American Idol: Hotlanta Pants on the Beantown Ground

It almost seems as if American Idol has been a never-ending stream of controversy since the season 8 finale. (And another punch came when Simon recently confirmed that this will be his last season.) But Idol wasted no time in confronting Paula’s exit and Ellen’s new job, and I can’t say that the sadness of losing one judge overshadowed the happiness of gaining another. I’m extremely excited for this season and to experience the new feeling and voice that Ms. DeGeneres will, I’m confident, bring to the table. I refuse to spend my time mourning! Oh! And there’s that other pesky star that will be born right before our eyes. Sure, the real show doesn’t start for awhile, but I can’t wait to hear the voices that’ll bring us there.

Victoria Beckham was the distinguished guest for the week’s Boston auditions. Though she was pretty to look at, she didn’t really have any useful critiques. (This is a singing show! Right?) But kudos for having the English cahones to confront Simon for his unwanted sass, even if she may have missed the memo that some of us watch purely for that reason. Luckily, the talented and reputable Mary J. Blige joined the trio in Atlanta and actually ADDED substance to the panel.

Very, very few contestants stood out as potential stars, and even fewer were at the level of past winners like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, or even fourth placer Chris Daughtry. However, who can even recall Kris Allen from the audition rounds? You probably blinked and missed him. So, our American Idol really could be among the standouts and fly-bys of this week. Now, pay attention!

KEEP AN EYE ON…

Luke Staffer, 24, epitomizes the reason I watch Idol, to find my next mid-evening snack. He’s scrumptious and easy on the ears.

Benjamin Bright, 25, has an easy, breezy attitude and a pitch perfect voice.

Tyler Grady, 19, was set up to be a laughable dud, but this 70s throwback came out of left field. He ended up wooing the ladies…and the guys.

Katie Stevens, 16, needs to be in the top 24. Besides the cute boys with sweet voices, I watch Idol for the youngins with raw, undiscovered talent that can be groomed and who blossom in front of our eyes.

Bryan Walker, 25, could totally be the star of the real life Cop Rock. The man with a badge, gun and pipes has won me over so far.

Jermaine Sellers, 18, killed “What If God Was One Of Us”. Rarely do I want to hear a male singing that song, but he makes it his own and makes the folk tune sound cool as well. I especially love how he called his mom first and then told the camera she was going to call the whole neighborhood now with such earnestness.

Jess Wolfe, 24, may have a Lisa Loeb look but her voice is all soul. Jennifer Hirsh‘s, 22, voice is like a throwback to scatting jazz days, and Tisha Holland’s, 18, voice made me stop and rewind, partially because she’s so good and also because we only got about three seconds with her. I’m sad they showed so little of all three of these contestants.

NEED FINE BUT NOT FABULOUS? CALL…

Maddy Curtis, 16, should get a ticket just for being such a strong and sweet girl. Her parents are those rare types of people who seem truly selfless and happy. Not only does one of her brothers have Down Syndrome, but her parents have adopted other brothers, for her, who have the same affliction. I know so much of AI is focused on talent-free people and sob stories, but I think her voice is good, sad story or not.

Amadeo Diricco, 28, growled a lot with an odd choice in “Muddy Waters,” but he may have been hiding a good voice in there. He was powerful and confident and all around nice. Plus, he should be around for a little bit since they visited his big Italian family at his home. He spoke of some wife, but there were a lot of ginormous men to greet him went he got through to the next round.

Justin Williams, 27, is a cancer survivor and a breath of fresh air. His vocal style is like Michael Bublé, which he explains as alternative-pop-soul. I would have said more Top 40, but he can call himself 100 genres if he keeps singing like that.

Keia Johnson, 26, didn’t win the top prize in the Miss America pageant, but she won Miss Congeniality and likes it better that way. First, no one who likes pageants enough to enter one, would ever believe that statement, and neither do I. But she seems to be a genuine person and has a fine, yet nondescript voice. The judges went ga-ga over her, though.

Vanessa Wolf, 19, is straight-up country, right down to her tiny town, her mother living down the road, her feelings of being stuck and her country twang. Her voice is a tiny bit shrill, but as Kara said she’s “authentic” country. You feel it when she sings, but Simon foreshadowed that if she doesn’t toughen up, Hollywood could swallow her whole.

Holly Harden, 20, dressed up as a slutty guitar and sometimes sounds like a man, but her voice isn’t that bad. If she does well, hopefully, she keeps that outfit in a musty corner in an attic somewhere and only brings it out for Halloween.

Mallory Halley, 20, has a sweet and strong, country-ready voice, but she was so BORING! She’s pretty, which is always a leg up, but does not negate a lackluster personality. And when her mouth wasn’t open, she looked like she’d rather be anywhere else or just giggled and lifted up her chin because I guess she thinks that’s cute.

It’s clear that Antonio “Skii Bo Ski” Wheeler, 22, could care less about touching people through his music, even though his voice is actually good. But he definitely wanted to touch Kara and Mary, though in inappropriate ways, and his cocky attitude and nonsense comments almost turned Randy’s vote from a yes to a no and really rubbed Simon the wrong way.

Ashley Rodriguez, 21, is smiley, pretty, polished AND talented. Prime competition in my book.

You can see the desire in Leah Laurenti‘s, 22, eyes and hear her passion as she speaks. Leah’s biggest hurdle will be opening up and breaking out of her shell. It’s time to unleash the diva within, girl.

BE GLAD YOU MISSED…

Janet McNamara, 26, has convinced herself that a high score on the American Idol video game transcends to the real world. “So we’re going to be putting this to a test. Does this game actually work?” Simon asked. Combine her strong accent, potty mouth and inability to distinguish Kara from Paula and you’ve already got a recipe for disaster. And then, there’s the voice.

Derek Hilton compared his sound to a mix of Chris Brown and the Eagles. Hold the phone! What does THAT sound like? He can definitely carry a tune, though I’m not sure which tune that is. And he wavered in between sounding like a chipmunk and a wailing seal.

I think that things went a little too far with Mere Doyle, who wasn’t horrendous but definitely assaulted my ear with her screams. I understand Idol pioneered the mocking audition rounds, but to cut the clips so that it looked like her mother was pained to support her in following her dreams is just wrong. You don’t mess with a woman and her baby! (Okay, so it was just a well-placed eye roll and an evil stare.) But still!

Andrew Fenlon blamed his anger on the many hours he had to wait, but he is probably just an all-around angry person. He walked in with attitude, gave lip to the judges and basically complained during his one moment to shine. Kara couldn’t hide her seething hatred of him. Let’s check out some blurbs from his 3 minute audition. Andrew’s “I’m here auditioning for American Idol. Should be fairly obvious at this point. I also like waiting around…” and “Let’s have a little conversation about this.” And then there’s Kara’s: “I really don’t like you. I have a very strong reaction to you,” and “You need a spanking, that’s what you need…You’ve been very naughty!” and “Have you ever had a girlfriend?!” Sad thing is that he wasn’t bad looking or off tune, and probably would have, at least, made it to the next round if he was a little sunnier.

If you’ve seen “My Big Redneck Wedding,” you know there’s a good and bad to everything. And Jesse Hamilton’s “cheap dramatization” package pretty much summed up all the stereotypes possible, from a friend almost shooting you while can shooting to the traumatizingly awful mullets.

Lamar Royal said he’d respect the judges’ opinions no matter what they said. But either he’s a really great liar or in total denial because he gave us this season’s first major flip out. Watching security have to walk out a singing/cursing mad man…priceless.

“Pants On The Ground (Looking Like a Fool)” Larry might have been 62 years old, and therefore too old to compete, but he made me laugh and smile and not cringe at the same time, which is an accomplishment for Idol. Plus, his little ditty is sure to be a hit!

WRAP IT UP

So after two days of auditions, 32 people from Boston received golden tickets and 25 were lucky in Atlanta. I will say that when they show the crying montage, I truly wonder if there are that many people who are utterly crushed when they don’t get through to the next round. Especially since not everyone has a fantastic voice, but then I remember that, at one point, 32 million people watched the show. This week averaged about 30 million, and that’s a lot of people. I also have to ask for a moment of silence to mourn Paula. This will not be the last week people will be talking about her absence, and Ellen hasn’t even joined the panel yet, so the comparisons haven’t even started, but I do miss her. So, please don’t mistake any Ellen gushing for Paula hating. I’m just sticking to my New Year’s Resolution of living in the NOW!

PARTING SHOTS

“Why have you walked in as a guitar?” – Simon

“I’m like the dollar store.” and “Once you feel me, I feel you.” – Skii Bo Ski

“I’m going to get my pants and buy a belt after this.” – Randy

Season 9, Episodes 1 & 2: Auditions: Boston & Auditions: Atlanta (Originally aired January 12 & 13, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.