Project Runway: What’s Black and White and Read All Over?

Last week I was bored, and this week . . . I’m still bored.  When can we go back to NYC?

Heidi, wearing black and white, announces they’re going on another field trip with Tim.  Their clue?  Black and white.  While I’m thinking either old movies or the Watts Riots, they actually go to the Los Angeles Times where “they, like, make all the newspapers.”  Booth Moore, the celebrated fashion critic at the L.A. Times, tells them they need to use newspaper as the fabric for their next challenge.  So we’re going to get a runway of paper mache?  The designers scramble and take so much paper that Irina explains they’re “designing for a human, not an elephant.”

Back at the studio, Tim tells them they have dyes and paintbrushes and gives us a history lesson on paper as clothing.  And so they begin, with Nicolas continuing to complain about the challenge, or at least using that as a tool to vent his frustration.  He also spends his time getting annoyed by Shirin’s babbling about the name of her mannequin and complaining about the quality of Johnny’s design.

Tim’s Take.  Tim doesn’t think Gordana’s inclusion of a “change” political message is appropriate and suggests she focus on her design as a change in fashion.  Delicately put, Tim.  He is “woeful” of Johnny’s origami dress, commenting that kindergartners designed it.  And Nicolas is right there to laugh loudly, but Johnny trashes his dress and starts from scratch.  Nicolas gets the dreaded “costumey” warning so let’s move on from that.  On the other hand, he thinks Christopher’s ambitious design could be a “showstopper.”  They all rethink what they’re doing (except for Christopher) and then in come the models for their fitting.

Johnny is a little frustrated after throwing out his design and so he starts working on a crossword puzzle.  This bothers Christopher and Irina, who think Johnny hasn’t shown enough passion throughout the competition (recall we began this season with his breakdown).  Anyway, we end the day with the designers trash talking Johnny and this is all setting us up for his predictable win (and Nicolas’s defeat).  Or maybe I’m wrong as usual.

Runway!  Heidi introduces our judges: Designer Tommy Hilfiger, Zoe Glassner (Marie Claire), and Eva Longoria Parker (Desperate Housewives).  Again no Nina, no Kors, and I’m pissed.  For whatever reason, I’m impressed that you can do this much with paper.  That being said, I think Johnny and Nicolas made some stinky mess . . . at least until Shirin sends someone down looking like Mrs. Potts.  Johnny, Nicolas, Christopher, Althea, Gordana, and Irina have to stay behind, while the rest (including Logan and his douchey wool hat) move on.

Althea is up first.  Mrs. Longoria Parker talks about her bump and “ass-et” in relation to Althea’s structured behind on the dress.  Heidi thinks Gordana’s outfit looks too wearable (is that bad?), and the rest of the panel all but says she was boring.  Irina made an amazing trench coat, and Hilfiger rattles off some famous designers that could have made what she did.  Heidi begins by asking Johnny how much time he spent on his dress and then says his model looks like she’s “going to work,” which in Heidi-speak means “prostitute.”  Johnny says his first dress got destroyed with the iron but it looked like a Dior; Nicolas interrupts and says that wasn’t the case and then Nicolas repeated Tim’s criticism.  Johnny speaks for America and calls Nicolas a “jerk.”  Since Nicolas is living in a glass house this week, it’s only appropriate that the judges trash his outfit and say it reminds them of New York . . . because it looks like a cockroach.  We end with Christopher’s flowing gown and they say little because it is great.

Privy Council.  Hands down Christopher gets rave reviews for his creativity, similarly for Irina and Althea.  They don’t think Nicolas achieved a punk look, and with Johnny they suspect he’s lying about the steam accident.

Results.  Althea is safe and Irina wins.  Christopher is in second place and I like to think it was a close decision. Gordana is also safe and, with Johnny and Nicolas left, I hope Heidi sends them both home.  In the end, there can be only one to go and that is Johnny.  He cries some about how difficult this was for him and I guess I’m heartless because I don’t care.

But in the only interesting part of the episode, Tim comes in to send Johnny home and it’s the coldest dismissal I’ve ever seen from Tim.  Tim then turns to the remaining designers and says, “I’m incredulous at the utterly preposterous spewing of fiction that Johnny did on the runway.  It was ridiculous.”  Nicholas feels the need to interject like a choir boy and the rest of the room is sitting there, mouths agape.  I can only imagine what Tim would have shouted out had he been at the President’s recent joint address to Congress.

Next week: A one-day challenge.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 5: Fashion Headlines (originally aired September 17, 2009)

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