Weeds: Somebody’s Going to Emergency, Somebody’s Going to Jail

This week on Weeds Nancy has a new enemy: a mysterious Mexican woman that Nancy comes up with a creative nickname for. She does not want Esteban to marry la gringa Nancy. She is muy powerful and when Shane Wikipedias her, we also discover that she’s also mucho connected. In other words, she owns Esteban.

Shane looks at this information and suggests they leave now. He thinks she’s going to have this baby and then Esteban’s thugs are going to kill them for sport. Aiding fuel to the mounting fire, Nancy finds Cesar putting together a birthing room in house so that Nancy can have the baby at home. Cesar also tells her that her car is in the shop, broken headlight. She’s trapped.  Alarm! Alarm!

Panicking, Nancy calls Andy and tells him Esteban’s dead. Still sporting that Unabomber beard, Andy shows up and Nancy tells him Esteban’s not really dead, he just wants her to have the baby off the grid, probably so that he can take it and kill its mother. Andy agrees to help her get out, lifts her through the welded door of his ridiculous General Lee car (with only minor groping), and off they go.

In the car, Andy proceeds to make things more awkward by asking how Esteban is in bed, saying he seems like the throw you down on the table kind of guy. As it turns out, that’s exactly the kind of guy he is – as all of us who watch the show have seen. Andy points out that that’s why he and Nancy would never work (I guess other than the useless brother-in-law thing), because he’s not “rapey” enough for her. Lovely. Then, as Nancy sits there in glowing silence, Andy realizes he’s still in love with her, curses and declares that she’s “poison”. I think we can all agree that that’s pretty much true.

At Dr. Alanis Morissette’s office, Nancy tells Dr. Isn’t It Ironic that she wants to induce. Dr. Alanis thinks she should wait, but Nancy insists that she has to have the baby right away. When Dr. Alanis still hesitates, Andy steps in and explains the whole story with the baby daddy drug lord who probably wants to kill her and take her child. After thanking Andy for his discretion, Nancy cries and pleads with the doctor offering her a bag full of cash. Dr. Alanis says she’ll call the hospital and get it set up.

Finally catching on to what Nancy’s done, Esteban and Cesar come tearing through the hospital, gathering Nancy’s things. But then little baby Botwin is brought in. Esteban exclaims that Nancy doesn’t know what she’s done, but Nancy – calm and collected – asks if he’d like to hold his son.  He would.

So while Nancy’s third son was getting her out of trouble yet again, her eldest was getting himself into a bit of it. At their little pot club, Doug is continuing to spend all his time sampling the merchandise, much to Silas’ chagrin. Then, to make matters worse, their buddy the blackmailing cop, Officer Pete, comes in demanding $10K as an apology for the big bump he has on his head after Doug knocked him out last week. He threatens to charge them with assaulting a police officer, and Silas looks like he might cry.

Later that day a hot, young bikini-clad thing comes in looking for a job. Doug promptly fires one of their employees. When he asks why he’s getting fired, Doug replies that it’s so he can get laid. Ticked off, the employee goes to the back to complain to Silas who gets even more ticked off. Totally fed up with Doug, Silas calls the partnership off and storms out. Anyone else really liking this new, responsible, self-conscious Silas?

Later on, Officer Pete returns and Doug gives him his money. Dean also drops by with Silas to inform Doug that they are dissolving their partnership. Doug can’t stand the idea of the place being closed down so agrees that as long as they let him have a bowl in the morning, he’ll stay out of everything else. They all agree, just as a group of Internal Affairs cops come storming through.

Officer Pete tries to show his badge and get out, but it turns out that the fired employee is with them. They’re there for Officer Pete. They all get down on the ground.

Season 5, Episode 7: Where the Sidewalk Ends (Originally aired July 20, 2009)

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Photographs courtesy of Showtime, IMDbPro