Gossip Girl: They Grow Up So Fast

High priced hookers? Check. Blair’s face covered in cake? Check. Vanessa’s overbearing self-righteousness? Double check. Hilary Duff? Check. Unfortunately. This week’s episode has it all. And a bag of chips.

The overarching story is Tripp Van Der Bilt’s congressional election. Did you see how I spelled his last name? Yeah. I’ve been vaguely wondering for some time how the actual Vanderbilt family feels about their name/likeness being used on this show. This episode is the first time we see the family name in print, and I had to pause my DVR for a good five minutes to get rid of my giggles.  Vanessa is allowed to come and film them on the campaign trail, and is even invited into closed door, family discussions. Huh.  The presence of her trusty video camera comes in handy when she catches Tripp heroically rescuing a civilian who falls in the Hudson River. Everyone loves a hero, right? The only problem is that while Vanessa reviews the television footage, she notices the victim jumping into the river voluntarily. Knowing the Van Der Bilts, she suspects a set up and goes to warn Nate she’s planning on narking.

Meanwhile, Olivia hides something from Dan. Shocker. I don’t know how many more times he’s going to buy the, ‘I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want to hurt you because I like you so much,’ excuse. She’s trying to keep him from seeing an interview she did with Jimmy Fallon, in which she tells a story about their first date. Fallon makes fun of Dan (duh), and dubs him ‘bathroom boy,’ and Dan, of course, is too dense to realize people are making fun of him on campus. Because apparently, in his world it’s normal for people to start calling him ‘bathroom boy’ without prior notice. Just sayin. Olivia does everything possible, including *gasp* playing five hours of board games with Rufus, Lily, and a sick Jenny in order to keep Dan from finding out. Dan finally glimpses the episode on Jenny’s computer and makes a mad dash from the apartment. Later we find out he’s not angry, but ran home for a mushy lovey-dovey Dan reason. I gagged a little.

Serena is still fake-dating Patrick, Olivia’s washed up movie star ex-boyfriend. Her bigger problem is that her one-dimensional caricature of a boss, K.C., wants Serena to take Patrick to the Vanderbilt election party and Nate still isn’t speaking to her. Instead of apologizing, or just pointing out that having a movie star present is good for business, she insists he give her an invitation because…they’re even. Good one.

Blair is busy helping Chuck get the hotel ready for the election night party, and she also needs to find a friend, since she and Serena aren’t talking after double crossing each other last week. Her minions are no good, because in Blair’s words she’s “not friends with the help.” She spots a pretty blonde adorned in designer labels from head to toe, and invites her to the party. Now she has a “best friend” to show off to Serena. Besides this ridiculous storyline, Blair is precious, maturing, and endearing in this episode. I love her unconditionally.

The episode culminates the night of the election and small skirmishes ensue. B has Patrick carted off after she catches him peeing in the potted plants and S outs B’s “best friend” as a high priced call girl. Blair points out that Serena is sort of a prostitute herself, since she is fake-dating a guy for money. Which is when Serena shoves Blair’s face into the victory cake. I have to say, I see both sides. Serena tries to apologize to Blair, who opens Serena’s eyes to the fact that while the rest of them are growing up and finding their place in the world, Serena going nowhere and alienating everyone who cares about her. Which is good, because I’ve been sick of the ‘S finding herself’ arc since it began. At any rate, according to Blair, their friendship is over. Again.

Vanessa finds out Nate schemed to keep her footage off the news, so she goes to the news station and it airs for the room full of supporters. They go immediately to Grandfather Vanderbilt, who claims ignorance. Nate takes the fall for Tripp, claiming he set everything up and his cousin knew nothing. Score one for the rich kids as Tripp wins the election. I’m not sure how he plans to serve the public and handle the diseases he surely contracted by jumping in the Hudson.

The episode wraps with the couples happy and the single people tortured. There are a couple of teasers for future storylines, both of which hooked me. First, Tripp’s wife turns out to be the one who set up the rescue, but no one knows except Grandfather V. Second, something appears to be going on with Tripp and S. I don’t know what exactly, because I’m not supposed to, but it’s certainly intriguing. The episode is fulfilling, an example of the over the top madness that I love about this show. Since I’m *cough* older than the target audience, I maintain it’s designed to be satirical; it’s clever, off the wall, and amusing just about every week. This season is even better than the last, and I’m looking forward to the remainder.

For another take on this episode, check out Is there an opposite of XOXO? by Matt DeGroot.

Season 3, Episode 8: The Grandfather: Part II (originally aired November 2, 2009)

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Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino