Weeds: Catching Up

In a move a la Desperate Housewives and One Tree Hill, this week’s episode of Weeds has time warped us ahead six months to a very pregnant Nancy enjoying herself living in Esteban’s big old house. While Nancy showers, she and Esteban affectionately tease each other about baby names before she gets out and he tells her that he’s “decided we will get married”. He then gives her a large but ugly ring that looks straight out of a Cracker Jack box. Nancy walks in to the bedroom to find Esteban naked and is presented with the real ring, a big old diamond this time. Nancy says yes.

Downstairs at breakfast, Nancy tries to share her engagement news with Shane but he already knew. Esteban had a talk with him and Silas. Everyone knows but Andy. Ignacio then turns up to take Shane to summer school.

While mommy enjoys domestic bliss, at Silas’ medical marijuana shop things are getting dicey. Silas tries to refuse Officer Pete some pot because he doesn’t have a prescription and Pete mentions that they’ve been light on their bribe money lately. He pulls a gun on Silas and laughs. Silas doesn’t seem to think it’s very funny.

Shane also found himself getting into more trouble than he wanted when Ignacio allowed him to skip school. Instead the twosome went to the golf course to annoy and beep at people trying to hit some drives. Shane was having a great time, until one of the golfers responded by flipping them the bird. Ignacio promptly jumped from the car and with happy enthusiasm proceeded to brutally and repeatedly beat the golfer with his own club. And the fact that Ignacio was not his buddy but rather an incredibly scary, scary guy finally seems to have dawned on Shane.

Back at the Ren Mar house, a devastated Andy who has grown a particularly hideous beard, plays Pac-Man. Silas comes home and asks how much of Judah’s money he has left – Silas is worried about the cop. Andy says he’s spent it all and gestures at the house full of arcade games and various other useless things, as well as the General Lee car from The Dukes of Hazzard that’s parked in the garage.

Celia is working at Foot Locker and living in the Ren Mar garage, her daughter is spray tanning Doug (I’ll get to that in a minute) and after finally giving up decides to turn instead to selling Your Pretty cosmetics, which looks like the biggest scam there ever was.

After finding a biography of him in the bathroom (gross), Doug is trying to channel George Hamilton (thus the spray tan). Silas tells him about the problem with Officer Pete and Doug responds that, of course, they’re not selling that much pot with a cop always hanging around. He asks what George Hamilton would do. Later when Officer Pete shows up again and starts chilling in their swinging chair, Doug decides that George Hamilton would do the dumbest thing possible. So Doug tosses the cop from the chair and tells him to stop driving the customers away. The two fight. Pete takes a swing, misses and hits the ground, knocking himself unconscious. Silas looks like he’d like to jump out the window.

Outside the Ren Mar house, Nancy calls Andy. When he ignores the phone, the very pregnant woman kicks the door in. Standing right next to him, she continues to talk on the phone and leaves him a message. She says she misses him, that she’s marrying Esteban and that if he comes to see her please don’t have “a scraggly moonshiner beard unless you’re starting a cult in which case ‘go beard’”. (Sometimes this show’s funny – when it’s not disturbing the bleep out of me.)

Back at home with Esteban, Nancy wonders who Mrs. Esteban Reyes is supposed to be. In a move that surprised me, Esteban “Mr. Controlling” Reyes says she doesn’t have to change her name if she doesn’t want to. Then he goes off to fence and Andy stops by – still looking like a deranged mountain man. Andy sees Esteban fencing and mentions that he was a light saber fighting champ in High School. Why would you admit that? Esteban asks if Andy would like to fence. The two of them go at it for a little while until Nancy comes to investigate and Esteban swiftly disarms Andy.

Back in the kitchen, Andy pours out his thoughts and hurt and a little Hebrew blessing, and Nancy says she’s sorry. Ego-bruised Andy scoffs and says that when Esteban gets killed – making her a widow for the third time (Wow, I forgot about that DEA Agent she married. This girl is full of bad decisions) – he’s not coming back to make pizza bites.

Once Andy leaves, Nancy gets another surprise visitor. An attractive Hispanic woman storms through her house and argues loudly with Esteban in Spanish in the back yard. She then marches back through the house and leaves.

When Nancy asks what that was about, Esteban tells them they can’t get married. Things have changed. Seems like there’s trouble in gangster’s paradise.

Season 5, Episode 6: A Modest Proposal (Originally aired July 13, 2009)

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Mondays at 10pm ET/PT on Showtime

Photographs courtesy of Showtime and IMDbPro