Jersey Shore: Just Go With It

I have a confession to make – I love trashy television. From kiddie beauty pageant specials to pop starlet exposés, I cannot turn away from these reality train wrecks, which is probably why lately my obsession has shifted to MTV’s Jersey Shore, otherwise known as television’s new crack.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have two more confessions to make. First of all, I am a longtime former employee of the network that everyone loves to hate, MTV. I assure you, however, that my love of this show has nothing to do with loyalty to my old stomping ground – on the contrary, many people who work there will tell you that we would more likely form a survivor’s support group rather than a fan club any day. I speak about Jersey Shore solely as a fan – nay a staunch devotee, rather than an MTV Networks cohort.

Secondly, I am 100% Italian. Being a full-blooded Italian who still loves the show that my own countrymen are boycotting for making us look like buffoons with bad accents is sort of a dilemma, to say the least. For those unfamiliar with the backlash, suffice it to say that everything that makes the show amazing is exactly what is being criticized by the Italian-American community (and New Jersey residents alike). Jersey Shore is like The Hills meets The Sopranos, if the Sopranos cast beat the daylights out of the Hills kids while wearing tight T-shirts and dancing to house music. It features eight seven self-described “guidos” and “guidettes” (one girl couldn’t hack it) who share a house in Seaside Heights, NJ - otherwise known as the Disney Land of the Garden State – and expose the world to their teased hair/tanning bed lifestyles. The show is an homage to the Real World-esque format MTV has employed for over a decade only with a decidedly bridge-and-tunnel feel. It’s loud. It’s unapologetic. It’s straight up amazing.

With names like “Snooki,” “JWoww” (no that’s not a typo) and “Pauly D,” they look and sound exactly like one would expect. Snooki, whose real name is Nicole Polizzi, stands 4’9” with a 6” hairdo (the “poof” adds at least a foot). JWoww, otherwise known as Jenny Farley, comes dangerously close to having her boobs escape from her club tops and halter dresses every week – and rarely appears on screen without her lady parts being pixilated. Hey, I never said the show was wholesome. The guys like Pauly D and Vinny (and yes, sadly I have relatives with both of those names) buy hair gel by the truckload, exercise so that they can stay “fresh to death,” and don’t own a single shirt made from natural fibers between the group (polyester and spandex don’t count).

And then there’s “The Situation.”

Mike Sorrentino, (*shaking head in amusement*) who nicknamed himself “The Situation” because of his jaw-dropping abdominal muscles, summed himself up best in the show’s promo by saying “If hating is your occupation I probably got a full time job for you.” Zing! Look who’s clever.  Even though my personal opinion is that the real “situation” is that he should check out his reflection in the mirror from the shoulders UP (yeah, not so hot), the guy still pulls females by the boat load – he and his trusty wing man Pauly D. The show exposes how gratuitous and easy it is for guys like these to find hot tub (and bedroom) companions on a nightly basis, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Frankly, if there’s anyone I’m embarrassed to be associated with from this show, it’s not the Italians, it’s the female population in general. Come on, ladies, raise the bar and make it a challenge. Virtue is clearly not their strong point. Not all of the guys are busy juggling multiple nighttime companions, Ronnie (who looks like the Incredible Hulk if the Hulk was fake-tan orange instead of green) appears to have found love in the form of a cast mate, Sammi (aka Sweetheart). They’re like Jersey’s answer to Romeo and Juliet, and we all know how that turned out.

The housemates spend their days working at a souvenir shop on the boardwalk, and their nights dancing to trance music and slamming shots at the Shore’s classiest drinking establishments. Recently the show drew more criticism for airing promo footage of Snooki being punched in the face by a male bar patron in one particularly Jager-fueled outing. The clip of her being essentially cold-clocked by a man twice her size became viral and MTV ultimately pulled it from the show, opting to show an Anti-violence PSA instead.  I don’t condone raising a hand to a female in any way, shape or form, but I think people’s fascination with the scene had little to do with MTV glorifying violence and more to do with our truly genuine shock that something like this occurred, it is that over the top. What’s more, the guy who knocked Snooki out (she practically levitated he hit her so hard) must’ve signed a release for them to have shown the footage in the first place – that fact alone is equally as ridiculous and shameful as the rest of his actions, in my opinion.

Either way, one sad fact remains at the center of all of the hoopla and controversy surrounding Jersey Shore, and that is that no matter what anyone says, no other ethnic or religious group would be allowed to be shown in such a stereotypical manner and have it be even remotely acceptable to the public. It’s as if our cultural views of Italians haven’t evolved as much as those of other portions of society. That said, I think that what keeps me from being offended by the show is that not only is it just insanely entertaining, it represents only a very small sliver of our population – these particular guidos and guidettes are the exception, not the rule. We’re not all like Goomba Johnny, people need to not take themselves so seriously. Also, if you look closely there are positive attributes highlighted too, like loyalty and family importance which Italians place a high value on, only nobody seems to dwell on those characteristics in their commentary of the show.

Speaking of loyalty, I will remain a loyal viewer of Jersey Shore as long as it airs. Yet, I hope they don’t continue it after this season, it seems like what makes it great is this particular cast in this one instance. You can’t replicate a dynamic like this, it’s like catching lightning in a bottle. Also, any show that makes the Gotti boys look like Carlton Banks is worth a look, in my opinion. Armani Exchange and Ed Hardy couldn’t have bought advertising like this if they tried. Plus there’s the excitement that viewers get to experience each week when asking questions like, “Will Snooki ever figure out the duck phone?” “Just how does Vinny get his eyebrows to be that sculpted?” and “Will there ever be enough Clorox on planet earth to disinfect the inside of that hot tub?” I shudder just thinking about it. Only time and ratings will tell what will become Jersey Shore’s legacy, but if you ask this girl, the show is undeniably a fist-pumping good time.

Thursdays at 10 ET/PT on MTV

For more television reviews, click here.

Photographs courtesy of MTV and Scott Gries.