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RuPaul's Drag Race: Here Comes the Bride

Last time on RuPaul’s Drag Race, we saw some horrid celebrity impressions, and Sonique went home.

One of the most gruesome parts of each episode is the first minute, when the contestants are shown waking up, brushing their teeth, and getting ready.  This episode is no exception.  There are some things that you don’t want to see, and Tatianna brushing her teeth certainly falls into that category.

As with tradition, Sonique wrote a going-away message on the mirror in lipstick.  Tatianna, who is last week’s winner, volunteers to wipe it off.  She says that she is happy that Sonique is gone because of her “negative attitude.”  That girl has got some claws, and I love it!

The mini challenge is a “wrap” party:  each contestant must gift wrap a box using the gift wrap provided, a part of one of their outfits, and a part of another contestant’s outfit.   The results are appropriately over the top: sequins, feathers, sparkles, bows, you name it.  Raven’s stands out because she did a dark and moody box with a stuffed crow on the top (borrowed from Jujubee).   Surprisingly, Raven is the winner.

Then, RuPaul (who, to me, looks a bit like Washington Post writer/MSNBC personality Jonathan Capehart when out of drag) instructs each gal to open the box.  Inside is a note hinting that the main challenge will be wedding themed.  And it is: a photo shoot where the contestants will play both the bride and the groom.  The girls also have to customize wedding gowns for the wedding portrait and main stage.

Because Raven won the mini challenge, she chooses her wedding dress first and will choose the order that the other contestants will choose their gowns.  The Raven-chosen order is: Raven, Morgan McMichaels (his BFF, gross), Jujubee, Sahara Davenport, Jessica Wild, Tyra Sanchez, Pandora Boxx, and Tatianna (of course she would be last because Raven hates her).

The girls are given all sorts of bridal fabrics to help with their look.  Hysteria breaks out when everyone runs up to the fabrics because Tyra rolls the wedding dress cart between the fabrics and all of the other contestants.  Shady.  Then Tatianna pushes the wedding dress cart onto Tyra.  Touche!

Oh my gosh, these bridal gowns are already a whole lot of mess.  And they’re only getting worse.  Except for Raven’s.  (Ugh.  That tasted badly.)  Her wedding gown is actually looking super cute.

BFFs Raven and Morgan are helping each other.  Jujubee, apparently tired of their exclusivity, tries out nicknames for the pair: Morvan, Rorgan, Maven.  Ha!  Ultimately, she settles on the right one:  Douchebags.

RuPaul brings in Mathu Andersen, a famed makeup artist, to give a consultation to each of the contestants for their photo shoot.   I can’t take anything Mathu Andersen says seriously because he is dressed like Oliver Twist.

Let’s fast forward to the photoshoot.  First up are the groom photographs.  During preparations, Tyra Sanchez is ridiculous because she thinks, because others also draw facial hair, they are copying her idea.  Give me a freaking break.  Among the interesting grooms:  Morgan (as a punk rocker), Sahara (as a soldier who would not have to ask or tell), and Pandora Boxx (who looks like the world’s worst police officer).

Back in the work room, the contestants furiously jump back into the gowns.  Morgan talks about how she would like to marry her husband.  Move to DC, girl!!! Then Tyra starts singing Beyonce’s “Halo.”  And my words cannot adequately describe how incredibly awful it is.  Then Tyra starts dancing around in her lace and waiving her ribbons.  All of the others are annoyed, especially Miss Tati, who promptly tells Tyra to shut up.  Actually, she says, “No one wants to hear your singing.  Why are you such a bitch?”  Ha!  She took the words right out of my mouth.

On main stage day, Tatianna, Jujubee, Sahara, and Pandora all talk about who they want to go home: Tyra.  Morgan and Raven appropriately make fun of Sahara’s tutu wedding gown.  Seriously, in those ballet slippers, Sahara’s feet look like they belong to Sasquatch.  My favorite moment of the episode occurs when Tyra is hot gluing lace to her skin.  Amidst her shrieks of pain, Jujubee mutters (under her breath), “Keep burning yourself, bitch.”  Love it!

On the main stage, RuPaul looks flawless, as always.  The guest hosts are Mathu Andersen (looking less of a ragamuffin, thank god) and Martha Wash, the Queen of Clubland (yay!).

The dresses run the gamut from super cute (Raven) to glamorous (Jujubee) to gaudy (Jessica Wild) to awful (Tatianna).  The photos are a bit of a letdown because there was nothing surprising about them to me.  On the stage, RuPaul seeks the assistance of the girls in helping the judges make their decisions this week.  Specifically, Ru ask the girls what the judges are missing behind the scenes.  Tatianna (with whom I fall more and more in love by the second) tells the judges that Tyra is a huge bitch.  Literally, just flat out says it.  It sets off a huge fracas on stage that is definitely the highlight of the season so far.  Only Morvan/Maven/Rorgan/Douchebags defend Tyra, and I think that the only reason that they defended Tyra was because Tatianna brought it up.  The Interior Illusions Lounge was a mess, I’m sure.

Ultimately, Tyra shows them all, and she is declared the winner!  Tyra starts boo-hooing while Raven justifiably fumes.  The bottom two would have included Tatianna this week, but she has immunity from last week.  Thus, Sahara Davenport and Morgan McMichaels will have to lip sync for their lives.  The song?  Martha Wash’s “Carry On.”  Frankly, either could have gone home, but Sahara’s jump splits overpower Morgan’s vogueing.  Shante, Sahara stays.  Morgan must sashay away.

It’s not a good week for Raven.  First, she lost the main challenge when she should have won.   Now, both of her Mean Girl friends are gone.

Somewhere, Mystique is laughing.

Season 2, Episode 5: Here Comes the Bride (originally aired March 8, 2010)

For more on RuPaul’s Drag Race, click here.

Mondays at 9pm(est) on Logo

Photographs courtesy of Logo Online and Mathu Anderson.

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