Mad Men: O. M. G.

I cannot believe that happened.

I cannot believe I was just sitting here watching an episode of Mad Men, drinking it down with glee (it was one of those truly delicious episodes, filled to the brim with the gorgeous character exploration that is what this show does best, with lots of lovely heartbreaking news about Joan and Don and Betty and poor poor Sally and just the right amount of levity from the SC underlings and tantalizing hints of upcoming corporate shakeups and mysterious phone calls and funny jokes and did I mention Joan’s fabulous green dress?) and then, and then, and then, Lois ran over a guy’s foot with a lawnmower.

O.

M.

G.

What can I even say about this episode? It was the best of the season so far, probably, even better than “My Old Kentucky Home” despite the lack of Pete and Trudy dancing. But I still haven’t recovered from the sight of Guy, poor beautiful Guy, Guy who looked like our new star, Guy who I was fantasizing was Peggy’s future British husband (and who knows, he might still be that), lying on the floor with his foot shriveled up and his blood spattered all over Harry’s glasses.

I’m trying to think of a comparable out-of-nowhere television moment. Seeing Charlie hung from a tree back in season 1 of Lost, maybe. Although that was at least foreshadowed via, I believe, Ethan announcing that he was going to kill Charlie. Whereas this scene was only foreshadowed by Ken preening like he does every week (he even hitched up his belt, hee!) and Smitty getting bored. And, OK, a tiny bit by the episode title (“Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency” – hee, again), but still. Come on. Try to tell me you saw this coming, I dare you.

The questions stemming from this insanity linger, of course. Will Lois get sent to the same psych ward where they locked up Peggy? Is Ken getting fired next week? Is Don really going to be OK with a promotion that comes as a direct result of his younger, maybe even hotter, competition being unable to ever golf again?

Up until that scene I was thinking about spending this week’s character explanation on Joan. Let’s see if I can pull it off even with my arms shaking. Because Joan, a far superior woman to both me and to my beloved Peggy, saw that blood spray and sprang into action, going right up to that shriveled foot and taking charge. Forget office management, I want Joan to come over and manage my whole life for me.

What’s Joan going to do now? I’m sure there are many, many jobs she’d have the skills for, but that doesn’t mean she could get hired for them. And, of course, she could manage any office she set foot in (sorry, that was a poor choice of words; I blame Roger’s bad example) but she probably wouldn’t get paid as well as she did after ten years at SC (of which she spent an indeterminate number sleeping with the boss).

Joan is a priceless character, and she, like Don, is one of the Mad Men universe inhabitants I find hardest to pin down. We still don’t know much about her background, other than her mostly unfortunate romantic history and that heartbreaking season 1 scene with Carol, her former roommate. We know she didn’t go to college; odds are, she’s a secretarial school graduate like Peggy. We know she’s into soap operas, even though there’s no way she could watch them, seeing as how she’s worked every day for ten years. We know she prioritizes her appearance and must have spent a good chunk of her salary over the past decade on clothes, makeup, and haircuts. And we know that that was a practical, tactical decision, just like every decision we’ve ever seen Joan make.

I adore Joan, and she terrifies me. That’s because ever since the pilot, I’ve never really stopped seeing Joan through Peggy’s eyes. I’d like to think that five years from now, the two of them will have developed a Betty/Francine-esque mutually affectionate friendship, but I know that’s wishful thinking, because neither one of them will ever be able to stop seeing Joan as the superior party. She isn’t smarter, but she’s wiser, much wiser, and even though many, many bad things have happened to Joan, she still manages to stride right over to that shriveled foot every time, make the decisions that have to be made, and forge ahead. (Although I guess one could argue that fainting into Pete Campbell’s arms isn’t such a strategically bad move either.)

Imagine if Joan had been born in, let’s say, 1979, rather than 1931. She’d be running Apple. She’d be the editor of Vogue. She’d already have launched her presidential exploration committee. C’est magnifique, indeed.

And, oh, right, I forgot to summarize what happened this week. Um: Joan’s husband didn’t get named chief resident and now they have to move to Alabama and/or he has to give up surgery or something (it was never made clear, much to Joan’s and our frustration). She’s already quit her job at SC and they had a big goodbye party and everything, but now she needs the money and is in an awful predicament. The guy Don met at the garden party turns out to be important, as we knew he would; in fact, he turns out to be Conrad Hilton, who, awkwardly for the show I would think, was a real person, and he wants Don to work for him. The British overlords came to visit SC and unveiled a new company organization chart, which did not, to Don’s dismay, involve him moving to London. But that’s now all being rejiggered since the gorgeous Guy, who was supposed to take over the COO spot, can no longer golf again, which may be good news for Don (and Betty, who desperately wants a pram). Sally developed a fear of baby Gene, because she has conflated his birth with the death of Grandpa Gene, and is demonstrating this fear by throwing Barbies out the window and issuing blood-curdling screams in the middle of the night, but Don helps her get over it. Oh, and poor delicate Peggy fainted at the sight of blood and Pete caught her; it was cute.

Next week, tune in for what I’m sure will be more carnage in the halls as SC gets reorganized yet again (and Peggy, hopefully, learns that while Guy may no longer golf, everything else is still in working order).

Season 3, Episode 6: Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency (originally aired September 20, 2009)

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Photographs courtesy of AMC and Carin Baer