Gossip Girl: Can You Say Setup?

For a sweeps episode, this one was a little heavy on talk. All the storylines had a lot of buildup with very little *ahem* action as a reward. I’m hoping the writers are setting up storylines that will carry us through the remainder of the season. I’ll save the best for last, so here we go:

First of all, let me just throw it out there that I can’t stomach Jenny Humphrey. I’ve never been able to stand her, even before the bad haircut and bitchy attitude. Let’s face it, no matter how hard she tries to be Queen, she’ll never be Blair. In this week’s episode Jenny attempts to conquer Cotillion, defeating all the other rich debutantes and gaining control of the entire Upper East Side in the process. It sounds like a bad version of the Wizard of Oz when I put it that way. She has trouble finding a date (have you SEEN her hair and skinny ass legs?), and engages in an odd dance of double-crosses with her step-brother Eric. A new character, Kira (Sarah Steele), makes a grab for the crown, but by the end of the night Jenny still rules with a little help from our old friend Nate Archibald. Eric is in denial about his turn to the dark side, even after working with Blair to ruin Jenny’s night. He says he’s only trying to help, trying to save her while she’s still Anakin. I have news for him. Little J already stashed a Darth Vader helmet in her closet. She should wear it more often to cover up her funky ‘do. Eric’s boyfriend Jonathan (Matt Doyle) breaks up with him, saying he’s becoming a bad person. I agree with Jonathan, and also the new personality doesn’t sit well on Eric. He’s always been nice, sweet, and pliable. The jury’s still out on whether or not he can pull off conniving and underhanded.

Blair and Chuck have little roles this week. Nate is moving in with Chuck and they are having a Lost Boys Weekend, which is Chuck speak for expensive booze and hookers…I’m sorry, dancers. He abandons his debauchery when Blair and Serena remain on the outs, taking it upon himself to patch up their friendship. He traps them in an elevator, and promises to hold them inside until they work it out. Which takes, oh, five minutes? This is my favorite part of the show; I forget how much I enjoy these two actresses when they have the chance to act a nicely written scene opposite each other.

Speaking of Serena, we get a little more background on the story with Tripp Van Der Bilt. I guess she failed to mention it before, but she spent several summers in the Hamptons with the Archibald/Van der Bilt clan growing up, and nurtures a longstanding crush on Tripp. Due to the not-too-subtle foreshadowing from the last episode, we gather Tripp’s always had a thing for her too. When he admits his feelings, they are super awkward until they decide they will just be professional and it will be fine. The fact that he lovingly (or maybe lustily) caresses her wrist during their handshake doesn’t seem to cause Serena any concern. Good thing she’s usually so spot on with her decision making skills. HeHe.

With that, we get down to the juice of the episode, though really I think the Serena/Tripp storyline is going turn out more interesting. Olivia (guest star Hilary Duff) is considering leaving college to film a fourth installment of Endless Nights (think Twilight, only I’m not sure who would win a bad acting contest between her and Kristen Stewart) and Dan and Vanessa try and convince her to stay by giving her a “real” college experience. This leads to several escapades of questionable legality, and ends at Dan’s apartment where they get to the last thing on their list: a threesome. Whoa. I. Did. Not. See. That. Coming. We don’t get much action, (the show’s on the CW, after all) just kissing. The final shot of the episode frames the three of them asleep together in Dan’s bed and a message on Olivia’s phone saying they aren’t going to shoot the movie after all. Drama, I’m sure, ensues when everyone wakes up sober and full of regret. Isn’t waking up sober and full of regret also part of an authentic college experience, or was that just me?

I love Blair and Chuck as a couple, and hope the writers don’t resort to gimmicky relationship issues to make things interesting. In fact, they are far more interesting as a couple than apart. Nate, Rufus, and Lily have pretty much faded into the background, as has the adopted boy-child shenanigan. I look for the upcoming episodes to focus on Serena, Tripp, and Dan’s growing harem. It’s going to be great.

For another take on this episode, check out Controversial Episode Skimps on Controversy by Matt DeGroot.

Season 3, Episode 9: They Shoot Humphreys, Don’t They? (originally aired November 9, 2009)

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Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino, and Nicole Rivelli