Glee: Yes We Cane!
We begin with Kurt recording a video in a creepy slim-fitting outfit lip syncing to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies,” while doing the dance with two other girls. It’s both amazing and disturbing but, like all accidents, you have to keep watching. That is until Kurt’s father comes home early to watch Deadliest Catch. Kurt quickly explains his unitard is what guys now wear to workout, “for football,” one of the girls adds. The other one doesn’t help things by saying Kurt’s the new kicker on the team. In response to which one of the girls is his girlfriend, Kurt slaps one of their behinds; his father heads back from Kurt’s basement bedroom, telling Kurt he wants a ticket to his first game. I guess that means Kurt’s got to get on the football team now.
We cut to Will (after waffling, I’ve decided to just call him Will and not “Mr. Schu”) and Terri practicing her breathing in advance of labor. Terri’s sister wants Will to be tougher as it will help get the watermelon-sized baby out of her “boy howdy.” Before she can show Will how to rub the gas bubbles out of Terri’s stomach, Terri shoos Will out of the room. You see, Will doesn’t know that Terri isn’t really pregnant. But she tells her sister the truth and her sister puts another bad idea in her head: continue the charade and find a baby.
At school, Will is stuck sitting with the Ken and Emma. They share that on the recent local news, Cheerios coach Sue advocated the caning of children so we’ll get clean streets like in Singapore. Just then Sue walks up to gloat about her new role as a commentator on the local news. Oh yes, Sue’s busting out of her box. (How did that clear the censors?)
Let’s head into rehearsal. Rachel is again making trouble by objecting to Tina getting a solo from West Side Story. Arty wisely observes that the more times Rachel walks out of rehearsal, the less effective it becomes. So true! Kurt pulls Finn aside to ask him a question, but it’s not what Finn thinks (about going to the prom together) because Kurt says he’s not gay (but we know better). No, Kurt wants help getting on the football team.
At practice, Kurt’s ready for his tryout, or he’s trying to get ready, explaining that his “body is like a warm chocolate souffle. If [he doesn't] warm it up right, it doesn’t rise.” And he gets his music and fends off Puck’s taunting. Coach Ken talks about how lousy their kicker is and offers a challenge to anyone who can do better. Kurt steps up and hits the play button as “Single Ladies” comes on and he gets into a dance. Everyone’s too busy laughing to see that his kick is good and Ken welcomes the new kicker to the team.
Quinn’s pregnant and Finn doesn’t know how it could be his since they never . . . you know. But they were in a hot tub the month before, Finn got overexcited and their swimsuits and the temperature of the water weren’t enough to prevent fertilization. Either there’s more to this story or we’re really supposed to stretch our imaginations here (and here’s a lengthy discussion of the topic, for you curious folks). But back to Quinn, who’s distraught now that she thinks her chances of leaving their town are over.
After the manager of her television station tells Sue that she needs to win the championships if she wants to continue at the station, Sue heads to Sandy’s house to hear about his doll collection (and to see his kimono). Sandy quickly breaks down (and not from the nine cans of aerosol whipped cream he ate yesterday) and Sue jumps in to offer him the position of school arts administrator which will let him control glee club once again. Sandy has his doubts about Figgins allowing it but we cut to Sue showing Figgins footage of him advertising anti-embolism stockings for Mumbai Air. She threatens to circulate the footage. And with that, Sandy is in!
His first task is to get Rachel out of glee, accomplished by having her audition with Celine Dion for the school’s musical, knowing she won’t resist. And when she gets the lead, Will objects to Sandy’s return and the theft of his best singer. Will appeals to Rachel; she’s not quitting but looking for a reason to stay–everyone has one but she doesn’t.
At rehearsal, Tina is practicing her solo of “Tonight” but she can’t hit the high notes and wants to give the song to Rachel over Will’s pride. In walks Finn who breaks down crying before he and Will go to a salad bar to discuss his impending fatherhood. And for the second time, the question of abortion comes up (why is that the default option?!?), but I digress. The topic shifts to Finn thinking the football team can get better if Will teaches them how to dance–it’s like the Superbowl Shuffle or something. Finn thinks it’s a strategy to help recruit more guys to glee club, you know, in exchange for Will helping them win. That night, Will tells Terri about the pregnancy and we can see Terri coming up with her own strategy to get that baby as her own.
Cut to the locker room where Will and Finn are trying to convince the team to adopt the dancing technique. Puck’s the loudest naysayer but Coach Ken supports the plan and sends the team off the choir room. Kurt takes over and walks them through the steps of “Single Ladies” before they break for the day. Finn tells Puck that Quinn’s pregnant and we cut to Puck telling Quinn that he thought she was a virgin when they did it and that she never slept with Finn. I knew you can’t get pregnant that way! Anyway, she doesn’t want Puck to be the father because he’s a “Lima loser,” even though Puck doesn’t want to be a deadbeat father. Quinn runs out crying to find Terri in her car, offering to help Quinn out of this situation, and not just with free bottles of prenatal vitamins.
Game night! Will sits next to Emma, while Ken’s in back selecting which whistle he’ll use for the game. Finn tries to give a nice pep talk while Puck talks about how he made the team “gay.” What will Finn do? They break and the game begins. We see Kurt’s father arrive (And Kurt’s jumping for joy over it all). We’re down to the end of the fourth quarter with the score at 0-6. Finn signals for a timeout with one second left on the clock, calls the team over and says he’s doing the dance play so he won’t be a “Lima loser” (I guess that’s a term there). The team agrees and I’m not sure how they’re going to do this in one second, but they signal for the music and the dancing begins! Surely, this is against the rules.
Everyone’s confused but I’m just laughing and wishing this would happen at the football games I attend. In the confusion, they score a touchdown and tie the game up. Will and Emma embrace and then push each other away (you know, that sexual tension and all). All this means is Kurt is up for the kick and to “die a legend” (only without a bathroom break). He cues the music again, the kick is good (i.e., they win), and the crowd (including Kurt’s father) goes wild. Finn and Quinn make out as Puck looks on with anger and jealousy.
That night, Kurt’s father interrupts his nighttime skincare ritual to say that he’s proud of what he did at the game. Kurt uses this time to tell his father that he’s gay. There’s no surprise here as his father’s known since Kurt was three, and it all ends on a touching note. (For more on the development of this character, check out this article.)
On the other hand, we have Finn giving Quinn the baby blanket he used as a child and this is not going to end well. Just then, Puck walks over to make taunting comments about morning sickness and Quinn putting on weight. He apologizes and walks off. We next see Puck (and two others from the football team) walking in as the newest members of the glee club, but Will isn’t giving Rachel the solo–it’s staying with Tina. Rachel walks out (again) and tells Sandy she’s in for the lead in the musical. All of this is set to Sue’s latest commentary about how to deal with life’s adversities. And that, my friends, is how J.B. C’s it.
Next week, Emmy-award winning actress Kristin Chenoweth (Pushing Daisies) guest stars! Meanwhile, consider the following discussion topic: I, for one, am intrigued by the parallel pregnancy stories of Will and Finn and how both are nice guys being manipulated by the women in their lives. Is this a commentary on nice guys or a poor view of women? Discuss.
Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.
Season 1, Episode 4: Preggers (originally aired September 23, 2009)
For more on Glee, click here.
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