30 Rock: This Page Ain’t Turning

So, people of real America, have you missed 30 Rock? Didn’t get your fix at the Emmys? Well, fear not, Liz and co. are back for another 22 episodes of clever cultural critiques and testing my ability to transcribe the best lines and follow the “plot” at the same time.

Speaking of which, our season begins with Jack, aka Johnny America, lecturing Liz, Jenna, and Tracy, who have lost touch with their roots. TGS is apparently turning into Studio 60 with the liberal elitism. Jenna offers to “go country” (it’s a totally legit career move, and preferable, at least in Jack’s eyes, to having a lesbian relationship) and Tracy embarks on a series of antics designed to irritate NBC’s housekeeping staff and random passersby. Liz has it worst of all, though, as Jack orders her to find a new TGS cast member who will appeal to the heartland. (Meanwhile, I’m sure this is all a reference to 30 Rock’s own low ratings and tendency to skew, demographics-wise, toward rich people in big cities, but I prefer to save my critical thinking about TV shows for Mad Men, thanks.)

The new cast member will probably wind up being good news for us viewers given this show’s success at retaining superb guest stars, but it’s bad news for everyone but Jack. Liz and Pete, who are charged with recruitment, are stressed because actors have so many opinions and emotions. Jenna and Tracy are stressed because what if it’s a blonde woman?!? And Josh up and quits, not so much because of the new cast member as because no one ever notices him anyway (again, probably a reference to the fact that he was at one point a regular but only showed up, like, twice last season, which is too bad because I always liked him when he was in actual sketches). The episode ends before a new star is selected. Given the season’s promos, I can only pray that it’s Devon.

Kenneth’s subplot for the week stems from the current Comrade Obama-fueled raging period of economic crisis: the pages’ overtime has been cut, and Jack gave himself an enormous bonus anyway (how American of him). Kenneth, who apparently has quite a leadership role with the NBC page community, gets whatever religious undergarment he’s wearing in a twist and orders the pages to go on strike. He even manages to get the local bucket drummers and mall Santas on board (they’ve had it with those flammable beards). Jack puts Steve Buscemi, PI, on the case, but even his undercover stint as nympho co-ed Charlene Larue isn’t enough to sway Kenneth. Only when Jack signs a piece of paper proclaiming “I am a big ole’ liar” does Kenneth give in (and no, he didn’t bother to ask for the pages’ overtime back). Well, it’s a step up from that South Park episode about the Canada strike, but not much of one.

We then get a coda, like the kind The Office always does that my DVR always cuts off. First, Jenna performs a song that’s worth watching in its entirety. Then, Jack instructs Liz, “There’s nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just giving people what they want. Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno.” Funny, but this episode was clearly written before the Leno ratings started coming in.

Other things we learned this week:

• The NBC pages’ shirts are hot and itchy.
• Lights with blue gels make Jenna’s teeth look see-through.
• Pete’s wife Paula is willing to welcome Liz into their lovemaking, if need be.
• Grizz and Dot Com have built a protective shell around Tracy, like a hermit crab or a mermaid boobie.

Last season, I made lists of lines from each episode that I resolved to use in my day-to-day life. But I heard complaints that I never actually used them. Which I didn’t, because I’m not clever enough to recognize the opportunity to say “Oh, my, that’s very urban” when it arises. So this season, I’m just going to list lines that I would really like to use in my day-to-day life, if I lived in a parallel universe where I had Tina Fey’s wit.

For this week, it’s:

• I can’t eat this. I’m a foodie.
• So naturally, you came to me, because this company is just the two of us.
• What’s your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Crackford? Is it Swimming?
• What do we want? To get your sandwiches! When do we want it? Whenever would be convenient for you!
• Guide me, Nixon.

Season 4, Episode 1: Season 4 (originally aired October 15, 2009)

For more on 30 Rock, click here.

Thursdays at 9:30/8:30C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Ali Goldstein