she’d like. After visiting Kandi in the studio and trying to sway her to collaborate on a track, Kandi seems less than convinced. Maybe it’s because Kim wouldn’t actually sing the lyrics to her song and chose to speak them instead. Can you say “red flag” much? And what is all this ‘Tardy to the Party’ business anyway? I thought it was a joke, are they really going to try and sell it like they’re Snoop and Dr. Dre? Good luck with that, ladies. Oh, and then they discover that they’re both from the astrological sign Taurus thus convincing Kim that they’re meant to be inter-racial soul mates. Why is it that Kim keeps identifying herself as the long lost twin of every beautiful black woman in Atlanta? Honey they don’t want to take responsibility for you, take a hint doll baby. Then Kim takes Kandi to dinner and talks smack about all of the girls (‘cause that’s what people who are allergic to drama do, duh) while trying to get Kandi liquored up so that she’ll contribute. Sorry Kim, that one’s a non-drinker, looks like you’ll have to call Lisa a crack whore all by yourself! Lisa will no doubt have her rebuttal ready next week, count on it.

Lastly we have Shereè, who is determined to piss of every event planner in Atlanta. Somehow she managed to have her clothing line launched at a Mercedes Benz-sponsored fashion show (do you think she said “Mercedes Benz” enough times? Nah, me neither) and has a sit down with the event people to discuss her demands. Shereè, what’s it like on the planet where you live? Chick is clearly out of touch with reality, as she asks that she be driven in a Maybach and draped in Tiffany diamonds. Come to think of it, maybe that event planner from a few weeks back that she grappled with should’ve taken a swing at her…She then proceeds to insult every single prospective runway model that they offer her for her show. Granted, I think they just rounded up all the girls they found working at the local Forever 21, but still – Shereè, if don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Even though this week didn’t have any actual brawls, I was still moderately entertained. I am looking forward to seeing how scrappy Lisa can be when she ‘rips Kim’s eyebrows off her head’ next week, and also eagerly awaiting the return of the gay messiah, Dwight. I’m going to call out Kandi right now, though, and say that unless she starts being a full-blown diva or threatening physical violence on others, the producers aren’t going to keep her around for next season. AJ’s baby momma drama aside, it’s all about having massive issues and being dysfunctional, Kandi – get with the program already.

Season 2, Episode 5: Home Is Where the Heartbreak Is (originally aired August 27, 2009)

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Thursdays at 10pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Wilford Harewood, and Quantrell Colbert