White Collar: OhMyGod OhMyGod OhMyGod

Damn, now that’s how you do a fall finale. I almost fell off my couch after watching the last scene of this week’s episode. If you haven’t seen it yet – stop reading – this would be the mother of all spoiler alerts. If you have seen it already, then feel free to let your jaw drop with me – and say it ain’t so – Peter Burke is the bad guy? Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!

OK, just when I thought that things would get a little interesting after last week’s realization that Neal would start working against the FBI, it got A LOT interesting, and it had a few fake outs as well. Good job writers, way to keep us on our toes. This episode centered on a jewelry heist from the most exclusive boutique in NYC (“Le SomethingOrOther,” I took Spanish, sorry), where the most exotic pink diamond in the world has been stolen from its promotional display. The boutique manager called in the FBI when she noticed a masked man enter their vault while reviewing security footage. Since the diamond necklace is still around the breasts – I mean neck – of a beautiful model on display in the boutique, naturally Neal offers to examine it to see if it’s a forgery. Did I mention she doesn’t take it off first? Ha, watching Neal put his nose an inch away from the model’s chest was one of the funniest scenes White Collar has done so far. It also confirmed that the diamond had been switched and was a fake, so Neal and Peter head back to the office to investigate possible suspects.

When they get there, they discover an unwelcome guest at headquarters – Garrett Fowler from the Office of Professional Responsibility (the FBI’s version of Internal Affairs). Fowler tells Burke that he’s beaten him to the punch on finding a suspect – and his name is Neal Caffrey. Burke doesn’t want to believe that his partner in crime might actually be a partner in crime literally, but Fowler has a mountain of evidence against Neal, most compellingly that his security anklet whereabouts from the night of the heist have been blacked for a 6 hour period.

Still, Neal convinces Burke that they should pay a visit to the home of legendary forger Adrian Tulane, whose profile and experience make him a perfect fit for the diamond theft. The only problem is that Tulane swears by his alibi that he was in Madrid when the jewel was lifted. Facing the realization that Neal is now the only real suspect in the case, Burke and Caffrey leave Tulane’s apartment, but not before Neal admits to Tulane that he’s a big fan of his “alleged” work, priceless. On a hunch, Peter asks agent Jones to examine Neal’s forged bonds from a previous case to see if they contain his signature or initials, and they do. Unfortunately, the same initials also turn up micro-printed inside the fake diamond, and assuming Neal has signed his work yet again Fowler comes to arrest Caffrey for the crime. Neal is adamant that he didn’t do it, and Burke seems devastated that his trusty sidekick has returned to his deviant ways.

Then, in a brilliant move, Neal hires a lawyer in jail – a lawyer in the form of Mozzie – who shows up for his client explaining that he got his degree from the University of Phoenix Online, go Cardinals! Ha, easily the best line of the show. Mozzie and Neal ask the FBI to turn over every single file they have on Caffrey, and the court complies forcing them to do so. The real reason is that they want to track what Fowler does after learning he has to turn over the files, and he takes the bait by shredding some documents. Mozzie does a little dumpster diving and retrieves the papers, and since Neal has nothing but free time he puts them back together and figures out that they are transcripts from his conversation with Burke… A conversation had from Peter’s home phone, thus OPR and the FBI are monitoring Burke. Neal tells the judge he wants to confess but won’t do it in open court, so he asks that they meet in the judge’s chambers downtown. And, since Mozzie and Neal are always a step ahead of law enforcement, Neal has already purchased a bakery on the same street right below the judge’s office and killed the air conditioning in his chambers. After confessing to exactly nothing, Caffrey takes a stunning leap out an open window onto the bakery awning below and disappears (with a shrug to a stunned Peter) yet again. The fall was pretty awesome, I have to say, as was the van diversion – driving away isn’t Neal’s style, he went underground to the city’s tunnels (a notion which Burke guessed of course).

When Caffrey surfaced, he asked Elizabeth to sneak him into their house so he could tell Peter about his suspicions of Fowler in person. Burke is none too pleased that he’s being monitored, and when Neal tells him that Kate’s captor is in the FBI (assumed to be Fowler), Burke asks Neal what he could possibly want from him. Exactly, Peter, that’s what we all want to know – what does the kidnapper possibly want to get his hands on? So, Burke orders agent Jones to investigate Fowler and OPR (even though it’s career suicide) and then returns to the scene of the theft with Neal (secretly, of course) and discovers that the vault had a hidden exit to the street. Security camera footage from the sidewalk reveals that the thief was indeed Tulane, thus clearing Neal from the crime and paving the way for them to welcome him back to the Bureau (with champagne in paper cups, classy).

But, it’s far from over – Tulane says that there is a backer behind the whole set up, and he himself thinks the FBI and all involved are a shady bunch (lofty accusations from someone who isn’t exactly squeaky clean). Mozzie finds a hotel room address in Fowler’s file, but when Neal busts in he doesn’t find Kate in the hotel room, and Fowler gives him some unnerving information. He tells Neal that he wasn’t really in town to investigate him, and it wasn’t his phone they bugged, implying that his suspicions are on Peter instead. And then the stunner of the whole show – pan to another hotel room, where the door opens and Kate walks in (fresh from calling Neal and telling him to give in to her captor), and she is greeted by the man with the tell tale pinky ring. But when we see the identity of the man in the arm chair, it’s (gasp!) agent Burke, who greets Kate and says, “We have to talk about Neal.” And then it ends. Ack!!!!

Is Peter the man in the FBI who Interpol warned Neal was holding her captive? Or maybe Peter isn’t holding her captive for blackmail at all, maybe he was just keeping an eye on her so he could keep track of Neal? Or mayyyyyyyybe, Kate disappeared herself and is faking her kidnapping and Peter figured that out (and confronted her in the airport, hence the photo of his hand)?  In any case, I refuse to believe that Burke is the sinister bad guy behind a malicious kidnapping and attempt to swindle Neal out of part of his fortune, it doesn’t add up. Interestingly enough, Kate looks like Elizabeth’s identical twin, what’s up with that? Also, if Burke really is a bad guy, does that mean Elizabeth knows about it and is in on it? And where does Fowler fit into all of this? So many questions, so few answers… USA sure knows how to keep us anxious for the show’s return. Let’s hope we get some more pieces to the puzzle (pardon the pun-Tulane was working on a puzzle in this episode) when the show premieres on its new night, Tuesday, January 19^th. Until then, White Collar fans, keep the conspiracy theories coming.

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Blindsided by Deception by Allison Toner.

Season 1, Episode 7: Free Fall (originally aired December 4, 2009)

For more on White Collar, click here.

Fridays at 10/9c on USA Network

Photographs courtesy of USA, Electric Artists, and David Giesbrecht