Top Chef: The Quiver of a 17th Century Courtesan’s Inner Thigh

After last week’s fun Top Chef Reunion dinner, with its gathering of favorites (and favorites we love to hate) from previous seasons, this week seems a little bit of a downer. Can we just eliminate Robin and Eli already? And as much as I don’t want to see it, as she’s always been a favorite, let’s get on with Jennifer’s self-induced implosion. I’d love it if she turned things around, but she’s not giving me reason to have faith.

Quickfire. At the Venetian, the chefs must cook room service / breakfast in bed for Padma and guest judge, Nigella Lawson. Because, you know, there are a lot of hotels in Vegas, and by extension, a lot of room service.

To make an otherwise tame Quickfire more exciting, Robin goes first and leaves her station a mess for Michael V., who follows her and ends up pissed off that he has to clean up. As a result, he snaps at her and she takes offense, stalking off with a few swear words. Isn’t it exciting? Yawn!

Nigella’s least favorites are Bryan (what???) and Robin. Her top picks are Eli and Kevin, with Eli taking the win. No immunity, but he’ll be the only chef from Season 6 with a recipe in the new Top Chef Quickfire Cookbook. He considers this an honor.

Elimination challenge. The chefs must cater a party for 175 people, with their meals inspired by a particular hotel on the strip. They draw knives, with the results: Bryan & Mandalay Bay; Eli & Circus Circus; Mike & New York, New York; Jennifer & Excalibur; Kevin & the Mirage; and Robin & the Bellagio.

A quick montage shows the chefs touring their hotels to find inspiration. Mike makes chicken wings, which isn’t really New York food as much as it is bar food, but I’ve ordered wings in New York, so … maybe he’s on to something. Jennifer opts for steak after watching the Tournament of Kings and recalling The Sword in the Stone. Steak is medieval, yo! She interviews that she’s unsure about a direction for her dish, which is usually a bad sign. As a fan of medieval times (not Medieval Times) and The Sword in the Stone, I feel like she missed a really fun opportunity here. Bryan chooses fish based on his visit to the Shark Reef (which seems wrong) and the Reef’s message of sustainability. Robin goes with panna cotta inspired by the Dale Chihuly art in the Bellagio. She hasn’t made panna cotta very often, but that’s okay, because that always works out so well for her, doesn’t it? It never lands her in the bottom, right? Oh, wait.

Kevin’s a simple foods kind of guy, using the Mirage’s tropical setting to help develop his dish of wild Alaskan salmon. He talks a bit about his desire to create big flavors with a subtle touch. Circus Circus challenges Eli, who takes his interpretation literally. He decides to combine junk food into a soup. I know – this makes no sense. Nevertheless, he makes a  peanut and caramel apple  soup with pulverized popcorn. He tops this with whipped raspberry juice to mimic the pink dome of the hotel.

The chefs all talk about the intimidation of serving 175 people with only three hours of cooking and short on-site prep time. Robin also notes Eli’s struggle with his menu, and interviews about pushing herself so that she can remain in the competition. She deserves to be here, and you know this is true because she repeats this at least twice every episode.

Service. Gail’s out and Toby’s back, along with Padma, Colicchio, and Nigella. Jennifer’s steak requires an Excalibur-like sword to cut her stone-like steak. Nigella’s not very creative with the metaphors. Toby could have used more of the wine reduction that Jennifer used sparingly. Kevin’s dish, specifically his use of flavors and spices, earn him rave reviews from all of the judges. Michael’s dish surprises all of the judges with how much they like it. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it, because they don’t seem impressed when he hands them chicken wings. Robin’s panna cotta smells delicious, but the texture is far too solid. Padma tries to defend Robin’s inspiration, but Tom’s having none of it. Bryan’s dish has balance and tastes “professional.” Nigella is afraid of Eli’s soup, and Padma flat out doesn’t like it. The grainy texture dooms the dish as a failure.

Judges’ Table. The Top Three are Kevin, Michael and Bryan. Preview of the finale! Compliments to everyone, with Michael winning the challenge, along with a bottle of Terlato wine and a trip to the Terlato vineyard in Napa Valley.

That leaves Jennifer, Eli and Robin in the losers bracket. Jennifer says she’s not surprised by her placement. She thinks her dish was boring and unfocused. Colicchio agrees, and Nigella points out that the meat was too tough. Toby calls it more Spamalot than Camelot. I include this quote only because of how much I loved Spamalot on Broadway. Amazing! Robin calls herself a jerk for playing with elements she’s not familiar with. Nigella, trying to outdo Toby, says the texture of the panna cotta should have “the quiver of a 17^th century courtesan’s inner thigh.” What? And … cool? I take back the comment about her metaphors lacking creativity. Colicchio asks Robin if she’s influenced by the other chefs’ tricks, and she admits that she’s envious and inspired. Oh, that’s asking for it, Robin. The judges criticize the texture of Eli’s soup, and then his efforts to fix his mistakes. Colicchio calls the soup a failure, and Padma says she’d never want to eat that dish again.

Over deliberation, the judges note that Jennifer started strong and is perhaps not a marathon competitor. Panna cotta is “child’s play” and Robin couldn’t make such a simple dish. In the Stew Room, Robin cries to herself and Jennifer confesses to Kevin that she’s ready to go. We have no way of knowing if this comment is taken out of context.

Bring them back out, and finally! It’s time to say good-bye to Robin. She cries during her exit interview, sad to leave but looking forward to the future. I’m sure she’s a very nice lady, but I’m just not sorry to see her go. And now I feel a little bad about it. But not so bad that I want her to stick around.

Next week: Bryan and Kevin mess up, and Mike hates Kevin’s food. More importantly, it’s almost finale time!

For another take on this episode, check out Who Knew Stripping Could Be Boring by Nicole C.

Season 6, Episode 11: Strip Around the World (originally aired November 11, 2009)

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Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of  NBC Universal and Trae Patton