The Amazing Race: Vegetables Slinging Vegetables

This week we go from Sweden to Tallinn, the capital of Estonia, then to the Mustpeade Maja—the secret lair of the Brotherhood of the Blackhead’s Guild—to the Pikk Herman Tower Garden. But of course, the first ferry to leave from Stockholm to Estonia doesn’t depart until early evening, meaning everyone will be starting even once they get there. It also means that we have a wonderful opportunity to hear the teams engage in some truly meaningful conversation. Flight Time and Big Easy—who still haven’t followed my mandate to get real names—think that “anything can happen.” Gary and Matt say that they “have to do what we have to do.” Well wasn’t that enlightening? We got some real sharp folks on this show, yes we do.

Also: Meghan & Cheyne don’t plan on working with anyone any more, and Brian & Ericka aren’t worried that they haven’t won a single leg of the race. How nice for them. After all, in a race around the globe for a million dollars, it doesn’t matter if you win or…oh wait! Yes! Yes it does! It really does matter to win the race. I’m so sick of this cultural attitude that has been imbued: it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it only matters how you play. You know what I say? Bullshit! There are winners and there are losers…which one would you rather be?

Once we’re underway, the teams learn about this week’s Roadblock: One player from each team heads to the cellar of the Mustpeade to find a candelabrum, on which there will be a number corresponding to a room. Inside the room they will get what appears to be a blank scroll, and must use the candlelight from the candelabrum to reveal a hidden message. Hey, I got a hidden message for ya…why don’t you kiss…never mind. Stay on track. Stay on track. I must stay on track.

The most entertaining part of this whole thing: Matt doesn’t know what a candelabrum is. He walks around going from person to person and asking them “are you a candelabra?” before he finally realizes what a complete moron he is. Hey Matt, maybe if you spent less time dying your hair unnatural colors and trying to look like a sociopathic serial rapist, you wouldn’t have problems like this. Just a thought.

Meghan & Cheyne figure it all out first and decode the secret message: “Pikk Herman Tower Garden.” They discover this week’s detour, held at a local bog: Serve or Sling. In Serve, the teams have to play volleyball against a local team and score five points. In Sling, they have to fire assorted vegetables at a target. They pick Serve, as do the Globetrotters and Sam & Dan, who are close behind. Why doesn’t anyone want to sling vegetables? Is it because deep down they know that they are vegetables but without the nutritional value? That would be my guess.

We end with a foot race between the Globetrotters and Sam & Dan, with the latter edging them out for second, following Meghan & Cheyne. It’s mildly entertaining to see those two macho nimrods lose to the gay brothers they underestimated. So guess who gets eliminated this week? I won’t tell you, but I’ll give you a hint: candelabrum.

Season 15, Episode 8: We’re Not Meant for the Swamp (originally aired November 15, 2009)

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Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS