ANTM: That’s all folks…at least until the next one.

The season finale of America’s Next Top Model comes off a little *meh*, at least for me. The finalists are Laura, the endearing country bumpkin working to support her family, and Nicole, the far-too-skinny and generally unlikable redhead. Can you tell who I wanted to win?

First, we shoot the Cover Girl commercial, something Laura is nervous about because of her dyslexia. Which we know, because she says dyslexia at least two times in every sentence while worrying about how her dyslexia will affect her memorization of the lines. Dyslexia. She should be more worried about the accent, because I’m with Nigel Barker. I couldn’t understand half of what she said in that commercial, and I used to live in Texas. Not that Texas is technically the South, but…never mind.

Nicole gets accused of sounding snooty and condescending in her commercial, which is not exactly the image Cover Girl wants to promote. The more she tries to come across friendly and average, the more fake she sounds. Neither commercial turns out great, and the final, synthesized version containing them both is un-airable. Yeah, I just made that word up. Both of their actual photo shoots turn out well, but I think Laura possess more of a Cover Girl image. Nicole is privileged, and super educated, and just, well…uncommon. Laura would have an easier time connecting with Cover Girl’s consumer base.

Onto the Seventeen Magazine shoot, though the results aren’t displayed on the show. Afterward, in order to kill time, Tyra comes over and has some ‘one-on-one’ time with each girl. She asks them important questions like, “How will winning this show change your life?” and “What does it mean to you to get this far?” Um, duh? And, haven’t they answered these questions many times by this point? Did they run out of footage and couldn’t fill up the hour time slot? They could have done another challenge, or something. Anything. I nearly fell asleep.

The girls compete in a runway show (which is actually cool) where they represent the four elements in fashion. The recent casualties, Erin and Jennifer among others, join them on the catwalk. Almost all the former contestants are rooting for Laura, according to their interviews. Erin cracks me up when, in typical fashion, she says, “Who do I think should be America’s next top model? Well, besides me, Laura.” Hah! Laura wins in the runway face-off too, in my opinion, because she’s confident and she doesn’t walk like she’s doing an impression of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Nicole’s shoulder heavy, hunched walk is coined ‘trademark’ and ‘memorable’ by the judges though. What do I know? They also pick on Laura’s accent and her lack of ‘high fashion’ potential.

Basically, the judges wanted to pick Nicole all along so tonight, they choose Nicole. They crushed the poor girl from Kentucky’s dreams of setting an example of success and giving hope to her younger siblings for a better life. Oh well. Laura is beautiful, more personable, more genuine, and probably won’t have any trouble finding work. Look at it this way: by choosing Nicole they’ve given hope to awkward, antisocial girls who are disturbingly thin. Can’t wait for Cycle 14!

For another take on this episode, read America’s Next Top Model  Is… by Jaimie Campos.

Season 13, Episode 12: America’s Next Top Model Is… (originally aired November 18, 2009)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Ryan Goble