Old Dogs: For Kids Only

This Disney film opening on the eve of Turkey Day has plenty of big name actors, but my guess before seeing Old Dogs was that this film would be geared towards young kids and feature a lot of juvenile humor. Apparently, I was right on. Old Dogs…same old tricks.

Old Dogs tells the story of Dan (Robin Williams) and Charlie (John Travolta), life-long best friends and business partners in a sports marketing company as they are about to land the biggest deal of their careers. Charlie is the ladies man, happy to live the bachelor life with his dog, Lucky. Dan is a divorcee but still pining for the love of his life and second wife, Vicki (Kelly Preston), who he drunkenly married, which was later annulled, in South Beach.

Out of the blue, Vicki shows up with twins (Dan’s kids) that he didn’t know existed. Vicki decides she wants to finally introduce the seven-year-old twins, Zach (Conner Rayburn) and Emily (Ella Bleu Travolta) to their father because he confessed his feelings for her in a twelve-page single spaced letter. She explains that she has been arrested for trespassing and has to spend two weeks in jail. Her best friend, Jenna (Rita Wilson), the cross-eyed hand model will babysit. Accidentally, Dan shuts Jenna’s hands in the trunk of the car, leaving her unable to watch the kids. Thus the kids end up with Dan and Charlie for the two weeks. The best friends try to balance their growing business while watching the kids. Dan, “who is allergic to anything under four feet tall” struggles to connect with Zach and Emma. As you can probably imagine many debacles ensue as Dan, who never wanted kids, tries to be the best father he can. The film follows the next two weeks of childproofing (they are seven not two), camping, switching of pills with different side effects and much more.

To be honest, this movie was just dumb. Yes, there were a couple scenes that made me laugh, like Seth Green’s high pitched screaming in the gorilla enclosure, but the jokes were aimed for children most likely ten and younger. There were old jokes, bathroom jokes, bear scat, poop-flavored tea and below the belt humor that just really doesn’t do much for me. Nevertheless, the kids all around me in the theater thought it was hysterical. Also, thank you Disney for the scene with Robin Williams in a Speedo during a spray tan, definitely something I NEVER wanted to see!!

Newcomers Conner Rayburn and Ella Bleu Travolta were very cute and did a pretty good job. Old Dogs will not be what Robin Williams and John Travolta’s careers are remembered for. What a surprise was that so many others including Lori Loughlin, Seth Green, Justin Long (whose mustache was awful!) Matt Dillon, the late Bernie Mac and Ann-Margret were in such a blah film.

My final thoughts—unless you’ve got kids dying to see it, it’s not worth it.