Glee: My Dream . . . Is To Dream

“A singer in a smokey room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume,” well at least until Quinn runs out with morning sickness, reminding everyone that they need Rachel for the solo if they want to do well at regionals.  Finn points out that Quinn could use less of a part on account of her pregnancy, oh and he’s not telling his mother, even if Will thinks he should.  Meanwhile, Will doesn’t understand why Terri isn’t having any morning sickness even though Quinn can’t stop vomiting (but that’s good because then her child isn’t Mongoloid).  And before the waiter can bring Terri another piece of pie, Will finds out the waiter is a “six-year senior”—you see his school keeps failing him so he can stay to compete in the glee club.

Emma calls in Finn to ask if he needs to talk about anything (ahem, the baby).  She suggests he could get a music scholarship through glee club, get a full ride to college, and get out of the town.  One step is getting glee to do well in regionals by getting Rachel back in glee.  Looks like Emma is plotting something to get into Will’s good graces, i.e., by getting Finn to get Rachel back into glee.  But Rachel’s too busy not taking off her “over the shoulder boulder holder” in order to get a good review in the school newspaper.  And while Mr. Ryerson has no problem with nudity (in part due to his planned production of Equus), Rachel won’t relent.  Finn, however, shows up and dazzles Rachel with his charm.  Perhaps this might work.

After realizing students (of all ages) who are still in high school can legally participate in glee, Will asks Emma for the student records of April Rhodes who was a glee club rock star and should have graduated many years ago.  Turns out Will’s suspicions were right; April never graduated and so he contacts her online to arrange a meeting/recruitment session.  And in walks April (played by Tony and Emmy Award-winning Kristin Chenoweth), well more like Will walks into her house and box of wines.  But as they’re getting acquainted, a realtor walks in and says that April’s a squatter and needs to get out.  So with wine box in hand, they sit on the curb and April shares her story of failed dreams and being a high school dropout.  Will offers to help her graduate (with her last three credits), sober up, and into a fresh pair of underwear.

Will introduces April to glee club, a/k/a the world’s worst Benetton ad, but this group isn’t thrilled about an old person joining their ranks.  So April dazzles them all with a very sultry “Maybe This Time,” but it turns into an off-stage duet with Rachel.  I’m not sure I get the artistic meaning here but Kurt’s crying at the end.  Will suggests she endear herself with the rest of the kids.  She wins Kurt over with liquor (I think) and vintage muscle magazines (SFW).  She gets Mercedes and Tina by teaching them how to smuggle things out under their skirts (to help their walking or something about a lit birthday cake).  And she screws Puck.

Back at Rachel’s rehearsal, Sandy is not having any of this, with “this” being Rachel’s musical abilities.  But she won’t quit and let Sandy take over her role.  She doubles down and works her lines with Finn, who thinks they should go bowling to help loosen up.  She’s flustered by it all and even more so when Will and April walk in and talk about April getting Rachel’s former solo.  But the most bothered of them all is Kurt, who vomits on Emma after drinking too much.  After some Karen Silkwoods later in the emergency room, Emma tells Will that she’s concerned about what he’s doing by involving April and taking away an opportunity for a true student to grow.

Sandy, however, missed that lessen and shouts Rachel out of rehearsal and into tears in the bathroom.  April tries to comfort her (even without a NyQuil pick-me up) but Rachel thinks April is inappropriate.  April, of course, doesn’t care because this time she’s making all the wrong decisions but for all the right reasons.

Bowling time, where ball sharing is all part of the fun.  Finn’s sharing his with Rachel and flirting like crazy while teaching her what to do.  Across the lanes, Will and April (and some horse tranquilizers) are bowling but it’s a pretext for Will to tell April to start acting more responsibly around the students.  He also says how he used to idolize her when he was in high school (she was a senior when he was a freshman) and he’s always dreamed of singing with her.  So shut your gravy hole while these two interrupt Bingo night to duet to “Alone” by Heart.  While they sing, Finn tells Rachel he wants to spend more time with her (regardless of Quinn) and wants her back in glee.  So they seal the deal with a kiss.

Back in rehearsal, they’re all guessing what’s wrong with Quinn and it’s not lactose intolerance.  Puck breaks the news of Quinn’s pregnancy by Finn (and Bert and Ernie’s domestic partnership) and then they all tell Rachel when she announces her triumphant return to glee club.  After Finn submits his scholarship application to Emma (since his plan worked), Rachel slaps Finn in the face for his lies.  He owns up to them and says he did what he needed to do for his unborn child but it doesn’t change his feelings for Rachel.  Rachel doesn’t care and goes to Coach Sue to get back into the musical, only if changes are made.  Sue agrees, especially after Sandy tried to write himself in as Queen Cleopatra, which only made Sue aroused and then furious.  As a result, Sue gives Rachel complete artistic control of the show.  Shocking.

Show night for New Directions and April stumbles in drunk (after almost running over Emma).  But Will ignores it all because the show must go on.  And so April and her pink cowgirl outfit (with the glee kids in the background) bring country western to Lima, Ohio, with “Last Name.” Rachel looks on with dejection.  Will also isn’t pleased and stops April from going back out on stage.  She agrees that she doesn’t belong there even though she loved that standing ovation from the crowd.  She wants to get out of the kids’ sunshine and let Will make sure that what happened to her will never happen to any of them.  So next stop Broadway . . . or Branson.

Will tells the gleeks that April isn’t coming back and that they’ll just cut the show short.  In walks Rachel, tail between her legs, offering to be April’s understudy since she quit the musical (again?).  They all agree and welcome her back into the fold for the closing number of “Somebody to Love” (and all the Queen fans cower in the corner, while the queens go crazy).

So we’re five episodes in to the first season and I really hope they work on improving the lip syncing on this show.  It’s really distracting and sad that good singers, particularly those of Ms. Chenoweth’s quality (recall this performance from one of the greatest shows ever), are portrayed as amateurs.  Just a thought.

Next week Terri thinks Will’s been hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farms gift basket that doesn’t belong to her.  Who knew Will was Polish?

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Season 1, Episode 5: The Rhodes Not Taken (originally aired September 30, 2009)

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Wednesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro