American Idol: It’s Only Rock ‘n Roll

This week on American Idol, the producers are determined to let us know without debate that The Show has officially begun. As the stage is ineffably illuminated in alarming red and our Top 12 contestants are displayed in a no-nonsense lineup, Seacrest caps off an unusually brief intro with the succinct “Welcome to the main event.” Indeed, there is little else to say at the moment. After weeks and weeks of incessant buildup, for the first time I’m taken aback by the sheer grandiosity of The Show – I can only imagine how intimidated the contestants must be. Like many Idol spectators, my exposure to previous seasons ranged from intermittent to nonexistent prior to the unveiling of the Top 12, when The Show really does begin for a large number of the viewing population. For the first time, I’m already emotionally invested in a couple of the contestants and used to the more demure surroundings earlier stages of the competition have to offer.

To wit, I’m startled when an unknown announcer’s voice reverberates throughout the studio to introduce the judges. I feel like Wayne and Garth in Wayne’s World when they do the Noah’s Arcade-sponsored episode of their show and are flummoxed by the strange voice reading their signature opening line. It’s like Wayne’s basement, you see, but it’s not Wayne’s basement. After the sweeping camera captures the amplified audience and expanded studio, the judges walk downstage after emerging from behind the JumboTron, making their way to the panel while Seacrest descends the equally pervasive staircase, making his way to center stage. This whole charade is making everything else I’ve labeled as melodramatic this season look like pure amateurish fodder. Now this is American Idol.

 In addition to the more lavish production quality, Idol tradition is as intact as ever regarding the contestants. The Top 12 are simply beaming on stage, the obvious recipients of the now-customary finalist makeovers. Most are good-looking kids to begin with, but they’re all being presented in shinier packaging this week, surely to further distance them from what they formerly knew as normal anonymity.

We’re reminded of this week’s theme: an apparent tribute to the music of the Rolling Stones. For the unaware kiddies watching tonight, an informational video is shown summarizing the history of the band, particularly the songwriting duo of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, and the influence the Stones hath wrought on contemporary music for decades. I notice neither Jagger nor Richards (or any of the Stones, for that matter) served as mentors for the contestants or are appearing as guest judges. Too bad, because a Stones cameo – from Richards in particular – would have been one for the record books if just for the surely hilarious banter with the judges and Seacrest.

Big Mike is opening the show tonight, after the obligatory video montage giving us a glimpse into his childhood and upbringing. This is a two-hour episode, after all. On a more somber note, however, we learn Mike started to focus on music more intensely after the death of his mother. He’s singing “Miss You,” and his performance cements my suspicions that the Big Mike we knew before the semifinals has permanently flown the coop. With his Jason Mraz and Maroon 5 days behind him, he has inadvertently been crowned the R&B king of this season since he entered the Top 24 with a killer rendition of James Brown’s “This is a Man’s World.” While I think this is certainly the right genre for Big Mike, his onstage antics seem to convey his insatiable desire to blow the judges away every week. In short, he’s starting to try too hard. He begins the song with his arms inexplicably extended, as though he were about to take off. From this point on, his physical efforts only get hammier and start to distract from the loveliness of his voice. While Ellen and Kara have nothing to offer but praise, Randy’s not crazy about the arrangement of the song and Simon’s in my corner, saying the dancing was “corny” and “verging on desperate.” The singing was pure, valid showmanship, however, and methinks Big Mike will definitely get a chance to take the cheesy moves down a notch when he comes back next week. B+

Didi Benami is next, and we learn her mother is an adorable ball of anxiety – she’s actually too nervous to watch the judges’ critiques and has to turn the volume down. Hee! Departing from the usual sunny disposition she displays in even her most solemn performances, tonight Didi is singing “Playing With Fire” and showing a darker edge to her demeanor. To me, it’s the best her voice has sounded and I’m impressed with the risky song choice. She flubs a lyric and I start to fear for her composure, but she recovers well in spite of a slightly shaky ending. Ellen mentions Didi’s ability to sing the word “fire” as though it were “two syllables,” which I’m pretty sure it already is, melismatic approach or not. Randy is equally useless, delivering the painfully obvious “You’re on fire!” while Kara brings a bit more substance, noting the dichotomy of Didi’s inherent sweetness with the “eeriness” of the song. Simon wraps things up by agreeing with the “very cool choice of song,” but says Didi could still do better. This is my favorite performance of hers since Hollywood Week’s “Terrified,” and if she does indeed improve consistently, she could be a contender for the win. A-

Casey James (of Cool, Texas — natch) is part of a large, close-knit family of musicians. His mom is wearing a Casey James t-shirt and has a whole groupie-with-a-heart-of-gold vibe about her, giving me visions of her past as a character not unlike Penny Lane in Almost Famous. I have no doubt in my mind she’s got some stories from the road, man. Casey humbly states he’s the “least talented” member of the James clan before ripping it up on stage with a Stones oldie, “It’s All Over Now.” He clearly loves playing the electric guitar and translates this to his vocal performance – his best in weeks, and light years beyond the Gavin DeGraw tune from the semifinals. I notice he’s the first contestant to stay in one place while performing, instead of using the expansive space the new stage has to offer. Simon notices this, too, thus declaring the performance more of an “audition” rather than a star-making showcase. Kara’s having none of this, saying Casey actually is a “rock star” this week, instead of merely “trying” to be one as he has in prior outings. Ellen says, “most women’s hearts will race” at the sight of Casey. She then drolly deadpans, “But for people like me…” to the delighted guffaws of the audience, judges, contestants and one particular reviewer (ahem) alike. Almost as funny is the sight of statuesque Casey standing next to, um, diminutive Seacrest. As for Casey’s performance, I hope he stays on this bluesy, soulful track instead of veering toward country. B+

There’s a cardinal rule in fashion I’ve heard sources ranging from the marvelous Tim Gunn to the insufferable Tyra Banks advise the public: Before leaving the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off. Lacey Brown, please learn this, live this and love this. I actually worship the overall aesthetic of her style, but tonight she just has too much stuff on. It’s a sartorial faux pas I’ve been guilty of numerous times, and I still have to remind myself simplicity is key. Moving on. Lacey is from Amarillo, Texas and her parents are pastors. Mom is particularly endearing, with her blonde streaks and hipster glasses. Cute. Lacey’s singing “Ruby Tuesday,” which could be a perfect choice for her, but it’s unfortunately sleepy and rather underwhelming. “The Story,” this is not. It picks up about halfway through, but ends with a tenuous warble and the judges aren’t impressed. Randy halfheartedly says she “kinda held it together,” while Ellen is confused about Lacey sitting during the upbeat parts of the song and standing during the slower parts. It’s a valid point to which Simon elaborates by saying Lacey performs with the over-calculated preciseness of an actress. Kara says it’s “50/50” for her, and I concur. I think Lacey may have to accept her likely status as 12^th place contestant. C+

Andrew Garcia is next, singing “Gimme Shelter.” It’s an exciting choice given the current wartime parallel to the song’s context, and I hope for his sake he lives up to the rampant expectations he has yet to live up to given his Hollywood Week success. Personally, I found last week’s “Genie in a Bottle” borderline offensive and I think he’s stepped it up appropriately, with a serious song sung in a straightforward manner. It isn’t quite great, but offers some of the badly needed redemption Andrew’s looking for. As for his parents, Dad unwisely admits he predicted Andrew would be a custodian (!) but is proud of his musical accomplishments, while his mom takes up half the frame looking lobotomized. Hmm. Andrew’s wife and kid are supremely adorable, though, and I’m still rooting for him to stick around. The judges are, I think, surprisingly harsh save for Ellen, who thinks it’s his “best performance yet.” Randy, however, sighs and tells Andrew it “was pitchy everywhere” (really?!) while Kara bemoans his lack of conviction given the subject matter. Simon thinks Kara is taking things too literally and jokingly quips that Andrew can’t “come on stage with a tank,” but agrees that “something didn’t connect” and bets he probably performed better in rehearsals. I think Andrew has deflected the negative attention from the disappointing past couple of weeks, though, and I give him a solid B.

Katie Stevens is all dressed up to sing (what else?) “Wild Horses,” because, according to her, the “lyrics spoke to me.” As in, wild horses couldn’t drag her away from her destined stardom. Puke. I’m sure she’s a genuinely nice kid in real life, but her annihilation of Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway” last week and repeated lack of charisma have rendered me an official non-fan in Idol context. Seacrest patronizingly asks her point-blank who the lead singer of the Rolling Stones is – she had just finished explaining how her dad introduced her to “all different types of music” as a kid – and her deer-in-headlights expression is priceless. She gets the answer right, by the way, after a frightening pause. To my chagrin, Katie sounds infinitely better this week, in spite of the garish spotlight threatening to set her hair on fire. Her stage presence is also exponentially more distinct than ever. However, her lower register is far superior to the strained power notes she attempts throughout the song, and the overall effect is merely palatable upon further review. I’m not preparing to insert my foot in my mouth just yet. The judges proceed with caution, Kara saying it’s a step in the “right direction,” and Ellen noting she “sounded good” once she “got into it.” Simon seizes the opportunity to promote the version of the song he recorded with Susan Boyle before telling Katie this was the first time he heard her connect with a song she sang. I grudgingly agree. B-

Texan number three Tim Urban had dreams of becoming a professional athlete, but resigned himself to picking up the guitar at “15 or 16,” according to his parents, after his career in sports became more and more far-fetched. He and his nine brothers and sisters are a tight bunch, and Mom and Dad’s interview is actually pretty funny – especially when Mom mentions how Tim’s long hair got him mistaken for a girl when he was younger. It’s nothing but wholesome Americana from the Urbans, and I begin to realize Tim’s constant gee-whiz expressions may be genuine. When Tim starts singing “Under My Thumb” with a reggae groove, I chuckle because it’s plainly obvious this poor kid has no idea the song he’s picked is one of the more notorious odes to misogyny in popular music history. It’s as though he gave the lyrics zero thought and assumed his reinterpretation of the melody would garner points for creativity. While the singing is actually not the problem (Tim adhered well to his five-note range), the judges are so perplexed by the song choice they butcher him more viciously than I expect. Randy calls it “bizarre” and “weird,” Ellen doesn’t understand the “beachy” feel and likens it to a performance you’d hear on vacation at a resort, and Simon says fans of the Stones will have turned off their televisions. I think this certainly isn’t a disaster along “Apologize” proportions, however, and Tim’s clueless female fans will continue to vote for him in droves. C

Well, with Tim’s performance behind us, at least the show can start picking up major steam from this moment on. Case in point? The glorious Siobhan Magnus is next, singing my favorite Stones song: the appropriately mysterious and macabre “Paint it Black.” This girl gets cooler by the minute – I just noticed her Gashlycrumb Tinies tattoo. Awesome. I can’t wait to hear her perform, but first we need a peek into her life growing up near Cape Cod with her huge extended family. Last week I mentioned her dad’s Sammy Hagar hair; after taking his beret into account, though, the full effect is decidedly much more Brian Johnson of AC/DC fame. The Magnuses are an intriguing, if motley, crew of black sheep who are collectively as interesting as they seem to be individually. Siobhan is certainly cut from this cloth, but enough with the background story – time to paint it black.

Strings! Strobes! Broadway! Lambert! It’s so unbelievably over-the-top and fantastic I can hardly sit still. Many will find this deplorable, I’m sure, but most things of artistic value are polarizing by definition. Personally, I’m so riveted I do something I’ve never done: I rewind the performance and watch it again. It’s saturated with drama and theatrics, thus absolutely does reek of Adam Lambert – however, coming from me (a card-carrying Glambert) that’s a huge compliment. Kara says the same thing, and Randy is so excited he starts in with his telltale gibberish-laden shouting. Ellen, like me, is trying not to stand up and run in circles, and Simon says it’s the “standout performance of the night.” While Siobhan didn’t have the precise control over her voice like she did doing “Wicked Game,” or “House of the Rising Sun,” her sheer ambition and potential for future show-stopping performances is officially limitless. Brava! A+

Lee DeWyze, or “The Pride of Chicago,” as Seacrest refers to him, wins the award for Cutest Parents. Mom and Dad DeWyze talk about Lee’s shyness as a kid and refusal to sing unless he was certain no one could hear him – there’s not a frown in the house after watching this. Seacrest, of course, ruins the moment by quizzing former paint salesman Lee on what color “Snugglepuss” is. Shut up, Seacrest. Tonight, Lee is tackling “Beast of Burden,” and is completely in his element. His comfort on stage is tangibly evident – a marked improvement from Hollywood Week, where I was surprised he made it to the Top 24. Enunciation issues aside, Lee really does keep getting better and better, and needs to note this type of song as a strong suit. That means no more Hinder or Owl City, Lee! Randy is enthused, telling Lee he “came home with this,” while Ellen likens the performance to a hospital gown – it just “didn’t quite come together.” When she’s funny, she’s funny, and when she’s right, she’s right. I admit it wasn’t blown away, either, but Kara and I are also on the same page as she notes that Lee is “growing faster than anybody.” Simon so clearly wants Lee to do well that he talks to him like a teacher, basically telling him to get his act together because he knows he’s got what it takes. Yes, Mr. Cowell. B+

I’m still a bit perturbed Paige Miles managed to sneak into the Top 12 past Lilly Scott and Katelyn Epperly with her dismal rendition of “Smile” last week. I am aware, however, of the judges’ confidence in her major vocal talent we viewers apparently haven’t had the privilege of witnessing thus far. Simon, in particular, has seemed frustrated in Paige’s lack of follow-through in her performances. As we learn more about Paige’s upbringing in Florida, her mom talks about Paige having “it” and people coming to church just to hear Paige sing, further perpetuating evidence of a force with which to be reckoned. I’m still waiting. Tonight, Paige is singing “Honky Tonk Women,” and while I’m not a fan of the gender-switching alterations to the lyrics, I may have caught a glimmer of the star power in Paige that’s been nothing but talk up to this point. I find myself looking really hard for it, however, which seems counter-productive to me. As a whole, though, it really is the best she’s sounded. The judges are also a bit relieved, with Kara saying “Paige is back,” and Ellen noting her use of the stage and the “return” of her “star quality.” However, once it’s revealed Paige has been battling laryngitis all week and this is actually the first time she’s sung the song the whole way through (!) the accolades burst forth with increased zeal. Paige has definitely earned points in my book, but I’m not completely sold. I predict a possible spot in the bottom three on Wednesday, despite the notable improvement. B

Aaron Kelly and his new haircut are next. I feel I have no choice but to point out, in case you missed it, that Aaron’s mother’s first name is Kelly. Thus, her full name is Kelly Kelly. I’ll let you pause and chew on that for a bit. Aaron’s singing “Angie,” a song choice similar to Katie’s “Wild Horses,” in that it was inevitable, considering the person singing it. The only thing worse than Urban defiling “Under My Thumb,” would be an Aaron Kelly version. What other Stones song could Aaron Kelly legitimately attempt but “Angie?” What the hell else could Katie have sung but “Wild Horses?” Aaron already has points for a smartly chosen song, and seems like an awfully earnest, well-meaning kid. I must say, he actually hits a few nice notes here. Overall, however, the effect is quite sappy and anachronistic – the performance is as sincere as this kid can make it, but the halfhearted hip sways and attempt to convey honest romantic yearning just don’t make sense coming from this extremely young person. However, I’m quickly left in the dust on this one as the judges proceed to completely disagree with me. Ellen actually says he’s the second best tonight after Siobhan. Whoa. Randy and Kara note the “tender” moments and genuine connection to the song. Christ, Simon liked it. What parallel universe did I temporarily slip into? Regardless of the inconsistency in opinion, I give Aaron a B-.

We’re closing the show tonight with Crystal, who has a peacock feather in her hair to pay tribute to the prematurely departed Lilly. Sniff. Unsurprisingly, we learn Crystal started writing songs when she was 10, and playing gigs soon after. Her awesome dad has served as her faithful roadie (and arguably biggest fan) ever since. Their relationship means a lot to her, and both father and daughter are emotional during the video. It wouldn’t be an homage to the Rolling Stones without “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” and I’m glad Crystal nabbed it, as well as the last performance slot. It’s no secret I’ve been drinking the Bowersox Kool-Aid and loving every last drop, but for the first time tonight I don’t have the awestruck sense of wonderment that usually accompanies her performances. Don’t get me wrong, she sounds as polished and graceful as ever, but perhaps she’s a bit too comfortable and needs to start venturing outside the box. The judges have never mentioned the need to “take risks” to Crystal because she’s always so good, but now might be the time to really get creative. She has the chops and good sense to know what works for her, and I’d like to see her change things up a bit – especially with genre chameleon Siobhan making serious headway. The judges also have a laid-back response, noting Crystal’s usual display of effortless musicianship, but Simon says it’s important she realizes this is the first time in the competition she wasn’t the best. Nevertheless, “not the best” for Crystal is still an A.

Wednesday night’s elimination results proved anti-climactic (which I’ll get to shortly), but also the very-welcomed return of Season 7 champ David Cook to the Idol stage. He and his band cover the Stones’ “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” and it’s nice to finally see someone truly rock out for the first time this season (sorry, Casey and Lee). Guitar prodigy Orianthi also stops by, and I unfortunately learn she’s responsible for that hackneyed tripe “According to You.” Too bad, because she can seriously play guitar, and I hope she sticks to that as her main focus instead of trying to branch into pop star status. Sloppy Gaga wannabe Ke$ha (it seriously pains me to add that dollar sign, blech) slurred her way through her latest single, the aptly titled “Blah Blah Blah.” I won’t waste another syllable on her. Bottom Three? Lacey, Paige and TIM URBAN! I’m shocked. Not because he doesn’t deserve to be there, but because I thought he’d ride the girly vote to the Top Five, for sure. Well, he still might, since he’s the first one sent back to the safe zone. Lacey or Paige? Seacrest tells us the Judges’ Save is upon us yet again this year, and poor Lacey is subjected to this farce as she sings on live television for the last time. She handles it gracefully, and Paige has another week to prepare the mind-blowing, star-is-born moment we’ve all been told she has in her. I’ll be tuning in, won’t you? Until next week, readers!

For another take on this episode, read Less Rock, A Whole Lot of Roll by Inisia Lewis.

Season 9, Episodes 22-23: Top 12 Performance: Rolling Stones & Top 12 Results (originally aired March 16-17, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company  and IMDbPro.