Real Housewives of Orange County: Bunco’s Gonna Hit the Fan

This week’s Real Housewives provided intense second hand embarrassment and an understanding of why all the moms in my childhood neighborhood were so into bunco. Let’s start with the embarrassment just to get it out of the way and bury it forever. Vicki had the brilliant idea to invite a near total stranger out for a glorified blind date with her daughter Briana. Vicki essentially flew this guy Chris from Indiana to spend three days with her family and see if sparks flew between Briana and Chris. Wouldn’t you know it, matchmaker: fail. I can’t even recap the awkward situations and dead air. Woof.

Also at the awkward BBQ Vicki threw was Ryan, Tamra’s 28-year-old son, and he and Simon aren’t talking. So if you got too uncomfortable watching Briana and Chris, don’t worry, because next you could look on as Ryan and his friends shot gunned beers in the pool next to Tamra’s little kids and a fuming Simon. Apparently Simon has been pissed with Ryan since he took Tamra’s car without asking and talked smack about his step-dad on Facebook. So keeping with these technological times, Simon won’t be happy until he has a Facebook apology (only on reality TV would that take precedent to a face-to-face apology). Things get worse for Tamra at the end of the episode when Ryan asks her out to lunch and she knows something is wrong even before he orders a shot and a beer at noon. After assuring her that he isn’t drinking that much, Ryan tells his mom that he has decided to choose a five day jail sentence over community service for driving with a suspended license. Tamra cries even though Ryan tells her it’s no biggy, he is just going to hang out in jail for a few days, it’s not like it’s prison! It’s not like he killed someone or took drugs! Even with these soothing words, Tamra is wrought with guilt and I kind of feel sorry for her.

Speaking of creative parenting, Lynne invites a “hip” teen whisperer over to the house to talk to her girls. Since anyone described as hip inherently isn’t, I thought this was going to be a train wreck. But the self-described youthologist successfully tapped into some of Alexa’s tear ducts and need for better communication with her mom in between her like, really like, ya know, like, heartfelt words. We shall see if Lynne and her girls are like the Gilmore Girls soon (spoiler: they won’t be).

Gretchen provided more of a buzz kill than Vicki or Tamra or Lynne combined, but for more legitimate reasons. Gretchen went to Michigan to visit Jeff’s kids, Jake and Jill, to see how they are doing and to visit where the kids spread his ashes. I think I actually saw real human emotion during this trip, and I hope Gretchen does stay in touch with the kids who seem to genuinely like and respect her. Parenting: win.

Then the main event: the bunco. I had no clue that the reason all moms loved bunco is because its code name is drunko. I thought they were all just really competitive like Alexis. But this is the OC, so of course these moms sport fake tattoos and wigs to roll dice and take it to the face while their kids are getting suspended licenses and their husbands are sitting on their thrones.

I can’t wait for Alexis to miss a workout class or eat a donut and have her husband go crazy, or for the other housewives to find some dirt on her. I’ll be happy with whichever comes first.

For another take on this episode, check out Wigged Out and Liquored Up by Renata Sellitti.

Season 5, Episode 4: It’s All About Choices (originally aired December 3, 2009)

For more on The Real Housewives of Orange County, click here.

Thursdays at 10/9c on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Kelsey McNeal