RuPaul's Drag Race: Snatch Game
Last time on RuPaul’s Drag Race, we learned about “mall country,” and Mystique went home.
When we open up this week, the gals are sitting around talking about how Mystique is gone. Morgan McMichaels, Raven, and Sonique are still being nasty about her. You know, there’s catty, and then there’s straight-up evil. The truth is that they are really just jealous. After all, Mystique was the Hot Slut of the Day, and this trio are vying to be this season’s Shannel.
RuPaul’s She-Mail delivers lots of game show puns. We know what that means. When RuPaul walks in, he informs us that the mini challenge is going to be “The Queen is Right.” The contestants will have to guess the prices of drag queen essentials. The winner of the mini challenge will get to call home, a prize that makes everyone excited.
On “The Queen is Right,” the items are: tube socks, hemorrhoid cream, and duct tape. Ha! Advancing to the “showcase throwdown” are Sonique, Jessica Wild (who won the hemorrhoid cream round despite not knowing what it was) and Raven. For the “showcase throwdown,” the contestants must guess the combined price of a pair of brass knuckles, pepper spray, and a lace front, human hair wig. These three are complete idiots: Sonique guesses $225; Jessica Wild guesses $390, and Raven guesses $395. Are you kidding me?!?!? A lace front, human hair wig costs at least a thousand dollars. RuPaul reveals that the combined price of the products is $1,283.90 (like I said, idiots), and Raven wins. Boo.
The main challenge this week will be an episode of “Snatch Game” aka “Match Game.” Each of the contestants will have to impersonate a celebrity.
Sidenote: When I was much younger, I drove a Hyundai Excel Hatchback for almost a decade (pure glamour, I know). This car was the most character-building experience of my life. In seven years, it was involved in four accidents and had eleven flat tires. It only had pinstripes on one side of the car, and that was on the passenger side. Somewhere along the line, however, it acquired the nickname “the Snatchback” aka “the Snatch.” This episode makes me think of it. Ah, memories.
The “Snatch Game” itself was pretty damn funny. The guest star contestants were Phoebe Price and Alec Mapa. Delightfully cheesy. The questions gave the girls ample opportunity to be “ham it up, and make [the judges] laugh,” as required. Here’s a run down of my thoughts:
- Pandora Boxx was Carol Channing. OMG, it’s so funny. Pandora is a dark horse to win this because she’s so damn hilarious.
- Morgan McMichaels was Pink. The look is good, but she sucks. There was too much attitude, and she was not funny at all. A giant sourpuss.
- Jujubee was Kimora Lee Simmons. The look was really good, but she didn’t take advantage of it, personality-wise. It was all quite flat.
- Sonique was Lady Gaga. Horrid. The look was marginal, and there was nothing Gaga-esque about the personality. Not funny, either.
- Jessica Wild was RuPaul. Hmmmmm. The look was not right. The personality was wrong. RuPaul is not tragic; she is fabulous! People keep giving Jessica a pass because she struggles with the language, but COME ON! She seems nice, but there’s no reason for her to still be here. Jessica Wild is not America’s next drag superstar.
- Raven was Paris Hilton. The look was picture perfect, but she was dull. She wasn’t funny at all.
- Tatianna was Britney Spears. OMG, this was so spot on. Tatianna is another one to watch because if she can bring it like this on the regular, she might just win.
- Tyra Sanchez was Beyonce. Girlfriend got all possessive about B while they were squeezing into that pantyhose, too. She didn’t like it when Tatianna made fun of when Beyonce fell down on stage. Seriously, Tyra was ready to fight! Like she knows Beyonce or something. Good grief. Anyway, the look was ok, and the personality was nothing more than middle of the pack.
For the Main Stage, the contestants will have an opportunity to present their personal style. RuPaul brings it – as always – in a colorful sequin gown and a gigantic wig. The guests hosts are Niecy Nash (YES!) and Lisa Rinna (NO!).
The contestants’ personal style ranges from THE BOMB (Tyra Sanchez, Pandora Boxx, and Raven) to MIDDLING (Sonique and Morgan McMichaels) to SHAMEFUL (Jujubee, Jessica Wild, Tatianna).
There’s one last bit of game show foolishness, as the top and bottoms are decided by opening suitcases like on Deal or No Deal, except that these are Heel or No Heel. Heel = safe; No Heel = top or bottom. One thing that annoys me during judging is that we don’t get enough Niecy. Seriously. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH NIECY!!!
Tatianna’s strong “Snatch Game” performance makes up for her trashbag personal style, and she powers her way to a win this week. She narrowly beat out Pandora Boxx, who clearly came in second. As the winner, Tatianna wins immunity next week and . . . a $1,000 shopping spree to Million Dollar Babes.com (HUH?!?) The bottom two? Morgan McMichaels and Sonique. God does exist because my prayers have been answered. The song? ”Two of Hearts” by Stacy Q. Sonique pulls out every trick has, doing cartwheels, flips, splits, etc. It’s not enough, though. Morgan’s lip synch skills carry the day, and Sonique has to sashay away.
I started out liking Sonique, but she fell in with the wrong crowd. Then she started hanging out with the bad girls. And then she started talking shit about Mystique! There’s a lesson here: DO NOT GET ON MY BAD SIDE!
Until next week!
Season 2, Episode 4: Snatch Game (originally aired February 22, 2010)
For more on RuPaul’s Drag Race, click here.
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Photographs courtesy of Logo Online and Mathu Anderson.