Rescue Me: I Was Taking the High Road. The High Ball Road!

This is it, kids! The moment we’ve all been waiting for: my last review of Rescue Me. Don’t pretend you’re not as excited as I am.

And so! Sheila rallies Janet into confronting Kelly in an effort to discourage “the interloper” from seeing Tommy again. Janet doesn’t consider Maura Tierney a threat (having never watched her hilarity on News Radio. Suck on that awesomeness, ladies.), because she just served Tommy with divorce papers. Therefore neither is Sheila a threat, so booyah! However, Damien snitched to Sheila about Kelly’s dead baby, and that grief connection convinces Janet, as it did Sheila, into taking action.

In the best scene of the season, Janet and Sheila (led hilariously by Sheila), show up at Kelly’s house for The Talk. Kelly refuses to be intimidated, and when Sheila realizes she’s losing ground, she takes a shot at Kelly through her lost daughter. Booyah times two! The shot hits home, but even Janet’s disgusted – leading to a shoving match between Tommy’s two loves outside of Kelly’s apartment. Janet ends up on the ground, Sheila beats an innocent bystander, and Kelly watches from the safety of her doorway as two insane women battle over a troubled alcoholic with very few redeeming qualities. They’re so lucky!

Although Kelly doesn’t think so. She’s not interested in joining the same crazy train that Sheila and Janet are on and is through with Tommy, telling him as much when he stops by later. In my Rescue Me fantasy, she keeps her word and Maura Tierney leaves the show on a high note, before turning into another shrew who throws herself at firemen to fulfill their fantasies. Moving on!

Tommy then heads on over to Sheila’s, handcuffs her to the bed, and burns her crazy pills in retribution for the “inconvenience” she’s caused in his life over Kelly. I suppose he couldn’t just break up with her. Doesn’t make good television, does it? She’ll have the hassle of lying to four different doctors to replace the pills and have to deal with the withdrawal. Seems fair. Then he tosses some lit matches at her, tells her not to mess in his personal life again, and sticks the keys to the handcuffs down her corset before walking out. This is especially cruel considering there’s only one other person who would find her to grab the key and release her.

And no, cynics – I would not call this sexism, especially as Sheila pulled the same nonsense on Tommy. If anything, it’s slightly disturbing, and even more disturbing that this is someone Sheila’s been throwing herself at all season. Really, Sheila? Really? For that matter … really, Janet? They must connect with Tommy on a deeper level that I missed somewhere. What with all the subtext on this show.

Then Tommy stops by Janet’s to pick up Katy for some bonding time with him and Colleen. Katy points out that technically he’s kidnapping her, but he takes her anyway. Katy makes inappropriate comments regarding Emmy nominee Dwight and Benadryl-drugged babies, then they’re off.

Now, finally, the cliffhanger: Ellie died in last week’s crash and Teddy’s been sober ever since. Teddy accepts full blame for the accident, as Ellie only returned to the wonderful world of Alcoholism because he did. He also kept handing her drinks that night, so it’s all on him.

Although … he arrives at the bar a few nights later after closing time, where Tommy serves the crew (sans Damien) as well as Mickey and Eddie. He starts out jovial, then pulls out a gun and forces Tommy to drink several shots of whiskey. The guys mostly stare in shock – Mickey’s attempts to talk sense into Teddy fail. When Tommy refuses to shoot and kill the mourning Teddy (at Teddy’s request), he shoots Tommy twice in the chest/upper body. He pulls out a second gun and declares that drinking time is over. Everyone grab a glass of ginger ale and let’s watch Tommy bleed to death!

You see, Teddy blames Tommy after all, and has taken Karma into his own hands. Everyone around Tommy dies, while Tommy the Asshole lives on every day. Time for retribution. Which isn’t really Karma, but for some reason, I’m not surprised that Teddy’s confused the definitions.

We close the season out with Jimmy telling Tommy that it all looks different from the Other Side. Janet freaks because she can’t find Katy, and a shocked Damien finds his crying, mortified mother chained to the bed. Tommy lies on the bar floor, bleeding and barely conscious. Cut back to my Rescue Me fantasy, where Tommy dies and Karma wins.

And that’s it! Another season in the can. I know it’s not trendy to dislike Rescue Me, with its brazen use of curse words and discussions about empathy boners, constipation issues, and how to discover whether a woman walks around shaved or not (short answer: Tommy always wins). I know come award time, everyone talks about Emmy snubs because Denis Leary playing Denis Leary is so groundbreaking.

It’s easier to love the show (which I’m starting to think is a little overrated, considering the fanaticism), but though there are elements of the series that I do like (and that includes Leary), I think it’s only fair to point out where the show fails. Rescue Me had many opportunities this season to push the envelope and just fell short. There have been great moments on the show, with its humor and its heartbreak. However, those moments didn’t come often enough. Characters failed to evolve (with consistency) and in general, lacked some development. This isn’t a problem unique to Rescue Me (see: nearly everyone on Lost). Sometimes, that can be overlooked, and sometimes, it really can’t – week after week of watching Janet and Sheila throw themselves at Tommy? When he doesn’t cave in to their wishes, they either throw sex at him or turn into shrews? What about Franco and Carla? What was the point of that entire sequence – an opportunity to make a bunch of lesbian jokes? Callie Thorne can act her ass off, but that doesn’t change the issues with the writing.

I’ve also had issue with the pacing, and possibly the slow nature and lack of plot development comes from an extended season. It would have been nice to see more consequence to the Franco and Carla situation, as well as a deeper look at Garrity’s cancer and the lack of insurance for 9/11 vets. The Gavin family turnaround on drinking came out of left field, though it conveniently set up the season ending.

The finale alone was entertaining – the season itself a disappointment. An anti-hero is fine, but no story is interesting without a little progress. Every week, we think Tommy’s made some, and then that progress is dropped the following week. Or maybe, again, I’m just reading too much into the performances and the writing. Maybe Katy asking Tommy if he’s an alcoholic didn’t really cause him to feel ashamed, as that scene seemed to display. Maybe Tommy finding out that Jimmy wasn’t a saint didn’t affect him as profoundly as I thought it did – he was just concerned that it wasn’t Janet that Jimmy slept with. Maybe Sean Garrity’s cancer or the visit with the sick kids at the hospital didn’t affect our anti-hero so deeply. I accept full blame for high expectations.

So color me un-trendy, America. I’ll stick to shows like Friday Night Lights, where female characters can be sexy while also possessing a personality and some intelligence and actions have consequences that last more than one episode. I came to both series late, but FNL, for its faults (looking at you, Jason Street!), still mastered storytelling and character development, giving you reason to invest in the characters.

And with that, I’ll close out my time on Rescue Me with my fantasy version of the show playing in my head, complete with full plot development and well-rounded characters. Thanks for letting me voice my different opinion of the show. Peace!

For another take on this episode, check out Going Out With A Bang: The Rescue Me Season Finale by Cameron Cubbison.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 5, Episode 22: Drink (originally aired September 1, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro