Dancing With the Stars: Booo freakin’ Hooo

This week our stars will be dancing the Samba and Rumba, both of which are sexy romantic Latin dances. The cream should rise to the top as the degree of difficulty increases.

Mark/Lacey: They’ve got the Rumba. Mark moves well and has good hips. Wait, did they kiss?! He might be the best male not named Aaron, and with no prior experience, which is even more impressive. However, to win this competition you not only have to dance well, but you have to connect with the voters at home. Mark hasn’t been in the bottom yet, but I’m not sure his performances will continue to resonate with the viewers as the season continues. Len said that the Rumba is a difficult dance for the men because it runs the risk of either being too soft and feminine or too hard and aggressive. He thinks Mark was too aggressive; thus it lacked chemistry. Bruno said it was too staccato, and there was no fluidity. Carrie Ann said he’s up there w/ Mya and Aaron as far as movement, but the dance lacked connection and it was uncomfortable to watch. 6s across the board.

Joanna/Derek: They’ve got the Samba. They have a pretty steamy rehearsal. Derek says she’s ambitious and he can throw the hardest moves at her and it’s ok. He begins the dance by swinging out of nowhere on a rope like Tarzan!? What the hell? That’s one way to get the crowd into it, I guess. Their footwork is good. Joanna moves well. She said she doesn’t have the fan base of other ladies, so she has to make sure she dances well. I’m trying to infer a veiled dig at one of the other ladies, but I can’t come up with anything. Bruno said she needs to work on her strength, otherwise it was good. Carrie Ann said she’s fearless, and it was hot and super sexy. She proclaimed “I’m a girl and I liked it.” Hmm, I think Carrie Ann got a case of “girl wood.” Len said it had quality stamped all over it, great dancing, well done. Carrie Ann: 7 Len: 8 Bruno: 8.

Mya/Dmitry: Their Rumba melted my flat screen. It was flawless as usual. Sexy, beautiful. Carrie Ann: There was complete fluidity. She actually looked a little misty, but I think it was too sexy to be moved to tears; it’s not that type of dance in my opinion. She said there might have been a lift but she was so mesmerized she can’t call it. Len said there was so much going on, sometimes to show something beautiful off you need something simple. Too much content? Bruno said she’s the embodiment of the supreme seductress and puts America in the mood for love. Carrie Ann: 10. Len: 7 Bruno: 10. Len really doesn’t seem to care for Mya, and that coupled with fan reaction to her prior dance experience may spell an early exit. For now she can rest securely in the comfort of being the first star to receive a perfect score. If you didn’t know Mya was a force to be reckoned with, you’ve been put on notice.

Melissa/Mark: They’ve got the Samba. Mark stepped up the intensity during training. The dance floor was adorned with Tiki torches for their performance, which would be a little scary for some of the other, clumsier contestants. Imagine the ballroom going up in flames like Carrie at the prom. *shudder*. She is a little stiff but not bad. There are flashes of potential. Len says she has strong legs, but needs more rhythm through the hips and body, but well done. Bruno said it was an improvement from last week. She lost timing but it was good. Carrie Ann thought there were moments of sexiness but also moments of fear and she doesn’t “believe it.” Carrie Ann: 6. Len: 6. Bruno: 7.

Louie/Chelsea: They have the Rumba. They look like they might be hooking up in rehearsal, which is understandable because they’re both so young and cute. They’re the same age and have chemistry, Chelsea admits. Louie looks like Bizarro Scott Caan. He is trying. He looks like he wants to break into a smile at any moment. As is often the case with the professional dancers and the celebrities, she is stealing the show. He’s ok, but I paid more attention to Chelsea. Bruno said there was chemistry, but work on the fluidity. There is work to do but the performance was hot. Carrie Ann said the chemistry was unbelievable, and their frame was good. Len thought it was wild and had no finesse. He was hanging on to Chelsea, and there was too much syncopation from her, making the dance hectic. Carrie Ann: 8. Len: 5 Bruno: 7. Len is a grumpy old fart.

Debi/Maks: Debi could have the lead in a horror movie, she is scary looking. They were in the bottom two last week, so Maks brought in his old partner Mel B who was in the bottom two early on in her season but wound up in the Finals. Maks said Debi is talking less and is more focused. They have the Samba. She’s not good, to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was her swan song. Her performance was not as good as Melissa’s or Joanna’s. She’s dizzy afterwards, and I hope she doesn’t pass out like Marie Osmond did. The joy of live television. Carrie Ann said it was cute but safe, and she should watch her expressions. Len said what she did, she did well. It had all the ingredients but no flavor. Bruno lamented that she’s so fiery but she’s not working it. Carrie Ann: 6. Len: 5. Bruno: 6

Donny/Kym: They have the Rumba. She tries to bring out the passion in practice. They have a lovely start, with Donny performing a small solo. They dance to a beautiful song, Lionel Richie’s “Endless Love.” He dips her, and unlike Tom has the strength to support her. Len said it was a great job, well done. Bruno says it was too airy fairy, and that Donny should “come to the dark side.” Donny responds by bum-rushing the judge’s table, grabbing Bruno and yelling about the dark side. It looks like he even kisses him. Yeah, this is why I dislike Donny, sue me. Carrie Ann said it was very daring to do a solo, but he lost the musicality. There was a genuine vulnerability that was beautiful. 7s across the board. Samantha questions the 7 from Bruno, and says maybe Donny should’ve given him some tongue *gag* Tom talks to a babbling Paula Abdul, who is sitting in the audience. Please cut away. Please. She says she and Carrie Ann should start making out? Apparently her incoherence isn’t reserved solely for American Idol. Next!

Michael/Anna: They dance the Samba. They have communication problems during rehearsals. He gets upset when she tries to teach him one thing before he learns the prior step. She makes a checklist and he likes that. His farking lizard tongue is back in action *sigh* He sucks. Nah he’s ok. Looks like he’s having fun. Bruno says he went in reverse gear. He has charm, but he danced like a tank. Carrie Ann said he was dancing too small. Len said it was a hard dance for a big guy and a bit disappointing. Carrie Ann: 5. Len: 4. Bruno: 5.

Natalie/Alec: They dance the Rumba. She’s like a kid blushing in rehearsal, trying to be sexy. Alec needs to loosen her up so he brings in talented sexpot Edyta, who’s his wife?! What?! I had no idea. WTF. She gives Natalie permission to go all out with her hubby and encourages her to maintain eye contact, which is key. It’s a good dance, executed to a sexy song – Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.” She’s flexible and has a nice, athletic shape. There were complex moves, and I thought it was great. She looked like she wanted to break into laughter though. Carrie Ann raves that it was gorgeous. Len said she has good legs, hips, chemistry, and it was excellent. Bruno said he knew she could fly but she went stratospheric, she’s a sexy beast LOL. Carrie Ann: 9. Len: 8. Bruno: 9.

Chuck/Anna: He gets in touch with his feminine side by getting a pedicure with his daughter. They dance the Samba. He must have cringed when he saw his costume: ruffled multi-colored sleeves. He gave a real effort. It wasn’t the best Samba but he tried. Some macho guys don’t commit to the dance, but he did. Len congratulated Anna for her choreography; he was thoroughly entertained. Bruno said he can see the huge amount of work that went into it. Carrie Ann said he has the right attitude. The Samba wasn’t his best dance but she enjoyed it. Carrie Ann: 6. Len: 5. Bruno: 6.

Aaron/Karina: I’m looking forward to this because he’s incredible. He’s used to performing and overdoes it in practice, so he’ll have to pretend it’s just him and Karina when they actually dance. WTF does he have on? A short bathrobe or smoking jacket? He slipped doing some turns. He’s still good but the performance was choppy and erratic and a little disappointing. Bruno said it lacked fluidity. Carrie Ann said he moves beautifully but overexagerates everything and he should listen to Karina, who warned him that his moves were too exaggerated during rehearsal. Len said he lacked musicality. Carrie Ann: 8. Len: 6. Bruno: 7

Tom/Cheryl: They have the Samba. He looks like a robot in practice. He has a stress fracture in his foot, but hangs in there. The producers and his doctor have told him to withdraw but he tries to practice and will be a “game-time decision.” Before they dance we’re told that he has a stress fracture in both feet but will dance anyway, which is admirable. I suspect this will be awful, and I hope a medic is standing by. Once they begin, it’s actually not bad, all things considered. He’s a good sport. They’re wearing cute GOP and Dem costumes. Carrie Ann says he’s easy on the eyes when he dances, smooth and genteel. It wasn’t as exciting as it could’ve been, but she gives him credit. Len said it was careful but well-done. He said if he had two bad feet he wouldn’t even judge, which draws a laugh. Bruno said the performance suffered but he gives him credit for going through with it. Carrie Ann: 6. Len: 4. Bruno: 5.

Kelly/Louis: She was lousy last week so she has a lot of work to do. She’s a little mopey in practice. She wants to prove she can take on any dance, and she’ll get her chance with the Samba. It looks a little “one, two step-ish,” but it’s good. Bruno says there were a couple of stumbles but it’s better and she’s back. “Stop worrying.” Len said her problem is confidence. He’s convinced she’s a good dancer; she just has to convince herself. Carrie Ann tells her to stay focused and not to doubt herself. I think she stuck her tongue in Louis’ mouth at one point. Carrie Ann: 7. Len: 6. Bruno: 7.

Elimination

Is Aaron really crying? Gimme a break! Man up! When they show the taped footage of him and Karina after they received their scores, he’s all weepy. Booo freakin’ Hooo. The judges choose Chuck to dance again in their encore performance, which is surprising. Tom Delay is safe but can’t continue, for obvious medical reasons. He sounds like he was choked up when telling everyone he has to bow out! Awwww. Now it’s time for some results to trickle in. We find out quickly in short order that Mya is safe, then Natalie. Joanna and Derek remain in jeopardy. Michael is in jeopardy, Chuck is safe. Donny is safe, Louie is safe. Aaron is still in jeopardy, and a hush falls over the crowd. Mark is safe. Samantha is so annoying. Her quips are awkward and she is very unpolished to be so experienced on live TV. Sabrina, Debi and Kelly are the lowest scoring women. Debi is in jeopardy, Kelly is safe, and Melissa is safe. Joanna and Aaron are safe. Michael and Debi end up in the bottom two, which is fair because they don’t measure up to the rest of the field. After a few tense moments, Tom announces that Debi is done. *whew* I’ll be glad when the group gets whittled down even further. I’m (happily) exhausted!

Season 9, Week 3: Episodes 6&7 (originally aired October 5 and 6, 2009)

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Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey