Rescue Me: Tell People To Start Stabbing Their Eyes Out

I hope you liked the last several episodes, because … that’s right … you guessed it… more of the same! So much for last week’s character development. I guess it was just in my head after all.

Gosh, where to begin? It’s all so … not exciting. First, rumor has it that Janet plans to invite Tommy for a weekend in the Berkshires for a second honeymoon and reconciliation. Sheila hears about this through the grapevine, so she invites Tommy over to hang her new television – though not a euphemism, it is an excuse to chain him to the bed with fluffy leopard hand cuffs, and speechify about Jimmy’s mistress and Tommy’s love of fire. And for anyone not understanding the metaphor, she uses a lighter to tease and torment Tommy while chained up. Basically, she turns into a psycho, talking about her lover/husband and his lover/mistress while using a lighter that the Other Woman gave him to seduce her new boyfriend. I was tempted to fast forward through everything, but I wouldn’t want to miss any crucial information. Except that there is no crucial information. So…thanks a lot, writers. Jimmy appears to tell Tommy that the Other Woman wasn’t Janet, even though Tommy begins to suspect as much.

Tommy, who doesn’t believe ghosts unless they’re bashing his character, invites Janet to dinner to ask her himself. Eventually, after Tommy tosses some tables and breaks some doors, she admits that she slept with Jimmy once, before she had married Tommy and before Jimmy had married Sheila. Both couples were on a break, so it doesn’t count. The most shocking thing about this scene? That no one stepped in, because watching this from the outside, one would have thought Tommy would be tossing Janet around next. Say all you like about New York, but someone should have said or done something. The two settle their differences, Tommy walks away with a slap on the wrist from the cops (barely), and they go their own ways.

Tommy then calls Kelly, and after he finally reminds her who he is, she invites him over. They swap backstories, quickly, and I appreciate the writers sparing me having to listen to Tommy’s issues all over again. She agrees to take him on as a pseudo-lover/boyfriend (weekends only and to address her needs), and then she sends him away so she can smoke pot and go to sleep. She once again denies him access to the silver case (not a euphemism) but we do learn she keeps it in her oven.

In other news, the crew are huge fans of The Real Housewives of New York City. There’s a very funny opening chase around a grocery store (which is far too large to be a real NYC grocery store) as the boys try to catch an avocado-stealing ninja. Then the fun quotient ends two minutes into the episode. Mike and Apache Stone should be playing for some industry person soon. Stay tuned, I’m sure it will be riveting. Lou is beginning to have doubts about Franco fighting a woman, but he doesn’t press since he’s focused on planning his second honeymoon with Candy. Especially since he plans and she pays. Carla phones Franco at the firehouse but he refuses to take the call – I’m still waiting to see if she’s the woman he’ll be fighting in the ring. And … well, that’s really about it. Or about all worth mentioning. Garrity shows up and has a rash, but as I said – nothing new.

Two more episodes. Thank God.

Next week: What’s in the silver box?

For another take on this episode, check out Frozen Foods and Love (?) Quadrangles by Cameron Cubbison.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 5, Episode 20: Zippo (Originally aired August 18, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro