Gossip Girl: Rear Window, It Ain’t

Oh, Jenny. Why can’t you just stay home? That’s what I kept asking myself as this week’s episode of Gossip Girl, “The Empire Strikes Jack,” played out. The girl annoys me on principal alone but just when I think she’s hit rock bottom, she finds a way to end up in a far worse situation. At the onset of this week’s episode she is still in a rut from her recent breakup with Damien so Rufus decides she should go work in the fashion industry again with Blair’s mom, Eleanor Waldorf (Margaret Colin). This has been tried before and apparently ended really poorly but since no one on this show seems to learn from their past experiences, that doesn’t matter in the slightest.

While back on the job for a big fashion show that night, Jenny is reunited with a crazy train-wreck bitch named Agnes who is fresh out of rehab and hoping to rekindle a friendship with Jenny. That attitude changes quickly. After only a few hours at work, Jenny sews a piece that Eleanor deems the closing dress of the night’s show. Yes, that was realism running right out the window but Agnes gets jealous and under the veil of friendship convinces Jenny to screw Damien over by luring him to the show to pick up the rest of his pill stash and then flush them in front of him. Jenny goes along with it long enough to have the drugs delivered but then backs down in fear of ruining her big moment at the fashion show. So instead Agnes steals the pills and has poor Jenny drugged to the point where she can’t stand and smuggled off to a skeezy bachelor party somewhere. The threat of date rape is nigh but Nate swoops in to the rescue just in the nick of time and gets her home where she gets a job offer from Eleanor and stares longingly at Nate…more on that next week.

On the Squints/Mystery Mom front a major revelation occurs when he is kicked out of the hotel and learns that his Uncle Jack(ass) (Desmond Harrington) is gaining complete control of it. Squints attempts to appeal to his mom’s maternal instinct and stop this madness; he even manages to show emotions beyond brooding but still comes up short. Mystery Mom then officially signs over The Empire Hotel to Jack(ass), tells Squints she’s not really his mom (lies), and then leaves town for what could be forever. I’m not really sad to see her go but it should be fun to watch Squints and Blair try to get the hotel back from the evil uncle in episodes to come.

Speaking of Blair, this episode focused a lot on the fact that she doesn’t have any friends.  I wouldn’t think this should be a surprise to anyone considering she is a full-on judgmental bizzo, but I guess when you have to resort to paying hookers to appear at a fashion show in lieu of inviting real friends, it all just kind of becomes crystal clear. But happily for Blair, a few girls from Columbia University show up and say nice things to her so it appears she’ll be saying goodbye to NYU sooner rather than later! But since I’ve yet to see her do a single thing on campus since I’ve started watching, I can’t imagine how it will matter.

And finally there’s the storyline that just can’t become interesting to save its life: Dan and Vanessa’s relationship. In this installment, Vanessa realizes that they do the same things now that they did when they were friends thus creating boredom and the worry that they are nothing more than friends with benefits. So she gets a “brilliant idea” from Serena to conjure up a magical date night instead of staying in and watching a movie as Dan wants to do. Her idea is to recreate a scene from Rear Window where Grace Kelly has a meal catered to wheelchair ridden Jimmy Stewart. She even tries to dress and do her hair like the fabulous Princess Grace although I’m sorry to say she looks more like Morticia Addams than Grace Kelly.

I kind of think if she really wanted to spur Dan into doing something different, she should have gotten him out of the apartment but she gave it a good college try and….FAILED. Dan (being the douche that he is) doesn’t appreciate it, lets Rufus intrude, and fails to prevent her from leaving when she gets angry. He makes it up to her with a really lame explanation that their old activities are now romantic that they’re a couple, which seems like BS but she seems to buy it and they end the episode making out. Ugh. Can they please just break up soon or at least get better material from the writers’ room? That might be asking for too much but only time will tell!

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Why Do I Feel So Blah? by Trisha Huntsman.

Season 3, Episode 15: The Empire Strikes Jack (originally aired March 29, 2010)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

Gossip Girl: Why Do I Feel So Blah?

Quote of the Week: “Prostitutes are people too. And they have a lot of disposable income.” – Blair

I’m still waiting for my usual, beloved Gossip Girl drama to erupt. This Monday produced another tame episode with a few laughs and at least one Oh-my-heavens they aren’t actually going there with this plot, are they moment. If anything, this episode was a little heavy on the sugar, minus the spice. Next week, though, looks like it might bring fireworks. The kind I’ve been dreading for nearly a year.

I’m talking about Chuck (Ed Westwick) and Blair (Leighton Meester). I love them together. Love. They haven’t ceased to be interesting or funny as a couple, and I’ve been dreading the day the writers rip them apart. Because let’s be honest. It must be coming. They’ve been happily together for almost this entire season. This week Chuck confronts his mother about stealing his hotel, and she admits she signed it over to Jack (Desmond Harrington) because she’s in love with him. Then she feels bad, tries to make Jack change his mind, and tells Chuck she’s not really his mother. Which turns out to be a lie. This is not a shock. What is sort of a shock is that he doesn’t blame Blair, doesn’t get depressed and turn to hookers and drink, and maintains his self-confidence. Blair has a growing-up moment herself when her mother asks her to invite twenty or thirty friends from NYU to her fashion show. The problem, of course, is that Blair doesn’t have friends. So she pays escorts. I laughed. It was the sole funny moment this week. She ends up admitting her problems to her mom, meets some snobby girls from Columbia, and it looks as though she’ll be transferring. I had no idea she still took classes.

Dan (Penn Badgley) and Vanessa’s (Jessica Szohr) story weirded me out a bit. Serena (Blake Lively) makes an offhand comment about keeping things fresh with Dan – because apparently, Serena and Nate (Chace Crawford) have been together so long now she can give advice – and Vanessa starts to worry that she and Dan are nothing more than friends with benefits. To head this off, she dresses like Grace Kelly in Rear Window, makes an elaborate dinner, etc. First, I am skeptical of how many avid watchers of this show have seen Rear Window or have more than a passing knowledge of Hitchcock, Jimmy Stewart, and Grace Kelly. I hope I’m wrong. I really do. Second, the scene was odd and uncomfortable. Dan made a typical, sweet plea for the return of normalcy, they made out, all is fine in their world.

The story of this episode revolved around Jenny (Taylor Momsen), and by the middle I hated her less. Then at the end I hated her more again. Rufus (Matthew Settle) is tired of her moping and gets her a second chance working in fashion. Eleanor (Margaret Colin) forgives her and heaps praise on Jenny’s work. The problem is that Agnes (remember the crazy model who burned Jenny’s dresses?) has also been given a second chance, is still on drugs, and still harbors resentment for Jenny. When she finds Damian’s stash of pills she feeds them to the other models, drugs Jenny, and leaves her passed out at a party full of older men. What a sweet girl. Who, though, will save the day at the last possible second? That’s right – Gossip Girl‘s resident night in shining armor, otherwise known as Nate Archibald.

I said in the past weeks that I hope they don’t go there with Jenny and Nate. They are going there. The preview for next week and Gossip Girl’s voice over make it clear Jenny’s going after him. I’m sorry. A world in which Taylor Momsen wins the guy over Blake Lively doesn’t exist. I’m going to be upset if Nate falls for a messed up high school girl with bad hair. The moment I alluded to earlier with Blair and Chuck – the previews hint that Blair offers Jack anything he wants if he’ll give Chuck the hotel back. Is she really dumb enough to sleep with Jack to get the hotel back? Chuck will never forgive her. And he probably has fifteen schemes up his sleeve already. Yes. This shall be the demise of Chuck and Blair. I’m going to need to drink before next week’s episode so I can remain calm when this goes down. Mark my words, fellow fans. It’s going to be ugly.

P.S. Does anyone know where Eric is? Seriously?

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Rear Window, It Ain’t by Matt DeGroot.

Season 3, Episode 15: The Empire Strikes Jack (originally aired March 29, 2010)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

Dancing With the Stars: Grumpy Stars

This week on Dancing with the Stars the celebs seemed to have a bug up their collective butts.  There were tears, frustration, and Tony threatened to quit.  Who would think most of the fireworks would take place away from the ballroom? Some stars built on strong first week performances, others faltered a bit.  Let’s get to it.

Shannon & Mark
They will be dancing the Jive and Shannon is worried about the memorization involved.  Last week the judges told Shannon her routine was too complicated, so this week she wants to “dumb it down” and Mark is not having it.  I wasn’t too impressed by their routine, but what do I know? She’s not bad, and her Jive was decent but I thought it was a bit awkward.  Once again, the judges disagreed with me.  Len said she showed how the Jive was fast, fun, and energetic but that she should work on her finesse.  Bruno said the energy was good and that she was better than last week.  Carrie Ann said she was very solid but that she should work on her musicality.  Carrie Ann: 7 Len: 6 Bruno: 7

Aiden & Edyta
Aiden had a rough time last week and seems to be carrying over some of the frustration.  He struggles with the Foxtrot in rehearsal, succumbing to the pressure.  Edyta is frustrated with his lack of progress and he snaps at her, threatening to leave.  He’s kind of an a-hole, in my opinion.  Eventually they calm down and finish with rehearsal.  Their Foxtrot is charming and he appears very light on his feet.  They were able to channel their frustration and Aiden really took on the persona required for the Foxtrot.  Bruno says he can see a glimmer of hope for Aiden and that his frame was good.  He needs to keep focused.  Carrie Ann said he let the dance flow through him and they had a great connection.  Len said it was economic in movement but his footwork was very good.  Carrie Ann: 7 Len: 6 Bruno: 6

Evan & Anna
Evan was in second place so he’s one to watch.  Anna and Evan visited his hometown during the rehearsal taping.  Their Jive should be good because he’s very athletic and should have the necessary energy.  He’s really good.  Great actually; his footwork was amazing and his ice-skating background was evident.  This performance should keep him near the top of the judges’ leaderboard once again.  Carrie Ann said it was great and his connection with the audience was there.  Len was equally pleased, agreeing that he didn’t struggle with the routine like most tall dancers in the Jive.  Bruno told him to point his feet and not to go “wobbly,” but he enjoyed it.  8s all around.

Niecy & Louis
Niecy and Louis have difficulty communicating in rehearsal.  After a few clashes they start to hit their stride.  Damn she is hilarious too.  She brought grace to the Foxtrot, as she promised in rehearsal.  The judges raved.  Len said that compared with last week she is a revelation, prompting her to run over and hug him.  Bruno said she was light and frothy like a strawberry milkshake.  Carrie Ann said she was spectacular in a wonderful way and challenges her to be even better next week.  7s all around.

Jake & Chelsea
Jake is nervous about the Jive, and with good reason.  He and Chelsea take a lot of spills during rehearsal, but their Jive ended up being pretty good.  It was fun and Jake put on a solid performance.  Bruno says that his determination and effort are great, but he should work on his precision and technique.  Carrie Ann harps on him for a perceived lift, but says that he was a joy to watch.  Len said it was heavy at times and he should be lighter on his feet, but he thinks he has great potential.  Carrie Ann: 6 Len: 7 Bruno: 7  Wow it looks like Carrie Ann really did penalize them for a lift.

Buzz & Ashley
Buzz had a score of 14 last week, so he has nowhere to go but up.  Hopefully.  His wife stops by rehearsal to provide some encouragement, saying that Buzz likes a new challenge.  He did the best Foxtrot he could muster, which was a slight step down from last week’s score.  All things considered he wasn’t half bad.  You can’t help but root for him.  He receives a standing ovation from the crowd.  Carrie Ann says it was charming and tender. The emotional part was there but the dancing part wasn’t quite there.  Len says he inspires people and anyone can dance, no matter their age.  Bruno slammed Buzz, saying it looked like he was dodging craters on the moon.  Carrie Ann: 4 Len: 4 Bruno: 4

Nicole & Derek
Nicole is similar to Mya from last season: head and shoulders above the rest.  She is excited about the Jive but gets angry when she finds out she will have to perform the 50s-era dance to a contemporary song. Their Jive is perfect; she dances nearly as well as the professionals.  I thought their routine was sexy and fun.  Len said that parts were fantastic, but he didn’t like the beginning because it was not traditional.  Bruno thought it was phenomenal (of course).  He said he’s never seen a Jive that good in week 2.  Carrie Ann said it was perfection and she loved it.  Carrie Ann: 10  Len:  8  Bruno: 10

Erin and Maksim
Erin had a strong performance last week and will be performing the Foxtrot this week.  She continues to be stubborn during rehearsals and doesn’t take direction well.  Hopefully they can stop bumping heads long enough to nail the dance.  She begins the Foxtrot with a brave solo, and she and Maks seem like Cinderella and Prince Charming.  She was graceful and elegant and she seems to be one of the stronger contestants at this early stage.  Bruno said she was a natural, taking to the dance like a duck to water.  Carrie Ann said she was a beautiful, lyrical dancer and that it took a lot of courage to begin the dance with a solo.  She warned Erin to be mindful of her hold.  Len said that she and the other contestants need to shut up and listen to their pro partners.  Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 7 Bruno: 8

Pam & Damian
Damian wants a romantic, old Hollywood Foxtrot.  He tells Pam to channel Marilyn Monroe.  Her Foxtrot is romantic and airy and she manages to still bring a provocative quality to the elegant dance.  Actors have a natural advantage on the show because they are used to playing different characters.  Pam really captured the spirit of the dance.  Carrie Ann complimented Pam’s versatility and said she really brought Marilyn Monroe to life.  Len said it had an elegance and cheeky charm but she’s got to work on her center rather than her bust.  Bruno said it was a well-executed delicious tribute to the original blonde Bombshell.  He said she exudes so much sex appeal that people forget she can dance.  Carrie Ann: 7  Len: 7 Bruno: 8

Chad & Cheryl
Chad did well last week and will be dancing the Foxtrot this week.  During rehearsal it is awkwardly apparent that the chemistry between he and Cheryl is off the charts.  He flirts shamelessly, but rather than dismiss him Cheryl simply says that he’s “charming, cute, and a beautiful human being.  We have a lot of chemistry and will it go anywhere?” She says she doesn’t know! She also rewards him with kisses during practice!  I’ll let you do the math.  Now for the dance: I love Chad, but his Foxtrot was horrible.  I mean in every way, from start to finish.  He was awkward and his moves were stilted.  He seemed uncomfortable the entire time.  Len said there was little he could say in the way of positive encouragement and that it was like snow: you’re glad when it’s over.  Bruno said he took a step backwards; there was no musicality.  He will have to refocus.  Carrie Ann said that he has great potential but that he has to stop over-thinking the dance.  Chad honestly looks like he’s going to cry! Awww  Carrie Ann: 6  Len: 5  Bruno: 5

Kate & Tony
Here comes the Drama Queen.  I’m gonna be straight with you: she sucks.  Kate is one of those rare people who are completely awkward on the dance floor, with no rhythm.  Tony wants her to listen and Kate complains about his teaching.  They have a complete breakdown in communication and Tony actually quits.  For about 5 minutes.  Then he regained his composure and apologized to Kate for over-reacting.  By the time they hit the stage I knew it was going to be a disaster, and it was.  Kate couldn’t remember all of the steps, and the ones she did remember weren’t executed particularly well.  She’s awful.  And on top of that she has a questionable attitude.  She better shape up or she’ll be shipped out!  Bruno said that she turned the song into a nightmare.  She did not portray the character.  Carrie Ann gave her credit for making it through the routine.  That’s how you know it was bad.  Len said she needs to find a way to shake off the nerves.  Carrie Ann: 5 Len: 5 Bruno: 5

The judges’ scores will be added to their scores from last week and factored in with the audience vote.  Nicole remains at the top, and Buzz is at the bottom.

RESULTS SHOW

After looking at all of the dances this week, I think Buzz, Chad and Kate had the worst performances.  Buzz is a fan favorite so I’m not worried about him going home.  If I had to put money on it, I’d wager that Kate would be the first star sent home this season.

Brooke Burke tells us right away that Pam and Damian are in the bottom 2.  That’s a bit surprising considering their performance on Monday.  Next up the judges reveal their choice for repeat performance, and it’s no surprise to see that it’s Nicole and Derek.  They are clearly a favorite with the judges, but it’s the fan vote that counts.  After they dance we are subjected to the first of what will be many professional routines.  At least this routine was choreographed by a guy who worked with Michael Jackson.  It’s okay, but let’s get to the results!  The first couple who is safe from elimination is Buzz & Ashley, followed by Aiden & Edyta.  Joining them is Niecy & Louis.  Two of the lowest-scoring couples are safe so far.  Looks like there will be at least a mild upset.  After some stupid segment with Len we learn that Evan & Anna are also safe.  Next up is John Stamos performing with the Beach Boys. *sigh*  After that we are shown a touching piece about a Haitian group of choreographers that have been affected by the catastrophe that devastated their country earlier this year.  Their performance was amazing and emotional.  Meanwhile Chad, Shannon, Pam, Erin, and Kate await their fate.  Chad is safe, and then Erin.  In a surprise revelation Kate is also safe.  She was awful.  It’s come down to Shannon and Pam, neither of whom were in the bottom two.  Shannon didn’t earn enough votes to stay and is the first star to be eliminated.

It will be interesting to see how the viewers continue to respond.  Obviously personality, likability and fan appeal count for a lot.  I hope the stars who perform the best remain around the longest.  Will Kate’s attitude improve?  How long can Buzz stick around?  We’ll see next week!

Season 10, Week 2: Round 1: Part 2 and Results Show (originally aired March 29 and 30, 2010)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey

The Amazing Race: A Toast to Champagne

We begin in a quaint town of called Blasmeh. (Not it’s actual name, but the town isn’t spelled on screen, and I swear, that’s what Phil sounds like when he said it.  If any one of the town’s 43 residents should happen upon this review, my sincerest apologies).

Our teams are headed to Reims, to a Joan of Arc statue for the next clue.  Louie & Michael (hey, did you know they are detectives?) say that, being detectives, it’s easy for them to stay up late and drive late at night, cause they are detectives.  And now, I’m going to ignore them for the bulk of this review.

Dan & Jordan get directions to the Cathy Drone (not the cathedral’s actual name) which is the closest landmark to the statue.  Dan (Jordan? couldn’t tell) says that people don’t speak good English outside of Reims.  (*sigh* ) The clue box houses corks with the label “Champagne LeClerc Briant.”

Female Jordan confuses Noah’s Ark with Joan of Arc.  Sure, I could make a dumb blonde joke here, but 1) I’m not Brandy or Carol and 2) I once asked a woman at an information desk at a Barnes & Noble, “Who wrote Dante’s Inferno?”  True story.  Don’t judge me.

At Champagne LeClerc Briant, one team member has to rappel 100 feet into the caves at the winery and search for a specially marked champagne bottle.  Then they have to use a saber to release the cork, causing a clue to shoot out the bottle.  This looks awesome and I want to go there.  The clue in the champagne bottle says Taittinger La Marquetterie, which is a chateau and vineyard in a nearby village.  When Brandy rappels, Carol waits and says to the camera, “Hopefully, she’s not in a piss-ass mood when she comes back up here.”  Methinks that’s not the last time Carol will say that, no?

So, the cowboys accidentally go to Champagne, which is 40 kilometers away. Then, on their way to the Detour, they accidentally go to Taittinger’s headquarters rather than this this gorgeous location, a mistake made by several other teams.  However, the best goof-up this leg belongs to Steve, who damages the front of his car pretty badly by running into the curb while parking.  Instead of waiting for a new car, Steve goes all MacGyver, using duct tape that he had (quite smartly) packed.

The Detour is Tower or Terra.  Tower requires the teams to build a tower of 680 champagne glasses with 15 stories and one glass on top.  It must hold up to a bottle of champagne poured down the top of the finished tower.  In Terra, they have to search a square kilometer for a tiny cluster of grapes.  It is blatantly clear which is the stupid choice here, but this does not stop Dan & Jordan from choosing Tower, citing their preference for skill challenges better than luck challenges.  Normally, I feel the same (skill challenges, I can control, but luck. . . .?), but this involves 680 champagne glasses, and that’s just ridiculous.

Citing his ability to find crack up a man’s anus (don’t ask; it’s not like you really want to know the answer anyway), Michael finds the grapes quickly and he and Louie are the first to hit the pit stop, which means that they are first to be creeped out by the mime waiting there with Phil.  Brandy & Carol, who also chose Terra, head to the pit stop second, and cross paths with Brent & Caite who follow them, not realizing that Brandy and Carol have already finished the Detour.  Once they see Phil, they realize that they made a mistake and turn around, and we hear Brandy say (of course) “I was like how did they get through so fast?”

(Remember back when I was looking forward to mocking Brent & Caite for being model/pageant contestants?  Can you guess at how annoyed I am at Brandy & Carol for taking away this joy for me?  I’m pretty sure there’s some lesson here that I should learn, but I’m just going to wait until the season’s over to absorb it.)

When Brandy & Carol finish second, Phil asks the two if they are going to win.  Brandy says 1) she doesn’t want to jinx it and 2) “We want to win,” and 3) “We’re going to win.”  So, nice job on not jinxing it, there. Steve & Allie, who also chose Terra, finish third, and I still really don’t know who these people are.  Brent decides that he and Caite should chose Terra, much to Caite’s chagrin.  In fact, she’s so annoyed with this choice, that she pretty much just stands there while Brent looks for the grapes.  Eventually, her pouting convinces Brent to switch Detours which. . .no, no, no, no, no!

Indeed, Dan & Jordan, who arrived at the Detour second, are still finishing Tower when Jet & Cord, who got lost twice and ended up at the Detour fifth, finish the race in fourth place. In other words, Dan & Jordan’s pick of Tower moved them from second to fifth.  Still, Brent can’t take Caite’s whining, so he diligently stacks glasses for a good hour, only to have the Tower crumble when he pours the champagne.  They switch back to Terra.  And find the grapes fairly quickly, causing Caite to give a very, very, well-earned apology.

Ultimately, in an absolute surprise to no one, Jeff & Jordan come in last and are eliminated.  I must admit that I will miss them, because they seemed to genuinely enjoy each other, and that’s always nice to see, even in reality TV whores.  As if to emphasize this point, the episode ends with an interview with Caite & Brent where Caite says she’s annoyed at always being last, while Brent just looks in the camera in a way that suggests that being last is the least of his current annoyances.

Season 16, Episode 6: Cathy Drone? (originally aired March 21, 2010)

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS.

Chuck Versus the American Hero

There’s a lot going on this week, and most of it is pretty damn good. The principal characters are all facing major transitions, and the cliffhanger is so bold that I’m wondering how the writers have filled the remaining episodes.

Chuck heads to the nation’s capital to meet with Beckman, and discovers while in the waiting room that carrying a gun is very uncomfortable. Beckman tells Chuck more about his upcoming assignment in Rome, revealing it to be a more permanent engagement than Chuck might have anticipated. He starts getting cold feet, although nowhere near as cold as the feet in the building’s morgue. Some baddie walks in there, headshots the lab attendant, and forces yet another McGuffin out of the corpse of Agent Perry, the dude Chuck supposedly killed last week on the train tracks.

Beckman tells Chuck that he can pick his own team in Rome and gives him a week to get ready for the mission, so Chuck flies back to Burbank to try to make things right with Sarah. Morgan and now-civilian Casey—both itching to leave the Buy More and commit fully to the espionage world—jump into Chuck’s corner and encourage him to go for it. Chuck buys the old standbys—candy and flowers—finds Sarah, and makes one of those nice, sweeping TV speeches. But she gives him the complete cold shoulder, as she is convinced that he killed that Perry guy and now wants nothing to do with him.

Okay, number one: Chuck didn’t kill him. Number two: Sarah has killed and beaten the piss out of scores of people, so how exactly can she fault Chuck for killing one? When did she become all anti-violence? When did Chuck try to become Unforgiven? And three: the guy that Chuck didn’t actually kill was trying to kill him, so if he had killed him, it would have been in self-defense. The guy was a bad guy…would Sarah prefer Chuck to be the one who was killed? It’s really hard to like Sarah in this episode, especially after she tells Chuck that she is going to Washington with Shaw, permanently.

Of course, Casey could clear Chuck’s record at any time by admitting to the events of last week, but he doesn’t. Dejected, Chuck leaves to figure out how to tell Beckman that he’s packing it in…before he even began. If this happens, Morgan and Casey will be stuck at the Buy More forever. You can bet your ass that they’re more motivated than ever to save Chuck from himself and therefore, save themselves. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so they enlist the inimitable aid of Jeff and Lester. Jeff and Lester (or, more specifically, their van) are charged with tailing Shaw, while Casey, Morgan and Awesome (who also wants to get Chuck and Sarah back together hoping that will somehow encourage Ellie to do Doctors Without Borders in Africa for the next year) team up to kidnap Chuck and put him back in the playing field.

Chuck & Co. arrive at a fussy restaurant where Sarah and Shaw are having dinner. The plan is to get Shaw out of the picture long enough for Chuck to make another embattled speech and win Sarah over. Complications arise when the baddie who stole files from Perry’s corpse arrives.

Highlights include watching Morgan pretend to be a terrorist on the phone, Chuck preparing to make the ultimate sacrifice, meeting the Ring ringleader, and a doozy of a twist involving Shaw and Sarah that promises high stakes in the coming weeks. All around (except for Brandon Routh of course), the cast does a really solid job.

Season 3, Episode 12: Chuck Versus the American Hero (originally aired March 22, 2010)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Trae Patton.

Hot Tub Time Machine Review: Blast From The Past

Comedy movies have had a rough go of it in the first quarter of 2010, with more critical flops and box-office disappointments being paraded in and promptly hurled out of theaters before anyone has had the chance to remember they’re supposed to laugh. The fact there isn’t anything remotely funny going on makes the average moviegoer (and reviewer) feel more like they’re the butt of the joke rather than being invited in on it. With such mind-numbing tripe as Cop Out, Valentine’s Day and, most recently, The Bounty Hunter attempting to stimulate our collective funny bone, one wonders if it’s really only been less than a year since I Love You, Man and, particularly, The Hangover shattered the glass ceiling of well-made, money-making, truly funny American comedies.

This weekend’s release of Hot Tub Time Machine is attempting to re-create the magic of last summer with a new bromantic raunch-fest your friends will likely start quoting before the house lights come up. Hot Tub is brazenly saturated with camp and eager to revel in the plausibility-stretching freedom its thin premise allows. Like 2006’s Snakes on a Plane, this movie’s title explains exactly what this movie’s about, which is exactly what it sounds like: a hot tub time machine. The added twist to the formula is the addition of retro nostalgia for anyone born before the fall of the Berlin Wall, as everything about the 80s able to be parodied is – from the tacky neon aesthetic to the unabashed use of illicit drugs and all the things Aqua Net could hold in between.

Our group of time travelers is led by Adam (John Cusak), a 40ish, recently dumped insurance salesman who hasn’t been keeping in touch with his back-in-the-day buddies. Poor man’s dog whisperer Nick (Craig Robinson) is hopelessly devoted to both his wife and his regret, and self-loathing loose cannon Lou (Rob Corddry, letting it rip) has refused to grow up. The three reconnect and decide to take a ski vacation in the same spot they frequented nearly a quarter-century ago (1986, to be exact) to rekindle the euphoric feelings of endless promise only reckless youth could provide. With Adam’s 20-something nephew Jacob (Clark Duke) along for the ride, the amigos discover Kodiak Valley has aged even worse than they have. With nothing left to do but kick back in the seedy ski lodge Jacuzzi with some brewskis, the foursome share some laughs and wake up the next morning in a dizzying homage to films of the 80s – most obviously Back to the Future and Cusak’s own Better Off Dead.

In fact, the attempts to satirize one of the most ridiculed decades in the 20^th century and its films sometimes came across as blatantly derivative and tired to me – I couldn’t decide if it was a winking tribute or simply lazy allegory as our heroes faced off with whiny ski slope tyrant Blaine (Blaine!), watched in horror as one yuppie coasted down the bunny hill with Gordon Gekko’s cell phone, and handled the awkward situation of Jacob running into his much-younger mother and discovering she’s a boozy floozy.

Still, watching the characters piece together their re-emergence in 1986 as they see people smoking indoors, Alf on television and such present-day wonders as a cassette-playing Walkman and leg warmers, made me chuckle and I’m on the younger end of those who can attach the references to actual memory. There was a row of teenage girls sitting behind me during the screening I went to, and I heard nary a peep of recognition from them regarding any of these now-archaic cultural stepping stones.

With such sight gags as these and Crispin Glover (George McFly himself) and Chevy Chase appearing as an ill-fated bellhop and mystical repairman, respectively, Hot Tub does hit its comic target regularly. However, the inevitable substance-reaching subtext of the buddies’ plight regarding their wrinkle in the space-time continuum drags the light-hearted farcical nature of the film into a maudlin feel-good tale of redemption – at least for a moment or two, until the next time Corddry drops his drawers or tosses his cookies.

I went in to Hot Tub Time Machine not expecting to be spoon-fed any hackneyed life lesson more successfully parlayed in the films from which it shamelessly borrows. What I expected even less was to wish some attempt at honest sentiment had been given as much attention as the balls-out ploy for laughs. Perhaps, then, the emotion would have felt less forced, more genuine – or at least believably existent – and complementary to the absurd humor. Its murky intent aside, Hot Tub Time Machine is a badly-needed shot of adrenaline into a flat-lining niche of the movie industry. Here’s hoping we won’t need to break out the defibrillator.

Overlay Photo by Photo: Rob McEwan

Grey’s Anatomy: Shell-Shocked Owen

The latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy didn’t advance any of the current plotlines in a major way, but it was a very powerful, insightful episode that revealed a great deal about one of the principal characters.  Owen Hunt has always been one of the more mysterious characters on the show.  He sort of appeared out of nowhere and almost instantly became involved with Cristina.  We know he witnessed tragic events in Iraq, but they have only been referenced in passing.  Obviously those issues have not been dealt with adequately; you may recall him experiencing violent night terrors and that he didn’t even tell his own mother that he was home from war.  We finally get to see some of what has shaped Owen in the latest episode.

Teddy has a terminal Cancer patient who wishes to commit medically-assisted suicide.  It’s one thing to have a philosophical or professional difference of opinion, but Owen adamantly opposes the notion.  The patient is resolute in her desire to end her own life, and Owen finally accepts her wishes after ordering more needless and painful testing procedures.  He would rather give the woman’s husband false hope about her condition than accept her right to die.  He becomes emotionally unhinged at the hospital, and shuts down whenever anyone asks him what’s wrong.  This includes Teddy, Cristina, and Derek – who finally sends him home.  Through flashbacks it is revealed that during his last tour of duty, Owen’s vehicle was struck by an I.E.D., killing everyone aboard except him and his Captain, a colleague and close friend.  The Captain is mortally wounded; it appears that his jugular vein has been cut and the only thing stopping the life from flowing out of him is Owen’s hand covering the wound.  He is in excruciating pain and the pair have been waiting for rescue for hours.  Owen refuses to let the man die, despite his protests.  The Captain tells him that help isn’t coming and orders him to mercifully remove his hand.  Eventually Owen obliges, and I know that as soon as he does so that help will arrive. I’ve seen The Mist, and something similar happened.  Sure enough, as the Captain gurgles his last breath, a floodlight appears and a chopper can be heard in the distance.  It’s Teddy, with a worried, relieved smile on her face.  I don’t think Owen ever revealed the details of his ordeal, and he’s carried this enormous burden for a long time.  No wonder he freaked out about Teddy’s patient – it thrust him back into one of the most devastating moments of his life.  Not only do the flashbacks reveal Owen’s pain, they also show the close and unique bond that he shared with Teddy.  I don’t know how Cristina can top that.  Owen and Teddy have literally been through hell together.  It was fascinating to see them together in a life they shared far away from Seattle Grace.

Owen was the focus of last week’s episode, but the other docs had their own issues as well.  Callie and Arizona may not be in it for the long haul if they can’t see eye to eye on whether or not children are in their future.  Callie appreciates the fragility of life more after treating a couple of thrill-seeking patients who have broken some bones jumping from a helicopter.  Their other friend (who wasn’t injured) confesses that he’s not an adrenaline junkie; he only participated to appease his buddies.  Callie spills the beans and the guys realize that none of them are into the whole “X-Games” thing.  Life is too precious to risk it unneccesarily.

Respect and appreciation for life were the themes of the show; but after Owen finally accepts the patient’s wish to die, he sagely narrates: “Living is better than dying. Until it’s not.”  The episode closes with Teddy reaching out to Mark, so it looks as if her and Owen’s connection has been permanently severed.  Can the same be said for Arizona and Callie?  I can’t wait to find out.

For more on this episode, check out Facing Challenges by Allison Toner.

Season 6, Episodes 18: Suicide is Painless (originally aired March 25, 2010)

For more Grey’s Anatomy, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC and Ron Tom.

Project Runway: Designing Pain and Tossing Champagne

We all knew that this day would come… eventually. But knowing doesn’t make it any easier, now does it?

This week on Project Runway, the designers got the opportunity of a lifetime; now, it wasn’t groundbreaking or anything, but it definitely was cool. This week, the designers’ task was to make a runway look using fabric that they create. Now I could go ahead and recall the long, long HP technology spiel, but you’re not going to buy it so why bother. Suffice it to say that it’s really cool. The designers draw on this hi-tech “pad” to create their pattern for their fabrics.

All of the designers were really psyched about this, as am I; because, that rocks. And while some of the designers went the safe route (i.e. Mila’s might as well be a finger painting) Seth Aaron, never one to back away from a challenge, took a more innovative approach with a pop art motif as his base.

During the design phase, Anthony makes a jacket for the first time and the first thing that comes to my head is NEVER MAKE ANYTHING FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! Seriously! Experimenting is good and well but never make something for the first time on Project Runway. That’s a death blow. I’m just so upset. Emilio is frustrated because he hates his bustier top. Midway into construction he abandons it and decides to start over.

Anthony starts cutting up and being Anthony. This sends the design room into an uproar as everyone reflects on how they love Anthony. (Are you getting any bad omens?) The fabrics arrive and the designers all love their patterns. Emilio takes great pride in his “E. Sosa” design, Mila hates it, but then again this is the person who brought us Rainbow Bright. Her fabric really is childish and unimaginative. Perhaps this is why she struggles when deciding what to do with it.

Emilio takes offense to Tim, but that’s just because Tim disagrees. But that doesn’t matter because “I do not listen to Tim, whether he likes it or not,” that statement breaking Tim’s heart I’m sure. Yawn. The models come in and it’s time for their fitting. Jonathan likes his look, and while it is pretty, it’s also a little drab. His fabric is very soft and his outfit has no color whatsoever. And that’s a shame because I think his outfit could be great if his jacket was a loud, vibrant color instead of that horrible pastel. Maya loves the way her dress came out; Emilio, of course, thinks his is tops. But, on the other hand, when has he ever not.

On the Runway, the guest judge is Vivienne Tam, designer.

I liked the process of designing the fabrics more than the garments that actually came down the runway. I wasn’t overly impressed with anyone’s outfit although Jay Nicholas’ made me smile it was so full of personality. For the worst, I’d have to choose Jonathan; love him though I do, his look was totally washed out.

Judges’ verdict.
Top three:
Emilio: Michael loved Emilio’s signature fabric and Heidi fell in love with his dress.
Seth Aaron: Michael called this look impeccable, and Nina found the print charming.
Maya: Michael was intrigued by this look and Nina thought she did a brilliant job with the print.

Bottom three:
Mila: While Nina didn’t think much of the print, Michael said it didn’t matter how it looked if the model couldn’t walk in it. Which she couldn’t.
Anthony: The judges were disappointed with Anthony’s look. Heidi says they have seen this look many times before and Vivienne thought that the look didn’t go far enough creatively.
Jonathan: Michael thought Jonathan’s dress looked like a dirty table cloth and the backwards jacket looked like a straightjacket. Nina thought this outfit was a catastrophe.

Winner: Emilio
Going Home: I can’t bear to say it, this really sucks… it’s Anthony. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! No! Just NO! But it’s true. And it hurts. And it really, REALLY sucks. I mean, did you see Mila’s dress? Did you see her model struggle to walk in that hideous smock that she calls a dress? It was ridiculous. What happened to ‘it doesn’t matter how good your dress is if your model can’t walk,’ Michael? Seriously? That’s almost as crazy as Emilio winning with that unflattering and unimaginative garment. I just can’t comprehend this right now. We’ll end this in Anthony’s own words:

“I think that life has taught us that you don’t have to have the crown to be the queen… Don’t cry for Anthony, honey, matter of fact, toss one back for me.”

Season 7, Episode 10: Hey, That’s My Fabric (originally aired March 25, 2010)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime and IMDbPro.

RuPaul’s Drag Race: Once Upon a Queen

Upon walking into the workroom, the queens are faced with Sahara Davenport’s goodbye note written on the mirror.  In a scene direct from a telenovela, Jessica Wild angrily (and obviously jokingly) confronts Jujubee (who, strangely, is wearing a black and green wig) about how it is Juju’s fault that Sahara is gone.

The girls gather for an episode of Sally Jesse Raphael and begin sharing stories of the past pain: Jessica and Juju describe being insulted by members of their families, and Pandora Boxx tells everyone that she has attempted suicide.  Later we find out that Pandora has, in fact, tried to commit suicide several times.  “I hated myself for years,” she said.  Yikes.  It’s hard growing up gay, and it’s harder for some than others.  I wish I could give Pandora a big hug.  I love her!

Our mini challenge this week is the greatest ever:  the contestants have to “read” each other.  For those not in the know, “reading” is not the same thing Laura Bush promoted as First Lady.  “Reading” is insulting someone in a particularly painful, but nevertheless riotously funny, way.  All of them—except for dear Tatianna, who had trouble being mean—went straight for the jugular.  My favorite “reading” was done by mini-challenge winner Jujubee.  She vaporized Tyra Sanchez with this bon mot:  “Is your barbeque cancelled?  Your grill (i.e., teeth) is f—ed up!”  Classic.

The Main Challenge this week is an interesting one: each of the contestants will have to provide the title and storyline of a book that each would one day write about herself, pose for the book’s cover, and pitch the book in a television interview.  As part of the television interview, each contestant had to promote both her book and Absolut Açai (pronounced, “Ass-I-ee”) Berry Vodka.  Let’s run down the results:

• Tyra Sanchez, “The Woman in Me: A Guide to Letting Go of the Past, Accepting the Present, and Looking Forward to a Better Future” – An awful cover involving white background and her in three poses.  No doubt that she looks great in each of the three poses, but the cover is so generic.  Like Tyra, the book takes itself too seriously.  Her interview was decent but unpolished.

• Jujubee, “Memoirs of a Gay! Sha: Jujubee’s Journey, I’m Still Here!”  The title is ridiculously over the top, as is the cover.  The cover looks like an advertisement for an Asian mail order bride.  Her interview is pretty good, too.  Juju can think on her feet, and that serves her well in these kinds of challenges.

• Tatianna, “Tati: From Teen Queen to Superstar!”  The cover looks like an advertisement for a drag version of Jesus Christ Superstar.  Poor Tati struggles in her interview, as well, spending too much time talking about how pretty she is and forgetting to mention either her book or the drink.

• Pandora Boxx, “Out of the Boxx: How Drag Saved My Life.”  Pandora’s cover is pretty good, showing her stepping out of a box.  The whole thing is well coordinated.  Pandi, likewise, does well in the interview, although she forgets to mention that the drink features Absolut vodka.

• “Jessica Wild: Dreams of a Golden Child.”  Jeez.  The cover looks like the poor man’s Oscars.  The interview is a colossal disaster.  She is horrendously, hilariously awful.  Some of it is because of the language issue, but more of it is because of her off-kilter persona.

• Raven, “Young, Broke, and Fabulous: The Pursuit of Finding Your Inner Trust Fund.”  The cover has a whole yard sale theme that Raven had in mind.  She did a good job of having an entire look and theme for the book.  In her interview, she looks a mess (in a too-severe platinum wig), but she does a great job of doing product placement—both the book and the drink.

Seriously, why did each book have to have a subtitle?

For the Main Stage, the guest judges are Jackie Collins (YAY!), Gigi LeVangie Grazer (Who?), and Absolut Vodka’s Jeffrey Moran (pfft.).  RuPaul channels Valley of the Dolls in her outfit, and she is flawless, as usual.  The judging follows the usual formula: Tyra looks fantastic but lacks any levity, Pandora is dressed in an awful gown, Tatianna wears something decidedly unglamorous, and Raven wears an awesome dress and wig.

The winner this week is Raven!  Her first win.  This is as excited as I get for Raven: hooray.  The bottom two this week are Tatianna—due in part to the fact that she said her book cover was the worst (hello?!?!  Did you see Tyra’s and Jessica’s?!?!?)—and Jessica—because of the train wreck of an interview.  They have to lip sync for their lives to Sister Sledge’s “He’s the Greatest Dancer.” What a great song!  Like last week, the decision is anti-climactic.  Jessica starts gyrating and slinging herself all over the stage, which is completely out of character for the song.  Tatianna nails the lip sync and the attitude.

Shante, Tatianna stays.  Jessica Wild, sashay away.

I know a lot of people have fallen hard for Jessica Wild, but I just had no idea what she was doing there most of the time.  Now, she was willing to do anything a challenge required, but it was always sort of . . . insane.  Credit to her, though, for sticking around longer than I thought she would.

Next week . . . old man drag makeovers!  Can’t wait!!

Season 2, Episode 7: Once Upon a Queen (originally aired March 22, 2010)

For more on RuPaul’s Drag Race, click here.

Mondays at 9pm(est) on Logo

Photographs courtesy of Logo Online and Mathu Anderson.

Grey’s Anatomy: Facing Challenges

This week, in an emotional and powerful episode, Grey’s Anatomy took on two controversial topics—the Iraq war, via Owen’s flashbacks, and physician assisted suicide. Plus, one relationship seems to be taking off while another has some issues; Derek and Richard both face challenges in their new roles.

After an opening scene with Owen not being able to sleep, we see Teddy talking to Kim, her patient with stage four lung cancer. Kim wants to end her life through physician assisted suicide. To do so, the patient needs two doctor signatures and Teddy has asked Owen to sign off. Teddy is surprised and then angry when Owen refuses and goes to Derek behind his back about it. She even yells at Owen in the caf asking “what the hell is your problem?” Teddy then gets Mark to sign off as the second signature.

What Teddy doesn’t know is this situation hits a little too close to home for Owen and reminds him of his time in Iraq—which he begins having flashbacks of. First it is of playing soccer with Teddy and their superior officer, Dan. Then while transporting injured soldiers with Dan in a humvee (Teddy went in a helicopter), they hit an explosive device. The explosion kills everyone except for Owen and Dan, who is severely injured and in a lot of pain. In a tearjerking scene, Dan gives Owen his wedding ring to return to his wife, they recite a Hail Mary together, and Dan encourages Owen to propose to Teddy. Dan then begs Owen to let him die.

As Kim’s husband is returning to Seattle Grace with the barbiturates that will kill her, he sees Owen sitting on a bench outside the hospital. Owen tells him, “there’ll be a moment when she dies, her face will relax and all that pain will be gone. And you’ll know with absolute certainty you did the right thing.” Owen advises him to hang onto that moment. Later that night, Owen still cannot sleep and also can’t stop thinking about Teddy and their time in Iraq.

Meredith excitedly interrupts Derek’s meeting to tell him about a tumor that she diagnosed and will soon operate on, or so she thinks. An overwhelmed Derek is struggling to balance his responsibilities as Chief and feels he cannot eat in the cafeteria without being bombarded with requests. He also misses surgery and steals Meredith’s surgery to perform himself. Meredith is less than happy and makes her feelings known to Derek. Jackson cheers her up by explaining “the key is to think of yourself as one of the ‘Whos down in ‘Whoville.’ You know when ‘the Grinch’ came down and stole all of their presents, they didn’t let that ruin Christmas for them. Instead, they came out on Christmas morning and they sang. You’re going to go into that surgery and sing. Sing Cindy Lou, sing.” Jackson is such a cutie and my favorite “Mercy Wester!”

Meanwhile, Richard is feeling awkward and is not fitting in with the rest of the doctors now that he is no longer “the Chief.” No one will sit with him at lunch in the caf (mean!) and his “I’d hit that” conversation with the guys doesn’t go over too well. Mark tries to explain that it is a sign of respect because they still see him as “the coach” not a player.  Towards the end of the episode, Richard offers Derek some advice about being “Chief” and says they can eat lunch together.

On the relationship front…Mark instructs Callie (multiple times) to tell Arizona that she wants kids. Callie finally admits to Arizona, who at first thinks she is breaking up with her, that “I want to have a baby at some point in my life. I have to have a baby.” Arizona is obviously upset when she pulls her hands out of Callie’s.

Mark is amazed at what you can learn about someone by just talking and not having sex. No kidding! For example, “Teddy hates the word ‘moist’ and would really prefer people say damp.” But when Teddy shows up at his door, after her patient’s death, they do a little bit more than just talking…

This week’s episode was extremely moving. What a fantastic performance by Kevin McKidd! With Owen focusing on Teddy, I wonder if the end is near for Cristina and Owen? Also, it is amazing how the relationships have become intertwined and more complicated. We’ve seen Cristina & Owen, Teddy & Mark, Lexie & Mark, Lexie & Alex and we know that Teddy (maybe not after being with Mark) and Owen seem to be harboring feelings for each other.  Wonder what they will come up with next…

Last review, I mentioned I heard rumors that Katherine Heigl was leaving Grey’s. Well, if you haven’t heard, I can confirm this week that she is officially done, citing that she wants to spend more time with her daughter Naleigh, and her appearance in the January 21^st episode was her last as Izzie Stevens.

Since there are only a few more episodes left this season, I want to share one other tidbit I heard about casting. It has been confirmed that Dr. Jackson Avery (Jesse Williams) will continue on in season seven while Charlie (Robert Baker) and Reed (Nora Zehetner) have been let go. No word yet on April (Sarah Drew). I am thrilled to hear that Jackson will be back. As far as Charlie and Reed go, sorry but I just didn’t like them.

Next Week: A baby for Mer/Der? (A baby could be a fun addition to Grey’s!) Plus, Alex’s brother shows up at Seattle Grace Mercy West.

For another opinion on this episode, read Shell-Shocked Owen by Tanya Lane.

Season 6, Episodes 18: Suicide is Painless (originally aired March 25, 2010)

For more Grey’s Anatomy, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Craig Sjodin, Scott Garfield, and Michael Desmond.

Next Page »