Glee: The Slushie Massacres
This week’s Glee-pisode was quite satisfying—between the non-stop musical interludes, surfacing secret crushes, and attempts to fight back against high school status quos, it’d be hard to complain. I did however finish the show off with an odd craving for a slushie…
The opening scene is a testament to a “new order,” as Finn is greeted by the splash of a slushie in his face among the hallways he once ruled. The news of Quinn’s pregnancy has spread like the Swine Flu, significantly lowering the couple’s coolness-factor, and prompting the Football team to terrorize Finn.
Finally updated on the wedding arrangements, we learn that while Emma wants to conceal all plans, essentially eloping to Hawaii, Ken is insisting on having a first dance with his germophobic fiancée. The pair asks Will to create a mash-up of the two songs tailor made to their personalities: for Emma, “I Could Have Danced All Night,” from My Fair Lady, and for Ken, “The Thong Song.” Will is obliged to help, and also offers to gift them with dance lessons because Ken’s toenails have all been removed and it will hurt like hell if Emma steps on them.
Meanwhile, as Q wipes the grape juice out of Finn’s eyes, the Gleeks worry that none of them are safe. Will tries to enhance the energy up by saying that sometimes two opposites make the best match—like chocolate and bacon, Glee and football. He challenges the kids to find a song to mash with “Bust a Move,” and then he literally busts one himself: what can I say, the man can dance!
Finn and Quinn appear in Emma’s office, asking her for advice on how to regain their mojo. Yet her advice-giving is interrupted by a goofy Will in shades, making faces at her window.
“Sunglasses are so sexy,” she blurts out.
The next scene features Emma in her wedding gown—a truly atrocious compilation of fabric and bows, with a train that could clothe a small family. She wore the dress to her lesson with Will so that Ken could learn not to trip over the massive quantity of polyester trailing behind her. Will smiles and flips on some Sisqo, performing another shining exhibition of his skills. Nonetheless, he trips over the dress just in time for Ken to see them land and linger on top of one another.
Tensions show their face on the football field as Finn’s teammates insult his manhood. Ken cuts in, saying that, “Football is war.” Clearly channeling his anger at Will, he mandates a new practice on Thursdays at 3:30pm—conveniently the same time that Glee meets.
Next, we find out that Puck has been putting the moves on…Rachel?? As she sings “What a Girl Wants,” in the mirror, the scene pans out to show that Puck is playing guitar on her bed. The two engage in a little makeout session, as a voice over from Puck explains his need to find a “nice, Jewish girl.” Rachel stops him just as they are getting hot and heavy, saying she couldn’t give herself to someone who wasn’t brave enough to perform a solo.
“Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?” asks a rejected Puck. The real reason, as we know, is that she is actually picturing Finn.
In the Glee room, Puck sings a good-hearted version of “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond (his favorite Jew) in order to woo Rachel. Finn eyes Rachel who is eyeing Puck who is also getting eyed by Quinn. Basically, there’s a lot of eyeing going on.
In other news, Sue Sylvester has fallen in love! And her new beau, Rod, wants to take her to a Sickle Cell Anemia swing dancing contest. Will—who is apparently getting more than he bargained this episode—teaches Sue to swing dance and is pleasantly surprised by her changed attitude.
Sue spills the beans that Ken is forcing his athletes to chose between Glee and the sport. Will confronts him, and Ken brings up the obvious chemistry between Will and his fiancée. Although Will promises to back off, Ken is adamant in letting the kids choose whose extracurricular is the true second place.
Puck is the next slushie victim, walking hand-in-hand with Rachel. As she cleans out his hair in the boys’ bathroom (Huh??), he admits that he couldn’t handle this kind of teasing and will probably choose the team over the club, because “The worst part is not that it drips into your underpants… it’s the humiliation.”
Will meets Emma to help pick out a new wedding dress that won’t cause the groom to trip and fall on his face. After Emma emerges from the dressing room in a conservative gown, Will puts on an instrumental version of her mash-up selection, telling her she can sing along if she’d like. The scene is very elegant, with the two waltzing around the picturesque shop, customers putting their shopping on hold to smile at their adorable-ness. Finally, an example of the spontaneous song and dance that works!
As Thursday Glee practice rolls around, the club wonders which athletes will show. One by one, all but Finn arrive through the door. So this is what disappointment feels like.
Finn, aka Benedict Arnold, cruises through the hallway, slushie in hand. Who will be his victim? The gang is all wisely geared up in raincoats, as Finn makes his way to harmless Kurt, who grabs the cup from his hand and douses himself with the purple goo. He then demands the girls take him to the day spa—the girl’s bathroom-telling Finn that none of his teammate were that selfless.
Meanwhile, Sue’s newsroom romance is cut short when she finds Rod making out with another woman. Watch out audience! This can only mean trouble.
Rachel and Puck talk on the football bleachers, calling off their imaginary feelings for each other and realizing each other’s true lusts for Finn and Quinn.
On the field, Will gives Finn a pep talk, urging him to come back to Glee. Finn approaches Ken and tells him it’s “not cool” making them choose, and that it’s prohibiting his abilities to lead the team. Ken breaks down and moves the conflicting practice indefinitely.
Since Sue’s failed love story, she has returned to her old self. She tells Will she needs to see the Sectionals set list, and that if it’s late, she will sell him a kitten, let him fall in love with it, and then take it away and break his heart. She also kicks Q off the Cheerios squad.
Will gives Emma the bad news: it’s impossible to make a mash-up of “The Thong Song” and “I Could Have Danced All Night” (Damn—I really wanted to hear him pull that off).
“They don’t go together,” admits Emma.
“We both know that,” says Will.
Finn brings the whole club slushies to make up for his temporary, reckless abandonment. Will gets brain freeze, commenting that he can’t imagine what it’s like to get hit in the face with one. A light bulb goes off, and the Gleeks creep towards him, comically throwing the drinks. Clearly, this was just an attempt to even the score in light of Will’s slick dance moves throughout the episode. I’m petitioning to become his new best friend.
In conclusion, this episode rocked. And it wasn’t just because Terri wasn’t in it (thought it didn’t hurt!).
For another take on this episode, check out Return of the Sue by J.B. Perlow.
Season 1, Episode 8: Mash-Up (originally aired October 21, 2009)
For more on Glee, click here.
Wednesdays at 9pm on Fox
Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro