This Don’t Look Like LOST

Preface: this probably won’t make much sense because I don’t know what the hell is going on either. Warning: spoilers.

I’ll start with how I felt right when the show ended and then work backwards into what actually happened during the show, because let’s face it, time lines don’t matter much in the LOST world. I have to admit that I was less than impressed with the premiere. When it was over I wasn’t blown away and I wasn’t satisfied. I was just confused and kind of felt like I had just seen an episode of Legends of the Hidden Temple, and all that really happened in the 3 hours I devoted to ABC on Tuesday night was that Juliet managed to die on screen about 8 times. It was missing the intense character moments that normally drive the show. I didn’t feel invested for some reason. Granted, this may be because I was trying to analyze every second of film, so it was hard to really get into it, but something just seemed off. The twist of the parallel universe didn’t even make me go OMG, it was more like WTF, but not in a good way. I miss the LOST in the season 2 premiere, when for the first couple of minutes I legitimately thought I was watching a commercial for Sprite, not the typical morning activities of Desmond Hume in the hatch. That is the stuff I miss. I can’t even really pinpoint how that was different, other than how it was engaging and not just confusing, but I’m getting too emotional already so let’s back up.

Side note: I love me some (well, a lot) J.J. Abrams, and his shows are all loosely based in the same weirdo universe (save Felicity but whatever). If you haven’t seen Fringe yet, do it. Having just watched the season finale from the first season, LOST is making a lot more sense. It’s a great show on its own as well, so when you inevitably find yourself starving for some good scifi when LOST is over, jump over to FOX.

Ok, sooooooo that kind of sort of brings me to my first topic: LA X. If you look at the actual title of the premiere, it was LA X, not LAX…and that space actually explains a lot. Having dabbled into some Lostpedia since the premiere, I’ve learned that “X” stands for an alternate reality. I think the key to understanding what is going on with the whole time travel/ changing the future, is that the losties weren’t just traveling through time, they were traveling across realities, and where they all exist in both.  So when they all jump back to 1977 in Dharmaville, they also crossed over into a separate version of reality. Since everything that happened to Dharma people in the 70s already happened in the world where Oceanic 815 crashed, no one can do anything about it. But, somehow by moving the island the losties are able to change what will happen by skipping back to 1977 in universe X. So time travel and universe travel is what’s up.

Based on that messed up logic, once Juliet hit the bomb, they were transported back to Oceanic 815 universe and present day time from 1977 in universe X. So now all the losties are back in the same universe on the island, but in 30 years X universe will prevent them from coming to the island, and Oceanic 815X will land in LA and other stuff will happen. How are these universes going to collide? Why was Jack’s neck bleeding in X universe? Unclear. This is all really unclear. If you are still reading this, I wish I had a sticker for you.

So, back in Oceanic 815 world, I still don’t know what is going on with Jacob/fake Locke/the temple/Cindy the flight attendant. Locke is the man in black from the season 5 finale and he is also the smoke monster. Called it. So the monster mystery is solved and his MO is monster mash with the use of brute force. How does he (don’t call him an it) shape shift? What did he mean when he was talking to Ben that he just wanted to go home? Anyone else cry when he was talking about how pathetic real Locke was?

Jacob. Who knows. My guess is that through the weird baptism/ rebirth of Sayid at the hands of the Silver Snakes and Green Monkeys, he is the new Jacob. And then all the other other others at the temple freaked out when they heard Jacob was dead and sounded the alarm and then the other others on the beach were also freaked from the warning flare just before fake Locke came out of the foot. Also, how does fake Locke (what is a better name for him?) know Richard? How does Richard know him? Why was Richard in chains?

From what Charles Widmore said to Ben way back when, a war is coming (where the eff was Widmore?). One would assume that the war was Jacob vs. fake Locke, but who else would be on FL’s side? Where are Rose and Bernard?

Woof, I’m exhausted. So, with alternate universe X and the dark and light sides (somewhat) established, it looks like this season will focus on free will and how the choices we make create our universe, and since there are multiple universes there is no one set destiny. Meh? And mayyyyybe whenever one of the losties dies in Oceanic 815 world (where they are at the temple now, on the beach, where Jacob is dead, etc.), they cross over into universe X that they created for themselves by detonating the bomb, and putting the island under water… and maybe giving Juliet’s postmortem statement that “it worked” some validity. Her rambling about getting coffee and going Dutch with Sawyer was just weird. But I bet they do that in universe X.

I hope they build another golf course or something next week because this was a lot to take in. I’ll also cry next week if Sayid isn’t really Sayid anymore but just a proxy for Jacob. I didn’t really care at all about universe X this week because I was so distracted by island shenanigans, but maybe that world will turn out to be bitchin and give heart back to the show like how the flashbacks did.

Me brain hurtses no more words to give have got I.

For another opinion on these episodes, check out Lost and Loving It by Bilal Mian.

Season 6, Episodes 1 and 2: LA X (Originally Aired February 2, 2010)

For more on Lost, click here.

Wednesdays, 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC and Mario Perez.