Rescue Me: Carrot

The entire time I was watching this episode, I kept thinking of the moments in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when King Arthur screams, “run away!” and he and his merry men take off like Carl Lewis on speed. That’s what Tommy should have done as he listened to both Janet and then Sheila give their sales pitches on why he should choose to be with her. Janet’s deal consisted of Tommy only having sex with her for the next five years until Katy leaves the house, because if he doesn’t, she’ll do everything in her power to insure that Katy grows to hate Tommy and vow to never see him again for the rest of their lives. So basically, Janet acted like Janet.

Sheila, on the other hand, calls Tommy over to help fix her sink. Tommy figures this is a ruse to get him to bring up the Janet situation and for Sheila to make her sales pitch, but she doesn’t bring the topic up. Of course, this was really Sheila’s plan. By pretending not to talk about the issue, she insured that Tommy would crack and bring it up himself. So he does, and says that the situation is a lose-lose. If he chooses Janet, he loses Sheila. If he chooses Sheila, he loses Janet and access to Katy and the baby.

Sheila’s response is practically to exude sex, speaking in those sultry tones about how much he turns her on. She also says that if he chooses Janet, she’ll find someone else, and vice versa. She also addresses her craziness by insisting that she isn’t the crazy one, because she’s not the one who gets regular visits from ghosts. So basically, Tommy is in the least enviable position for a guy since Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction.

Let’s not forget however, that there is a new woman in Tommy’s (and all the guys of 62 Truck) life: the mysterious, so far nameless woman played by Maura Tierney, who was introduced last week when she used her feminine wiles to get past the crew and run into a burning building to retrieve an equally mysterious briefcase. She shows up this week at the firehouse (after making an appearance in a typically bizarre Tommy Gavin dream sequence in the opening), looking for Franco, who she planted one on during the fire. She calls him “Pillow Lips” and Tommy “Opie.” She’s looking for Franco because she wants to thank him, but the guys tell her he is spoken for. So Mike comes in, who she refers to as “The Stupid One” and asks him out for drinks. She does not reveal what was in the case, though. A doomsday device, perhaps?

The other big event of the week is Colleen moving in with Tommy. Black Shawn helps, which gives Tommy a chance to lay out the ground rules: they can never have sex when he’s home, or on his way home, and he never wants to see her “funderwear” lingerie in the wash. Sounds fair to me. Oh, and did I mention that Lou asks Needles to be his best man at his wedding instead of Tommy? He does this of course because Tommy doesn’t approve of the union, only remembering that Candy stole all of Lou’s money and broke his heart. I see both sides. If I were Tommy I would certainly be suspicious and feel the need to be protective of Lou, but Lou has been around the block and knows the risks and is willing to gamble for a chance at happiness. But he may never get to enjoy his wedding because Tommy will no doubt try to kill him first for excluding him from the ceremony.

This is a solid episode, with strong monologues for Andrea Roth as Janet and Callie Thorne as Sheila. I may really dislike their characters, but the actresses are first rate, and they show it here.

For another take on this episode, check out If Opie’s Mom Had Sex with Satan… by Jaimie Campos.

Season 5, Episode 18: Carrot (Originally aired August 4, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro