Gossip Girl: The One Where Lily and Rufus Finally Get Married

Some say love, it is a rose (and a few other love-related song lyrics) as Gossip Girl voice-overs to scenes of the couples on Gossip Girl, including Dan and his computer-based girlfriend.  We first see Carter and Serena reuniting (and it feels so good) over morning-after pastries.  Serena wants Carter to spy on Nate’s new girlfriend, Bree, but because he has a history with Bree, he finds a way out of that assignment.  Dan finishes his online conversation with Olivia and walks off with Vanessa talking about Scott’s flaking out on her.  She walks off and is surprised by Georgina.

Over brunch with Blair and Chuck and Nate and Bree, Blair announces that Georgina is back on her broomstick and then she hits Bree over the head with snotty comments.  Eventually, I suspect she’s upset that Nate is dating her.  He calls her on it while Bree walks off and Chuck leaves to apologize for Blair’s behavior, only to overhear that Bree has it out for Carter, which makes her a friend of Chuck’s.  Blair, meanwhile, tells Nate that no one is that nice and that he shouldn’t trust Bree.

Serena goes to see her mother, Lily, to apologize for her conduct.  Lily regrets leaving her alone with Rufus for the summer since he doesn’t “get it.”  Lily leaves and Jenny and Eric explain to Serena that Lily and Rufus are having a cold spell. Back at the Brooklyn loft, Rufus implies the same thing to Dan and announces he’ll be crashing at the loft from now on.

Vanessa and Georgina are chatting at the coffee shop.  Georgina can’t believe Dan’s dating so soon after her and she wants Vanessa to get Dan to break up with Olivia.  And why should Vanessa do this?  Well, Georgina was up in Boston and got Scott drunk, wherein he told her his secret about being Dan’s secret half-brother.  And now Georgina is going to blow the whistle on it all (and that Vanessa has known the truth), unless Vanessa gets Dan to break up with Olivia.  Vanessa, as coached by Olivia, tries to tell Dan to break it off but he thinks Vanessa is crazy and Georgina (i.e., the actual crazy one) can’t believe Vanessa doesn’t know how to get someone to dump a celebrity.

Anyway, Dan and Serena are having lunch with Rufus, when Jenny, Eric, Lily, and the premise from The Parent Trap walk in.  Since Lily loves the bolognese at that restaurant, she agrees to stay and talk.  Dan, Jenny, and Eric leave them be while they suspect Vanessa’s phone call means she has a thing for Dan.  But Dan’s still interested in Olivia and not Jenny’s idea of a romantic comedy.  He’s going to explain things to Vanessa and finds Vanessa in her dorm room doctoring photos of Olivia and someone else.  He suspects the worst and tells her he’s not interested in her like that.  She thinks he’s crazy for even thinking that and lets out that Georgina is blackmailing her because (wait for it) she knows that Scott is Dan’s brother.  Uh oh!

At the same time, Rufus and Lily are trying to figure out where they’re going with potential wedding plans–apparently she doesn’t want Mayor Bloomberg to toast them in a Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington mug.  After some hours apart and staring at photographs, they decide they’re going to get married the next day.

Serena calls in the Constance Crew to help plan the wedding.  Thankfully Dorota is there because she’s been planning parties for years.  Jenny is having her own Project Runway episode by making Lily’s dress.  And Blair gets the Mayor (unseen) to open up the Brooklyn Botanic Garden for the wedding.

Back at the loft, Dan and Vanessa are trying to keep mum about Scott.  As part of this plan, Dan meets up with Georgina to say that he’s finished with Olivia and, taking a page from Hillary Clinton, wants to hit the reset button on their relationship.  She’s not invited at the wedding but he wants to do something with her tomorrow.  She kisses him like a freak and then asks a stranger what it means when someone used to grab your ass but now they don’t.  She thinks it means Dan’s a liar, I just think someone’s a sore sport.  Because of that, Georgina gets Scott down from Boston and is buying him a tie, presumably to attend the wedding.

After sending his samurai shirt out to the cleaners, Chuck goes to Carter to scare him out of attending the wedding with Serena.  He gives him a one-way plane ticket out of town.  Have I missed something?  I’m not following this story, but who cares?  It’s time for the weekly party!

Wedding time!  Jenny helps Lily get ready and Lily’s having doubt about the quality of her wedding vows.  As Chuck and Blair debate whether Carter’s going to show up, he shows up and tells Serena that he ran up a lot of gambling debt before he ran off with her during the summer.  He met someone named Beth, proposed to her to get her family to pay off his debts, and he backed out of it in the end.  Serena’s upset and stomps off.

Georgina shows up, freaks Dan out, and tells him she’s there to give Rufus and Lily their wedding present.  But before that excitement, Lily and Rufus are walking to the ceremony and have another disagreement about their future and are about to call things off between them.  Just then Scott walks up, Lily snaps at Scott, he runs off, and Georgina announces that he’s their love child.  Of course the rest of our gang hears it all.  Surprise!  Lily and Rufus are in shock and Dan confirms that it’s true.  Vanessa explains the big lie, and Rufus and Lily run off to stop him from getting on the Chinatown bus (and rightfully so, take the BoltBus).

As the wedding falls apart, Carter apologizes to Serena but she won’t hear it.  Bree and her two big cousins show up to tell Carter they’re going to get even with him that night.  It looks like Dan and Blair are also going to get even with Georgina.

In Chinatown, Rufus and Lily are sharing their anxiety over being sort-of new parents and Rufus calls Lily out on being afraid to marry him because she loves him like she’s never loved any of her past 23 husbands (approx.).  They find Scott and tell him that they are in love with each other and that they want him in their lives.  Cue the tears and hugs.

That night in the loft, Rufus and Lily exchange vows in front of a more intimate crowd, and thanks to Sonic Youth and a sketchy service on the Internet, they are finally married.  In the joy, Serena and Lily make up and Lily thanks her for planning the wedding.  Eric and Jenny debate what parts on their bodies match parts on Scott.  Scott’s not too creeped out about it but he’s going back to Boston that night.  Chuck tells Serena that Carter’s not as bad as she thinks because he didn’t take the easy way out, even though he’s being threatened by the Buckleys.  In that, Nate learns the truth, that Bree Buckley used Nate to get to Carter (how exactly?!?); anyway, he shows her the door.

At some bar, some Eastern European prince approaches Georgina and asks if she wants to go visit his new oil pipeline in his home country.  She agrees and leaves with him, as an incognito Dorota looks on.  Oh yeah, Dorota is all former Soviet mafia!  Dorota, ty moyo solnyshko!

Next week Serena and Nate try to save Carter and Chuck makes out with a dude.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 3, Episode 5: Rufus Getting Married (originally aired October 12, 2009)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino